English version of Hold on. Be indulgent please it's not easy To write about Stella X)

Post season 3

Enjoy ;)

She poured the rest of the wine into the glass before gently putting the bottle on the table. She closed her eyes, gently bringing the glass to her lips. All her gestures were like suspended, as if time had stopped.

She had lost. He had won. One last time. This investigation had been long, too long. All these victims ... And this man ... Could we really call him human? A coward was all he had been. She had known several criminals who committed suicide by guilt, regret. For him, it was none of that. He had only wanted to show her that he was strong and powerful, that she would never have the chance and the pleasure of seeing him pay for all his awful deeds.

She inhaled deeply. What a bastard! The anger and the feeling of having failed, again, began to invade her. She squeezed her hand a little more around her glass, so hard that it finally broke between her thin fingers. She watched the wine flow, soaking the letters on the table. She did not move. She did not care, nothing was important now.

This investigation did not destroy it. No. It had already happened 3 years ago. But memories had resurfaced. First Jim. She knew that by accepting this business she would have to work with him. But she thought it was going to be easy. So many years had passed since their last meeting, he was not aware of anything anyway. Only here, every time she met his eyes, a very precise image appeared in her and her heart was tightening. She had ended up paying no attention to it or rather ignoring it as best she could.

Then of course, there had been Spector, the murders... All that, she could have overcome it. It was part of her job after all. She was Stella Gibson, an independent strong woman. She was still going on, she kept going, without turning around. If only Olivia had not stretched out her arms with so much despair in her eyes. Her head against her shoulder, her little hands behind her back, her tears. It hurt, too badly. But the little girl needed it and she owed him that. So she had hugged her as if she had been her own child.

Tonight she allowed herself to let go. It never happened to her. She hated to show her weaknesses, she did not have the right. But she had accumulated too much, too many memories had reappeared. A tear made its way down her cheek. She then looked at her hand encrusted with small pieces of glass that suddenly seemed to hurt her terribly, as if they had sunk into her heart. At that moment, she could no longer restrain herself. Tears began to roll down her cheeks like a waterfall. Nothing, no force could stop them now. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. She jumped. She did not wait for anyone. Who could it be? Crossing her fingers she hoped it was a mistake. She did not want to speak to anyone. She did not take the time to revitalize herself or even to heal her hand. It didn't matter, she sighed. When she arrived at her door, she stopped for a second. It seemed to her she knew the person who was waiting impatiently for her to open the door. But what the heck was he doing here?! She took courage with both hands, took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Stella."

He looked surprised. At the same time she had spent a good hour crying. She sighed internally. She didn't want to see him, let alone talk to him. Neither today nor never. Just thinking about him made her think of her. "Jim."

She did not move, as if frozen. And neither her. They stared at each other. Neither of them knew what to say.

"What are you doing here?"

Jims eyes never looked away from Stella's face.

"I ... I wanted to know how you were."

"I'm fine."

Her answer was cold. She didn't want to talk about it and she made him understand. But Jim was not stupid. He raised his eyebrows. She was fine? Hard to believe. He had never seen her like this. The messy hair, the tired face, the eyes reddened by tears, the tasks of ...

"Are you hurt?"

She glanced quickly at his hand.

"It's nothing."

"But you…"

"Jim. What the hell are you doing here?"

He did not answer and a heavy silence settled as they stared at each other. He was always on the doorstep. He broke the silence first.

"May I come in?"

He took a step without waiting for an answer and found himself a few inches from Stella's face. She could feel his warm breath on his neck. She felt so small and weak beside him at that moment, which only increased her anger. -I do not think it's a good idea. She did not let go of her eyes. Against all expectations, he stepped forward and entered the house without the slightest hesitation. It didn't matter if she likes it or not, he came to get some news(answers maybe?) from her and he didn't intend to stay in front of the door all evening. She sighed, looking down as Jim walked into the kitchen. She ran a hand over her forehead. Good. He was sober and didn't seem to intend to do what she would have thought. He was there, as much to accept it. She was not obliged to speak to him anyway. And if it slipped like last time, she would do what was necessary, again. Jim was now in the kitchen. He looked around. The wet mail, the wine, the broken glass. He looked up at Stella, who was settling into her chair as if nothing had happened, as if Jim had not even knocked at the door. (He didn't ring the doorbell 😉) He wondered what could have caused such behavior. She was completely distant, her gaze empty. She had just locked herself in a bubble of glass that no one had the right to try to break unless she allowed it.

