I'm pretty happy with how this chapter went. Hope you guys like it too!

"So, how is Lanie?" Castle was the first to break the silence. No surprise there really.

"Good, she is good. Told me to make sure you get better quickly."

"She misses me? I knew she liked me." Castle said with a smirk. He has been spending a lot of time with the good doctor in her morgue. He knew she secretly liked him.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Castle." Kate decided that if he was willing to joke around with her for the moment she would take it. It almost felt normal.

"I'll have you know that I've spent a considerable amount of time with her lately, Beckett. She may even like me better than you at this point." Castle couldn't decide if he said that in jest or if he was trying to rub the fact that her friends were so angry with her.

"Ya, well from what I hear you might be right," Kate said quietly. Her friends had shifted to Castle's side after her move. It was annoying that there had to be 'sides' now. She was glad they cared for him so deeply though. Even if that means she lost their friendships.

"Lanie kicked your ass then? She is scary."

"I won't be able to sit properly for a week."

"Hmmm…" Castle said in response. He really didn't know what to say to that. He wished he could've heard that conversation. He wondered what Lanie said to Kate. Whether she told Kate about his reaction to her move or if she kept things from her best friend? What advice was given? He couldn't bring himself to ask her about it though. It wasn't really his place to care anymore.

"Rick?" Kate finally said after a few tense moments, "Did you ask me to come in to talk or to tell me to get the hell out of here?"

Well, it would appear Kate was done with the small talk. She was clearly focused on getting a conversation started with him while she had some time with him alone. Castle was a little shocked by her forcefulness. He'd only ever seen this determination in her when she was trying to get a confession from a perp. It was both terrifying and beautiful to watch. He wasn't so sure he liked the amount of attention she was paying him right now. It was definitely better when he was just observing the good Detective… Agent… work.

"I think we need to talk. Before you leave."

Did he mean leave, as in she was returning to DC, or leave the hospital? Kate needed to get him to realize she wasn't leaving in this conversation. There was nowhere else for her to go anymore unless he was there.

"Good. I mean, yes we need to talk, we have a lot to talk about, but Castle… I'm not leaving." Kate said as she pushed her long, curly locks from her face.

"Why are you here? Why did you come back?"

"I was just leaving for work, putting my coffee cup in the sink, when the hospital called. My heart stopped the second I heard you were shot, and at that point I wasn't sure how serious it was. The only thought was that I needed to get to you. No matter what. I had to see you to make sure you were ok. If something happened to you… Castle, I'd never come back from that."

"You say that, but you said no. I offered you always, and you turned me down. That doesn't exactly scream that you care about what happens to me." Castle was starting to get angry. The pain of her rejection began to surface again. He tried so hard to forget that terrible memory.

"Rick, you didn't give me a chance to explain myself! You heard the no and then walked away. That wasn't a proposal, that was an ultimatum and we both deserve more than that."

"What could you have possibly said? The no seemed to speak pretty loudly by itself."

"I wanted to tell you that it was a no for now. That as I sat there on the swing I thought you were there to break up with me, Castle. We hadn't talked about anything real in a month, and then we go from a fight to a marriage proposal. No, that is not how I wanted our lives to start."

"You thought I was there to… dump you? Why would I do that? I thought I was in love with you."

"You were talking about how you'd done a lot of thinking, that we both deserved more. In all of my experiences that inevitably lead to the 'We deserve more and I just can't give it to you so goodbye' speech. You were so mad when you found the ticket from DC, and we hadn't talked at all. I've never been in a relationship like this before. The first sign of a fight and I was usually gone."

"So why did you say no?" This has been the question running through Rick's head for the past 4 months on an almost continuous loop.

Kate sighed. "Rick. I love you, I loved you then, but I felt so insecure in what we were that I couldn't accept. I didn't feel that we were in a place that was strong enough for marriage. Yet. We hadn't talked about where we were going, or what we wanted from each other. We were still in the fun, getting to know each other as a couple stage and I felt blindsided by the question."

Castle interrupted, "How could you be so insecure in what we were? Are those walls so damn thick that you can't see what is right in front of you?"

"Don't you put this all on me, Castle. That's unfair to use my past against me." Kate said in a low voice. She was definitely at fault for some of their problems, but she isn't the only one to blame here.

"You're right…" He didn't want to apologize for his comment, but he didn't need to use that against her.

"We don't communicate well. We have been great partners for years, but we don't know how to talk about things when it really matters. We both retreat, you behind jokes and I remove myself from the situation. That isn't how I see a good marriage starting."

The two sat there for a moment. Neither one looking at each other, or really anything in particular. They were lost in thought. They each had their secrets, and it was clear that to continue this… relationship … they were either going to start talking, or walk away. They were both so independently private that giving away this final aspect of themselves is a deeper commitment than a ring on a finger could ever be.

Kate finally spoke up first.

"I don't know where your head is at with me, Castle. I probably don't want to know actually," Kate said with a self-depreciating chuckle, "but I am hoping we can work on being open and honest with each other. I don't regret my decision to say no to you. I can't because even though it hurt us both, it was the right decision. I do regret walking away. The one thing I learned over the past 4 months is that I don't want to live without you. I love you more than I could have ever imagined. Do you believe me?"

Kate's honesty was overwhelming him. She was staring at him with such intensity that he had to avert his eyes away from hers. He wasn't sure what he even felt about her right now. He was so torn, because he had missed her so much. He still loved her so much, and probably would for the rest of his life. However, he had lost his faith in her and it was difficult to completely believe what she was telling him.

"Honestly? I don't know what to think anymore. I know… I think… you care about me. I just don't know if I can trust you, and I don't know if I can believe that you love me."

Kate let out the breath she was holding. Hearing him say that he couldn't trust her was a crushing reality. Despite the problems they had in their partnership over the years the one thing they could always fall back on was that trust they had created so early on. To hear that was gone was… overwhelming. Heartbreaking.

Kate hung her head. Trying to keep the fact that his statement had hurt her so much, and that she was going to lose the battle of keeping her emotions in check. Tears finally broke through and fell down her face. Castle felt a little guilty for causing her such pain, but she was right. If they had any real chance at one last go of a relationship they were going to need to be completely honest.

Honesty was a bitch sometimes.

"What do you want to do, Rick?" Kate whispered through her tears. She was bracing herself for the final nail on the coffin of their relationship. On her happiness.

"I don't know," Castle whispered back. He had to keep his hand from reaching out to touch her hair. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew this was not the time to do that. It would only complicate things further.

Kate finally lifted her head and returned her tear-filled eyes to his. "I will wait until you do. I'm here for good, Rick. I'm not leaving again. I love you so much and I'm going to earn your trust back while I wait."

All Castle could do was to nod his head at her. He wasn't sure he wanted her to wait, but he was also curious to see what her waiting would look like. He needed time to think, really think, about what he wanted. He needed to figure it out soon to put them both out of their misery. Unfortunately, the pull for sleep was growing and he wouldn't be able to fight it much longer.

Kate could see how much this discussion had taken out of him. He was getting tired and would fall asleep at any moment. She needed to go and let him get some rest, but she needed to leave him with one last message.

"Rick, just so you know, you are my one and done. Always has been, always will be. What I wanted you to hear that day on the swing set wasn't a no, it was a not yet. I have never questioned that I would end up Kate Castle one day."

She started walking backwards as she said this to him. She could tell he understood what she was trying to say to him because his mouth was slightly agape and his eyes were wide.

"Sleep, Rick. I'll be right outside the door. Let me know when you are ready to continue our discussion. I love you, Rick Castle."