Fool's Paradise

Apologies, guys. RL issues and writers' block got in the way of updating. This month is going to be just as hectic as last, I'm afraid. In case I don't get another update up: Have an awesome holiday month (Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it).

What are we doing out here if we can't save one little girl?

[You destroy to them. It is not nowhere sure.]

She doesn't want to remember! Don't!

…Dawson?

Don't touch her!

Save… save…

Lies! You get hit for lying!

…one little girl…

Dawson! Oh, God, no!

I was willing to wait her out!

[The science will prevail. Okto. Three hundred sixty. Eve far from there.]

…Jones?

[Per'theri! Im'mori! No escape! Do not go there!]

…one little girl…

Jones! What the hell are you doing?

You were the commanding officer. Where is your sense of duty to your team, Commander Shepard?

[Endeka. Do not go there. Deka exi.]

…what are we doing…

[Eve far from there.]

…what are we doing if we can't…

What are we doing out here if we can't save one little girl?

No! She's no good! Don't touch her!

Talitha! No!

Shepard woke with a start, sweat-slicked hair clinging to her head, her heart pounding in her ears, bedding tangled around her. She knew a moment of panic, and she struggled against the bedding, tumbling out of bed to the floor and landing on her back with a grunt. Gasping for air, she lay there a few moments in the dark. She stared up at the ceiling of her quarters overcome with emotion from vivid nightmare. Her stomach rolled as the images from the Prothean beacon twisted her memories with more than gore.

Shepard untangled her feet from the sheets, and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, swallowing back bile. The cool air from the Normandy's cooling system on her face, arms and legs did little to assuage the nausea. She'd seen some shit, and it had been weeks since the slave girl on Arcturus, but…

Stumbling out of bed, she rushed to the head, dry heaving into sink, tears on her face, stomach acid burning the back of her throat.

What are we doing out here if we can't save one little girl?

Kaidan studied Joker's face. Beneath the Alliance-issued cap, the pilot's green eyes were flat and expressionless. There was no smile, no tell-tale muscle twitch in his jaw, not even an eyebrow quirk. Damn. The man was hard to read. Even Williams was having difficulty discerning what was on her partner's mind or what cards were in his hands. With one hundred eighty points on the line for Kentucky Discard, Kaidan thought Joker would be more cooperative with his partner.

After a few minutes of trying to stare each other down, Joker finally gave in and smiled. "Rook," he announced, laying his cards down. He had the Rook Bird and most of the trump suit. Kaidan frowned. No wonder he called Yellow as the Trump Color.

Garrus seemed surprised, stating what was on Kaidan's mind. "You weren't bluffing."

Joker's smile was wide, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Nope."

William's smile was just as wide, beaming with obvious pride that her partner had won the game. "We won. Now pay up."

Grudgingly, Garrus and Kaidan complied, issuing their shares of credits to the winning account.

After getting his share of the winnings, Joker gripped his crutches and stood. "If you ladies will excuse me, I've got a date with a wallaby."

"Isn't than an extinct animal on the human home world?" Garrus asked after Joker left.

"Endangered," Kaidan clarified, collecting the cards that were scattered around the table. "They aren't dead yet."

"Why is Joker –"

"You really don't want to know the meaning of that expression, Garrus," Ash said, stacking her cards and handing them to Kaidan. The Lieutenant bit back a laugh as Garrus ignored her and did an extranet search with his omni-tool.

As Garrus studied the extranet for wallabies, expressions involving them and related human toilet humor, Private Lu entered the mess with two cups of coffee, one of which was Shepard's N7 mug, and snagged the salt dispenser off the table.

"Lu, is the Commander awake?" Kaidan asked as he checked the time. Shepard had only gone to bed about two hours earlier when Garrus had taken her spot as Kaidan's Kentucky Discard partner.

Lu nodded. "Yes, sir," she affirmed as she added salt to the mug that didn't bare the N7 insignia. "Requested a cup'a'black as I was getting off guard duty. She looks like she's been fighting geth all night, sir."

"Probably more than that," Kaidan told her gently, wondering what ghost was haunting Shepard. By his count, this was the sixth night in a row since being back aboard the Normandy. "Keep it to yourself, will you?"

"Yes, sir," Lu told him and made her way out of the mess.

Ash leaned across the table. "Think Skipper's okay, LT?"

"She took that girl's death pretty hard, Ash," he said with a shrug, debating on consulting with Dr. Chakwas. "Survivor's guilt can be pretty nasty." The Chief leaned back with a mute nod. Yeah. She knew a thing or two about survivor's guilt. "And Arcturus wasn't the best stress relief," he finished to bring Ash back around.

"We'll be in the Phoenix system soon," Garrus said, tapping a talon against the table. "Do you think the Commander will have enough sleep for the mission?"

"I'm sure the Commander will be fine," Kaidan told him and stood, slipping the deck of cards into a cargo pocket on his trousers. "I'm going to check on her." He picked up his data pad, just in case she asked for a report.

Lu was leaving the Commander's quarters when he approached her door. Lu noted the data pad and held up her hand to ward him off. "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

"I'm just checking on her," he assured the private and entered the Commander's quarters. He didn't see Lu shake her head.

Liara looked up from her mug of tea and smiled. "Lieutenant." She sat at the briefing table across from Shepard. Both women were in tank tops and pajama shorts. Had Liara slept there? He didn't recall seeing her enter, but at the time had been engrossed in a card game and kicking Joker's ass.

"Dr. T'Soni." Kaidan swallowed, surprised, eyes darting from Liara to Shepard. The Commander did look like she had just been in a fight. In her pajamas. He suddenly felt awkward. "Commander."

"What can I do for you, Kaidan?" She brought the N7 mug to her lips, seemed unperturbed to be lounging with the asari in a tank top and shorts.

Kaidan shifted, careful to keep his eyes from taking in her toned arms and legs. "I was just checking on you, ma'am."

"Prothean vision-induced nightmare," Shepard told him. "I think." She shrugged, her shoulder deeply scarred, but healed. "I'm hoping Liara can help me sort it out."

Oh.

"I, uh," he stammered, heart pounding. "I'll just…"

Of course. Liara could help her sort the Cipher and Prothean visions out better than he ever could. Kaidan swallowed, a throbbing ache forming in his heart. No wonder she turned him down all those weeks ago. Liara. Feeling like a complete fool, he turned to go.

"Would you like to join us?" Liara asked, catching him off guard. He dropped the data pad and spluttered until she realized what she'd asked. "For tea and coffee," she amended. She looked embarrassed, hiding her face behind her mug. "I wasn't… I mean, you can… but, I…"

Shepard looked from one to the other as Kaidan stooped to retrieve the pad, and she let out a laugh.

I've got a date with a wallaby – A play on the phrase, "I've got to see a man about a wallaby" – since expressions evolve over time… eh, why not? (Also, Finding Nemo introduced that particular phrase to my vocabulary. Pixar/Disney. heh.)