„Stella?"

No answer. He would have suspected it. He sighed. He had come to London hoping to discuss the recent events. He did not expect to find a Stella so extinct. When he had met her 10 years ago, she was so young, but she already had that determination, this independence, and he had seen incredible strength in her. That's what made her his best investigator. Trust was established between them at first sight. When she arrived to take care of the Spector investigation, he had immediately noticed that something had changed. Something deep inside her had been extinguished forever. Today he didn't come to be forgiven or anything. He had crossed the line the other night, he was well aware of it. And with Stella, there was no turning back. However, he did not quite understand the reason for his behavior. Was it due to the investigation or because of her? Or something else? Somehow she had decided to be silent like a grave ... He hoped to cheer her up because before they were lovers, they had been friends. When she first arrived in Belfast, she did not have much experience and Jim did not miss an opportunity to teach him everything he knew. She had worked, she had learned, she had laughed and cried (only once!) with him and he had only loved her more and more. And they loved each other. For a certain time. But Stella quickly realized she wasn't ready for a relationship. She was independent, she needed space and freedom. Then she had a minimum of respect for Jim's wife. Even though she knew damn well that he was married when they started this affair, which was just a silly adventure, it did not stop her from enjoying every minute of it. Unlike Jim, she knew it could not last. She was going to go back to London anyway. Well, that's what she told him.

As she did not move, he decided to act. He found a paper towel, passed it a little under the water and approached her. Stella looked up at him as he grabbed her injured hand. She tried to resist trying to pull her hand away, but Jim was stronger than she, she knew. Slowly, he rubbed the wet sheet over the wounds and removed the small pieces of glass that had encrusted the way. He did not ask any questions about why and how. He knew it was not worth it. When he had cleaned up all the half-dried blood, he looked into Stellas eyes:

"Where can I find something to disinfect you?"

"You don't have to." she replied quickly. He looked into her eyes, intensely. Okay ! It's okay. He had won. If he wanted to play the little nurse, she would let him do it.

"Bathroom, upstairs, wardrobe in front of the mirror."

Jim turned on his heels after dropping the towel in the sink and heading upstairs. She sighed. In what had she still embarked? Why did he have to go home?(what do you mean? Why was Jim there?) Maybe he felt indebted. Surely besides. He wanted to be forgiven, she was sure. But as she had said, he had crossed the line. Was she ready to forgive him? She was not sure yet ... After a few minutes that seemed like an eternity, she heard Jim coming back downstairs. He entered the room in silence and began to take care of Stellas hand. When he finished, she looked up at him.

"Thank you."

she managed to articulate.

"Oh you didn't loose your voice, good news."

She gave him a weak smile. Seeing that she was still not ready to speak to him, he went to the living room and went around, observing what was around him. At first, Stella did not pay attention. Then she remembered one thing.

'Shit!'

She thought. She didn't expect to have a visitor so she forgot to put it in her drawer. For Pete's sake, he was going to fall over it and it would not take him more than three seconds to make the connection.

'Shitshitshit!'

She decided to call him to get his attention.

"Jim?"

He did not answer. She got up and hurried to join him. It was already too late. He was standing, facing the shelf, a frame in his hands. Stella's heart sped up.

"Jim ... "

He turned slowly towards her. He was as pale as a dead man. His eyes were full of questions. But he only put one and one idiot.

"Who is this?"

He knew very well who she was, there was no doubt. He just wanted to have confirmation. Stella didn't answer. She had her face closed. She wasn't ready to talk about her. Not yet. Not with him. Even though he was directly concerned.

"When? How? Answer me, for fucks sake!"

She placed her hand in front of her mouth and felt tears come to her eyes. He approached to find himself again a few inches from his face. Her look was ... she did not know very well. She saw there fear, anger, incomprehension... Tears were now starting to tumble down her cheeks.

