Spending the day with Daryl, even if we were just searching the woods, had exactly the effect on me I thought it would. All I've been thinking about since we got back to the farm has been our closeness in the abandoned house. How he listens to me and makes me feel strong. How he's saved my life, not only from walkers, but from myself.
Back at the farm, everyone seems busy with one thing or another. With nothing else to do to distract myself from thinking about Daryl, I decide to help out with dinner. While I'm bringing some silverware to the fire pit from the RV, I notice Rick watching me from across the campsite. Not in a weird way or anything, but like he wants to talk to me about something. This goes on for a while, he even starts walking over at one point, but gets intercepted by Carl, asking him about something. After that, he seems either too busy to talk to me, or like he's thought better of it. I shrug it off, figuring Rick has a lot going on and if he has something to ask me, he will eventually.
During dinner, I take me usual seat next to Glenn who seems to be in a particularly good mood.
"Hey Ashlyn! How did the search with Daryl go? I heard you guys found a house Sophia might've been in." He's always been a cheerful guy, but right now, Glenn can't seem to stop smiling.
I raise an eyebrow at him as he fidgets in his seat, eating his rice, but answer him anyway. I tell him about tracking with Daryl, finding the house, and finding the closet with the blanket. I leave out the walker scare that turned out to literally just be the wind, blushing only thinking about it. When I look back at him though, I can tell he's barely paying attention. "Glenn? Glenn!"
"Huh?" His attention snaps back from whatever day dream he was having. "Oh- Uh, sorry. I'm a little out of it tonight."
"It's fine. Help me with these dishes." The two of us clear everyone's dirty plates and head to the RV to clean them. I wonder what's going on with him? He just went out on a supply run today, I don't see why he'd be so weird… Oh god. Remembering who he went with, I smirk back at him.
"So how was your supply run today? You get to know the farmer's daughter while you two were out?" He nearly drops the plate he's cleaning and spins his head to me, wide eyed.
I'm practically grinning now, but he regains his composure the best he can. "Oh, yeah. Maggie's really, uh… cool."
"That's good." He seems to relax after that, thinking I haven't figured out what happened. Part of me can't believe he actually scored with the farmer's daughter, it's almost clichéd even. It can't be the best idea, seeing as her father basically decides our fate, but I can't help be happy for him.
With the dishes finished, I start heading out of the RV, but before I leave I turn back to him with a huge grin and say, "If you ever need someone to talk to about your girl problems, you know where to find me."
His face is absolute priceless, realizing that I know what happened.
Leaving the RV thinking about Glenn and Maggie, it doesn't take long for me to start thinking about Daryl again, and what kind of relationship I have with him. I don't know what happened in the past, what kind of relationships he could've had with other people, but I admit, I can't stop wondering how he feels about me. He isn't exactly as easy to read as Glenn, unfortunately.
Attempting to get my mind off Daryl—not an easy task—I head back to my truck. I've still got most of Dr. Hanson's report to sort through, so after I log information into my journal, I take another crack at understanding it.
DARYL
Even though its early, looks like everyone is up and ready to start the search. It's about damn time we really got this thing going. Red, T-Dog, Andrea, and Shane are all by Rick's car, looking at the map rolled out on the hood. Even from here, I can see dark circles around Red's eyes and her hair messier than usual. Must not of slept well last night. I start to head over, but before I get there, Rick comes up to me.
"Daryl, I have something to ask you, about Ashlyn. I want her out on her own grid. Do you think she can handle it?"
"What're you asking me for? I ain't her babysitter."
"I need a second opinion. I don't want to send her out there if I'm not sure she'll be coming back."
"Why don't you ask her? She ain't some kid who needs her decisions made for her."
Rick drops his head, thinking about what I said for a moment before looking back up. "You're right. I'll talk to her about it." He starts walking away, in the direction of the car.
"For the record," I add, stopping him, "she can handle herself just fine."
Rick nods and continues toward the car. He approaches Red and leads her aside, away from the others. He must've asked her if she wanted her own grid, because her eyes light up and I can tell she's trying not to look too eager. He tells her something else though, and suddenly she looks embarrassed, blushing and scratching the back of her head. The fuck did he tell her? I start heading over, ready to start looking for Sophia again. Before I get within earshot of them, I see Rick put his hand on Red's shoulder and lean in close, saying something to her. Red nods her head, but looks confused as they walk back to the group. What was all that about?
