I own none of the characters of October Road
"Did you even think about talking to me about what I wanted before you went and got yourself knocked up?" Eddie snapped glaring at Janet.
"Whoa there Latekka. I didn't get knocked up by myself." Janet snapped back through her tears.
"I thought that you were on the damn pill." His voice was growing louder.
"I am."
"LIAR." He shouted and Janet sobbed harder. "If you were on the pill like you said then you wouldn't be pregnant now would you?" Eddie couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth but he couldn't stop them.
"Accidents happen."
"Accident my ass Janet. How long have you known?" Janet looked at the floor. "How long Janet?" Eddie fumed.
"I took the test our last night in D.C." She mumbled through her tears.
"Three days. You have known for three days and you haven't said one god damned word. Why Janet? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She opened her mouth to explain that she wanted to tell him in the most romantic setting possible but Eddie didn't give her a chance. "Wait I think I've figured it out. You were never going to tell me were you?"
"Of course I was going to tell you. I did tell you."
"You figured that I would be dead before you even started to show but now with this new medicine I might be around long enough to notice that you're knocked up so you had to tell me."
"EDDIE!"
"Or maybe the kid isn't even mine. Maybe you were screwing around before you and I started screwing around and that's why you weren't telling me because the kid ain't mine." Those words hurt her more than she thought possible. Before she could stop herself she raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face.
"You son of a bitch. How dare you? You know me better then what you have accused me of."
"No Janet I thought I knew you but I have no idea who the hell you are." Eddie stormed over to the table by the front door, grabbed his truck keys and Janet's jeep keys out of the dish and threw open the door.
"Where are you going?"
"None of your damn business."
"Eddie you know that you can't drive." Janet shouted as he got into the drivers seat. Eddie ignored her, started the jeep and pulled out of the driveway without a backwards glance.
--
Two hours later Eddie still hadn't returned home. Even though Janet was furious with him she was still worried. She was afraid that he may have had a seizure and is lying helpless somewhere and since he took both sets of keys she had no way of going to look for him. The guys had all called for him so she knew he wasn't with them and she called and found out that he wasn't at Sully's She really didn't want to get his parents involved but he had left her with no choice. She grabbed her phone and dialed her father in law.
"Hello?"
"Jack it's Janet."
"Hi honey. What's up?"
"I…uhhh…I need Eddie's spare truck key. Can you run it over to me?"
"Sure. Did he lock his keys in his truck?"
"Not exactly."
"I'll be over in a few."
Janet went and waited anxiously out on the porch for Jack to bring over the spare key. Ten minutes later Jack pulled into the driveway and Janet rushed to his truck. "Thank you so much Jack."
"Janet where is your jeep?" Jack asked looking around and then back at Janet in time to see her eyes fill with tears. "Where is Eddie?"
"We got into a horrible fight and he left in my jeep taking his truck keys with him. He's been gone for hours and I'm worried about him. What about if he had a seizure and he is lying unconscious somewhere?" Tears were rolling down her cheeks. Jack put an encouraging arm around Janet's shoulder.
"The Ridge is a small town and I'm sure we would have heard if something happened to him." Janet nodded. "I think I know where he is. Let me find him and bring him home okay?"
"I should go with you."
"I think it would be better if I go alone and have a little father and son time but don't worry. I'll bring him home to you." Jack kissed her forehead.
"Thank you and I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I just was so worried about him."
"You have nothing to apologize for. That's what family is for."
--
Jack pulled into the high school parking lot and parked right next to Janet's jeep. Whenever Eddie was in high school and they had gotten into a fight or he had a problem that he needed to sort out he always came to the football field. He said that the quiet and solitude helped put things into perspective. Jack quickly called Janet to let her know that he found Eddie and then he headed out to the field.
"She couldn't leave you out of it could she?" Eddie mumbled as Jack sat next to him
"She's worried about you and she should be. She called me to get the spare to your truck so she could look for you since you practically stole her car and you aren't supposed to be driving."
"Well as you can see I'm perfectly fine."
"Wanna talk about it?" Jack asked.
"There is nothing to talk about pop. I really screwed up I said some horrible things to my wife…really bad and I don't think that I can fix it."
"They were just words Eddie."
"Horrible words dad. She slapped me so hard across the face that she left her handprint on my cheek so if I were her I wouldn't forgive me."
"She slapped you?" A shocked Jack asked with a smirk.
"I deserved it." Eddie looked at his dad with tears streaming down his face. "I lost her dad and it's all my fault."
"What the hell happened son?"
"Janet's pregnant." Jack was silent for a minute.
"That's wonderful Eddie."
"It is for Janet. She'll have a part of me after I'm gone."
"So what's the problem?"
"The problem is I'll be dead before the baby is even born. I'll never get to know my child. I'll never be its father." Eddie broke down in sobs and Jack took his son in his arms and held him tightly while he cried.
