I don't own these characters; ABC/Disney does. I don't own the Avengers; Marvel/Disney does. I don't own The Grapes of Wrath, Of Mice and Men, or East of Eden; John Steinbeck does.
2: Opened doors
It snowed for almost two days. The blackness of the past covered in pristine snow. The wind had died down some, but still howled on occasion. The chill remained banished to the outside, soon to be chased away by the sun poking out from passing grey clouds.
Regina and Lady passed the time mostly by sitting on the sofa. Regina read aloud and Lady listened, curled up in Regina's lap or resting her head on the former queen's hip. Briefly, Regina had considered not letting the puppy upon the couch, but quickly decided against it. There was no reason to ban her only company from the sofa. She did not have anyone coming over or anyone to impress or intimidate anymore. The very thought of doing such tired her. So, the whole house was now open to Lady, not that the canine seemed to care. She only wanted to be by Regina.
"Well, Lady, it's nearly lunch time. So, you should be ready for a bathroom break," Regina figured.
Lady barked, as if she understood, which Regina could not rule out. There were many enchanted creatures back in the old realm and Lady could very well be one, but she doubted it because there did not seem to be anything completely abnormal about the pup. Shaking her head to rid herself of the thought because it did not matter what land Lady was from, Regina rose from the sofa. Lady jumped down, ready to follow Regina into a frozen, snow-covered Hell, tail wagging all the way.
Regina walked to the sliding glass door that led to the backyard, wanting to find Lady a proper spot to do her business as soon as possible because she did not want the puppy to think it was all right to do in the house, even if Lady understood to only go on the pads. Lady trotted into the glass, obviously not expecting it. She backed up immediately, limping as she did so because her paw was still injured. She looked up at Regina, as if demanding an explanation for the invisible wall that kept them from going outside.
"There is a door here, Lady. Please, make note of it," she commented with a small smile. Lady snorted, but paid close attention as Regina put her hand on the door handle.
As Regina opened the door, she was coming to comprehend how Lady might have ended up lost in the first place. The puppy tried to bound out into a yard that was covered in over two feet of snow. When Lady saw an open door, it did not matter where it led to, she attempted to go through it. She had charged through every door in the house already, sniffing all around the place. Well, except for Henry's room. Regina refused to open that door. Lady panted, trying her best to get by Regina, who was blocking the opening with her foot.
"Hold on, hold on. We don't want you to get lost," Regina said and waved her hand, clearing the snow via magic. She found herself uncaring that she was breaking her promise to Henry, but she supposed that had to do with the fact that she had used her powers for far more devastating purposes than cleaning her backyard for Lady.
Lady bounced out into the clear backyard and immediately went for the apple tree. Regina scooped the little rascal in her arms to keep her away from the tree and carried her to a place that she felt would be good for Lady to use. Once that sorted business was handled, they returned inside where Regina prepared them both lunch; different meals, of course. Lady, despite her injury, moved around with Regina.
As Regina prepared herself a simple salad, she wondered who was clearing the streets of Storybrooke. After all, it was all an illusion before, but now the illusion was reality and the denizens' reality was a fairytale. Had someone deigned to clear the streets, pick up the garbage, or do any of the other small things to keep the world from devolving into anarchy and chaos? She was not sure and she could not muster the energy to care beyond hoping that Henry was not out and about in such insanity.
When lunch was finished, the pair took another trip to the backyard. They then returned to the sofa and Regina went back to reading, still on The Grapes of Wrath. Lady settled on her lap, nosing the pages or her hands on occasion. On occasion, a tiny paw would land on the middle of the page, as if pointing to something important. It was all very normal until the bell rang. Regina looked up in shock while her heart thumped hard in her chest.
"Henry," Regina found herself hoping while Lady barked at the strange noise. For a moment, there felt like there was light in her body and her face brightened somewhat.
Reinvigorated slightly by the thought of her son being at the door, Regina placed the book down on the couch. She almost rushed to the door, the muscles in her legs itching to sprint, but she managed to maintain her composure. The bell rang again and Lady barked; well, it was more of a yap since she was only a puppy. Regina cut Lady off as they got to the door, gently shoving the dog away with her foot to keep her from the opening. Her hand shook as she turned the knob and Lady tried to hop over her foot.
As soon as Regina opened the door, revealing who was there, her face fell and all that lovely energy immediately abandoned her. She remembered now why hope had been sealed away with all of the world's horrors in Pandora's box. Her son had not come to see her. Instead, she stood face to face with the spawn of the bane of her existence.