"Stella?"

She inhaled deeply.

"My... my daughter... She's my daughter."

He suspected it, the resemblance was incredibly striking. But now that she had said it, it made the thing even more real.

"Why didn't you ever tell me you had a child?!"

"She was born 8 months after I left Belfast, Jim."

He didn't look up from the photograph. He hadn't made the connection yet, she told herself.

"8 months after...?"

He suddenly looked up at her.

"It means that…"

Tears continued to run down Stella's face, my God, it was painful. She had not expected this situation. She closed her eyes a few moments before finishing Jim's sentence.

"...It means it's your daughter, Jim."

This time it was too much for him. He dropped into the sofa behind him. He covered his face with both hands before looking into Stella's eyes.

"Why? Why didn't you tell me?! I could have…"

"You could not do anything Jim. I decided not to tell you, that's all. I didn't need you and I didn't t want you to leave your wife for what? Come and take care of the young cop you got pregnant? Out of the question. I did very well alone."

He sighed deeply. She was trying to hurt him, he felt good, she had wanted him.

"Where is she now?"

He got up and put his hands on her shoulders, which were shaking under the sobs.

"It's too... too late..."

she finally said. She was about to explode. Jim frowned.

"What do you mean?"

He was afraid of the answer. Stella looked up to Jim with tears still streaming down her face.

"She is dead."

The anger of having to resurrect all these memories invaded her and she tried to get rid of Jim's grip. In vain. He took her in his arms and pressed her against his heart. She struggled a little longer but she soon let herself go to sadness. After a few minutes, her tears were still not diminishing so Jim went with her to the couch where he sat her next to him. She cried a long time against him. It was not at all in her character, she hated crying, especially in the presence of other people and even more of Jim. She felt so weak and helpless. But all his years of silence, those weeks of repressed feelings, had gone too far. She needed to free herself, to let go. She was not invincible. She was more than angry at telling Jim the truth, but on one side she was feeling lighter now. She was no longer alone in carrying this weight on her shoulders. For his part, Jim was trying to take stock of Stella's words and revelations. So he had a girl with her... He should have been happy but the fact that she had hidden it from him and that besides that, the little girl was dead, did not fill him with joy at all. Did he have the right to blame her? She was so young when they met. Her great career would never have taken off if anyone knew she was expecting a child from her superior who was married to a woman with whom he already had a baby. His firm hands caressed lightly over her trembling back. She clung to Jim's shirt like a little girl. She had the feeling of drowning in her own tears. She didn't even remember crying so much the day her daughter died. Jim let her cry for a few more minutes. It was useless to ask her for more explanations, she was not able to speak. Little by little, she calmed down and soon he heard her breath subside to become more regular. He looked down and saw that she had fallen asleep. By doing the least possible gestures, he lifted her as best he could and took the direction of her room. She usually was so strong, seemed so vulnerable to him at this moment. He thought back to what had happened in her hotel room. How dare he try such a thing? She really did not deserve it.

He climbed the stairs with some difficulty and opened the door with a kick. He placed Stella gently on her bed. She was exhausted, exhausted from this investigation, exhausted from having cried for several hours. Jim covered her so she would not be cold and was about to leave the room when a hand grabbed her sleeve.

"Jim..."

He turned around.

"Stay, please."

"Stella..."

"Please."

"I don't think it's a good idea, Stella."

A smile will emerge on Stella's face.

"Please stay until I have fallen asleep."

Jim walked around the bed, took off his shoes to lay down next to her. She snuggled up against him with her back to him. He gently pulled her hair out of his face. Stella closed her eyes.

"I'm here. Sleep."

When she woke up, the sun lit up her room completely. Jim was no longer there and a smell of coffee was floating in the air. She got up and noticed that she was still wearing her clothes from the night before. She went to refresh herself before undressing and putting on a silk bathrobe over a big shirt. She went down the stairs and found Jim in the kitchen preparing a semblance of lunch. She cleared her throat to signal her presence. He jumped before turning around. She raised her eyebrows, not without restraining the smile that appeared on his lips.

"I ... I ... thought you would ..."

She approached, still smiling, and sat down on one of the chairs. He then served him a hot tea in a large cup.

