I own none of the characters of October Road

"Good morning Eddie, Janet." Dr. Turner greeted them when he walked into the exam room. "How are the boys?"

"They are wonderful. They are getting so big." Janet answered.

"They just turned five, right?"

"They did. You have a great memory. We had their birthday party this past weekend. We got them bikes. They haven't come out of the basement since their party."

"So Eddie, how are you feeling?"

"I've have a constant headache for the past month and it's just getting worse every day. Besides that, I feel great."

"Well there is a reason for that." Dr. Turner put Eddie's MRI scans up on the lighted board and Eddie and Janet immediately saw the all too familiar white spot on Eddie's brain that indicated another tumor. It was bigger than any of his previous tumors.

"Wow. That's a biggin." Eddie said and Janet glared at him through her tear-filled eyes.

"Yes Eddie. It's a big tumor."

"Is it cancer?" Janet asked.

"It may be big and scary looking but it's not cancer."

"Thank God."

"So when do we cut my head open again to take it out?"

"We don't."

"Excuse me?"

"Why in the hell not?" Eddie snapped.

"The placement of this tumor, I can't get to it surgically." Eddie was silent.

"So what do we do?" Janet finally asked.

"The only thing we can do. Treat the symptoms."

"What kind of symptoms will he have?"

"Headaches. Some days they may be tolerable, some days not. Probably light sensitivity with the bad headaches. Eventually, there is the possibility of seizures if the tumor gets bigger and depending how deep the tumor infiltrates the brain tissue will depend on other symptoms."

"Am I going to die? Is this massive son of a bitch going to kill me?" Eddie finally asked.

"I can't answer that. You can die from this tomorrow, in a month, a year or you can live for another fifty years. It just depends on if the tumor grows anymore and if it does, then it depends what part of the brain it affects."

"So what you're telling me is that you have no idea if and when it will kill me? You don't know if it will get bigger and you don't know how bad I'll get. What in the hell do you know?"

"Quit being so damn rude." Janet snapped. "It's not his fault that you have another brain tumor."

"Excuse me. I've got to go to the bathroom." Eddie stood from the bed and stormed out of the exam room and into the bathroom down the hall. By the time he shut the bathroom door he had tears streaming down his face. He couldn't believe that this was happening. He couldn't believe that he was going to have to spend the rest of his life in pain and not knowing when it was going to kill him. He would much rather have been told that he has cancer and he has a month to live. At least then he would feel like he had some control over his demise. With his current diagnosis he had no control over anything and that's what he hated the most. If he was going to die, he wanted to be able to say goodbye to his friends, family, his precious boys and Janet. They deserved some closure but he knew if he tried to say goodbye now, the only thing it would accomplish would be upsetting everyone and what would be the point if he lived for another fifty years.

He angrily wiped the tears off of his face. He was angry at the world right now and if he was at home, he very well may have punched a hole into a wall but since he wasn't at home, he just threw some water on his face and scrubbed it with his hands. Taking a deep breath to calm himself down, he dried his face off with a paper towel and returned to his exam room. "Where is Dr. Turner?" He asked.

"He had other patients who actually stay in the room to see."

"Lay the hell off Janet. You have no idea what I'm going through." Eddie snapped.

"I was sitting in this room too. I heard what Dr. Turner said. You aren't dying."

"Not at this particular moment but you heard him. This damn thing could kill me tomorrow, in a week or in a month."

"And so could anything else. We could get into a car accident and die on the way home or in a week or a month. "

"But at least if that happens, I'm not going to be in constant pain until it happens."

"But you'll be alive."

"What kind of life will it be Janet? You have no idea, no idea how bad these headaches are and now that pain, that's what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life, however long or short that may be. You don't have a freaking clue."

"There is pain medicine for that Eddie."

"Yeah because spending my life zonked out on pain medication is the way to live."

"Would you rather be dying?" Before Eddie could answer Dr. Turner walked back in the room.

"Are you okay Eddie?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry that I walked out." The remainder of the visit was spent with Dr. Turner going over Eddie's treatment options and discussing all of the medication he was going to put him on. Thirty minutes later, Eddie and Janet left the office in silence and the silence continued until Eddie pulled into their driveway.

