I own none of the characters of October Road

"Eddie I can't do this. I've changed my mind." A panicked Janet said.

"You'll be fine. Just hang on tight." Eddie encouraged. From her spot on the bridge Janet glanced down to the river below and it looked really far away.

"I'm really afraid of heights." She said tearfully. "I really don't think I can do this." As much as Eddie wanted Janet to take this plunge with him he didn't have the heart to make her jump if she didn't want to. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry sweetheart. I would never let anything happen to you but if you don't want to jump then I don't want you to jump." Janet looked deeply into his brown eyes and she knew that as long as his arms were around her she would be safe. "Excuse me can you come over and unhook my wife please? She has changed her mind." Eddie said to the gentleman working the bungee operation.

"That won't be necessary." Janet spoke up, never taking her eyes away from Eddie's. "I've changed my mind again. I'll jump."

"Are you sure Janet? I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do for me."

"I'm sure. I know as long as I'm with you I'll be fine."

"Whenever you two are ready." The owner said.

"Ready hon?" Eddie asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be." She buried her head in the crook of his shoulder.

"On three." She nodded closing her eyes tightly. "One...two" They both bent their knees. "Three." Tightening her grip around his neck they both dove off of the bridge.

Janet tried to scream but due to the fact that her stomach was in her throat she was unable to make it happen. They continued to soar through the air until the tops of their heads were dipped into the river and then they were pulled back up into the air and Eddie swore he heard Janet giggling.

"Isn't this great?" Eddie shouted.

".God." Janet said through her giggles. "That was amazing." Janet continued to giggle until they were just swinging in the air.

"I'm going to release us. Are you ready?"

"Yep." Eddie released them and they both fell into the warm water.

"I would love to do that again." Janet announced when she surfaced.

"Maybe next time you'll keep your eyes open on the way down." Eddie said with a smile as they both treaded water waiting for the boat to pick them up.

"If we ever do this again I will definitely keep my eyes open." Eddie swam closer to Janet and reached for her hands.

"Hell we're going back up and doing it again." He told her with a grin and a huge smile crossed her face.

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. Come here." Eddie pulled his wife to him and kissed her until the boat arrived.

They arrived in West Virginia the day before and they didn't come out of their hotel room until it was time to bungee jump. Eddie made sure that Janet had the honeymoon night that she didn't get on their wedding night because he was a dumbass. They made love numerous times and when they were hungry they ordered room service and then made love again. It was perfect for both of them.

The owner of the bungee jump laughed when they returned from the river requesting a second jump. There were four groups ahead of them so they patiently waited in line acting like the classic newlyweds, holding hands, stealing kisses, whispering words of love in each other's ears and just holding each other.

They both enjoyed the second jump much more then the first one. Janet kept her eyes open and laughed the entire time. Eddie was right. The vision around them while sailing through the air was exquisite. She had never seen anything so beautiful. Meanwhile, Eddie wasn't taking in the scenery around him. He was thoroughly enjoying the look of pure joy that was on his wife's face.

"Thank you Eddie. Thank you so much. This was an amazing experience; something that I never would have done without you." She wrapped her arms around her neck. "I love you husband." As much as he didn't want to think about it he couldn't help where his mind wandered. He knew that they wouldn't be standing on this bridge together in West. Virginia if he wasn't dying.

"I love you too wife." He leaned forward and they shared a long sweet kiss.

--

The next day they spent four hours white water rafting. Eddie had booked the shortest excursion because he knew with his diminished strength he wouldn't be able to go longer then the four hours. The river was a level 2 river which meant that it wasn't dangerous but there were enough currents that they were able to feel challenged and have fun at the same time. And fun they did have. They sat next to but across from each other and they paddled hard but laughed at the same time. There were a few times that each of them thought the other was going overboard but it never happened. They remained safely inside of their raft at all times.

On the way back to the hotel they stopped for a late lunch and Eddie had to fight to keep his eyes open. He was more exhausted then normal so the minute they returned to the hotel he collapsed fully clothed on the bed and was out like a light within minutes. Of course Janet was tired too because rafting is a lot of work so she crawled in bed next to him and took a nap.