"You remember it?"

She asked, surprised.

"Coffee at work, tea at home."

She smiled at him before taking a sip and gently closing her eyes. He sat next to her. Jim saw that she was about to say something.

"You do not have to tell me about it."

She looked him in the eyes.

"No, no... I have to tell you. She was your daughter too."

She took a deep breath before she started.

"Lily was born on February 15th. It was a beautiful day, it had snowed all night, the city was beautiful under the snow. Since I did not have anyone, a nurse looked after us. Adorable. I was scared, terribly scared. I did not know at all what I had to do, how I was going to get there ... It was ... quite complicated at first. But I was lucky, Lily was an angel. She quickly slept through the nights. I had to get back to work pretty fast so I confided to the neighbor every morning. A lovely old lady. She loved Lily like her own granddaughter. Alas she died when Lily was 4 years old."

She took a sip of tea.

"We had a good life. In the morning, I drove her to school. She loved going there."

Stella smiled at this last sentence.

"Her teacher kept telling me that she was his best student. She said she was of a rare seriousness and incredible intelligence. She helped her classmates a lot and she often volunteered for all sorts of things. After work, I picked her up and we went to the pool almost every day. She loved it as soon as she stepped into the water. During the holidays she kept harassing me to go. A normal child would be installed in front of the tv, but she, she only wanted to go to the pool."

Jim gave a small laugh. His little girl knew what she wanted just like her mother. Stella took another sip while keeping her eyes fixed on Jim's face.

"You ... She ... She had your eyes."

Jim did not answer. He just watched her.

"When she was not happy I felt like you were scolding me when I made a mistake."

Jim smiled.

"I never scolded you!"

Stella rolled her eyes.

"Of course you did. I didn't know what I did wrong, but you grabbed my arm and pulled me into your office. You told it was a nice beginner's mistake."

"May be ... But after I ..."

"You kissed me. The beginning of your most beautiful mistake."

"The best thing I ever did."

She met his gaze.

"Jim ..."

He looked down for a moment.

"I know."

She lifted his chin up lightly. He grabbed the and gently.

Tell me more about her. If you feel able to do so."

Stella smiled a little and nodded.

"She was very ... very curious and creative ... She did not need a bunch of toys to have fun. She had a pretty doll that I had bought her when she was three years old. She had christened him Chloe. She did everything with her. Except go to school because she told me 'It's up to me to teach her so I go to school alone to become her teacher.' and sometimes Lily took Chloe to the park to play. She often found her best friend Salome. They were inseparable. They met on the first day of school and since then they have never left each other. Salome's mother is the only one to come after ..."

Jim squeezed Stella's hand a little more. She now had her gaze lost in her fondest memories. It was painful and at the same time so beautiful to see her like that, to listen to her talking about her daughter who, without knowing it, had also been his.

"You will tell me everything when you have the strength. Take your time."

You can not stay here Jim."

"I never said I was going to stay. If you decide not to tell me you know very well that now I could easily find her file. But I won't do it without your permission."

She nodded.

"I ... I need to take a walk, get some fresh air."

"Okay."

"Alone."

Silence.

"I won't do anything stupid, I promise you. It's been 3 years and I assure you that the idea of going to find it has passed my mind for a long time."

Jim got up from his chair.

"It's you who knows it all!"

He said, raising his hands. Stella finished drinking her tea before getting up. She went up to change and came back ten minutes later. She put on her coat, gave Jim one last look, and walked out of the house. She shivered. Winter was beginning to point the tip of her nose. Stella walked, again and again. Without realizing it, she found herself in the park where Salome and Lily were spending their Saturday. She sat on one of the benches and closed her eyes. Yesterday's evening was tough, but talking to Jim about Lily this morning had done more good than she thought.

"Stella?"

The blonde jumped, opening her eyes to the sound of her name. In front of her was a woman of her age, redhead, accompanied by a little girl with brown hair of about 10 years.

"Zoe..."

she said smiling. It had been a long time since she had seen Salome and her mother. To her astonishment, Salome threw herself into his arms. Stella smiled, squeezing her against his heart. Zoe took the opportunity to sit next to her. Salome disengaged herself from Stella's embrace.

