Part 4

Adam had brought Ben a robe of heavy, yellow silk, beautifully embroidered with a dragon on each lapel in colors of red and green silk thread. Ben claimed that it was far too fancy for him to wear but Adam could tell that he was pleased; Ben took off his vest and slipped on the robe, tying the sash and became sheepish when Joe gave a wolf whistle in appreciation and Adam and Hoss expressed their admiration for what a sharp figure he cut. Adam told Ben that he looked like an ancient Chinese emperor with number one, number two and number three sons ready to do his bidding. Adam also gave him packets of tobacco from various countries and Ben immediately started his pipe with a plug of Irish tobacco and sat back, contentedly smoking to see what else Adam had in his sea chest.

"Now, Joe. This is for your bride-to-be; she can wear them on her wedding day." Adam pulled out a long narrow box of shiny wood and handed it to Joe. He opened it and produced a sound of admiration. Adam had given him a string of pearls as a wedding gift for his bride and Joe lifted out the pearls that glistened in the lamplight.

"Thanks, Adam. These are beautiful!" Joe ran them through his hands admiring their smoothness and glossiness. He had some knowledge about the basics of jewels but pearls were beyond him; they were so very rare in Virginia City and few women could afford them. "She'll be…she'll be thrilled at the least. Thanks again." Joe continued to run them though his fingers.

"Let me see those, Joe." Joe handed the pearls to Hoss who held them under the lamp. "Damn if these ain't the prettiest things I ever did see. They seem to got different colors in 'em but they's still white."

"Yeah, well give them back before you eat them," Joe said and Hoss just stood up feigning being insulted.

"Well, I'd pass 'em eventually. You'd get 'em back, course they wouldn't be white no more." Hoss said and the family chuckled.

"Well, Joe," Adam said, "I figure you need to give them to Polly; we need to reward her for taking you off our hands. With pearls like those, she may even keep you awhile." Hoss laughed while Ben smiled gently. He had missed the badinage between his sons and he looked at Adam and his heart filled with peace. Adam was home; he wasn't quite himself yet, but he was home.

Adam smiled and gave Hoss and Joe various bottles of French perfumes to hand out to girls and then everyone laughed at the idea of Joe handing them to any other woman but Polly and risking his marriage.

"And here, Pa. This is the most expensive bottle of French perfume they had. You can win some woman over with this. Is Clementine Hawkins still free?" The boys fell about laughing and Ben stated that Clementine Hawkins was no longer Hawkins. It seemed that she had married the owner of the new blacksmith shop and was now Mrs. Clementine Wright.

"Well," Hoss said. "I'm headin' upstairs. We got an early day tomorrow." Hoss stood up. "Oh, and thanks, Adam for the 'playin' cards,' but I think I'll just be keepin' them to myself. I might play a little game of solitaire afore I sleep tonight."

"One handed solitaire," Joe said and Adam and Joe burst into hearty laughter and then Joe followed Hoss upstairs to his own room. Ben and Adam were left sitting, the air now hanging heavy between them.

"Well, I'm tired too, Pa. I think I'll turn in." Adam stood up, unkinking his shoulders by pulling his arms forward and arching his back.

"Sit down again, Adam. I'd like to get to catch up with you a bit-find out about your time away."

"Pa, I wrote you as often as I could. Didn't you get them?" Adam sat back down; he didn't want to talk-not now.

"Yes, I got your letters, thank God, but they always talked about beautiful sunsets on the ocean and paradisiacal islands and beautiful women. You mentioned a few storms but you forget, Adam, I've been to sea. I know what it's like and although it sounds as if it should be a romantic life, it's a hard and painful living. You're on board a ship with so many men, most of them brutes; it's difficult."

Adam sighed deeply and sat back, covering his eyes with one hand and then running it over his hair. Then he sighed again, leaned over and looked at his father who looked back with love and understanding in his deep, dark eyes. Adam could never lie to his father though as a child he had tried. But all it took was a look of disappointment from his father and Adam would break down and confess any misbehavior.

"All right, Pa. If you want to know the truth then I'll tell you. Most of what I've seen was barbarous and cruel. I've seen a few men forced to walk the plank for perceived mutiny. I've watched them with their torsos bound with heavy rope, forced to either voluntarily jump into the ocean or to be thrown off and I never blinked an eye. I've also hanged pirates from the cross mast and blown a few faces apart with a well-placed shot. I've even been a 'pirate' of sorts myself; my captain could never pass up an opportunity to enrich himself-and us as well-with another ship's bounty. I must say though, that my captain was overly generous to any loyal crew member. I've also shanghaied men, killed men without remorse, had some women for free and paid whores at other times. Is that what you want to hear, Pa?"

"Adam," Ben said, "I just want you to be honest with me."

Adam sat and stared at the man who was his father, whose essence was part of him, the man who raised him alone for so many years and tried to inculcate morals and the love of God in him and Adam decided that he owed this man, this man who put food on his plate, clothes on his back, provided shelter and who broke his own back to provide for his sons. To his father, Adam felt that he owed more than some cursory discussion of his past few years away. So Adam sat back and told his father of all that had befallen him and then Ben understood why Adam came back even harder than before he left.