When she awoke two hours later she noticed that the sun had started to set. She yawned, stretched, and leaned over to kiss her husband but his snoring never faltered and she knew he was probably out for the night. Even though she expected this outcome she was still disappointed that she was going to have to spend the remainder of the evening alone but there was one advantage; she could call Hannah and catch up on some much needed girl talk.

The first call she made was to Laura to let her know that Eddie was fine. She promised to call Laura as often as she could because Laura worried about her son and Janet couldn't blame her. Since Eddie was asleep Janet was able to have a lengthy conversation with her mother in law about Eddie's condition. It drove Eddie crazy whenever Janet and Laura talked about his cancer so they made sure their conversations were short and sweet. After she disconnected with Laura, Janet called her best friend.

"So how is the honeymoon?" Hannah gushed as soon as she answered the phone. Janet went in to most every detail of her wonderful honeymoon. The more intimate details she kept to herself. "It sounds like you are having a wonderful time."

"I really am." Janet said.

"So are you seeing your mom when you get to D.C.?"

"Yes. Eddie is insisting on having lunch with her."

"You don't sound happy about it."

"Hannah it's my mom."

"Janet she may be able to help you when …she knows what its like to lose a husband." Janet was silent. "Are you going to tell her?"

"No I'm not going to tell her. She would think that the cancer is the only reason that Eddie married me. "

"She's your mother. She…"

"Hannah I don't want to talk about my mother. In fact I want to talk about anything but her right now."

"Ok fine then. The guys are planning on meeting you at the airport when you return."

"Eddie will like that."

"If it works out with you they have a couple of surprises planned for him. Do you have any plans the first few days when you return home?"

"He has an appointment with his oncologist on Monday and since we are getting back in Boston on Saturday we were just going to get a hotel room and stay until after his appointment. That's our only definite plan. Why?"

"They want to take Eddie to the indoor water park on Saturday for the surfing that he wants to do and have a boys day and then thanks to Sully who has friends in high places, on Sunday he has arranged for Eddie to fly a helicopter, just the two of them and of course an instructor and then Eddie's family, Pizza Girl, Allison, the guys, you, I, Sully and Eddie are going to play a game of baseball at Fenway park."

"Oh my God." Janet practically shouted. "Are you serious? Eddie is going to flip out. How the hell did all of this happen?"

"I'm telling you. Sully has friends in high places. He knows one of the groundskeepers at Fenway and he has a friend that owns his own helicopter. When he heard the guys talking about Eddie's list he started making phone calls and ta da. Janet it's amazing how many people want to do what they can for Eddie." Hannah finished softly.

"What if I can't do what he needs me to do?" Janet asked her friend.

"What are you talking about?"

"I…I…What if I'm not strong enough to watch him die?" She whispered tearfully. "What if I can't be what he needs me to be?"

"Do you love him?"

"More than anything."

"Then you are already what he needs you to be. You are the woman that loves him: his wife. Janet you are the strongest woman I know and you'll find the strength to be there for him."

"But what if I don't." She sniffled."

"You will." Hannah said in a "don't argue with me" tone.

"Hannah I don't want him to die." Janet sobbed into the phone. "I love him so much. I don't want to live without him."

"I know sweetie."

"No Hannah you don't know." Janet snapped, unable to control her emotions. "Nick is fine. He isn't going to be dead in a few months. You're going to be able to spend the rest of your life together…years. I don't have that. I only have months." Janet jumped out of her skin when she felt Eddie's hand on her shoulder.

"Give me the phone." He requested softly and Janet handed her cell to him and then disappeared into their room.

"Hey Hannah. Janet's going to have to call you back later. Probably tomorrow okay?"

"No problem Eddie. Tell her I love her." Hannah replied through her own tears.

"Will do." Eddie snapped the phone closed and returned to their room. Seeing the bathroom door closed he knew that's where his wife was. "Come on out and talk to me." Eddie called to the closed door. For a few minutes he didn't hear anything so he turned the handle only to find it locked. "Janet." He called again. He then heard the toilet flush and the water turn on. He waited by the door until she came out five minutes later with a freshly washed face.