"We wanted to come say hello yesterday with Mom but a gentleman arrived so we left."

Stella turned to her friend.

"You came?"

"I knew you had to get back from Belfast soon. I followed all this horrible case. I thought a lot about you ... It did not have to be easy."

"Indeed."

whispered Stella.

"Was it not, yesterday?" Stella nodded.

"He knows ?"

"Not about yesterday. I needed a break so I'm here."

"Is he still at your place?"

"Yes. But do not worry. I know what I'm doing."

A silence settled. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, on the contrary. Some time later Salome broke it.

"Do you think Lily still thinks of me?"

She asked, addressing Stella.

"Honey..."

intervened her mother.

"It's okay."

Stella reassured her, putting a hand on her forearm.

"Of course she thinks of you! You were her best friend. She told me once that when she was tall, she would go live somewhere with you."

"Yes ! We said we would live in the countryside on a farm with lots of animals!"

"It was a very nice idea!"

Salome let her eyes get lost for a few moments.

"You know what? When I'm old enough, I will have a farm to realize Lilys dream."

A tear ran down Stella's cheek and she ran her hand over Salome's. Zoe wrapped her arms around her shoulders and Stella could not help but snuggle up to her. It was almost noon when Stella passed the door of her house. To know that Jim was waiting for her inside seemed suddenly strange but pleasant at the same time. What if she told him about Lily? And if he had come to take care of her? And if ... what if he had been there? Maybe she would still be alive ... quickly she pushed this idea of herhead. She had made her own decision and what had happened had happened. The 'what ifs' would not change anything. These 7 years spent with her daughter had been the best years of her life. Stella certainly would have wanted this happiness lasts more than 7 years but she could not do anything anymore. she had learned that she was pregnant, she was scared, her whole life had turned upside down, she had wanted Jim so badly that she even wanted to kill him, but instead she had left. Her animosity for men had grown from that day onwards, unable to restrain herself, selfish and macho, and she thought she could not love the child she was carrying, but when the nurse had posed that fragile little thing. on her belly, her heart was inflamed and her vision had changed completely, never again had she regretted getting pregnant, never again, Lily had been her star in that dark night, her second sun. gave her that strength and perseverance we congratulated her a little more each day. She closed her eyes and prepared to face him a second time. This short morning walk had done her a lot of good and she had made the decision to tell Jim everything.

3 years earlier

"Mommy!"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

Stella replied to the cry of her daughter who had rushed into the living room to find her doll after having had her breakfast.

"I'd like to go to the park and meet Salome."

Stella went to join her daughter after cleaning the kitchen.

"Not right away. I sent a message to Zoe, we'll join them for a snack around 3:30."

"What?! But that's too long away!"

Lily pouted and crossed her arms on her chest. Stella's heart couldn't help but melt every time. She approached her and sat on her lap to be at her height.

"Don't you want to spend a day with your mom? Just you and me?"

Stella ran her fingers through her daughters soft blonde hair. As for the hair, Lily had inherited everything from her mother. Thin, wavy and bright blond. Stella could only see her beauty increase day by day. His princess, his star.

"But... I promised Salome I'd meet him after lunch."

"You know I don't want you to go to the park alone."

"Yes, I know... They said at school that there was a very bad man in town and it was you who had to catch him."

"Yes, that's right. And that's why neither Zoe nor I will let you out alone until he's caught."

"He kills people?"

"Who did you say that to?"

"A boy in my class."

Stella sighed. What could she say about a serial psychopathic killer to her 7-year-old daughter?

"He's very dangerous, yes, but you don't have to worry, I'm here. Nothing will happen to you, okay?"

Lily nodded.

"Do you want to watch TV together?"

The little girl nodded excited.

"Go pick a DVD, I'll be back."

Before Stella had time to get up, Lily threw herself into her arms.

"Mom? I love you! You are the best mommy in the whole wide world!"

Stella hugged her daughter against her heart.

"I love you too, my little angel."

When Stella found her daughter on the couch, she was already comfortably seated in front of 'Brother Bear' They both loved that Disney movie. They had already watched it countless times.

