Dedicated for supersushicupcake and Aitora x Otaku, because their vote for Ace's interview had won!
Welcome to Dodo Academy for the Gifted!
The Little Matchstick Boy
It was a cold, snowing Christmas night in a small town. The snowy roads were busy and crowded. People were going home as soon as they could, to celebrate the night with their family and friends.
Except for one little poor boy on his wheelchair.
"Please...someone buy my matchstick..." Nightmare whimpered. "Oh, today is very cold...! If I don't sell any of these matchsticks, my father would trade me for a cow and a Christmas tree!"
"Haha, do you think you're that worth it for a cow?" the silver-haired matchstick boy gasped as he turned to see a navy-haired boy. He wore an expensive, thick warm coat, and he stared down at him mockingly.
"Oh shut up!" Nightmare yelled. "Who are you and why are you mocking me!? My life is already miserable without your insults!"
"Keep your tone, poor commoner," the rich boy scoffed and took off his head. "I am Julius Monrey. After seeing your features, I've realized that you might be of use in our club."
Nightmare blinked. "Club? What kind of club...?"
"A host cluuuub~" a brunette appearing beside Julius, and winked. "With you in our club, we'll guarantee that every girls would buy your petty matchsticks~! Come join, petty pretty wheel-chaired matchstick boy!"
Nightmare twitched and rolled his chair backwards, a vein popped on his temple.
"What! That's human-trafficking, isn't it!? You're going to sell me as a sex worker!" Nightmare then rolled his wheelchair as fast as he could. "I'd rather be traded for cow and christmas tree!"
"Remember, my name is Ace! If you want to try, our offer is still open!" Ace waved as the silver-head rolled away.
Julius hummed. "If he's traded for a cow and a christmas tree, wouldn't that be a human-trafficking?"
~.X.~
"Get out of my house, you loot!" Boris pushed and kicked out his son's wheelchair.
"Oh dad, please don't do this to me! And put on your shirt, it's freezing out here!" Nightmare whined.
"I put on my shirt when I want it—acchoo!" Boris snorted and scowled at his son, then pointed a finger. "If you don't sell those damned matchsticks—if you DON'T bring any penny home tonight, I'll turn you into a soup and eat you!"
"Dad! You can't eat me!" Nightmare shrieked.
"That's non sense! Everything around me is eatable—in fact, I am eatable myself, but I won't eat myself, so I'd rather eat you, idiot!"
"Dad! That's cannibalism!"
Boris reached for an axe and roared as he chased out his son. "How...DARE YOU! I'll definitely eat you, prat!"
"Heeelp! Cannibal! Heelp!" Nightmare cried as he rolled is chair as fast as he could and fled from his father's hunger.
~.X.~
Eventually, Nightmare decided to join the host club after finding Julius and Ace loitering around the Marketplace. As the night was late, he was provided with a formal suit, and he found himself in an expensive hall filled with women.
"Oh, what a lovely new host! Poor dear, you're unable to walk?" girls cooed and gave him attention like he'd never experienced.
"What is your name?"
"Uhh, Nightmare."
"What a very masculine name! What do you do everyday, handsome?"
"I...I sell matchsticks..."
"Oooh, how pity..." the girls ruffled his heads encouragingly.
Nightmare twitched. "Please, don't touch me. Your hands might be dirty and filled with germs, and—and don't stand so close to me, because you might have spores coming out of your breath."
The girls froze. Ace laughed. Julius facepalmed.
The other two hosts came and quickly took over the awkwardness before the girls became violent. White swooped the boy's matchsticks.
"Now, now look what we have here!" White hummed and flicked on a match. "Oh this is no ordinary matchsticks, young ladies!"
"Pfft, yeah, right." Black scoffed, rolling his eyes. White kicked his shin. "Ouch, goddamni—"
"Bro, don't cuss. We're in front of the parents."
Julius scowled. "Hey! Don't ruin the script, idiots!"
Black glared at Julius in disbelief. "You ruined it yourself, mangy prat!"
Ace laughed loudly and smacked the three's heads in a swift. "Hahaha! You prats, please, be conscious! You haven't even had any egg-nog, but you're already drunk! Please, please, keep calm and enjoy the evening~!"