"I'm sorry Eddie. I am so sorry."
"It's not fair dad." Eddie said once he calmed down. "I should be happy and I am but I am so much more pissed then I am happy."
"I understand."
"No you don't dad. You're not dying. You got to be a dad to me and Katie and I'll never get that chance." Eddie shouted standing and walking down off of the bleachers and onto the football field. "I am so pissed off that I have cancer and that cancer is taking away my chance to live a long happy life with Janet and to be a father to my child and dammit it's not fair."
"It's okay to be mad Eddie. You are having a lot being taken away from you."
"I don't give a shit if it's okay or not. I'm mad as hell and who do I take it out on?" His father stood there and let him yell. "I took it out on Janet. It's not her fault that I have cancer and I'm dying but when she told me that she was pregnant I lost it and took all of my anger about having cancer on Janet when she didn't do anything wrong."
"We always hurt those that we love."
"Well I did a damn good job of that." Eddie said miserably. "Dad I'm going to be a dad and…" Eddie collapsed on the ground in sobs again, unable to finish his sentence.
"Oh god Eddie." Jack's heart was breaking for his son. He knelt on the ground next to him and attempted to soothe him.
"Don't…touch…me." He cried so Jack just sat next to him until he calmed down. "What if I lost her for good?"
"I don't think you did. She loves you too much to walk away from you."
"You didn't hear what I said to her."
"Well the only way to find out is to man up and go home."
"I'm scared." Eddie admitted. "I'm ashamed and I don't know if I can face her."
"Eddie I have always taught you to face your problems head on and you have never backed down from them so don't start now." Jack said wisely.
"You're right dad." Eddie pulled himself off the ground and wrapped his arms around his dad.
"I'm going to follow you back home and don't worry about coming over for dinner tonight. I'll talk to your mom."
"Please don't tell her about the baby. Not yet. Not until I fix things with Janet…if I can."
"Your secret is safe with me."
--
Eddie's stomach was in knots as he slowly walked into the house. He had no idea what to except. Walking into the living room he found his wonderful wife sitting on the couch, eyes red and swollen, holding a coffee cup, staring at the wall in front of her.
"Hey Janet." He mumbled sitting beside her.
"Eddie."
"Should you be drinking coffee? I thought caffeine should be avoided while you're pregnant."
"It's decaf but why should you care since the baby might not be yours." Janet snapped.
"Look about that Janet I…"
"No Eddie I don't want to hear it right now." Janet placed her coffee cup down and stood. "You had your say earlier and now you will listen to me."
"Of course Janet."
"You said some really, really mean and hurtful things. How dare you, Eddie Latekka, accuse me of sleeping with another man when we were together? I thought you knew me better then that."
"I did. I do. I…"
"Hey I'm not done." Eddie closed his mouth and let her talk. "I had every intention of telling you about our child. I wasn't keeping it from you. I wanted to tell you with a very romantic dinner, candles and maybe a card but I wanted to do it here in our home. I thought that it would be more special then some strange hotel room." Eddie nodded.
"On our last night in D.C. mom mentioned me being pregnant and it got me thinking. I realized that I hadn't had a period since before we made love for the first time. I bought a pregnancy test and took it after you fell asleep and it was positive." Her tears were flowing freely. "I was so happy and heartbroken at the same time but you didn't bother to ask me how I felt did you?"
"I should have."
"You're damn right you should have." Janet walked into the dining room and returned a few minutes and threw her pack of birth control pills at him. "As for your second accusation, open the pack."
"Janet I don't need to open the pack."
"Open the damned pack." She shouted and he did. "As you can see I'm not a liar. I took my pills everyday until I found out that I was pregnant. The birth control pill is only 98-99% effective when taken correctly. Our first night together when you told me that you were dying I was so upset and then you got a headache I forgot to my pill that night. The next day I took two, like I was supposed to but it must not have worked."
"Sweetheart." Eddie stood and placed his hand on Janet's shoulder but she shrugged him off.
"Don't touch me." She yelled. "You don't deserve to touch me right now. I trusted you and loved you with my whole heart and you broke it Eddie. No I take that back you took my heart and shattered it into a million pieces." She stormed away from him, upstairs into their bedroom and slammed the door.
Eddie was not going to let it play out like this so he followed her upstairs and into the room. He found Janet sitting on the floor, head in her hands sobbing. "Oh Janet." He rushed over to her, sat on floor next to her and to his surprise she let him take her in his arms. "I'm so sorry sweetheart." He mumbled into her hair as he ran his fingers through her curls.
"How could you be so cruel?" She cried into his chest.
"I'm angry Janet… so angry but not at you."
"Could have fooled me."