"Aren't you going into work?" Janet asked.

"No. I have a headache."

"Your head didn't seem to hurt bad enough to keep you from driving home."

"Well it hurts now."

"Of course it does."

"What the hell does that mean?" Janet sighed.

"Nothing. It means nothing." The two of them got out of his truck. "I need to go to the grocery store."

"Fine."

"The boys will be done with preschool in an hour. Can you get them?"

"No. I'm going to take a nap."

"Sleep well." She snapped.

"What the hell Janet?"

"Nothing. I gotta go." Without another word Eddie walked into house and Janet got into the van and drove away.

"Jacob get back over here." He was running down the aisle. "Jackson don't eat the grapes." Jackson was sitting in the cart eating the grapes Janet had put in there. "Joshua don't you dare open that bag of cookies. Put it back right now." This is why Janet hated grocery shopping by herself with the boys. Usually she came by herself or Eddie came with her to help keep the boys in line but after she left the house she stopped at the pharmacy to get Eddie's prescriptions filled it was time to pick up the boys from school and since she was out she decided to stop at the grocery store and now she regretting it.

"Jacob and Joshua hold on to the cart and don't let go." The boys just ignored her. "Jake and Josh, NOW." The boys knew that tone of voice and they latched themselves onto the cart. "Now, let's finish." And an hour later and multiple "I want this" later Janet was pushing the cart out into the parking lot.

Eddie was sitting in the living room, the same place he had been since Janet left a cou

ple of hours ago, holding his beer in his hand, the beer that long ago turned warm. As soon as Janet left he grabbed a beer and sat on the couch. He had a headache but it was one that he could tolerate. He needed the time to think alone, without Janet or the boys. He had a lot to process. He had to figure out how he wanted to live the rest of his life, however long or short it may be. By the time Janet and boys pulled into the garage, his mind was much clearer. When he heard his family return, he went to the kitchen, dumped his untouched beer and went to the garage.

"Daddy." He heard the squeal from inside the van.

"Feeling better?" Janet asked coming around the side.

"Yeah I am." He reached out and took her hand. "I'm sorry." Janet pulled her hand out of his.

"Later. There are groceries that need to be brought in." She walked away from him and to the back of the van.

"Daddy. Look what I made in school." Josh said when Eddie opened the van door. He shoved a picture at Eddie.

"Good job Ace. We'll put it on the fridge. Come on guys. Let's help mommy bring in the groceries." The boys climbed out of the van and went to help their mother.

Eddie walked into the boys' room to let them know that it was time for bed but the three of them were already sound asleep. Every night when Janet and Eddie put the boys in bed they turned on a movie for them so they could relax. In the half hour that they left the television on it gave them time to relax and usually, they were asleep when the television was turned off. He straightened the blankets, turned off the television and then made himself comfortable in the rocking chair that still sat in their room.

As he looked back and forth between the three boys that he and Janet had created, sleeping peacefully, his heart was filled with love and that love cemented the decision that he had made earlier. He was going to live whatever life he had left to the fullest, muddle through the pain, and have no regrets when his death finally occurs.

"What are you doing?" Janet whispered, walking into the dark room.

"Watching the boys."

"Are they okay?"

"They're fine. I was just watching them sleep."

"Come on. Let's talk." Janet walked out of the room and into her bedroom and Eddie slowly got up out of the rocking chair, walked over and kissed each of his boys. After whispering his love to them, he went and joined Janet in their room, shutting the door behind him.

"I brought beer. Thought you could use one."

"Thanks." Eddie said as he reached out and took the cold beer from his wife.

"I figured you can enjoy this one before you start your new medication since you can't mix alcohol with most of your meds that is, if you are planning on taking your medication."

"I'm sorry about how I acted today. It was immature and stupid."

"Yes it was and I was tempted to point it out to you, numerous times today."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I knew that you had to come to realize that for yourself and you did." Eddie grinned.

"I got scared Janet. I got so damn scared."

