I own none of the characters of October Road

"Janet I want a baby." Eddie told her and for a minute, Janet didn't say anything. She was in shock. "Janet?"

"Are you insane?"

"No I'm not."

"Your headache must be getting to you."

"It's not my headache talking. I want another baby, a baby girl."

"Why?"

"Holding Ashton tonight at the graduation, it made me realize that I want a little girl. I love the boys and wouldn't trade them for anything but there is just something about girls. Keeping with the tradition, we can name her Jocelyn Edith."

"You're crazy. Eddie. Even if I wanted another baby, which I don't, there is no guarantee that it would be a girl."

"You don't want a baby?" Eddie was actually acting surprised.

"No I don't want a baby."

"Why?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

"Yes. I am seriously asking you that."

"Well the main reason is the fact that I can't get pregnant. Remember? It took a lot of money and doctors for me to get pregnant. We just paid the loan off that we got for the boys."

"Since that loan is paid off we can get another loan to do it again."

"That's true but basically, I don't want to get pregnant again. In case you have forgotten I did not have the most pleasant pregnancy. I was miserable and I had a lot of complications. I don't want to go through that again."

"You don't know that another pregnancy will be like the first one."

"Okay maybe not but one thing I know for sure is IVF can result in multiple pregnancies. Jake, Josh and Jax are proof of that."

"So what is wrong with that?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

"Yes. I am seriously asking you that."

"For crying out loud Eddie. First of all we don't have room. "

"We can add on."

"With what money Eddie? We are doing fine financially now. We have enough money to take care of our family and do nice things for them. We can't afford another child or children. This summer we are going to have to start buying school supplies and clothes and we will continue to do that for the next thirteen years. School clothes and supplies are not cheap and to add to everything else we have we now have your medical bills."

"No one ever waits until they can afford it Janet."

"I do not want to struggle financially to raise our children. It's not fair to them."

"It won't be a struggle. We would find a way. We always do." Janet sighed in irritation.

"Let me give you a reason that you will understand. Since your tumor came back you haven't exactly been a real hands-on dad. You're headaches get so bad and you are down for the count for days leaving me with the boys. The boys hardly see you anymore so why bring another child into the world who may not…" Janet stopped speaking. She never intended for the conversation to go this far.

"Who may not know her dad?" Eddie finished for her.

"Yeah. Why in the hell would I want to bring a child into the world who may not know its father? How is that fair to any of us?" Janet wanted to cry and tears filled her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

"So you think that I'm going to die?"

"Most days no, but there are some days that I do." She told him. "And you think it too. That's why you are suddenly pushing for a baby."

"Wow. Thanks for the support."

"It's not about support. You have my never-ending support. This is about the facts Eddie. My God, I don't want you to die but lately, you're so miserable. I'm so scared, everyday wondering…"

"Wondering if it will be the day that I die?"

"Yes. Now can you understand why I don't want to bring another child into the world?"

"Dr. Turner said I could live another fifty years with this damn tumor."

"I am very optimistic Eddie. I want you to live at least another fifty and even if that is the case, I still don't want another child."

"You know, I didn't fight you when you wanted to get pregnant so why are you fighting me?"

"Oh my God." She yelled and he flinched. "We agreed to have a baby. It was something that we both wanted unless of course, you never wanted a baby or three for that matter."

"Of course I wanted the boys. Getting pregnant was the best decision that I or we ever made, besides marrying you of course." Janet sighed and sat next to Eddie.

"I'm sorry babe. I didn't mean to insinuate that you didn't want the boys. I just…"

"I know but you should know that I don't want another baby just because I might be dying. You are an amazing mother Janet and you deserve to have a little girl."

"I am perfectly happy with my three boys. Aren't you?"

"Yeah Janet I am. I guess all of these pain meds are getting to me." He leaned over and kissed her softly. "I think that I'm going to take some more and hit the sack."

"Don't go to bed angry."

"I'm not mad. My head just hurts."

"I love you."

"I love you too." Janet kissed her husband and then watched as he slowly shuffled upstairs.

Once he was in his room he went to the closest and pulled out their video camera and set it up. He heard the boys return and he knew he would have a few hours to do what he needed to do. He wanted to videotape a goodbye to his wife and children, in case he didn't make it fifty more years.