But when Ben asked Adam if he would return to the sea or stay, Adam said that he didn't know. The sea, he told his father, has a pull on a man-like a woman-she demands you return and you dream of her and want to be with her again. He had fought it many times and lost, seduced by the gray-green waters of the oceans that rocked a man to sleep in her arms every night.

Finally, Adam went upstairs to his room, running his hand over the wood banister as he did so. Wood was solid, reliable, and he knew that the Ponderosa, this house he had helped to build up and out from the original house, was solid and good and protected them all. A man could feel safe here, no floor slipping away beneath him, no tilting that caused a man to grip onto a door to keep from sliding away.

Adam entered his room, the knob familiar in his hand. Hop Sing had earlier started a fire for him to warm up the room and Adam threw in a few more logs and the fire flared and lit up the room in a ghostly dance before it settled down again. Adam lit the sconce above his bed and looked around the room. The room hadn't changed. If Hop Sing had moved anything while cleaning, he had replaced it in the same spot. Adam opened a drawer in the dresser and saw his shirts that he had left behind, neatly folded. He pulled open each drawer in its turn and everything was still in its proper place-untouched by the time that had passed. He opened the wardrobe and there were his suits jackets and dress pants hanging. On the top shelf were some hats and in the bottom were two pairs of boots.

Adam looked at his bookcase and smiled to himself. He hadn't read a book in so long-not since Cook's Diaries had encouraged him to go out to sea. Somehow, the sentiments expressed in all the poetry rang untrue to him now-it bored him as being naïve and foolish The scrolls from his plans for grand buildings and the Ponderosa were still in the corner by the desk where he had sat and completed his school work as a young boy and later written love poetry for pretty girls. He smiled to himself as he remembered the young boy and man he used to be. Adam fought the sudden urge to gather all the scrolls and throw them on the fire-but he couldn't completely destroy who he had been-the young, handsome man who had yearned to be happy. Adam shook his head, slowly undressed and then crawled into his bed, the sheets smelling of fresh air and the sun. Despite his worries that he would have trouble sleeping, before he knew it, the sun was beginning to come up over the horizon.

The next morning after breakfast, Adam said that he wanted to go to town; he needed a new pair of boots because all that was in his wardrobe were dress boots and he couldn't wear the boots he had now for roping cattle; fall roundup was going on and Adam said that he was ready to get back to work. Adam also said that he couldn't see himself working in his pea jacket or wearing his watch cap-he'd lose all respect from the ranch hands.

"Are you going to get a shave?" Ben asked.

"No, Pa," Adam said. "My face is probably so white under this beard that if I shave it, I'll look like a bank robber wearing a hold-up mask."

"Well," Ben said, standing up. "I'll go with you into town." Ben was slightly nervous about having Adam go alone for reasons he couldn't identify.

"Hey, what about me?" Joe said. "I'd like to go to town. I could pick up everything you need at the mercantile. I don't want to stay here while you and Adam have a good time in town."

"I swear, Joe," Adam said, "You sound like a big, whiney girl."

"You're comin' to help me, little brother," Hoss said. "You can't hardly go into town without getting' in trouble anyway so you're gonna stay right here on this ranch with me and keep nice and safe."

Joe shrugged. "I guess its cattle and ropin' for me today!"

"Well," Hoss said, "first-hand knowledge of being roped yourself oughta make you better at doin' it! Now let's go!"

Ben and Adam walked into the Sazarac and people slowly started to recognize Adam despite the beard and graying hair; being in Ben's company helped them realize who he was. Everyone was glad to see him, shaking his hand and clapping him on his back but Adam noticed most of them staring at his cheek, examining the scar that partially distorted the left side of his face, but Adam just ignored the focus of their eyes and continued to laugh and greet them. Everyone insisted on buying Adam and Ben drinks and a jovial mood took over and the piano player broke into a lively tune. Adam was sipping at his beer when Sheriff Coffee walked into the bar and approached their table.

"Why, Adam Cartwright," Roy said, reaching for Adam's hand, "you old cattle rustler. What a sight for sore eyes."

Adam stood up and shook Roy's hand. "You're lookin' hale and healthy," Adam said.

"Now if I was just wealthy as well," Roy said and Adam chuckled.

"Well, join us for a beer, Roy," Adam said. One of the men sitting with them stood up and offered his seat to Roy.

"Well, it's a little early for me…but this is a celebration so don't mind if I do." Roy sat down and Adam motioned to the bar tender to bring Roy a beer.

Roy asked Adam questions about when he had arrived and why hadn't he stopped by the jail to say hello? Then Roy asked Ben what it was like to have all his boys home again and told Adam that Ben had worried non-stop about Adam until he would find one of Adam's letters waiting for him in the postal box. They joked and laughed and Roy never brought up anything about Adam's beating, Mrs. Reid's death or the murder of the men suspected of doing it-or the mutilation of Mr. "Buster" Reid. And Adam never raised the subject either. It appeared it was all forgotten-as dead as a man in his grave.

TBC