"Miss Swan," Regina said blandly, unable to muster her typical disdain. Before Emma could respond, Lady tried to jump over Regina's foot once to get outside. Regina frowned and gently pushed Lady away. "Please, come in."
Emma appeared confused, which was no surprise. Considering her genetics, Emma was probably born in a state of perpetual puzzlement. But, she did not care about the blonde's brain or lack there of. She cared about making sure that Lady did not dart out of the house, get lost in a snow bank, and then freeze to death.
"Miss Swan, please, come in," Regina insisted, opening the door wider for Emma to get the hint and using it as a barrier to block Lady.
The blonde continued to look bewildered, but at least entered. She did not stomp her snow-covered boots before she did so, but Regina honestly did not care about that. Regina closed the door so quickly that it made Emma jump. Regina did not pay Emma any mind and made sure that Lady was still in the house. The puppy let out a short, disappointed whine. She was as close to pouting as a dog could be. The sound drew a glance from Emma and the sheriff's mouth practically hit the floor.
"Regina, is that a puppy?" Emma inquired, as if she did not know what one was. In a past life, Regina would have snapped at this idiotic question in less than a second, but not now.
"What do you want, Miss Swan? There's nothing left of mine to disappear," Regina replied, her usual sting not there. The statement merely sounded tired and slightly sorrowful, even to her own ears. She found that she did not care, though.
"I'm not here to take anything. I haven't taken anything," Emma insisted, her jaw tense and body ready for a fight.
Regina was all too aware that was the makings of an argument, but she did not rise to the occasion. Nothing sparked in her to argue with. She found that she just wanted to collapse on the sofa with Lady in her lap and finish her book.
"What can I do for you, Miss Swan?" Regina asked with a low sigh. The woman had her son and she had not killed the blonde's simpering knave of a mother. In fact, she had not killed anybody. Their business should have been concluded.
Lady must have picked up on Regina's attitude because she growled, as best a little spaniel pup could, at Emma. The sheriff arched an eyebrow while looking at the pup, who despite her growling was practically sitting on Regina's feet. Emma clearly did not know what to make of Lady.
"Why do you have a puppy?" Emma asked as distracted as a toddler with a toy.
"What do you want, Miss Swan?" Regina asked bluntly with another sigh as Lady stood between them. The dog continued growling and practically glaring at the blonde.
"Oh, um …" Emma blinked, gathering her thoughts. "The snow."
"Yes, it snowed, as it tends to do in Maine in the winter." The comment was made blandly, almost lifelessly.
"Right, but Henry doesn't have any winter clothes with me. It seemed fine until the storm and, well, now it's impossible to get through the streets to go buy anything," Emma explained.
There were dozens of smart remarks in Regina's brain, but none of them made it to her tongue. There was no point to it. Not only had she lost already, but she felt it for the first time in her life. She felt it in parts from time to time, but it had practically stabbed her in the chest after Henry had walked off with Emma after almost blowing himself up to destroy magic. He had not even looked back.
"He wants to play in the snow," Emma added, as if to help Regina with a decision that she had actually already made.
The mention of the snow made the brunette think back to years gone by, happier times. Henry used to like making snow angels when he was a toddler. The first time she had taken him in the snow, he had barely been able to walk, but he had marveled at it and reveled in it, giggling and just throwing it in the air. She had genuinely laughed, warmed by his joy. Many winters had been spent in the backyard, watching him make snowmen named after his favorite comic book heroes. He would come up with epic stories about the army of snowmen in the yard and she listened with half-an-ear. How she wished she could have that time back. She would participate instead of watch, she would hold him tight when he needed to warm up his frosty cheeks, and she would share cups of hot chocolate with him while they laughed over the day. But, it's too late. He's gone. Forever.
"Regina?" the sheriff said, taking her away from her thoughts.
"Come," Regina said and Emma looked like she was ready to fall over. Apparently, the blonde was not expecting it to be that easy, but there was no reason to be difficult or struggle over. There was nothing to gain, nothing to win, because the war was over. That idea drew what little energy Regina had gathered over the past couple of days right out of her. You've lost. The woman in front of you has defeated you. And the worst of it is, she defeated you a year ago and you were too blinded and foolish to notice. You've been making a fool out of yourself for a year. She struggled to block out the voice as she moved toward the stairs.
"Where are we going?" Emma inquired with a slight frown.
"To Henry's room for his things."
"Wait, what? Just like that?"
The former queen sighed; it felt like the only thing she could do around the slow-witted sheriff. To think, this is what defeated you. That means you're even more pathetic and dim than she is, a voice whispered in her head. She was learning to ignore the shadows because nothing mattered, even what they hissed in her mind. It was just more difficult to do with the sheriff standing before her, provoking the phantoms in her mind.
