A/N: I had fun getting inspiration from various sweet low budget movies. I also had fun reading how people like my story. So, since you like it so much, I think It's high time to have our favourite guardians at the very front of the stage. Also, frustration and wistful thinking abound!

PS: Kudos to Eland Vary for her awesome review.

Now, let's all enjoy this newest chapter, in which...

Chapter Five

In which the guardians try to solve a mystery. And fail miserably. For the most part. Uh, maybe.

Nicholas St. North, better known to the world as Santa Claus, had seen some strange things during the many years in which he did what he did -giving gifts to the nice children all around the world. There have been some close calls with parents, there have been some close calls with overzealous children, hell, there had been that one time he nearly had a bomb blow up in his face during the days of World War Two, but he always managed to get the job done. He knew not just every child, but every man and woman, every grandpa and grandma, for they have once, too, been children themselves. He knew little bits about any child or has-been-child in the world, it was part of who he was, part of what made him Santa Claus.

He kept files on every child since the dawn of his career as a Guardian. Once or twice there have been some misunderstandings concerning several files, for example Jack Frost's, who was pretty much a child at heart even after he became a spirit – he was in the top five naughtiest children in the history of ever. Of course, there was last year's 13 year old who managed to top the winter spirit's record, and that was really saying something, since Jack Frost had been a spirit for little over 300 years. It was a sad, but true fact, that more and more children ended up on the naughty list. He didn't blame most of them. Usually it was financial problems within the family, poor parenting, abusive environment. And then there was that special group of hellions that were just born to be little hellions and destined to be the next generation of evil, and not so little, criminal master minds, terrorists, rapists, and all around psychotic gunmen and assassins.

No, he didn't blame them either and it saddened his heart to see any child to eventually become something so horrible. Despite how that broke his great big Christmas-tinged heart, he wouldn't remove them from the naughty list, even if Manny (Man in the Moon, for those who didn't know) would order it himself. He had a code and he followed that code – encourage the good in children by giving gifts to those on the nice list. And that code included placing children in the nice and naughty lists.

But now, for the first time ever, he had to think up a place for another group of people. It was a group that would, for now, contain two people, and it was a group that was designed for those that did not have a childhood, as strange as it sounded. Because, despite his thorough search, he hadn't found anything on those two.

With a thoughtful expression, Nicholas bit in half a cookie and chewed on the delightful goodness. Hmm, the recipe had been followed to the dot, but they still weren't good as the ones that Michael girl had made him. Yet another reason as to why they were an important problem to solve.

Nicholas St. North was a tall man, quite a bulky one too, with massive, strong arms and a pronounced rounded belly, that did not make him look so much chubby as it made him look more like a mountain of a man. He had fierce-looking dark bushy brows and a long, silvery beard and somewhat shoulder length grayish hair. His face, or what was not covered by hair, did not look much older than that of someone in his late forties or in his fifties. What was most remarkable about him, besides his physique, was his bright, large, blue eyes that held all the kindness and wonder of the world.

A Yeti entered his office and grunted, grabbing North's attention.

"Ah, Luke, good to see you again! How was vacation? I heard wife has another baby on the way! Good job!"

The Yeti grunted again, apparently the grunts being some form of Yeti language that Nicholas, Nick for short, understood.

"Good, good. High quality paint, sturdy wood, like Russia. I like. Give materials to sleigh team."

With a few more grunts the Yeti named Luke left Nick's office as he sighed slightly. No matter how good warriors and toy-makers Yetis in general are, and no matter how friendly and loyal, they lacked that certain something that had to do with knocking on doors before entering. There was always something to do and there were always Yetis interrupting him at the most inopportune moments. At least he hadn't ruined his latest design. Yetis tended to open and close doors rather loudly.

Nick went through whatever he had gathered up on the two girls one more time and then ordered the mess of paper and parchment on his desk. He had to call up Toothiana. Even if those girls hadn't had any childhood, they still would've been young and children at some point, thus they would've had baby teeth, and Toothiana collected those with almost as great a zeal as his own strive for punctuality and need to get the job done so all the nice children in the world got their presents.

He had to go to her castle and he couldn't use the sleigh. Not for another two weeks at least. As much as he loved his elves, sometimes they caused more harm than help. At least the incident hadn't happened right before Christmas. Still, it pained him to think about his beloved sleigh in the condition it was in. And his poor Deer!

But never mind that now. He could use his special crystal balls to the same effect as his sleigh. Still, the sleigh was most impressive piece of his own ingenuity, so it kinda really sucked not to be able to show it off to the fairies in Tooth's domain. After all, everybody loves the sleigh. A heavy sigh left his lungs and he stood up from his desk and took up his fluffy red coat and his swords. Even if he wasn't going to fight anyone, he looked times more impressive with his swords.