"What scared you sweetheart?"

"There were so many unknowns. Dr. Turner, he couldn't give me any definite answers and I don't do well with the unknown. He couldn't tell me for sure if this damn tumor in my head is going to kill me. Knowing that this thing might kill me at anytime, it scares the hell out of me. The only thing I could think of is dying suddenly and not being able to say goodbye to you and our boys. What would be your last memory? Would you guys know how I felt about you?" Tears began to fall from Eddie's eyes.

"We know how much you love us. You show us everyday how much you love us and you were to die tomorrow there would be no doubt in our minds of your love for us."

"This pisses me off. I want to see our boys grow up, get married and have their own families. I want to grow old with you. I want to see your hair turn gray."

"Look closely. You can see the gray if you want." Eddie managed to smile.

"I don't know how I should live. Should I squeeze in everything that I have ever wanted our family to do in the next few months? Do I write letters to you and the boys? Do I make videos? What in the hell do I do?"

"I think that you should live your life normally, as if you weren't dying."

"Nick's mom, she knew that she was going to die and she never told him or Ronnie and he never got to say goodbye. Nick regrets that more than anything. I don't want the boys having that same kind of regret."

"Right now, the boys are five. They won't understand. They're too young. If it will make you feel better write letters to the boys and when they get older we can explain your situation to them."

"I want to do that. I want to leave the boys with some sort of closure." Janet nodded.

"When Dr. Turner told us that you could basically day at any moment the first thing I thought of was moving our trip to Disney World from this summer to now, in case you weren't around to take them but then I heard him say that you could live another fifty years and I decided that we didn't need to do that. I want to live as normally as we can for as long as we can and take that trip this summer like we had planned. I don't want to spend whatever time that we have left thinking about your possible death that may not occur for another fifty years. I want to spend that time loving you and I want you to spend that time loving me and the boys. Can you do that Eddie? Will you do that for me and the boys?"

"I will Janet. I want that too."

"Hey mom. I'm home." Janet called as she walked into the backyard. She heard the boys' laughter coming from the backyard when she got out of the van. Janet's mom and husband, Tom came into town for the boys' pre-school graduation. Since Janet was working at Best Friend Windows Sharon was watching the boys while Janet worked.

"Hey sweetheart," Sharon greeted.

"Hi Janet. How was work?" Tom asked.

"Good. I miss the boys but it's nice to be working again."

"Hi mama." Jackson called. "We're swimming."

"I see that." The boys were playing in the pool that Eddie and Janet had bought for them.

"Have you boys been good for grandma and grandpa?"

"Yeah." All three boys answered. Janet looked at her mother for confirmation and Sharon nodded.

"It was a great idea buying this pool. They are like fish. They love to swim."

"As soon as we got back from school they asked to come out here and…"

"Jacob Edward don't you dare." Janet interrupted her mother to yell at her son. Janet saw Jacob come up behind Joshua with a bucket full of water. "Jacob I mean it." Janet stared down her son until he dropped the bucket but the second Janet turned away from Jacob to talk to her mom, Jacob dumped the water over his brother's head and Josh began to wail and while he cried he inhaled some of the water which led him to start choking. Janet rushed over to her son and picked him up.

"Jacob, out right now." Janet yelled as she carried her crying boy over to the picnic table. Jacob slowly got out of the pool and followed his mother. "You are done swimming. Go have a seat on the deck." Janet told Jacob who immediately began crying.

"But…"

"Go. Now." Jacob sobbed his way to the deck and Janet began to comfort Joshua.

"Joshie, you have to calm down. "

"Jake…water…head…"

"I know but you're okay. Stop crying." Josh tried to calm himself down and as usual whenever he was upset and crying he ended up having an asthma attack. Janet quickly grabbed Josh's inhaler that was always nearby. "Okay baby. You know the drill." Janet placed the inhaler in Josh's mouth. "On three sweetheart. One. Two. Three." Like a pro, Josh inhaled his medication and a few minutes later Josh's breathing returned to normal.

"Can I go back in the pool?" Joshua sniffed ten minutes later. He was now breathing normally.