"Miss Swan, do you want the things or no?"
"Yeah, but I didn't think it'd be so easy!" Emma blurted out.
Regina did not say anything, just turned to the stairs and marched to Henry's room. Lady was right behind her, climbing the stairs. She made sure to slow down, so that the pup could keep up with her. Lady yelped, looking up at her and doing a dog's best version of a smile. Emma trailed them, actually being quiet. Regina figured that Emma was silent because she was confused as to why they were not fighting.
Henry's door was remained closed. It was too painful to leave open and see into the room, allowing his ghost to haunt her, reminding her that no matter what she did for him, he would not be coming back. She had failed, she had lost, and he had left … several times. How horrible a mother must she have been to lose her son so many times? She had only run away a couple of times from her own mother, but she understood that her mother loved her, as much as woman with no heart could, and she had loved her mother. Henry did not love her. He made that perfectly clear with words unspoken at the well. Before that thought could devour her, she blinked herself out of it and opened the door. Lady charged in as soon as she could fit through the crack.
Regina hesitated, as if halted by a barrier. This was a room that was filled with all she had left and now she had to surrender it, too. He was never coming back. Never. Never … a voice hissed in her ear. I know, she mentally responded.
"What things do you need?" Regina inquired, pained to part with these few items that told her once upon a time she had a son that adored her and that she adored in return. Of course, now she was led to believe she only thought that she adored him because everyone let her know, including the woman before her, that she did not have the ability to properly love anything.
"Uh … you know, just winter stuff. Boots, gloves, a fleece or heavier coat, stuff like that," Emma answered with a shrug, her eyes wandering the room with almost as much enthusiasm as Lady.
Regina rolled her eyes. She doubted that Emma really knew what Henry needed for the winter. She went to his closet and pulled out one of his suitcases. Lady was right there when the door was open, inspecting the closet, sniffing items and scratching at boxes of comic books.
"No, Lady," Regina scolded the puppy. She did not want Lady to damage Henry's things.
Lady whined, but followed Regina as she put the suitcase on the bed and began filling it with things that her son would need to survive the winter. Lady pattered around her feet, examining what she was doing and trying to get her attention. Regina glanced down at Lady, just to be sure that she did not step on her. Every now and then, she leaned down to scratch a cute, fluffy ear.
"This should be good enough. There is more if you find it isn't," Regina said as she closed the suitcase with a click.
"All right. Uh … thank you," Emma said, taking the case, her spoils of war.
Regina shrugged and then motioned to door. Emma moved without a word thankfully. Lady followed Regina out of the room and the door was closed again, but Regina could still feel the specter of her absent son. Her insides twisted a bit, but she did not have time to dwell on that because Lady almost tripped her up.
"Lady," the former queen gently chided, leaning down to pick the puppy up. For some reason, that seemed to get Emma's attention.
"Regina, who's puppy is that?" the blonde asked.
"I believe you're done here, Miss Swan," Regina stated sharply. She did not want Emma's attention on Lady and her glare said that as much as her tone. All she needed was for the sheriff to decide Lady was another spoil of war.
Emma held her hands up, surrendering, which was a huge joke to Regina. This woman, who had taken her whole life and dared to come back for more, had the nerve to mock-surrender. Spiting in Regina's face would have been less insulting.
Thankfully, Emma left immediately. Regina had to hold onto Lady until the door was closed. She returned to the couch, Lady went back to her lap, and reading resumed. She calmed down a bit, but she continued to feel hollow and troubled. Suddenly, Lady nuzzled her free hand. She smiled and petted the puppy's head.
"Good, Lady," Regina whispered and leaned down to kiss the top of Lady's head. Lady yelped happily.
-8-8-8-8-
Emma left the mansion more than a little confused by what the hell she had just witnessed. She had not known what to expect when she went to Regina's house, but so many things had surprised her there. She was one of the few people that did think Regina was in her house, but she did not think that Regina was in the state that she was. She doubted the ex-mayor even realized the state that she was in.
Regina's skin was pale with a tint of yellow to it and the blue of her veins peeked out in her neck, which she did not bother to hide with makeup. Her eyes were sunken in with lines and dark circles underneath. Her cheeks were slightly hollowed, as if she had not been eating much. Her clothing hung off awkwardly, as if she had lost weight, and was probably unaware. Emma could not help wondering if the usually put-together woman had glimpsed a mirror since retreating into her home.
Truthfully, Emma had expected worse when she first rang the doorbell. She had planned to kick the door in if there was no answer after sixty seconds, which she had timed. Of course, she was totally stunned and was sure that she gapped like an idiot when Regina opened the door. A puppy being there had not helped.