"I'm sorry I woke you up by talking too loud. You should really try to get back to sleep." She said as she walked right past him while avoiding eye contact.

"You didn't wake me. I woke up on my own." He watched as she pulled their suitcases from out of the closest. "Babe what are you doing?"

"Packing. We have an early flight tomorrow."

"Let me help."

"I can do it."

"I know that but I want to help."

"Fine." They packed in silence for the next hour and every time Eddie glanced at Janet he saw her biting her lip, desperately trying not to cry and seeing her like that broke his heart.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to order some room service?" He asked her when their suitcases were packed.

"Not really." She mumbled. She was checking all of the drawers again in an attempt to avoid him. He walked over and placed his arms firmly around her upper body to stop her movements.

"Talk to me." He mumbled in her ear.

"There's nothing to talk about." Her body was stiff and her voice trembled.

"I heard your conversation with Hannah."

"You shouldn't eavesdrop."

"You should tell me what you're feeling. Not Hannah." He said gently.

"She's my best friend." He felt a tear hit his hand.

"I'm your husband." She struggled against him until his grip loosened and she was facing him.

"You want to know what I'm feeling?" She shouted, tears spilling from her eyes.

"I do." He reached for her hand but she pushed it away.

"I wish that we never became more than friends." She saw the hurt flash across his face. "I didn't mean it like that. If we weren't more than friends then this disease wouldn't hurt so god damn much. I wish that we would have realized that what we felt was more than friends' years ago and then we would have been together for years already…maybe with babies of our own. I wish that life was fair and you didn't have cancer. I wish that we could have at least fifty more amazing years together. I wish that you weren't dying and leaving me." She was sobbing, barely able to get the words out. "I wish it was me. I wish I was the one with the cancer. It should be me. Not you."

"No Janet no." Eddie said desperately as his wife collapsed sobbing in his arms. Not knowing what else to do he gently eased her to the floor and he held her tightly as they both cried together.

"I'm sorry." Janet mumbled once she had finally calmed down.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all sweetheart. Its how you feel."

"I'm not sorry about that. I can't help how I feel." Eddie couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. "I'm sorry for breaking down and acting like a child."

"Can we move this to the bed please? My ass is starting to hurt."

"We can't have that now can we?" Janet asked with a grin. They slowly got to their feet and climbed into bed under the covers, each on their sides facing each other, holding hands.

"Sweet girl why do you wish it was you that has this shitty cancer?" He whispered tearfully.

"Because you mean so much more to people than I do. So many people are going to miss you baby. You have touched and impacted so many lives. Knights Ridge will not be the same without you."

"That's the most asinine thing that I have ever heard. That is no reason to wish that you were dying instead of me and it's not true. You have people that love and care about you. As the bartender at the only bar in town you, my dear, have touched or impacted the lives of many people."

"I want the cancer because I don't want to be here without you." Tears slid down her face. "I don't know if I could sleep in our bed without you, go into Sully's knowing that you'll never be sitting at your stool again, walk past Best Friend Windows knowing you aren't there, hell walk through the entire town and know that I'll never see you again. I would much rather it be you that has to go through that then me."

Eddie didn't know what to say to those heartfelt and true words. He knew that he would feel exactly the same way that she did if the shoe was on the other foot but he knew she didn't need to hear that. He didn't want to die but more importantly he didn't want his beautiful wife to die. Even though he wouldn't be with her he wanted her to live a long, happy, healthy life. He wanted her to fall in love again and have babies. He knew she would make a wonderful mother. He just wished like hell he could be the father of her babies. He just wished he could grow old with her.

"I love you Janet, more than you'll ever know." Before she could respond he leaned forward and kissed her softly and slowly.

"I love you too. I…I…don't want to lose you."

"Shhhh." He murmured kissing away her tears.

"I shouldn't have…"

"Don't talk. Just kiss me."

"But…"

"Just kiss me." Eddie demanded sweetly.

"If you insist." Janet wrapped her arms around Eddie's neck and pulled him to her face and they shared a long passionate kiss.