"I could spend what time I have left telling you how damn sorry I am but it will never be enough time to make up for how badly I hurt you. There is no excuse for what I did."
"Then why did you?"
"Oh baby. When I saw the pregnancy test I was happy for a split second and then I became furious. Not at you sweetheart but at the cancer. The cancer is taking away my life and killing me and if it wasn't bad enough it now it's taking me away from my child. I'm never going to know my kid and my kid is never going to know me and it's not fair. Obvisouly, I can't take out my anger on my damn cancer and you were the one in front of me. I think that it's the first time since I've been diagnosied that I was actually angry. No I'm not angry. I'm furious." From her spot on the floor next to Eddie Janet wrapped her arms around him. "Janet I am so happy that you are pregnant; that you are going to have our child in your life after I'm gone but I just hate it that I won't know our baby."
"You're right Eddie. It's not fair."
"Janet how do you feel about the baby?"
"Like you I have mixed emotions. I was and am so happy to be having your baby but at the same time my heart is breaking for you and our child because it will never know how wonderful its father is. I didn't know how you would take the news but what happened today was worse than I ever thought." She cried into his chest.
"Janet I am so very sorry for everything I said." Eddie cried. "I never thought that you were sleeping with someone else. I never thought you were a liar or selfish. You are the most unselfish person that I know. I was just so mad at the cancer I said whatever came to my mind without thinking first. I didn't mean one word that I said and I have no right to ask you but would you please forgive me?" He sobbed into her hair.
Janet didn't answer him right away. Instead she buried her face in his chest and cried softly. Before he came home she was furious with him for the way he treated her. Once she got her anger out and heard his side of the story and saw how brokenhearted he was she instantly forgave him. She knew he would never speak to her like that if he wasn't dying for cancer but she couldn't let him talk to her like that again. "Did it hurt when I slapped you?"
"Like hell. You left your handprint on my cheek."
"Good because that was the least that you deserved." She sat up, wiped her eyes and looked at her husband. "After you stole my jeep and stormed out of here I considered throwing all of your shit out on the front lawn."
"I expected to see my shit on the lawn when I got home."
"I don't care how mad you are that is no excuse for you to treat me like that. I love you Eddie but I will not tolerate it ever again."
"Janet I swear to god. I will never treat or talk to you like that ever again." Eddie said despertley through his tears. "I never ever want to hurt you like that again."
"I never want to hurt like that again." Eddie placed his fingers under her chin, lifted her face and kissed her gently. "Please baby, please say you've forgiven me." He whispered tearfully in her ear when he broke the kiss.
"I forgive you Eddie." She responded before pressing her lips to his.
When they broke apart Eddie stood, held out his hand, helped his wife to her feet, and they slowly began to undress each other while never taking their eyes off of each other. Once they were both undressed Janet turned down the bed and climbed into bed. Once Janet was settled Eddie climbed on top of her. "I love you so much and I'm so sorry." He said tearfully.
"I love you too and no more apologies. Now make love to me." Eddie's lips descended on hers at the same time that he sheathed himself inside of her. He slowly thrust himself inside of her while he kissed every piece of bare skin that he could find whispering "I love you." the whole time. When he finally climaxed inside of her he was sobbing softly. He realized how close he came to losing her and it scared him to death and at the same time made him so grateful that he hadn't lost her.
A few hours later Janet woke up to soft kisses on her abdomen. Without opening her eyes she reached down and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Hey sleepyhead." Eddie mumbled into her belly.
"You wore me out."
"I can't believe that our baby is inside you. It's amazing." He whispered running his fingers around her abdomen, causing her to giggle. "How big is it now?"
"It's very small."
"Can it hear me?"
"No not yet."
"Thank God. I'm so glad that it didn't hear me saying all of those horrible things to you."
"Eddie, you need to stop beating yourself up."
"I can't Janet. I feel so damn guilty."
"Come up here and hold me." She demanded and he obliged but he kept his hand on her belly.
"Are you going to find out what you're having?"
"What we are having you mean?" He nodded. "Do you want to?"
"It doesn't matter what I want since I'm not going to be here." He said bitterly.
"Eddie Latekka you are not dead yet so quit acting like you are. Until you are gone you and I are parents together and we are going to make all of the decscions for our baby's life together from its name to the color of the nursery. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes ma'am." Eddie said with a grin. "I would like to know what we are having. I think it would be easier knowing what I was leaving behind if I knew for sure what it was exactly I was leaving behind."
"I want to know too."
"What do you want Janet? A boy or girl?"
"I've been thinking non stop about it and I would love a little girl."
"I would love a little girl too." Eddie scooted down the bed to her belly. "Hi in there. I'm your daddy. I know you can't hear me yet but I was wondering if you are a little girl or a little boy? We do. Okay. I guess we can do that. Oh really? That's a great idea. Yeah I'll tell your mommy.I love you my little baby." Eddie returned to the top of the bed. "Our baby won't tell me what it is yet but it did tell me that it's hungry and guesses that you probably are too." Janet shot straight up.