"Stephan, Oleg! With me!" Nick beckoned two of his yetis to escort him.

He took out a crystal ball and held it close to his face.

"Toothiana's Palace." He whispered and threw it.

The air around it shimmered and reality was sucked in through it as it warped and opened a portal to said destination.

"Come on, boys, we have mystery to solve!" North laughed merrily as he strode through the portal, followed closely by his to escorting Yetis.

888

"So, you're Penelope? Mr. William here's oldest."

"My friends call me Pippa." the girl said somewhat shyly and Fia tried not to do a double take.

This girl was Pippa? As in the RoTG movie Pippa? She was rather tall for her age, which Fia figured to be around 9. She was a slim girl with reddish-brown hair and big brown eyes. Her skin was rather fair, compared to her father's, which lead her to further believe this girl had taken majorly after her mother. And yes, she wore that cap on her head inside the house as well. She wondered why, but it would probably be inappropriate to ask and she wanted the job because MJ would nag that she's the only one getting money. And then again, she'd nag her for taking this babysitting job. All in all, she'd be nagged anyways, so there was no point dawdling on obvious facts.

Fia turned her eyes towards the twin boys that were standing next to their father. They had definitely taken after their father, from hair, to skin, to eye color. They also seemed rather shy towards her, which was somewhat typical among the 4 to 5 year old population when handling adults or young adults. Fia knelt down and smiled at the boys warmly. It was always a good idea to make the introduction at their level, lest they thought she was the Brutish Brunhildr, or some such equal horror of the babysitting variant.

"And who might ye wee turnips be, hmm?" Fia said, voice thick with accent, making the boys giggle a bit. The one on the left, apparently more shy than the other, hid behind his father's leg, only carefully keeping an eye on her with one visible eye. The one on the right however, approached her with an extended hand to greet her.

"Hi, miss! I'm George and this is my brother Thomas." the boy said politely, and Fia took his hand and shook it with the respect she'd give any adult. On theory, of course, she barely admitted to herself she had respect for her friends, there was barely anything she'd set aside for the unknown and usually greedy and selfish folk that considered themselves adults as if that was some serious business.

"Pleased to meet you, George! My name is Fiona and I am going to be your babysitter for tonight." she smiled at him pleasantly, already trying to not succumb to the urge to crush him in a hug and possibly suffocate him between her plentiful breasts.

Right in the ovaries, kid. Now I want one!

Finally, the blonde was introduced to the 3 year old little boy that looked nothing like Mr. Middleton, and who was his nephew – the cute and quiet Kyle Middleton. He was a blond, blue eyed little cherub with puffy pink cheeks that were just so squee worthy and oh my god please don't let Mr. Middleton think I'm some sort of pedophile for wanting to smother his children with hugs and kisses. And possibly freshly home-made baked goods. Like cake and cookies and-

"I expect Kyle and the twins in bed by 8 and Penelope at 10. You can have dinner with the children, I've also left some snacks. You can watch TV here in the living room as long it doesn't disturb the children's sleep. You have my number in case anything happens. I might come back later than expected, so if you'd like to sleep we have a guest room and I've prepared the bed. Any questions?"

Fia blinked and thought over what he had told her for a moment. It was almost hard to believe this man was the owner and manager of a Bar of all things. He reminded her so much of Tifa's little soldier rants it wasn't even funny. Then again he might be one of those types that tried to intimidate into proper employee behavior so there was that as well.

"Has Pippa done all of her schoolwork for tomorrow?"

The girl groaned but her father seemed to give an approving expression. Parents are so easy to manipulate when you know what they want from their children. Kukuku!

About five minutes later William, or Bill as he finally said he preferred to be called, left his children to babysitter Fiona's mercies.

"Don't worry Peeps, homework will be over quick and then we can do whatever we like! Except setting the house on fire. Your dad won't like that."

The twins giggled at that last random comment.

"And don't think I've forgotten about you two! Your pops said to have you in bed by 8. By the way, do you guys have LEGO? I haven't touched the stuff in ages!" the blonde giggled excitedly.

By default children hated homework. By default Fia wouldn't be caught dead doing responsible and proactive things for the community out of the goodness of her heart, but she was paid, and she needed the money, and she was getting paid, and she was hoping for a nice tip, and she was also hoping for a decent tip. Hey, she liked being handed stuff, especially if she got to keep it and especially when that stuff happened to be money.