I stand next to Red by the car and start looking over the map. The ridge up to the north looks like the best spot, with a good view of the area. It's pretty far, but if I can borrow one of the horses, I should be able to reach it in no time. Feeling Red's eyes on me, I lean back from the map, and raise an eyebrow at her.
"What're you starin' at?"
She looks surprised she was caught but defends herself anyway, "I wasn't staring, you were blocking my view of the map." I smirk, knowing that's a lie. She glares back, but then opens her mouth like she's has something to say. Rick's voice stops her though, as he starts the little meeting. She closes her mouth and turns her attention to Rick, although she seems to have other things on her mind.
"Alright, everyone's getting new search grids today. If she made it as far as the farmhouse Daryl and Ashlyn found, she might have gone further east than we've been so far."
"I'd like to help," one of the people who live on the farm, Jimmy I think, comes over. "I know the area pretty well and stuff."
"Hershel's okay with this?"
"Yeah. Yeah, he uh, said I should ask you."
"Alright then, thanks."
"Nothin' about what Daryl and Ashlyn found screams Sophia to me," Shane calls from the passenger seat of the car. Anyone could've been holed up in that farmhouse." I just barely catch Red rollin' her eyes at him.
"Anybody includes Sophia right?" Andrea defends.
"Whoever slept in those covers was no bigger than yay high," I say, gesturing about four and half feet with my hand.
"Good lead."
"Maybe we'll pick up her trail again," Rick says.
"No 'maybe' about it. I'm gonna borrow a horse, head up to this ridge right here. Get a bird's eye view of the whole grid. If she's up there, I'll spot her."
"Good idea," T-Dog adds, "Maybe you'll see your Chupacabra up there too."
"Chupacabra?" Red asks, confused.
"You never heard this?" Dale asks, bringing the gun bag to the car. "First night in camp, Daryl tells us the whole thing reminds him of the time he went squirrel hunting and saw el Chupacabra."
I hear the farm brat scoff, so I glare at him and ask, "What're you brayin' at, jackass?"
"So you believe in a bloodsucking dog?" Rick asks, not buying it.
"You believe in dead people walkin' around?" I ask. That shuts everyone right up.
Jimmy reaches for the rifle Dale's unpacked, but Rick stops him, "Hey, hey. Ever fire one before?"
"If I'm goin' out I want one."
"People in hell want slurppies," I throw my crossbow over my shoulder and head out. Fucking kid, gonna shoot someone in the head.
I find the stables and pick a horse, throwing the saddle on its back. I don't have much horseback riding experience but how difficult could it be? I get on and ride out toward the ridge.
I follow the path, making quick progress on the horse. A quarry opens up to my left with a shallow lake below. Catching sight of something unnatural looking on a large branch in the lake, I stop the horse and get down.
It's a steep walk down to the bottom, but it's worth it. I find the object that caught my eye—a familiar looking doll. I look around for any other signs someone was here, but find nothing.
"Sophia!" No response. I tuck the doll into my back pocket and climb back up to the path, getting on the horse. I stay on the path, trying to keep the horse calm every time a bird flies by. Damn thing, afraid of its own shadow.
After finding the doll, I'm more alert, keepin' my eyes down in the quarry. Suddenly, the horse rears back, twisting it's body and throwing its head. "Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
I pull down on the reins but the horse rears back again, throwing me off its back. I roll down the side of the quarry. Branches cut into me as I crash through the brush and down the rocks, landing in the murky water.
"Sonofabitch!" Pain shoots down my side. I feel around and find one of my arrows piercing my side, just below my rib cage. "Ah, ugh." I lay in the water for a moment, my head throbbing. I'm losing blood. Shit.
I pull myself up, another jolt of pain shoots through me. "Fuck!" Staggering out of the water, I clutch my side, feeling the warm blood run through my fingers.
