Rick was just about to fall asleep when his phone vibrated.

"Lunch?"

He smiled. It seemed so funny to him how completely different their roles were right now. Usually Castle was the one to enquire about food, make sure she ate. Castle was the one to push the conversations, stay too long, never leave Kate alone. Now that he was the one shot in the hospital bed, Kate was doing everything she could to take care of him. He tried to deny it, but it was nice having her around to help him out. It was nice not to be alone, to have her help him through his nightmares, and even bring him food. It was his biggest secret.

"Sure." Castle replied. He also felt relieved that she had texted him instead of coming in to his room. It had been an hour since Jim left, almost two since their "conversation". He was not ready for a round 2 yet, or even talk to anybody really. The solitude was comforting.

"What would you like?" came Beckett's reply.

"Anything but soup."

"I'll be back in less than an hour."

Good. He still had some time alone. He laughed again at himself. He really was turning into Beckett. Wanting to be alone, not wanting to talk to anyone. He never really understood why she left for those 3 months without a word to him. It was still a sore spot for him when he thinks about the absence, how he longed to just see her or hear her voice. Anything. He needed the reassurance that she was in fact alive, that the dreams he had every night of her dying in his arms wasn't real.

Now? He gets it. If he didn't have people that relied on him then he would be gone. As soon as he could check himself out he would retreat to the Hamptons and keep the phone off. He was in pain, angry with himself, and wanted to do nothing more than hide away. This was so completely opposite of his normal behavior. Usually, he needed people around him. He would drive his daughter and mother insane when he was the least bit sick. It's funny how a bullet can change you.

Maybe once Alexis goes back to school he could take off for a while. Go to the Hamptons to hide out, or maybe travel around once he has his strength back. He needed a change, because the thought of going back to his old life right now was too daunting.

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. Kate had bags of food in her hands. He hadn't realized how long he had been lost in thought, or maybe he had fallen asleep? Either way, his stomach growled at the smell of the food, Chinese, and was anxious to eat for the first time since the shooting.

"I brought your favorites, and no soup. Is this ok, Castle?" Timid Kate. He wasn't used to this Kate. She rarely showed up. He liked the sexy, take charge, ass kicking Kate, but he also loved the meek, careful Kate that she only showed to him.

"It's perfect. Thank you." He tried for a smile. He wasn't sure what to do next. Should he invite her to eat lunch with him? Does he want her company? Did she want his? He turned to look at her. She was pulling the food from the bags and placing them on the tray over his bed. Once she had it all set up, and within his reach, she grabbed her chop sticks, grabbed a box of some chicken dish, and sat down. Well, guess that answers those questions.

He grabbed the first container closest to him. Lo mein noodles. Hmm? Not usually his first choice, but once he had it in front of him it sounded delicious. He looked over at her, and could see the smirk on her face. It was remarkable how well she knew him.

"Meredith was sort of right, you know."

"What?" Oh. He didn't really mean to say that out loud. He didn't really want to talk about it. This medicine was seriously messing with his already barely there filter.

"What you said early… about her not knowing much about me. She was right."

"Oh." He could tell she wanted to ask questions, but wasn't sure if it was her place or not.

"Part of it was because she didn't really care to know. I know you said she tried, and sometimes she would I guess, but I could tell she wasn't all that interested in knowing. She asked because she should ask, but not because she wanted to know my answers. It was a formality. The other part was that I didn't really trust her."

"Why? You were married, you didn't know how it would end."

"I guess so. I just, she didn't have my heart. I loved her, she gave me Alexis, but I knew that she wasn't my… partner."

"Gina?"

"We didn't talk. I could never have written a book about her." He chuckled darkly. Stupid mistake. Castle could see the hesitations on her face. "Go ahead. You can ask me questions."

"How can you marry someone that you can't even talk to? Who wouldn't want to talk to you?" The last statement was quieter, almost as if he wasn't supposed to hear that. It shocked him how honest that question was. She truly couldn't imagine someone not interested in what he had to say. Ya, that felt good.