"Ooh! You're such a little cherub, I think I'll pinch your little puffy cheeks off!"

Between fawning over the youngest child and helping poor Pippa with her Math homework, Fia found herself enjoying actually working with children. There was also glorious amounts of LEGO involved, some awesome roast chicken with a side of mashed carrots and potatoes. All in all, the evening was pretty awesome.

Once the boys were all off to bed, Fia focused on clearing up all the stray LEGO pieces and with Pippa's help continued working on the awesome fort she had been building with the boys up until now.

"So, Pippa, tell me a bit about yourself." it was a simple conversation starter, and Fia wanted to try and see if she could point the conversation towards James Bennet, or as he was better known in the movies, Jamie.

She was pretty much as ordinary as they could get. No wonder in that, really. The children in the movie were designed to appeal to a ridiculously large amount of child-stereotypes, in order to make the movie even more relatable. It was most disappointing, really.

Most of the girl's friends consisted of her classmates, and she shared about her fondness of the supernatural. Pippa was indeed very tomboyish. She liked to play sports and to fool around outside, rather than do tea parties and play with dolls. Considering she lived 24/7 surrounded by a sausage fest, it wasn't that much of a surprise. The girl lacked a woman's touch and she held herself like a boy rather than a girl. She'd probably grow out of it at some point, but right now, it wasn't that important, really.

The good news was that Pippa had easily taken to Fia. The bad news was that the girl was that the girl had too easily taken to Fia, to the point of being clingy. If that didn't ring the Desperado Alarms, then the blond had no idea what would ring them. Pippa liked having another girl to talk to, even if its mostly on a subconscious level for now.

It was around nine when Pippa finally told Fia about Jamie. The woman had been doing the dishes and she nearly cracked a plate when the girl had started blabbing about her best friend, the Bennet's boy who lived not too far away from here.

Fia made a mental note to check out the area more properly as soon as she could. This would be, after all, the battlefield on which Pitch (that tall, dark and handsome magnificient bastard. Probably tall, dark and handsome, that is. May the gods of all that is sexy curse whoever would be unfortunate enough to decide to make the Mighty Fear-monger less hot than his animated counterpart) would take on the Guardians. For now, her plans were mostly vague as to what exactly she'd do. She needed to take into account both sides of the conflict, even though she was heavily inclined to go to the dark side just to soak up the Boogeyman's hotness.

"Miss Fiona!"

"I'm coming, Pippa! Give me a second."

Fia certainly managed to get off track for a few minutes there. Back home it hadn't been a big secret that she heavily appreciated villainous types, especially if they were sexy magnificient bastards with a tragic note in their past. Or pretty much tall, dark and handsome fellows that also happened to be incredibly smart and/or witty, and very, very intense. The list of men that covered said traits included people like Loki, Tom Riddle, House MD, Obito Uchiha, that mummy guy from The Mummy movies, The Illusive Man (also known as Jack Harper), every single Male Turian (Gods the Turian voice!), Javik, The Phantom of the Opera, Almost all of Johny Depp's characters, most notably Sweeny Todd, Antonio Banderas, Megamind... the list was pretty long, but if it was some form of tall, dark and handsome, they were her man.

Her second type of man was a bit more of an inherent preference. Coming from a family where almost every single male was buff and around 2 meters tall, she found herself marveling any man of said proportions. She especially liked big strong hands, and some times imagined herself being somewhat roughly handled by such hands. She was a tough girl and she could take it. It was a giddy sensation to think about getting a massage from big strong hands.

Then, there was her third type, which she blamed on her great-grandfather. She had an inexplicable fondness for any type of red hair. She could just stare at red heads, even ugly ones, and find something awesome about them, especially because of the color of their hair.

Leo had been all three of her types. He was...he had been something else and more often than not she wondered if breaking it off had been a mistake. Had it been the right decision or had her paranoia taken it's latest victim? And now he was going to marry Rose, a very good and very close friend of hers. Perhaps almost as close as MJ. She was seven years older and she had also been a red head.

Fia tried to clear her head of thoughts about Leo and Rose. It was still too fresh a wound and she didn't need such things to ruin her mood, not when she'd finally found a some sort of job.

Around 10 she had Pippa go to bed but not before having the girl tell her that she was pretty cool for also liking supernatural stuff. Perhaps she'd be able to nudge Pippa into helping her meet Jamie? It would be easy, if only she'd be able to spend more time babysitting Pippa and her siblings.