When the film was finished, Stella offered to take a bath. She had barely said that when Lily was running up the stairs. She joined her in the bathroom and fell on a completely naked Lily, her doll in her arms.

"Look, Chloe, we're going to take a bath with Mommy!"

Stella smiled and started running the water.

"Don't take it with you, it could get damaged."

"Yes. She's going to sit on the edge."

Stella also sat down on a chair and grabbed a hairbrush before she started to slowly run the brush through her daughters soft blonde hair.

"Is my hair already longer than yours mommy?"

"Oh yes, it's time to cut them off."

"No mommy! James said I'm the one with the most beautiful hair in the whole school."

"James said that? He is quite right. But it will still be necessary to cut the tips so that they do not damage too much."

"All right."

When her mother finished, Lily rushed into the bathtub. Stella undressed and went to join her.

They spent more than an hour relaxing, playing and chatting, not knowing that everything was about to change forever.

Stella was in the kitchen preparing dinner when the doorbell rang. She closed her pots and pans and went to open them. She was hoping that it wasn't her boss or one of her colleagues who was picking her up. She was had 2 days off because she had done a very good job and the investigation had progressed a little thanks to her intervention. But the team was stalling, the killer was no longer throwing any signs, they were in a total vacuum. It was no one from the office behind the door but rather a man who seemed a little lost.

"Excuse me, can you help me? I'm a little lost. I'm looking for a friend's house, but I can't find it."

"Oh, uh, give me the full address. Maybe I could help you."

The man recited the place he had been told.

"Isee, it's not very close, wait, I'll give you a little shot."

She turned her heels to get something to write on, but she barely moved before being tackled with a damp cloth on her face. She tried with all her might to get rid of it, but soon it was complete darkness.

When she opened her eyes, she was tied to a chair in the kitchen. In front of her was a man. A man whose face she didn't know, but she quickly suspected who he could be. She knew her M.O. by heart. The man who attacked her was in the background. Fear and anger overwhelmed her. 'I hope Lily doesn't come down.' Her daughter was playing with her doll in her room. She wasn't supposed to come down until her mother called her.

"So, did they put you on leave Gibson? They don't need you anymore? Yet look at them! Not even able to catch me. And it's a shame they'll end up with their best agent on leave."

Stella tried to say something but the blindfold in her mouth prevented her from doing so.

"I'll take it away from you, but if you scream, I'll kill you."

"It doesn't matter because you're still going to do it."

"Yes, but not right away. We're going to have some fun," he says, passing a hand over his cheek.

"I forbid you to touch me!"

"Otherwise what? You know, I didn't like what your little colleague said about me. 'A dangerous psychopath' doesn't suit me very well. Isn't that right, Kev?"

He turned to his accomplice.

"Yeah" was all he said.

Stella noted that he had a gun in his hand.

"Are we afraid of a gun, sweetheart? For a cop, it's not great."

"What do you want?"

"You will tell that I'm smarter than you say."

"By killing a cop? Indeed, very intelligent."

"Shut up!" he shouted as he slapped her.

Stella prayed even louder that Lily wouldn't hear anything.

"Still hope so. No one will come to your rescue. So in the meantime, we'll play a little bit."

Stella tried to loosen her ties when a small voice was heard in the hallway.

"Mom?"

Everyone jumped. The man named Kev reacts in a hurry. He pointed his gun and fired.

"No! NOOOOO!"

Stella shouted before crying.

"What the hell did you do, you idiot?"

"I panicked... She... She could have recognized us."

"But you're an idiot, it's not possible! It's just a kid, they would have locked her up and no one would have believed her. What the hell am I gonna do with you?"

Stella was still bound to the chair. She pulled with all her might and succeeded in unravelling her bonds. Her suspect turned towards her as she got up. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her in front of her daughter. She was lying on the ground, her body was bathed in a pool of blood. Stella's heart broke into a thousand pieces and never stuck together again.

"What a waste. I'm sorry it should never have happened like this."

Stella had stopped crying. Sadness had given way to deep rage. She wanted to kick him, but he was faster. He pulled out a knife and pushed it into his lower abdomen. She screamed in pain before falling to her knees a few centimetres from her daughter.