"As long as you take it easy."

"I will mommy." Once Josh was back in the pool, Janet went up onto the deck to deal with Jacob.

"Can I go swimming?" Jacob asked.

"Nope. You are done."

"I'm sorry I dumped the water on Josh."

"I'm glad you are sorry but you didn't listen to me so have to have a consequence."

"Please mommy. I will be good."

"You should have been good when I asked you not to pour the water over your brother. Now you sit here and watch your brothers play in the pool." Josh started crying and Janet walked away from him.

"You broke his heart." Sharon said.

"He'll get over it. Have you heard anything from Eddie?" Sharon shook her head. "I'm going to go check on him. If I'm not back out here in fifteen minutes will you get the boys out of the pool?"

"Of course."

Since Eddie's diagnosed inoperable tumor things have been pretty good. He lived with a constant headache but most days he could tolerate them. During the last month he has had a couple of severe headaches that landed him in the emergency room. Janet told him not to let the pain get ahead of him; take a pill when it starts to hurt but he didn't listen. He waited until the pain got unbearable and by that point the pain medication he had didn't work and he ended up in the hospital. After the hospital visits Eddie decided to listen to his wife and not let the pain get ahead of him.

He came home from work today after only working for an hour because his headache was getting bad and he needed some pain medication. Janet hadn't heard from him all day so she figured that he was pretty miserable. Opening the bedroom door as quietly as she could in case he was sleeping, Janet crossed the threshold and immediately heard Eddie puking in the bathroom. Janet turned and quickly went downstairs to the kitchen to grab one of suppositories for nausea and vomiting that had to be kept refrigerated and then returned upstairs to the master bathroom.

"Hey baby." Janet whispered. "How long has this been going on?"

"Depends what time…" He couldn't finish his sentence because he had to bury his head in the toilet again.

"I brought you something." Janet told him when he stopped vomiting. She held out the suppository.

"Thank you." Unlike his dream, Eddie had no problems using a suppository. He didn't care what it took; he just wanted to stop throwing up. Janet left him alone to take care of his business and fifteen minutes later he returned to their bed in the darkened bedroom.

"Feeling better?" Janet asked as he climbed back into bed.

"Yeah. I wanted to go get the suppository but I couldn't leave the damn toilet." Janet went into the bathroom, wet a washcloth and returned, laying it on his head. "How much time do I have before we have to leave?"

"An hour and a half but baby you don't have to come. I'll record it and you can watch it when you feel better." Eddie adamantly shook his head.

"The boys will only graduate from preschool once and I'm going to be there."

"Sweetheart…"

"No Janet. I'll be fine. I just need a little more rest. Will you wake me in an hour?"

"Of course."

During the next hour Janet had to get herself and the boys ready, which proved to be no easy suit. Rarely did she dress the three boys alike but for their graduation ceremony, she did. She put all three of them in khaki dress shorts and a button down shirt and then she put a different color clip-on tie on each of them and they looked so handsome. She couldn't wait for Eddie to see them.

"Daddy!" Jacob yelled when his father walked into the living room. The three of them jumped up and raced over to their beloved father but Tom stepped in to stop them at the last second to stop from attacking him with love.

"Easy there boys. Remember, daddy isn't feeling good." Tom reminded them. "Go easy on your dad." The boys slowly walked over and hugged their dad.

"You guys look great." Eddie told them.

"We're grabuating daddy." Josh told him.

"I know."

"Why are you wearing your sunglasses in the house?" Jackson asked him.

"My head hurts champ and light makes it hurt worse so the sunglasses help." Eddie explained.

"Can I wear my sunglasses?" Jacob asked.

"Sorry sport but it's not happening."

"That's not fair." Jake grumbled.

"What's not fair is you dumping water all over your brother's head." A look of surprise crossed Jacob's face. "Yep. Your mom told me what you did. Why didn't you listen to her Jake?"

"I dunno."

"Not a good answer. Look sport, I need you to listen to your mom. Can you do that?"

"Yes sir."