I practically collapse in the mud, but I get up. I pull out my knife and cut off my sleeves, tying them together. I wrap the fabric around my torso and knot it around the arrow to hold it in place. I find a sturdy stick to help me stand, prepared to climb the cliff. Before I can even start though, I hear rustling coming from behind me. You can't be fucking serious. But I know what it is—I can hear them wheezing. My hand goes to my back, reaching for my crossbow, but it's not there. Fucking hell! I stumble back into the water, probing the bottom with the stick, looking for my crossbow.
It doesn't take long for me to find it, and luckily the dumb bastards haven't found me yet. I keep my crossbow on my back and take a shot at climbing back up. Everything I grab and everywhere I step is slippery, but I keep going. About half way up, I reach for a branch, but suddenly I can't hold myself up. My feet slip out from under me and I'm falling. I land hard on my side, the ground knocking the air out of my lungs. I roll over, my head still throbbing and the last of my energy leaving my body. No… I have to get up. I push myself up on my arms but they give in and I hit the ground again. The trees around me start to blur together and everything goes black.
…
Light pours in through the trees. I barely make out someone walking towards me, leaning down by my head.
"Why dontcha pull that arrow out, dummy. You could bind your wound better."
"Merle," I breathe.
"Hn," he smiles. "What's goin' on here? Takin' a siesta or somethin'?"
"A shitty day bro," I respond, barely able to keep my eyes open. I try real hard though—it feels like he could disappear in an instant.
"Would ya like me to get you a pillow? Maybe rub your feet?"
"s… Screw you."
He laughs dryly. "You're the one screwed from the looks of it. All them years I spent tryin' to make a man outta you. And this is what I get? Look at you. Lyin' in the dirt like a used rubber. You gonna die out here, little brotha. And for what?"
I don't even think before I answer. "Carol. She lost her little girl."
"So you got a thing for little girls now?"
"Shut up," I breath, getting more agitated as he talks.
"No, I guess you got a thing for red heads, dontcha? I can't say I blame you. A real man woulda tapped that already."
"Fuck off."
"Hit a nerve, did I? Why? Cause you know you're never gonna get in between those legs of hers—"
"I said fuck off," I spit.
He laughs again. "I figure somethin' must be distractin' you, since you ain't lookin' for ol'Merle no more."
"I tried like hell to find you, bro."
"Like hell you did. You split, man. Lit out first chance you got."
"You lit out. All you had to do was wait." I try to focus on him, but everything is spinning around me. "We were back for you. Rick and I. We did right by you."
"This the same Rick that cuffed me to the rooftop in the first place? Forced me to cut off my own hand," his voice is heavier and darker than before. I try to see his face, but my vision slips down to his hand. "That's who we're talkin' about here? You his bitch now?"
"I ain't nobody's bitch."
"You're a joke is what ya are. Playin' errand boy to a buncha pansy-asses, niggers, and democrats," he says each word with disgust. "Hmph. You're nothin' but a freak to them. Redneck trash. That's all you are. You gotta be mad if you think you some pretty little doctor girl is ever gonna give two shits 'bout you. Yeah, she's laughin' at you behind your back—they all are. You know that don't you? Well I got a bit of news for you, son. One of these days, they're gonna scrape you off their heels like you was dog shit."
I try to deny it, say something back, but the words stick in my throat. All I manage to do is roll my head back and forth.
"Hey." Merle puts his hand down on my chest, getting my attention back. He's staring at me more intently now. "They ain't your kin. Your blood. Hell, you had any damn nuts in that sack of yourn, you'd go back there and shoot your pal Rick in the face for me." He pauses then grabs my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. His voice drops even lower when he talks again, "Now you listen to me. Ain't nobody's ever gonna care about you, cept me, little brother. Ain't nobody ever will." He pats my chest, "C'mon. Git up on your feet, before I have to kick your teeth in."
He stands up and start kicking at me feet. "Let's go," he demands. "C'mon," he shakes my legs. He keeps shakin' me, until I manage to look down at my feet. But he's not there anymore. Instead there's an even uglier mother fucker, biting at my shoe, snarling at me.