"Nice save, Ace." Nightmare gave the brunette a thumb.
"So yeah, these are no ordinary matchsticks!" White was back into character. "If you wish upon it before you turn it on, it will come true...!" he gave the girls dreamy gazes that melt them.
"Why don't we try it?" a girl exclaimed.
"Okay! What's your wish?"
"Umm...I wish for a Christmas Tree!" the girl said, and White then turned on a stick.
Suddenly, the main door of the Hall was opened, and a giant Christmas Tree walked into the room.
"Hello, I am the Christmas Tree. Not Gray." The Christmas Tree said stoically. "I have come in peace—"
"U-Um, y-you're supposed to-to say 'I have come t-to fulfil your wish'...!" Pierce whispered loudly from behind the curtain.
Gray blinked lazily and sighed. "Oh yeah, I have come to fulfil...whatever it is Pierce just said earlier. And I—Zzz..."
"Christ...!" Julius groaned and mentally banged his head to the wall.
"What a lame matchstick," Black scoffed and snatched another stick. "Maybe that's just a coincidence, I mean, if I wish for the Witch from Left 4 Dead, there's just no way she'd come, right?" Black said as he flicked on a matchstick.
Then once again, the door of the Hall was slammed open, the lamps and candles were off in instant, and thunder dramatically roared.
Girls shrieked and hid behind Jokers, who hid behind Nightmare in instant.
"IT'S THE WITCH...!"
A pale, long-haired woman with pale hair was hanging on the air, terrorizing the Hall.
"Dude! She's gonna kill us!" White dramatically said.
"Well do something!" Black yelled.
"Hell no! You're the one who wished for her!"
The Witch (Alice) sobbed coldly and started to shriek, she then dashed across the room and fell silent.
"Okay...what do we do?" Julius swallowed.
Suddenly Ace lit up a torch. "Let's take her down!"
The Witch shrieked and quickly headed towards the brunette. Julius tackled him down and smacked him on the face.
"You idiot! Don't you play the game!? Don't startle her! And darn it, put that away!" Julius snatched the torch from Ace and threw it somewhere else.
"Okay, everybody! Run!" Ace yelled. Julius facepalmed, and the whole Hall went wild (except for the Christmas Tree, still sleeping).
"Oh God, please, don't kill me!" Black dramatically yelled, "Kill my brother instead!" he pointed at his twin who gasped.
"Black! You traitor! No, go get Black, he's fatter than I am!"
"Dude, you seriously said I'm fat!?"
"Okay, Witch, please just take him!" Julius pushed Nightmare's chair towards the Witch.
"Holy Christ! Why me!?" Nightmare cried, and hit the Witch, who quickly wrapped her fingers around her neck and leaned her face to his.
"Hey, bro, what do I do next?" the Witch nervously whispered. "Should I shriek or...?"
"Uuurgh..." Nightmare and the Witch glanced towards where Pierce narrated the story and guided their dialogues.
Pierce was holding a sign where he wrote about the next act;
Alice: I have come to end your suffering, to take you for a better place...I will kill you.
However, before the Witch could memorize the lines, suddenly Mr. Gowland came and snatched that sign, furiously writing something on it before he quickly held it up.
KISS HIM ON THE LIPS
...
...
...
Nightmare trembled as his eyes widened when the Witch turned at him, her expression was shocked, her eyes twitched.
"K-Kiss...!?" she mouthed voicelessly.
"Oh God...Oh God..." Nightmare hyperventilated, and he looked as if he was really incapacitated by the Witch. "Oh God...germs...germs...! Germs...!?"
"Sorry, Nighty. I really forgot what to do..." the Witch whispered and leaned her face closer, their noses touching. "...But the show must keep going on..." and she went on to seal his lips with hers—
"OIII! ALICE YOU'RE JUST TEN YEARS OLD! AS YOUR MOTHER, I FORBID YOU FROM SNOGGING!"
A camera fled across the stage and smacked the Witch right on her head. The Witch fainted and fell on top of Nightmare, who fainted from the suspense.