"Is everybody ready to graduate?" Janet asked walking into the living room.

"Yes." The boys yelled and Eddie flinched.

"Remember guys, no yelling in the house." Janet chastised gently. She knew their loud voices didn't help his headache. "Okay, let's go."

The Latekka family headed out to the garage and piled into the van. The boys never fought over seats because they always alternated seats. Every day the boys were assigned a seat and they went to their assigned seat without argument. Since Eddie was still pretty doped up on pain medication, Janet drove the short distance to the community center where the graduation was being held. By the time that the van pulled into the preschool parking lot, the boys were excited.

"Come on guys. Let's go." Janet told her four boys and they all got out. "Hands." Jacob and Josh each grabbed one of her hands while Jackson held onto Josh's other hand. It was a requirement that the boys were well aware of whenever they were in a parking lot. Janet's mom and Tom followed them to the preschool and met them at the door. "Hey can you guys go in with Eddie and grab us some seats while I take the boys in?" Sharon and Tom nodded.

"How many seats do we need babe?" Eddie asked. He knew Janet had told him who was coming but he was in too much pain to think.

"Including us ten."

"Who in the hell is coming?"

"Me, you, Mom, Tom, your parents, Ikey, Katie, Nick and Hannah."

"Okay, Ten seats. Got it." Janet had to bite her lip to keep from crying as she watched Eddie shuffle into the community center.

The clapping was killing him and his three year old niece who was sitting, not so still in his lap was not helping either. Ashton adored her Uncle Eddie and Eddie adored his sister's daughter so any other day, he would have loved having her on his lap, but today, with every movement that she made, it just seemed to make his head hurt worse. Katie and Ikey tried to take her but she refused so Eddie was just dealing with it.

"Here they come. I see them." Janet whispered excitedly to her husband and when Eddie saw the triplets walking down the main aisle, looking so damn cute with their cardboard hats and tassels, the pain didn't seem to matter. All that mattered was he was watching his boys graduate from preschool. He smiled and laughed as the preschooler's sang a couple of songs. He waved back when Joshua found them and waved. When it was time for their names to be called, Janet went to the front so she could get pictures of the boys accepting their diplomas. Once they had their diplomas in hand they walked through a cut out schoolhouse door they raised both of their hands in victory and it was the cutest thing ever.

After the graduation was over and Janet had taken dozens of pictures the group decided to take a trip to McDonalds to celebrate, it was the best option for such a large group. Eddie was going to go but it was obvious to everyone, except his children how much pain he was in so Janet Eddie's parents graciously offered to take the boys with them so Janet could take Eddie home and even though he wanted to be with his family, he agreed to go home.

"Do you need anything baby? Are you hungry?" Janet asked once they got home and Eddie settled on the couch.

"No I can't eat."

"Have you ate anything since breakfast?" He shook his head. "You need to eat. I'll make you a couple pieces of toast."

"Thanks." Eddie mumbled with closed eyes. Janet kissed his head and went to make him some toast. Once she was alone in the kitchen she let the few tears that she had been holding back fall. It broke her heart to see him in such physical and emotional pain. The physical pain was caused by his headache but the emotional pain was due to the fact that he didn't enjoy the graduation as much as he would have had he not had a headache and she knew that made him feel like less of a father even though he wasn't.

"Here you go." Janet handed him a plate with two pieces of toast and a glass of iced tea and Eddie forced the toast down. "Do you want to take another pill and go to bed?"

"Soon. I just want to sit for awhile. Will you sit with me?"

"Of course." Janet snuggled next to Eddie and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

"I can't wait until this headache goes away and I can watch the tape of the graduation and really enjoy it."

"I know the boys were glad that you were there and so was I."

"In my dream, I missed our wedding night and the birth of our baby because of the tumor. I told you that I am not going to let a headache keep me from missing my life, my boys' life, and our life. I'm not letting it happen." His coma dream happened seven years ago but it was ever present in his mind.

"I know." Janet said softly.

"There is something that I want to talk to you about."

"Sure."

"Janet I want another baby."

Thanks for reading. Reviews are always appreciated.