Fia lounged on the living room, one foot on the table, the other one leisurely spread a bit to the side. Her skirt was rather pulled up, but she had little care for that. She was comfy in this pose and there was nobody to see her. She doubted the guy had set up cameras to spy on her but even if he had, hey, she had shaved, and there was nothing unusual or unsightly to see. Fiona gnawed on chips as she watched the late night news. It was pretty awesome to be able to watch TV again. They hadn't bought one when they had gotten their rented house, but it was either a TV or a computer, so the choice was pretty simple in the end.

That and...

Well.

"The FBI are still looking for the person responsible for snatching half a million dollars from various bank accounts of known rich and famous people. According to our sources, very little headway has been made and, in fact, there isn't even a suspect yet. Will FBI break their silence concerning the case or will they continue to hide facts in hopes that..."

The newswoman continued talking about the case for a few more minutes and then moved on to less important news. Fia casually stuffed herself with another handful of chips (there had also been pop-corn, but she hated the stuff even more than she hated Nutella, and that was saying something). She casually sipped on her glass of Pepsi and when the news ended, she switched back to watch Adventure Time.

Heh...

It had been too easy...

Those fuckers never saw it coming.

888

Bill came home to find his house as spotless as he had left it, save for a rather huge LEGO Fort with napkins and pieces of paper that just had to be flags and banners, presenting the awesomeness and complexity of "Fort Middleton". A small smile stretched his lips. There was him, in the form of a LEGO figurine, right there on one of the turrets, with a cape and with an raised arm, holding a miniature sword that was a twig of some sort. He spotted what was supposed to be the twins, on a pair of LEGO horses. There was also little Kyle looking over one of the Fort's walls and apparently either Pippa or the babysitter had added what seemed to be little white paper wings on his back. After some aditional inspection, he found Pippa climbing one of the walls at the back, possibly infiltrating the castle.

Now he had to buy more LEGO, he couldn't just have this piece of art destroyed.

Bill looked at the clock. It was half past three in the morning and the babysitter was probably sleeping in the guest room. Her shoes and coat were still here. He wondered if he should wake her up, but decided it was best to let her sleep until morning.

With a head-splitting yawn he headed for his bathroom to prepare himself for bed as well. He turned the faucets of his sink to wash his hands.

"Hm, strange." he mumbled with a frown when he stopped the water. " I could swear this faucet was dripping. Oh well."

Bill got out of the bathroom and headed to his own bedroom. On his way he noticed that the door to the guest room wasn't exactly closed and he slowed down and simply took a peek inside. He wondered why she'd leave the door opened when she was, well, stripped of her shirt and skirt. She was still covered by the fluffy thick blankets to keep her warm, but still. His gaze lingered a moment longer, taking in the smooth tan skin and the loose golden curls. She seemed unnaturally peaceful, compared to her radiant behavior from earlier when she had been awake.

She turned in her sleep, and Bill got a glimpse of her plentiful mounds, albeit covered by a gray bra. He could hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears and his face burning all the way down, through his neck and even to his chest. Bill ran as fast and as silently as he could to his room, thinking of anything that would distract him from that sight. After what seemed an eternity, he calmed himself and sighed sadly. He missed his wife, and yet, it had been almost too long since he last felt a woman's touch in his life.

That girl, sleeping in the guestroom, was probably young enough to be his daughter, he thought feeling ashamed of his own reaction. Bill thought of the trip to the Technical Expo and of Michael who was going to accompany him. He turned his eyes upwards, as if asking the heavens to spare him of the pretty women that seemed to be surrounding him as of lately.

What was he thinking?

He should've gotten an old babysitter.

What would the neighbors say?

Bill did not get much sleep that night.

888

"I'm sorry, North, but I can't find anything. Are you sure about the names of these women?"

"It's bad, Tooth. Something not right. I can feel it. In my belly."

And he really did feel it. The absence of those amazing cookies that his Yetis were somehow unable to fully replicate. That, and the fact that it was as if suddenly, two people had dropped into the world out of no where. If Toothiana had failed to find anything, then they had to turn to the one person who was bound to know what was going on. It was official, they had to take this up to Manny.

A/N: I hope you guys like this chapter! I'm trying to get to a part where Pitch is actually present, but for now, as I stated in the Author's note at the start, it's just wistful thinking. But at least you get awesome scenes with North and lots of Fiona goodness. Seriously, I can't wait to get to the part where Fia and MJ actually interact with the Guardians and Pitch. There are so many crowning moments of win (in my overly humber opinion) that it would be a shame not to get to those parts soon. That being said, I'll try to post the next chapter soon enough! Kudos!

PS: REVIEWS MAKE ME WRITE FASTER! CONSTRUCTIVE REVIEWS TURN ON THE TURBO SPEED FOR WRITING :D