"It worked for us. We worked together, and talked all the time about Derek Storm. We talked about our plans, Alexis on occasion, or events we were going to attend. It was superficial and all either of us wanted really. My first marriage wasn't really based on love either so I had nothing to compare it to. Kate, I didn't grow up with an example of a loving marriage like you did."

She was sitting there, listening to every word he spoke. She was biting her lower lip, like she did when presented with new evidence. He loved that look.

"I guess I never thought about that before. I guess I didn't realize the impact my parent's marriage would have on me, or how the lack of one had impacted you."

"Mother loved me. I knew that. I had friend's parents to look at, a few friends of my own in a good relationship. I just hadn't managed to find that for myself…"

Until you. He wanted to say it so badly, but wasn't sure if he meant it anymore. He was more open and honest with her than he had ever been with anyone. They were partners. This was the relationship he dreamed of. Except that dream died when she moved to DC.

"Is that why you left to find Alexis without me?" The question shocked him. He whirled his head over to look at her, but her head was downcast. Almost like she didn't want to hear the answer. Why?

"I left to get my daughter back, Kate. You know I'd do anything for her."

"So would I," came her whispered response.

Wow. He just… wow. He couldn't even respond. His mouth was agape and all he could do was stare at her.

She finally looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "I was so mad at you when I realized you left without me. I would have gone with you. I wanted to be with you. I bought a plane ticket once I realized where you were. If you hadn't called me back I would've come to help you."

He knew he needed to say something. Anything. He still couldn't find the words. So she continued.

"You had drilled into my head for so long that we were partners. Every time my mother's case would resurface you were there for me. You kept me from falling, you were my rock, and the second you had something happen to your family you left. I get that she is your daughter, that she is first in your life, but I would have helped you, Castle. You should have let me be your partner. What's the point of having a partner when you leave them behind the second you need them the most?"

Oh. He didn't realize that he had hurt her when he left for Paris. He wasn't really thinking clearly, but he had purposely left out that he was going to find her from Kate.

"I… didn't. I'm sorry, Kate. I didn't mean to make you feel that way."

"It's fine, Castle. I get that you were focused on Alexis, I won't take that away from you. It all worked out ok, but I was scared as hell for her too."

"It's not fine. It was hypocritical of me to force myself in to your life, and keep you at arm's length in mine. I didn't realize I was doing it. I am sorry, Kate. I guess what Meredith said was right…"

"Stop it. I don't care what she said. You were right earlier, you are a different man than you were 20 years ago. You are wonderful, and had been a great partner to me. I shouldn't have talked with her before I talked with you. I should have told you about the conversation earlier. I have a lot of regrets about it, but I do not want you thinking she is right."

"But if she is…"

"She isn't. We both need to work on being more open, but that doesn't mean we are destined to fail. Hopefully we both have realized what our weaknesses are, and can work on being better… partners… in the future. "

"Is that why… Did that contribute to your… insecurities… about us?

She nodded.

"Thank you. For telling me. I didn't realize… I am sorry, Kate."

"It's ok, Castle. It's ok."

The conversation didn't really have anywhere else to go. They had both been able to talk about heavy emotional concerns and hadn't yelled at each other. In fact, he felt better having talked to her about his ex-wives. This conversation should have been had months ago. He felt like an idiot for keeping it from her, and even bigger idiot for not seeing how affected she was by Alexis' kidnapping. He had been so concerned about Alexis that he didn't realize Kate was struggling too.

He turned to look at her. She was picking at the food in front of her, trying to eat. Even though he was angry with her, couldn't trust her with his heart again, he still loved her for accepting him, believing in him, loving him and his family. Alexis' own mother wasn't as concerned and upset by the kidnapping, not like Kate was. She had her faults, but she was always a good partner. The best he ever had.

"Kate? Thanks for caring, about me. Alexis."

"Always, Castle."