"Hi Jax, Josh and Jake. It's me, your dad and if you are watching this than I'm not around anymore." Eddie began tearfully.

"Tonight is Joshie's turn to pick out a bedtime book." Janet told her three angels.

"I know exactly which one I want." Josh exclaimed, jumping out of bed and running over to their bookcase. Janet also knew which book he would pick. He was obsessed with a Lion King book. Jacob and Jackson always picked a different book but Josh always picked the same book, or at least he has for the past couple of months.

"Not again." Jacob whined.

"Hush your mouth."

"He picks the same book every single night." Jackson informed her.

"It's his choice. He gets to pick whatever he wants just like you do on your night."

"Here mommy." Josh handed her the book.

"All right boys. Under the covers." The boys climbed under the blankets and Janet made herself in the rocking chair and began to read about the Lion King.

"Do the voices mommy." Josh requested. "Like daddy does."

"I'm not good at making the voices."

"Come on mom. Please." Janet sighed but couldn't say no to the puppy dog looks on her boys' faces so she attempted to talk like a lion and all three boys, burst out laughing, which caused Janet to start laughing. She really did sound pathetic.

"What's so funny in here?" Eddie asked from the doorway.

"Mama." Jackson managed to get out while laughing.

"Apparently I don't do a very good lion voice." She explained to her husband.

"Will you do it daddy?" Jacob asked or begged.

"If your mom doesn't mind, I would love to." Janet nodded.

"It's perfectly okay with me." She vacated the rocking chair and Eddie took it. As Janet began to walk away, Eddie reached out, grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto his lap.

"Stay." He whispered and she simply smiled in agreement. "Okay boys. Where did mom leave off?"

"Start over." The three boys yelled at the same time.

"Okay. I guess that I am starting over." Janet wrapped an arm around his shoulder and Eddie began to read. He really was great at making different voices and the boys loved it.

After the story, Eddie and Janet tucked the boys in bed, turned on their movie and then headed downstairs to the living room. "The boys really enjoyed their story." Janet commented as they settled onto the couch.

"It's just a story."

"You are a wonderful father Eddie. Maybe to you it's just a story but to them, it's a memory. They will remember their daddy reading them a story with funny voices and one day, when they have their own kids, and they are reading them a story, using funny voices they will remember the stories you read."

"I hope so." He said quietly.

"How is your headache?"

"Okay."

"Did you get some sleep?"

"No."

"No?" Eddie figured that he night as well tell her what he was doing. He didn't want to keep anything from her.

"I was making a video for the boys, in case…"

"Oh sweetheart."

"I'm not planning on dying anytime soon."

"Then why?"

"If I do die, unexpectedly, then I want the boys to have closure. I want them to…I want to be able to say goodbye to them. I want to give them one last memory."

"Baby, you've given them a lifetime of memories already."

"Kids don't remember much from their age. I know I don't. I just don't want to take any chances. I don't want them to forget me."

"They will never forget you Eddie Latekka. I would never let that happen, never."

"I'm counting on that." Eddie leaned over and gently kissed his wife. "I still would love to have another baby Janet but I also know the reasons why you don't and those reasons make sense to me. I'm sorry I pushed you."

"I understand you're reasons as well. I wish I felt differently but I don't. You know that I love you so much that I would do most anything for you but having another baby is not one of them."

"I..I…"

"Eddie? Babe? What's wrong?" He was staring off into space, not answering her. "EDDIE!" Janet she said loudly. She reached out and the second that her hand was on his deltoid muscle his body began to shake and Janet froze. Dr. Turner warned her that seizures may occur and what to do if and when they occurred but she couldn't remember at this moment.

"Mommy?" Janet looked away from Eddie and saw a terrified Jackson standing there.

"Jackson go to your room."

"Our movie stopped." His voice was shaking and Eddie began to jerk more violently.

"Go to your room." Janet was trying to hold Eddie so he didn't fall.

"Mommy what's wrong with daddy?" Jackson was crying now.

"Jackson, GO." Janet yelled and he turned around and ran back upstairs. She knew he was scared and confused but right now, she had to concentrate on Eddie.