"What the hell is she doing with a puppy?" she wondered aloud as she lugged Henry's suitcase down the street. She had to walk because the streets were stacked with almost three feet of snow. She could not believe there were no snowplows out, but apparently no one volunteered to do that job. Everybody's too high and mighty.
She could not figure out what Regina was doing with a puppy or where she might have gotten one. She did not think on it much as she drew closer to Mary Margaret's apartment and slowed down considerably. She was not ready to go back and face a million obvious questions like, "Did Regina kill you?" or questions she could not answer like, "Why didn't Regina kill you?"
Before she left for the mansion, her family had begged her not to go, even Henry. But, he needed clothes and she actually needed to get away. The little apartment with the four of them stuck in there had driven her just a little stir crazy, especially since her parents were pushing so hard to be her parents and her son was pushing hard to be her son. Henry did everything that she asked and was in her face every moment to show that he did while her parents kept offering her things. Worse of it all, all three of them wanted to make sure she remembered that she was the Savior and a princess and … just thinking about it made her take a detour as she drew closer to the apartment.
They were pushing and pulling her in all directions and she did not know how to deal with it. She needed more time. She needed to think, but she could not think because they always made her head spin. She needed something to take her mind off of everything happening around her, everything happening to her.
"It's like everyone's gone nuts … or maybe I've gone nuts. After all, I wanted to check on her," Emma muttered, shaking her head.
The main reason she went to the mansion, beyond the fact that Henry truly did need winter clothes, was that she needed to see if Regina was, in fact, in her home. Her family insisted that the ex-mayor was not; well, only after they found using that Regina would kill her as excuse for her to not go was not working. They assumed she went into hiding, like she had when they accused her of killing Archie. She suspected something more ominous; they chose to ignore the possibility. For some reason, that bothered her just as much as everything.
"What do they think, if they ignore it, it won't happen? Or it has nothing to do with them?" she scoffed and then decided that she needed something to take her mind off of everything.
She wished that she could just forget everything, sometimes, and go back to her old life. It was so much less complex and confusing. She ended up going to Granny's. She had to have earned a cup of cocoa just from surviving her first snowstorm with her family. The only saving grace was that she did not have to deal with Neal because he decided to go back to New York to try to deal with his fiancée.
"At least I don't owe Gold anymore favors considering this one complicated my life even further and God knows I didn't need that." Okay, maybe she had earned something a little stronger than cocoa.
-8-8-8-8-
Regina and Lady were curled up on the sofa again. Regina was now reading "Of Mice and Men." Lady was listening as usual and cuddling into Regina's stomach. The dog was healed for the most part and she had removed the bandages a couple of days ago. Their quiet time was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Lady perked up and barked.
Regina did not make the mistake of hoping for Henry. It had been well over a fortnight since she had seen him. He had not called and she dared not try for fear that he would not speak with her. She correctly assumed it was Miss Swan at her door, yet again.
"Come in, Miss Swan," Regina said, again keeping Lady away from the opened door with her foot.
Emma nodded and stepped in. Regina almost closed her in the door to keep Lady from going outside. Lady barked indignantly, but then turned her attention to the newcomer. She stood by Regina, but was quiet this time.
"What can I do for you, Miss Swan?" Regina asked.
"Henry needs some books for school," Emma kind of explained.
"Do you know the names of the books?"
Emma went into her pocket. "He wrote down the names." She pulled out a wrinkled slip of paper.
"He could've come himself," Regina found herself saying before she could stop herself. She missed him, even when she tried not to think about him. His essence seemed to whisper in the empty halls, cutting through her heart and mind.
Emma opened her mouth, probably about to put her foot in it, but actually thought better of it. She closed her mouth and took a moment to think. Regina was surprised by that since she had always pinned Emma to be more like her father and utterly impulsive.
"I think he's scared to come here because you haven't been seen around. He doesn't want to come in and find you in a bad way," Emma explained.
It sounded almost plausible. Regina had not left the house in weeks. She shopped at night once a week, teleporting into closed stores and leaving money for whatever she took. She did not walk Lady, allowing the puppy to do all her business in the backyard. But, if Henry was really worried, he would have called or come by. No, he was enjoying his real family, the ones that truly loved him and that he loved in return.
"Let's get the books," Regina said and moved to Henry's room. Lady stared at Emma for a second before following Regina.
When they got to the room, the sheriff told Regina the books. Regina knew exactly where they were and grabbed the two workbooks from the desk. She then motioned to the door, wanting out of the room and wanting Emma out of her house. The blonde paused at the front door.