Pierce laughed nervously and jumped in the middle of the stage.
"And so, The Witch took the poor Little Matchstick Boy to a painless and peaceful Death, taking him with her to a better place..." Pierce couldn't even believe he wasn't stuttering. "That's all, folks!" he bowed and Mr. Gowland quickly cut down the curtain.
Credit Roll
Casting:
Nightmare Gottschalk as Little Matchstick Boy
Julius Monrey as Rich Host Club Manager
Ace Pendragon as Host Club Leader
Boris Airay as the Evil Father
White Joker as Host Club Member
Black Joker as Host Club Member
Gray Ringmarc as the Christmas Tree
Alice Liddell as the Witch
Others:
Random girls as Random girls
Pierce Villiers as Narrator
Settings by Mr. M. Gowland
Thank you for watching...!
~.X.~
"I'M GONNA KILL YOUUUU!" Ace and Boris roared as they chased their teacher, Mr. Gowland, with their baseball bats.
"Kids, kids, calm down! I was just trying to make a better climax—OOFF!" Mr. Gowland fell on his face, stumbling over Black's foot.
"You're dead, old man..." Black scoffed. "So fuckin' dead. Coincidentally, my bro here's got a crush to the girl." He cracked his knuckles and glared down on the teacher.
"Whoa, bro? How the heck did it have anything to do with me?" White frowned in confuse, then his eyes widened; "Wait a sec, that's not me, isn't it? You're the one who has a crush with Al—"
"Dude, just shut the fuck up—"
"Mr. Gowland, why...? WHY!? WHYY!?" Pierce cried, stomping on his teachers, ignoring the old man's pained groaned. "Why did you do that to me!? You made me step on the stage! What if I got shot like Abraham Lincoln, darn it!? You'd almost kill me! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" Pierce continued on jumping on Mr. Gowland's back.
"Hmm...he's totally hallucinating again." Boris sighed. "I'll just get his medicine—"
"No, just let him." Julius said as he watched the paranoid boy kept stomping on their teacher.
"Dude...you're enjoying this, aren't you...?" Boris twitched nervouly.
"He deserves this." Julius darkly murmured, his eyes glimmered dangerously under his dark navy locks.
"...Scary..."
"Hey! That looks fun!" Ace yelped and came running towards where Pierce was 'killing' Mr. Gowland. "Let me join! Jump! Jump! Jump!" he and Pierce then continued to jump and stomp on Mr. Gowland.
"I have no fucking crush whatsoever to that prat!" Black yapped.
"Oh yeah~? Then why are you denying so badly? And why are you blushing?"
"I'm not deny—I don't fucking blush, dammit!" Black blushed.
Oh White was totally enjoying this~
"Wake up." Gray splashed a bucket of water towards the two unconscious prats.
Alice groaned and coughed, wiping her face, she was wet. The girl then glanced at Nightmare, who was sulking and shivering.
"...Kiss...Kiss...? Kiss...!? I...I was going to...I almost died..." Gray and Alice heard him muttering.
Gray stared lazily at Alice, and yawned as he said; "S-So...yawwn...did you...really kissed uhh...him?" he asked nonchalantly, stretching his arms.
Alice hummed and licked her lips to check. "Nope! I got so lucky! If I kissed him, my Dad will hunt down Nightmare and impale him like Jesus..."
Nightmare literally froze. Yeah, he almost died. Not because of germs. Because of Mr. Liddell.
Alice wiped off her pale make up and grinned at her friends, who were still busy being noisy.
"Hey, what are you doing, sitting around there, stupid prats!?" she yelled, putting her hands on hips.
Pierce and Ace stopped torturing (killing) Mr. Gowland. Julius and Boris turned at her, and the Jokers stopped bickering, glancing at the girl.
Alice grinned. "We still have a Culture Festival ahead of us, dumbasses!"
~.X.~
Mrs. Emily Gottschalk, Nightmare's mother, was shaking a girl furiously.
"Why the hell did you do that!? One tiny kiss! One-freaking-kiss! And my son will be married, darn you!" Emily yelled.