"Ow." Eddie jerked and elbowed her in the face. She lost her grip on him and he fell to the floor. She remembered the doctor told her to move anything out of the way that could hurt him so she moved the end table and sat their helplessly as tears streamed down her face until he finally stopped shaking. She moved to floor and cradled his head in her lap.

"Eddie, sweetheart, are you okay?" She asked when he began to groan.

"What happened?"

"You had a seizure."

"My tongue hurts."

"Let me see." Eddie stuck out his tongue.

"It looks like you bit it babe." Eddie looked confused.

"Why am I on the floor?"

"You fell. Are you okay? Are you hurt at all, besides your tongue?"

"I'm tired." Since he was okay, Janet needed to get him upstairs to bed so she could check on her scared little boys.

"How about I help you upstairs to bed?" He nodded and sat up and then swayed a bit. "Whoa. I'm a little dizzy."

"Let's move slow." Janet stood and pulled Eddie to his feet. She wrapped an arm around his waist and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and together, they slowly shuffled upstairs.

"The boys. Why are they crying?" He had just got settled into bed and he heard the boys when they got to the top of the stairs.

"I'm not sure. I'll go check on them." She hated lying to him, but she didn't want him to know that Jackson walked in on a seizure. He would be devastated. "Do you need anything?"

"Sleep. I'm so tired."

"Yell if you need anything sweetheart." He nodded, closing his eyes. "I love you."

"Me too." He mumbled sleepily. Janet kissed his head and then walked across the hall, leaving their bedroom door open in case he needed her.

"Mommy." The three boys sobbed when she walked in. Janet shut the door, sat on Jacob's bed and the three of them walked into her open arms.

"Jax said something is wrong with daddy."Josh cried.

"What's wrong with daddy?" Jacob asked through his tears.

"He was shaking. You were crying." Jackson said.

"Daddy is sick." Janet told her children. They had been trying to keep Eddie's tumor from the boys because they are so young, but after what Jackson saw tonight, she knew that they could no longer keep it from them.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked.

"There is a bump in daddy's head that makes his head hurt." She figured a bump was the best way to explain a brain tumor to three five year olds.

"Why was he shaking? It scared me." Jackson told his mother.

"Show me where your brains are." Janet requested and the three boys pointed to their heads. "Do you understand that your brains tell us what to do? It's our brains that tell us when we are hungry, thirsty, tired or when we have to pee." The boys giggled. "It's our brains that tell us to move our arms and legs. The bump in daddy's head, it's on his brain and it's pressing on the part of the brain that tells his body to shake and that's why daddy was shaking."

"Why does daddy have a bump in his brain?" Jacob asked.

"I don't know."

"Can't the doctor take it out?" Josh inquired.

"No baby, they can't."

"Is daddy going to shake again?" Janet pulled her boys closer.

"Yes he might."

"It scared me." Jackson admitted tearfully.

"I know that it looks scary but it's not. Daddy doesn't remember it."

"Does it hurt?" Jacob whispered.

"No sweetheart. It doesn't hurt. Look guys, I need you to promise me something." The three of them nodded. "If you see daddy shaking and I'm not around you need to come and get me. Don't try to help him."

"Okay." They whispered.

"Why can't we help daddy?" Josh asked.

"When daddy is shaking, he doesn't realize what he is doing and you may get hurt. Just come and get me."

"Is daddy going to get better?" Although Jackson was the one who asked the question, all three boys wanted to hear the answer.

"The bump in daddy's head will never go away. Some days, he will be fine and other days his head will hurt."

"I don't want daddy to be sick."

"Me either Josh. All right boys, in bed."

"But…"

"No buts. It's late." The boys slowly climbed into their own beds where Janet kissed each of them. "I love you guys, very much." Janet told them from the doorway.

"I love you too." The boys answered together.

"Good night my sweet boys." She shut their door to calls of goodnight.

Janet crossed the hallway to her bedroom and found Eddie sound asleep in the same position that she left him in. Seeing the video camera on the dresser she went over and grabbed it along with the two tapes sitting next to it. She quietly shut the door and went downstairs.

