Look at me! Two chapters in one night! You are welcome ;)

Rick Castle and Kate Beckett enjoyed the rest of their meal together. Rick had turned on the television in his room, and quickly found some trashy reality TV to watch to fill the silence. He didn't' want to interrupt the good feelings he had with Kate at the moment. It was nice just to relax with her, and not have the heavy, emotional baggage to wade through. It was important to talk, and they were doing a decent job of it so far, but he couldn't do it all day long.

Once they had finished, Kate cleared the food off the tray, and threw away the trash. She was taking her time, rearranging things multiple times, hoping to stay in the room for just a little longer. She felt good about their talk during lunch. It didn't end in tears or heartache, which had been their new normal as of late. She had even enjoyed laughing with him while people made idiots of themselves on the stupid TV. It was perfect.

With nothing left to fix, and absolutely no reason left to stay, Kate stood up to leave. She could feel his eyes on her, and she willed him to keep her in there. Even if they don't talk. Anything was better than nothing.

"Kate? Thanks for lunch. It was nice."

"Don't need to thank me, Castle. I probably owe you about 300 lunches over the years."

"I kept a tally, it was closer to 400, but I get the point." Good, he was still joking with her.

"Always trying to one up me Castle?" She smirked.

"Some things never change, Detective."

They both freeze. Some things never change, except she did. She isn't a detective. She changed practically everything about herself in the last few months. The easy feeling of the last 45 minutes was instantly broken with that statement. Kate looked down, in a silent acknowledgment that some things never change, but some do. Castle felt like kicking himself over and over again.

"So… this just got awkward." Castle tried to joke.

"Hmmm" Kate hummed her assent.

Awkward silence filled the room.

"Why did you ask me to marry you?" Kate finally blurted out.

Castle sighed. "I loved you."

"But why then?"

"I was so mad at you when I found that damn plane ticket to DC. I was shocked and could hardly believe that you had kept it from me. I went home, furious, and let it all out to Martha. She made the comment that it really wasn't my place to care. That even though we were in a relationship you didn't have a ring on your finger. No ring meant no commitment. So I tried to put a ring on your finger."

"A ring wouldn't have changed anything, Castle."

"Why not? You still would have flown off to DC without telling me if we were engaged? What if we had been married, Kate? Would you have left without telling me if I hadn't found the ticket?" Castles voice was starting to rise. His anger was returning, and it was difficult for him to keep his emotions in check.

"My commitment to you wasn't in question, at least not to me. I didn't tell you right away because I was scared you'd get pissed at me. I was scared your opinion would stop me from even trying. I was concerned about where we were headed, but I was in love with you. That wasn't affected by DC. It still hasn't."

"How can you say that you love me, that you still love me, when you took the job without even talking to me about it? That isn't love, Kate."

"Rick, you walked away after I said no. I had made the decision to leave, but I wasn't planning on ending our relationship. You heard no and walked away."

"From where I stand, Kate, deciding to leave was the end of our relationship."

"From where I stand, Rick, it was the only way to let our relationship be more."

"I still don't buy it. Letting Bracken control you, STILL, after everything. That is shit, Kate. It's shit and I hate that you are using that as an excuse."

"I don't know what else to say! I can't think like you do. I look at situations differently than you. Interviewing for the job, not telling you right away, that was me trying to figure out what to do. I was going to talk to you about it as soon as I knew the details. You? You have to talk it out right away. Nothing is secret with you. I don't work that way."

"So, explain to me Beckett, why you think it's logical to let a man who is nearly untouchable control our happiness. I can't figure it out. To me? He has won. He broke us, we have nothing left and our happiness is ruined, because you let him win."

"We aren't broken. He didn't win." Kate says in a deeper voice than normal. The thought that he won, that he destroyed her future, infuriates her. She will not accept it.

"It sure as hell feels like it."

"Remember how you felt when your shooter hadn't been caught yet? Remember the relief you felt when the boys got him and he confessed? Castle, I live in fear every day. I don't know what it feels like to feel safe. Bracken has sent several people to kill me, and you've almost been killed by him too. He won't stop. It's been quiet, yes, but it won't stay like this forever. Can you really tell me that you would be ok if we had a daughter, and Bracken uses her to get to me? What if we have a son and Bracken kills him to make a point? It may seem selfish, foolish, crazy, but I've seen too much death to be able to look on the bright side. I will not bring an innocent child into this mess. I will not leave my children motherless. It hurts too much."

The picture she painted for Castle was vividly horrific. He had envisioned what their children would look like before, in the quiet hours of the night when he couldn't shut his writer's brain off. He could picture both a girl and a boy. A perfect mixture of the two of them. He never told Kate that he pictured them married with kids, he was too nervous to spook her. It appears she was right there with him, but was scared for a different reason.

"So you went to DC."

"I went to DC."

"What if you never catch him, Kate? What if he is too powerful? Will you live in fear, or not live at all, for the rest of your days? That just… seems crazy to me."

"I will catch him. There is no other way…"

"You don't know that, Kate! You are amazing, I have watched you put killers behind bars for years, but what if this is too big? What if you wake up 10 years from now and you have no one left to live for?"

"I don't know, Castle. I don't know how to do this," she motions back and forth between the two of them, "and get justice for my mother, and safety for us. Do you?"

"We attack it like partners. I should have relied on you when Alexis was kidnapped, but you should have relied on me about DC. You should have talked to me."

"Castle, we didn't talk like this before. Sure, it's easy to say that now, but we didn't talk about the important, personal things. When did you buy the ring, Castle?"

"Why does that matter?"

"It matters. You know it matters."

"I bought it the day I proposed." Castle admitted quietly. It did matter and is a little ashamed of his answer.

"You weren't ready for marriage either," Kate deadpans.

"I wasn't ready to end our relationship. I love you, Kate! I didn't want to lose you."

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, Rick, but I don't want to be another one of your ex-wives. You rush in to marriages you aren't ready for, or shouldn't even be in in the first place. I would have been another one of those if I had said yes. I love you, but it wasn't right. We have more to offer each other than a desperate engagement."

"Kate, you aren't like Meredith or Gina to me. I will admit to rushing it, and I will admit that I should've proposed under a different circumstance. I will not let you compare yourself to them."

"Why not? I'm not trying to be rude here, but this is sort of your M.O. Rick."

"Because I loved you! You. Not the idea of you, or because that is what a family should look like. It was you, Kate. You are it."

"Am I still it for you?" Kate asked.

"I… can't answer that. You said you'd give me time, I'm going to need it."

"Ok, Castle."

Just as he is about to ask her a question, he hears a knock at the door. They both look at the door and see Alexis standing in the doorway. Well, today is not turning out to be very restful, Castle thought to himself.

"Come on in, Pumpkin."

Ok, so next chapter will obviously be about Alexis. I have an idea where I want that conversation to go. What I'd like to ask you readers is for any ideas/conversations you'd like to see the Kate and Rick have. I'd love to hear any thoughts you might have on where you'd like to see this go. Thank you for the continued support for this story. I've never written anything before, so your reviews are helpful and they make me feel great. Haha