"Oh my god. We were supposed to go to your parent's house for dinner and I totally forgot." She reached for the phone. "I need to call them."
"Dad canceled for us. Don't worry about it. Anyways since I'm also hungry the baby suggested that we call our family and friends and have them meet us at Sully's so we can tell them our great news."
"Our baby is very smart. I love that idea. I'm going to jump in the shower while you make the calls." Janet said crawling out of bed.
"While I make the calls? Kinda bossy aren't you?"
"It was our baby's idea." Janet said with a wink.
--
"So what goes on?" Nick asked once their dessert arrived. He could tell by the looks on Janet and Eddie's face that something was going on with them. He watched as Eddie reached for his wife's hand.
"Janet and I have some news." Some of the people at the table shut their mouth while others kept talking. "Hey. Will you goofs shut the hell up? I'm trying to speak here." Eddie said loudly and the two tables they shoved together finally quieted down. "Thank you. Now, as I was saying. Janet and I have some news."
"Didn't Janet finally get smart and drop your sorry ass?" Ikey quipped and Katie punched him in the arm.
"Hey, that's my wife you're talking about." Eddie growled jokingly.
"Ikey I am a very smart woman and that's why I married Eddie." A chorus of "Awww's" went up around the table.
"Anyway first piece of news my doctor gave me a new medicine that I'm starting tomorrow. This medication is a mild chemotherapy in a pill form. During the trials it slowed down the growth of the tumors by four to six months."
"Eddie that's great." Owen said.
"It will be if it works." The table grew quiet for a few minutes until Janet spoke.
"I'm pregnant." Again silence. It seemed no one knew what to say.
"Did you guys hear my wife? We are having a baby." Eddie said. Hannah was the first to react. She jumped out of her seat and rushed over to her best friend and engulfed her in a hug.
"I am so happy for you sweetie." Hannah gushed.
"Thanks."
"You are going to make such a great mom." Janet just nodded through her tears.
"I'm going to be an aunt." Katie said hugging her brother. "Poor kid. I hope for it's sake it looks like it's mom." That comment got the tables rolling with laughter and Eddie's friends began sending him their congratulations. From the corner of her eye Janet saw Laura get up from her chair and sneak out of the bar. Janet excused herself and followed her.
"Laura?" Janet said when she got outside.
"I'm sorry honey." Laura said wiping her eyes.
"It's okay. It is a bit overwhelming."
"I just…he'll never know his baby." Laura sobbed.
"I know. I know." Janet said putting an arm around her mother in law. "But think about it Laura, now there will be a part of Eddie here after he is gone. A baby that will hopefully look just like him."
"Did you guys plan this?"
"No it was an accident. A wonderful accident."
"Eddie's happy about it?"
"He is." Laura wiped her eyes, took a deep breath and hugged Janet.
"Congratulations Janet."
"Thank you Laura. Thank you very much."
"Let's go back in. I need to congratulate my son." Janet and Laura linked hands and returned inside where Eddie was waiting anxiously by the door.
"Mom?"
"Congrats baby. I'm so very happy for you. For both of you." Laura said as she wrapped her arms around her son.
"Thanks grandma." Laura withdrew from the embrace and slapped Eddie in the back of the head.
"Don't start that grandma stuff yet."
"Yes ma'am."
--
"Hey Janet?" Eddie whispered into the darkness. They had been home for a couple of hours and they had made love again and Janet was just drifting off to sleep when Eddie spoke.
"Hmmph?"
"Even though I am dying of cancer, lying here with you in my arms I have to tell you that I have never been happier." He told her tearfully, kissing her head.
"I…happy too." She curled up closer to him. "Love you…very much."
"Love you too sweetheart. Sleep now." She nodded and within a few minutes Janet was sound asleep.
That night when Eddie finally fell asleep he had multiple dreams of his wife and unborn baby. In some of his dreams their child was a little boy and this little boy was growing up without him; learning to walk, throw a football, going on his first date, graduating high school all without him. In another dream he saw his beautiful daughter who looked just like her mother, going through all of the same life events of his son, again without him. In another version of the dream it was his daughter being walked down the aisle in her wedding dress, looking beautiful on the arm of another man, a man that his Janet had married and had become a father to his little girl. This strange man gave her away and they all looked so happy without him.
Eddie woke up in a cold sweat with his heart pounding. Thankful that he didn't wake Janet, he gently extracted himself from her arms and snuck downstairs, curled up on the couch and sobbed like a child. He cried for everything he was going to lose and for the child he was never going know.
As always, thanks so much for reading. Please review. Did I mention Please?