She knew she shouldn't watch the video he made for the boys but she needed to. She plugged the charger in, sat on couch and popped the first tape in the camcorder. Tears filled her eyes as soon as Eddie uttered his first sentence and she just sobbed throughout the video. She knew he needed to make this video for the boys but he needed to do it more for himself. He needed to feel that he will give closure to the boys if, God, forbid, he died.

Watching this video, it made Janet's heart break. The thought of losing Eddie, it was a thought that she didn't want to have but unfortunately, it was a thought that was always present. Curious about what was on the second video she popped it in the camcorder. She guessed that it was one of the numerous videos of the boys that they had but she was shocked when Eddie came onto the tiny screen.

"Hiya sweetheart. If you are watching this then I'm gone but I hope that you are seeing this fifty years after I made this. I need to tell you…" Janet shut the camcorder off. She couldn't watch this. She hoped like hell, she never had to watch this. After placing the camcorder on the floor she laid on the couch, buried her head in a pillow and sobbed. Since learning about Eddie's tumor, Janet had been putting on a brave face around her boys. She couldn't or wouldn't cry around them. They needed her to be strong so since they were all in bed, she had the cry that she needed.

Janet was roused from her sleep with soft kisses on her face. She slowly pried her eyes opened and smiled when she looked into her husband's hazel eyes. "Good morning." She mumbled.

"Good morning." Eddie responded, kissing her softly.

"What time is it?" Janet asked when Eddie broke the kiss.

"7:30."

"Really Eddie? It's Saturday and you woke me up at 7:30?"

"I woke up and couldn't sleep and I got lonely." Janet couldn't help but smile.

"Well I guess I can't be mad can I?"

"Nope." Eddie lifted his hand to her cheek and ran his finger around her eye and cheek. "What happened? You have a bruise." Janet reached up and touched the spot that Eddie's finger was tracing and flinched at the tenderness.

"One of the boys must have hit me."

"Janet what happened?" She was a horrible liar and he knew she was lying to him.

"You planted your elbow in my face during your seizure."

"Oh God, Janet I am so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault babe. You didn't know what you were doing and you had no control over your actions. Make-up will cover it up and it will be all good." Janet lifted her head and kissed him. "No worries Eddie." She assured him as she settled her head on his bare chest.

"Why were the boys crying last night?" Janet knew she couldn't lie to him.

"Jackson came downstairs during your seizure."

"Oh my God. I scared him didn't I?"

"You didn't scare him Eddie. It was the seizure that scared him. They are very scary to watch. I couldn't explain to him what was going on. I just yelled at him to go to his room. He was scared and confused and I'm sure that he told Josh and Jake what he saw and they got freaked out as well."

"What did you tell them about what was or is happening to me?"

"I was an honest with them as I could be. We discussed what our brains do, everything, and then I told them that you had a bump inside your head that made your head hurt."

"What about the seizure?"

"I told them that the bump sometimes will press against the part of your brain that makes your body shake and when it does that you will shake."

"Thanks Janet."

"For what?"

"For being honest with them and explaining what's going on. I just don't want them to be afraid of me."

"They're not and no matter what happens the future, as long as we are honest with them, then they will have no reason to be scared."

"I'm scared." Eddie admitted.

"Of what?" Janet asked, although she knew the answer.

"Of what is happening to me and what will happen to me." Tears filled his eyes. "I'm not ready to die."

"We're not ready for that either baby. I guess the only thing that we can do is live everyday to its fullest and treasure the time that we have left." She reached up and wiped the single tear off of his cheek that had fallen.

"I really, really love you Janet. You know that, right?"

"I have never doubted that." Eddie suddenly pulled away from Janet, got out of bed and walked over and locked their bedroom door. "Mr. Latekka why are you locking the door?"

"We have some time before the boys wake up so I thought that I would show you just how much I love you." Since Eddie started stripping on his way back to bed Janet sat up in bed and did the same.

"You know you don't have to show me. I know how much you love me." Eddie climbed in the bed, on top of his wife.

"I know but it is nice to be reminded once in awhile isn't it?"

"It sure is." With a tender smile and a face full of love Eddie closed the distance and with a kiss he began to show his wife, how very much he loved her.