Several hours passed uneventfully. Castle slept, Martha watched, and Kate sat outside the room. Eventually around lunch time, Kate stuck her head into the room to ask if Martha would like some lunch. Kate wasn't all that hungry, but at least this gave her something to do. She was feeling restless and useless, two things she hated to feel. So, she ran to a local deli around the corner from the hospital that had good food. She had spent enough time in the hospital to know where the closest edible food was.

She grabbed food for both her and Martha, and something she knew Castle could enjoy and be able to eat. He wasn't necessarily a picky eater, but he whined a lot less when he got to eat what he wanted. Hopefully this would make him a little happier.

When she turned the corner into his room he was gone. No!

The bed, Martha, Castle… all gone. She went into panic mode instantly. She had to find him, make sure he was ok. She knew she shouldn't have ever left his side. What if something happened to him? What if there was a 2nd shooter that came after him? Did he get transferred on purpose so she couldn't find him anymore? With every second that passed it became increasingly more difficult for Kate to breathe or think properly. She crumpled against the wall. Shaking in the fear of never seeing him again. She sat there for what seemed like hours.

"Beckett? What are you doing here?"

Castle? Castle! She looked at him at him for a long second, then shifted her eyes to the head of the bed. She quickly picked herself up in time to see a nurse was pushing his hospital bed back in to the room. Her eyes trained back on him, searching to see if anything had gone wrong. At first glance he appeared to be ok. The tightness in her chest lessened slightly. Wow.

"Way to freak out over nothing, Kate." Apparently her conscience still sounded like Castle, even when she was in the same room with him. Awesome.

"Earth to Beckett. What are you doing in here?"

"Oh… I…" breathe Beckett, "I was um… I ugh… Where did you go?" She managed to squeak out. She couldn't fully wrap her head around anything until she was certain he was ok.

"Not that it's really any concern to you, but the doc scheduled me for some scans. To see if there would be any lasting damage. What are you doing here? Why do you look so… freaked?"

"I brought lunch." Yes, keep the sentences simple so as not to look any more ridiculous than I already do.

"Oh. Well, thanks. Mother stepped out to make a phone call to Alexis. Make sure she is still doing ok. "

"That's good. Well, here is your food. I made sure to bring something you would actually like and that has the doctor's ok. I remember it took me a week to find soft, tasty food when I was in here last."

"Thanks." He wasn't sure what else to say. He was hungry and glad she brought food. However, Castle was still trying to figure out why Kate was shaking and looking so scared. Maybe it had to do with his case? He needed to know if something wasn't going right with the case, even if it was bad. He hated being left in the dark. It was pretty obvious that Kate… Beckett… was being elusive.

"Beckett, what is going on? Why were you crouched into a ball when I got back? I can still see that you are freaked out. Is it the case? Tell me, I don't want you to keep things from me."

"No, I haven't heard back from the boys yet. I wouldn't keep that info from you." She replied conveniently avoiding the first part of his question. Wait. Why is she avoiding this? If she wants him back, and she has to prove it to him, what better way than sharing her emotions with him. This was always a point of contention in their relationship. She clammed up, wouldn't talk. He wanted more. Well, if she was going to be better, this was the next step to take.

Kate breathed in, preparing to share something important. "Castle, when I got back with lunch and you weren't here… I freaked. Full on panic attack. I was worried I let you down again and you got hurt. Or that you transferred away so I couldn't find you…" her voice trailed off. She didn't need to continue because she is sure he could fill in the blanks.

"I don't get it." Castle replied.

"You don't get what…?" What is so difficult to understand? I overreacted because I am terrified he will leave me.

"I just don't get why you care so much. I don't get why you won't leave. It doesn't make sense."

"It's funny," Kate chuckled dryly, "for so many years I was the one telling you to leave. The rolls have reversed, and I finally get why you wouldn't ever go. It's frustrating as hell though right?"

"I am not joking, Beckett." Castle was beginning to lose his patience again. He needed time, and a lot of space. Why couldn't she just… go.

With a sigh, Kate decided to go all in with her explanation. "I care because I love you. I care because I failed you when you needed me. I care because I said no, but I didn't mean it. I won't leave because I love you. I won't leave because I'm done running. I won't leave because there is nowhere else I'd rather be. Even when it's the last place you want me to be. I just… I love you."

"Love can't conquer all. It's a fairy tale that once you find love, life will be lived happily ever after. Fairy tales aren't real. Even if you love me, Kate, it isn't enough."

"Then tell me what you want me to do. Don't just tell me to leave, because I won't go. I can't go. Not after the little scene I threw a few minutes ago." Kate was running out of ideas. She hadn't known Castle when he was so defeated like he is right now. She normally could read him so well, but the way he was acting was so foreign to her. She was basically going in blind.

"It doesn't matter what you do, or what you say. I've made my decision to move on and I would like for you to respect that. Just… go home. Wherever that may be to you, and give me some space. I'll have Mother or Alexis update you if anything changes."

"Rick, you are my home." She knew she was getting way too cheesy, and clingy. "I'll stay out in the hall, but I won't leave." She doesn't care.

"Katherine, Richard. I see we have lunch waiting for us. Thanks again for getting us something other than hospital food."

"You're welcome, Martha. I'll be outside if you need me." Kate grabbed her bag of food and retreated to the hall once again.

Martha followed her out. "Kathrine? I don't know what your game plan is here. I am pretty sure it involves getting my son back. I just need you to know… When you left you nearly destroyed him. You rocked his very foundation, and that won't be easy to repair. I will respect Richard's privacy and keep the details to myself, but I want to make one thing very clear. I cannot watch my son go through hell again. Not from your actions. If you can fully commit to him, and you know without a shadow of a doubt that he is the one for you then so be it. But if you are here out of a misguided need to protect him or because you think he needs you, then get the hell away from here. He deserves better than the way you've treated him."

Kate's head was held high, despite the emotional toll the conversation with Martha was putting on her. She needed Martha to see the resolution and determination in her eyes when she replied.

"I love your son. I have made mistakes, and I intend to fix them. He deserves so much more than I can give him, but if he will give me the rest of our lives to deserve his love then so be it. I am not going anywhere, Martha. He is it for me."

Martha nodded her head. There was nothing really left to say between the two ladies. So, Martha returned to the room to eat. Kate stared at her plate. No amount of food would fix the emptiness she felt inside.

To Be Continued