"Are you okay, Regina?" Emma asked out of the blue.
Regina regarded Emma with haggard eyes. What a ridiculous question! She had her trust broken with her supposed therapist, been accused of a murder that she had not committed, had said crime used to poison her son against her further before having him walk away from her entirely, almost died to save her mortal enemy with relatively no thanks for the act, and last but not least, been manipulated into killing her own mother after being teased with the idea that her mother might love her properly. No, she was not okay and she had not been in decades, but now she could not even hide it.
"What does it matter, dear?" Regina countered. It was not like anyone cared.
For a second time, Emma opened her mouth and thought better of what she was about to say. She took a moment and then simply said, "Thanks for the books."
Regina nodded and opened the door while making sure to keep Lady away. Emma was barely out of the door before Regina practically slammed the door shut. Lady looked up at her and yapped.
"Come on, Lady. Let's finish our book and then we'll have supper," Regina said in a subdued tone.
Lady whimpered and followed Regina to the sofa. Before Regina could allow her thoughts to take over, Lady was in her lap and cuddling into her. She petted the puppy, scratching her ears and rubbing under her chin. Lady let out some rather pleased whines. Lady then rolled around Regina's lap while making sure not to fall off of the former queen.
"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" Regina asked and Lady barked.
Regina smiled and enjoyed cuddling Lady. She felt her body settle along with something inside of her. It was as if, at least for the moment, her soul was at peace.
-8-8-8-8-
The bell rang and Regina could not be bothered to get off of the couch because she knew who it was. She did not want to see Miss Swan or listen to her questions that bordered on pity, especially from the person that had defeated her. She glanced at the door as Lady darted over to it, barking at the sound of the bell.
"Lady, stay," Regina ordered in a stern voice.
Lady turned to look at Regina, but her attention went back to the door when the bell rang. The puppy had learned that the sound meant the door was going to open. Regina sighed as she moved to block pup while opening the door. Emma seemed to learn, too, ducking into the house quickly and Regina shut the door.
"What can I do for you today, Miss Swan?" Regina asked. Lady moved to stand in front of her, like she was trying to protect Regina.
"Henry wanted some comic books," Emma answered.
"And he could not come himself this time because?"
"I want him to finish his homework before he gets them."
"How maternal," Regina commented, but there was still no bite to her words. Again, she just sounded exhausted and done. All she wanted to do was curl up on the sofa and hold Lady to her chest to soothe her throbbing soul. "Do you know what comic books?" she asked to avoid her thoughts.
"Yeah, the Avengers. I had to write down the numbers."
Regina nodded. She had no desire to go to Henry's room once more. She was not in the mood to be greeted by what appeared to be the room of a dead child. Henry was not the dead one. She was. She was as dead to him as her own mother to her, dead to the world, but unlike her mother, no one mourned her. No one cared.
"You know the way by now, Miss Swan. His comic books are arranged in boxes under his bed and in his closet. They are sorted alphabetically by title and then by issue," Regina said, turning back to the sofa where East of Eden awaited her.
The former queen did not pay Emma any mind, sitting down and tucking her feet underneath her. Lady was right behind her, hopping up and tucking herself under Regina's arm. Regina scratched Lady's ear and felt a little grounded again.
She heard Emma's ascent, but paid it no mind. Lady popped up when she heard the door open, but by the time she got to the stairs, the door shut again and Emma was coming down. Lady whined.
"I found them," Emma felt the need to announce before she hit the landing. Regina did not feel the need to respond. "Uh … Regina, you doing all right?"
"Does it matter?" Regina countered. The only thing on Earth that cared if she lived or died was the mischievous ball of fur waiting for a door to open, so she could misbehave.
"Regina," Emma said.
"Good day, Miss Swan," Regina replied without bothering to look up.
Emma sighed loudly, but went to the door. She opened it and then sighed again. Regina looked up as she heard Lady charging.
"Regina, look—" the blonde tried to say, but Regina was not listening.
"Lady, no!" the former queen commanded, which gave Lady pause. Regina quickly reached for Lady's current favorite toy, a squeaking rubber duck. Giving it a squeeze got the puppy to look at her. She squeezed a couple of times while cutting her eyes to Emma. "Good day, Miss Swan," she repeated, much sharper than before.
Emma blushed and had the decency to look sheepish, realizing what almost happened. She hastily exited the house while Lady went for her rubber duck. Regina sighed in relief and realized how quickly her heart was beating. She took a few calming breaths and reached down to pet Lady, assuring herself that the puppy was still there.
"Stay, Lady. Stay," she whispered.
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: Henry comes over. It doesn't end well.