"No fucking way! I won't allow my daughter to marry that sick prat!" Vivaldi grunted back, struggling.
"...Did you just openly declared that; that prat is your daughter?" Blood twitched as he progressed what his sister had just said.
Mr. Lewis Liddell and a certain blond Prince were glaring around the Auditorium, grimacing in wrath.
"I'm gonna kill that sick prat!" Mr. Liddell grumbled in wrath, he was on fire.
"Once I get my hands on Gottschalk-kun...I'll skin 'im..." Elliot stomped his way towards the stage.
Mrs. Carroll Liddell giggled happily. "Aww, my daughter is very loved~!"
Filler, LOL! Poor Nightmare, eheheh~ Random parody of Little Matchstick Girl x Ouran High Host Club x Left 4 Dead. I'm stupid, I know.
Extra:
Interview of Rainbow-Puking Unicorn Class' Members! (Part 2)
Alice: Hey-ho! Here we go again, this will be the second interview~! Hey, Ace, apparently, despite being so dumb and loud, you're very loved!
Ace: Really!? Oh, really? I'm loved? Thank you, Alice~ That's so sweet of you! I love you too, honey!
Alice: *is being dense* So, Ace, why do you go to Dodo Academy?
Ace: Because it's fun, it's near my house, and I blasted the Cafeteria of Rich People's School! Good days~
Alice: ...you blasted a Cafeteria. *twitches*
Ace: *nods proudly* Yeah! I got a detention because I got F- for Math, and the teacher said I should help out in the Kitchen. Then I was asked to cook chicken soup, but there was no pot! So, I used the steam boiler~!
Alice: ...you cooked with a Goddamn steam boiler.
Ace: Yeah! So it was blown up, but the soup tastes good, I swear!
Alice: Stick with baking, Ace. So next, when is your birthday?
Ace: June the First! Right on the International Children's Day! So my dad got me two presents! Awesome, right? You have to prepare two presents for me, next June, Alice!
Alice: Of course not! I'm a kid too! Okay, what's your hobby?
Ace: I love baking and playing lightsabre with my Dad!
Alice: *gasps* you have lightsabre!?
Ace: *grins* I've got three of them!
Alice: *drools* ...I want it...I'm so jealous of you right now...*looks down* Oh yeah, next question! What would you do if there's a Zombie Apocalypse?
Ace: Oh, that'd be sooo exciting! I'd love to be the Zombies!
Alice: ...Why?
Ace: Because they're Undeads! I'd be practically immortal!
Alice: Dude, you gotta play more games about Zombies. I just heard from Julius you'd light a torch to the Witch's face. That's totally stupid. Next, do you do sport? What is it?
Ace: My father is a Kendo Trainer, so I do Kendo! I'm totally ready for Star Wars!
Alice: Wow, interesting! You really fit to hold a sword! Next, what is your future profession?
Ace: Well, I want to be a Jedi Warrior...but if I can't, I guess I'll settle down to be an assassin.
Alice: *sighs* It seems that 'Assassin' is on the trend, huh?
Ace: But it'd be tragic, though. I can't be with the one I love, because I'll endanger her life... *smiles meaningfully*
Alice: *is being dense again* Ooh, so you also have your eyes set on someone already? Dude, Ace, I'd totally never expect that from you! You're surprisingly mature!
Ace: *sighs, still smiling*
Alice: Favorite Vocaloid Song?
Ace: Oh, oh, that's hard! Umm...Alice Human Sacrifice! I kinda relate myself to the Spade Knight!
Alice: Wow, that song is awesome too! Oh yeah, lastly! What do you fear?
Ace: Ha! Of course I fear nothing! It's an advantage of being dumb, you'd never fear anyth—*gaasp* W-What's that!?
Alice: What? *looks around* Oh, you mean this? *takes out a Math book* this is our homework...Don't tell me you forgot already! *sigh* Now that we're at it, let's work on it, okay?
Ace: Numbers...!? We have to deal with numbers again!? *stands up and walks away* I'd rather die!
Alice: ...
Alice: Oh yeah, well, that's the end of the Interview part 2! See you next time~!
And happy holiday before I forget~!