When they broke apart they slowly undressed each other tenderly. When they were both naked Eddie sat up against the headboard. Somewhat shyly Janet crawled over to him, positioned herself on top of his erection, wrapped her legs around his lower back, her arms around his neck and he pressed his lips to her neck, cheek, ears, lips, shoulders, breasts and anything else he could reach.

Without speaking they both knew that tonight wasn't about making love. Tonight was about being together, being one with each other. There really was no major movement. Janet just slowly rocked back and forth, savoring the feeling of his lips on her body, his hands on her ass or back. They didn't speak. They didn't moan. They didn't scream. They just held each other tightly and made love slowly and tenderly until they were experiencing the most intense orgasm to date that either of them had to date.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" Eddie asked once they were settled in each other's arms.

"I'm sorry I broke down like I did. I know you don't need that bullshit from me."

"It's not bullshit babe. If the roles were reversed I would feel the same way."

"You would?" Janet sounded surprised.

"Of course I would Janet. I love you as much as you love me and it would be hard as hell to be in all the places that we were together without you. I would be miserable and speaking of being miserable I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

"When I'm gone I want you to be happy."

"Without you I don't think I can be." She mumbled softly.

"You can try sweetheart. I want you to fall in love, get married and have lots of babies. I want you to be happy. Promise me Janet." Asking her to make that promise broke his heart. He didn't want to imagine her with anyone else but he didn't want her to be miserable for the rest of her life.

"No I won't promise that."

"Janet…"

"I can't lie to you Eddie and if I make that promise to you it would be a lie. I know that I will never love any one like I love you. I'll never be as happy as I am when I'm with you. What we have had together these last few months and what we will have in the next few months, the memories we have made, the memories that we will make, those will keep me happy for a very long time."

"But…"

"No buts Eddie. After you're gone I'm not going to go out looking for your replacement. You are irreplaceable in my life and heart Eddie Latekka. I'll make you a deal. If someone comes into my life I won't fight it okay."

"I guess that will have to do. I just worry about you."

"I know you do and I love you for that." Janet lifted her head and kissed him softly. "Now sleep baby. You know that you are more prone to headaches if you don't get enough sleep and I don't want our trip to D.C. to start with a headache. Do you?"

"Absolutely not. I love you Janet."

"I love you too. Now sleep."

"Yes ma'am." Eddie said with a grin. He kissed the top of his wife's head and settled back onto the pillows and within a few minutes he was sound asleep.

As soon as Janet was sure he was in a deep sleep she untangled herself from his arms, slid Eddie's tee shirt over her body and slipped out onto the deck. She wasn't tired and she didn't want to keep Eddie awake by tossing and turning. She felt guilty because she wasn't completely honest with him. She knew that there would never be anyone else in her life after the love of her life was gone. She didn't foresee any other men coming into her life but if it did happen she wasn't opening her heart to anyone. Her heart belonged to only one man and that man was Eddie. No one would ever have her heart after he was gone…no one.

As she sat on the balcony looking out at the mountains that surrounded the hotel she couldn't help thinking about what a rotten hand Eddie had been dealt. He was such an amazing, wonderful man who deserved to live a long life. She couldn't understand why, when they were only just beginning their lives together he was cruelly being torn away from her. She knew, in the end, he was going to be in so much pain and he wouldn't know who she was and those two facts terrified her. She didn't want to imagine him hurting so much while there was nothing she could do for him and probably what scared her the most was the image of Eddie looking at her as a stranger.

"Why?" Janet asked raising her face to the sky. "Why Eddie? Why are you taking him away from me?"

Janet buried her face in her hands and sobbed as quietly as she could so she wouldn't wake Eddie. She was so sick of crying. She hated herself for being so weak and emotional. Eddie didn't need the added burden of her emotional weakness. She needed to be strong for him. That's what a good wife does. She stays strong when her husband needs her to be. She vowed right then and there to be strong for Eddie. To be the wife that he needed her to be.

Wiping her eyes she quietly returned to the room, removed Eddie's tee shirt so he wouldn't get suspicious and climbed back into bed. She snuggled up next to him and without his snores stopping Eddie automatically placed his arm around her and pulled him closer to his body. "I love you Eddie…so much."

Thanks, as always for reading. Please review with your thoughts. I really appreciate your support.