"Did you leave her like that?"

Kev asked.

"We've already taken enough from her, I think."

He looked at her with all the contempt he could possibly have. But she didn't let go of her gaze. They then left the house without even closing the door. He had failed, he knew it, he was risking a lot now and killing a kid had never been in his plans. Even if he wasn't the first to blame, everything was now going to fall on him.

Stella held her daughter, lifeless in her arms. She hugged her with all her strength against her and let herself bleed to death. She had no reason to live anymore, Lily had just been taken from her.

When she opened her eyes again, she was dazzled by a bright white light. A regular beep sounded in the room. She started crying because she wasn't dead. And that's all she would have wanted.

Present

When she finished her speech she felt as empty and exhausted as she did that day. She dropped herself on Jim's shoulder. He hadn't said a word while she was telling him her story, he had let him talk.

"I should have..." started Stella.

"There was nothing you could have done. You and I both know there was nothing you could have done against him. I've heard about this case. This animal was merciless. No one can escape him."

"But if you..."

"Don't say that. Even if I had been there, he could have come after you too, he probably would have killed you too."

"At least I would have been with her."

"And I would have died of sadness, drowned in alcohol."

Stella looked up to look into her own. Slowly, she approached him to gently place her lips on his. Jim then put a hand in her neck. She changed position to find herself sitting on a horse-drawn carriage on Jim's lap.

"Stella, no.." he managed to articulate.

"Jim?"

"Yes..."

Stella had put her hands through his hair and he was having a hard time staying focused.

"Shut up and make love to me."

He didn't need her to ask a second time. She had barely spoken those words when he put his hands under her blouse. Once she found herself in her underwear, he began to kiss every inch of her body. His hands had left to conquer her back while his mouth was lost in her chest. Stella closed her eyes and let herself be carried away. She hadn't let herself go like this for a long time. She liked to keep control and she kept it every time. Olsen, Anderson. She needed to feel that she had the opportunity to stop everything if she wanted to. But today, she was tired of controlling everything. Then it was Jim. He was not there simply to please her, to satisfy her needs. No, he was there to love her fully. And that was the first time she had felt it in 10 years.

When Jim's hands approached her lower abdomen, she shuddered. She had never let anyone see her scar, let alone touch it. He understood directly and took his hands off. But Stella, while remaining silent, grabbed them and rested them where they were a few moments earlier. She kissed Jim passionately.

He took the initiative to stand up holding her firmly in his arms and walked towards the bedroom. He put her on the bed and finished taking off her remaining clothes. She let herself be completely done, empty of all energy. He kissed every inch of her body. After a few minutes, she decided to undress him too. He found himself naked above her. She looked him in the eyes intensely. His pupils were still blushing with tears. She moaned and closed her eyes when he gently entered her and then she gave herself to him for the rest of the day and night. She cried a lot in his arms and at times he cried with her. Exhausted, she finally fell asleep on him in the middle of the night.

It was the rays of sunlight that opened her eyes. The bed was empty. She stretched herself before going down into the kitchen. She found breakfast on the table again with a note written on a sheet of paper but no trace of Jim.

"Stella,

My most beautiful star,

My most determined beginner,

You know I'm not a great poet. I want you to know that I could never blame you for what you did. Lily must have been the happiest little girl in the world. No one will ever be able to erase what has been done, but with the strength you have shown you have managed to overcome everything. I will never stop admiring you for that.

I left like you did 10 years ago, but I know you won't need me. If you ever need anything, I'll always be there for you.

I'll love you forever.

Jim"

She served herself her cup of tea and enjoyed it, sitting in the chair as she had done the day before. His life was going to start again as if none of this had happened. Or almost...

2 months later

Stella was sitting on a park bench with Zoe by her side. Salome was playing on the playground.

"I'm glad you're here."

Zoe finally said, breaking their silence.

Stella smiled at her.

"Do you think you'll tell him?"

Stella closed her eyes and put her hands on the small bump of her belly.

"Maybe one day..."

The End

Dedicated To Gillian's three other biggest fan: Zoé, Chloé and Salomé

Feel free to leave a comment ! ;)