"Ahhh!" I scoot backwards as fast as I can, kicking at the walker's head. I scramble for my crossbow but it's on me again in seconds. I throw two quick punches to its head and roll over on top of it, holding its head back. It throws me off of it, giving me a chance to grab my walking stick. It lunges at me, but I block and get on top of it again. I drive the stick into its skull, three times for good measure. Another geek lumbers toward me from across the lake. I roll onto my side, and grip the arrow. My jaw clenched, I give the arrow a strong pull, ripping it outta me. I grab my crossbow and struggle to load the arrow as the walker picks up speed. Just before the walker's on me, I lean back and fire the arrow right between its eyes.
Completely out of breath and out of energy, I lay down in the mud. Merle's words spin around in my head as I close my eyes.
ASHLYN
Where the fuck is Daryl? It's been over an hour since I returned from my grid, expecting to be the last one back. He definitely should be here by now. I glance out the kitchen window again, as I continue to scrub the same pan I've been scrubbing for the last five minutes.
"Ashlyn … Ashlyn!" Lori's voice snaps me out of my daze, making me drop the pan. I stare back at her, still startled. "You don't have to worry so much. I'm sure he'll be back soon." I blush, realizing she's seen right through me. I pick the pan back up, set it in the strainer, and grab a dirty plate to clean.
"He's been gone a while. I know the route he was going on. I could go see if I can find him—"
"We don't need another person to worry about," Carol interrupts. "And if anyone can handle themselves in the woods, its Daryl Dixon."
Everything she says makes sense to me, but I can't fully except it. Everybody needs help once in a while, no matter how good they are. I look back out the window, still hoping to see him riding up on a horse. As I do it though, I hear Lori sigh. She's watching me, one hand on her hip, and shaking her head.
"Why don't you find something to keep your mind occupied? We don't need you in here washing dishes if your this distracted." She's right, but I still feel bad leaving the work to them. Even though Carol and Lori volunteered to make everyone dinner, it still seems like a lot of work for two people.
"Are you sure? I can focus—"
"It's alright," Lori smiles. "Besides, you were out all day. Leave this to us and stop worrying."
"Thanks," I smile back at both of them and leave the house.
Now how am I supposed to distract myself? I remember the conversation I had earlier with Rick.
"Ashlyn, I'd like to ask you something."
"Huh? Yeah, sure." Today was going to be a long day. I barely got any sleep last night, thanks to these stupid thoughts about Daryl.
"I was thinking you could go out on your own today. I wasn't sure about it, but it's not my decision to make—it's yours. What do you say?"
Wait, is this for real? My own grid? "Uh, yeah, yes. I'll do it." I don't want to look too excited, but at the same time I can't stop grinning.
Smiling back, Rick adds, "Daryl seems to think highly of you. That's not an honor many people get."
Shocked at the sudden mention of Daryl, I feel my cheeks start to heat up and scratch the back of my head laughing nervously, "Oh, I'm sure it's nothing that special."
Rick looks at me, amused, but his expression becomes serious in a moment. Putting his hand on my shoulder, he leans in a bit and tells me, in a hushed voice, "There's something I need to speak with you about. Jenner told me something at the CDC, something he told me to ask you about. We don't have time to discuss it now, but tonight." I look at him, not sure what he could be talking about. Something Jenner said? I nod back at him, doubting I'll actually have any answers for him.
What could it possibly be about? Since I have nothing better to do, this should be a good time to find out. I think about how I never did get to thank Daryl for what he said to Rick. He knew how badly I wanted the group's respect. I'll have to thank him when he gets back
I set off looking for Rick, but I run into Shane instead.
"Have you seen Rick around?" I ask.
Shane looks me over, making me more uncomfortable than usual. "Saw him over by the stable, talking business with Hershel. You comin' to my gun lesson tomorrow?"
Knowing he still questions my abilities, I should probably go, but I can't bring myself to commit, so I just answer, "I'll see if I have time." He nods and walks off toward the RV. He still doesn't seem the same to me, ever since we came here.
Not interested in interrupting Rick's talk with Hershel, I decide all that's left for me to do is go back to my truck and make a final attempt at the report. If Rick has something to ask me, maybe I can find answers in there.
DARYL
I wake up suddenly, in some mud in the forest. Everything that happened comes back to me. Finding the doll, getting thrown by the horse, passing out, getting attacked by walkers. I feel the pain in my side where the arrow got me and a dull throbbing in my head. It's time I got the fuck out of this shit hole.
I sling my crossbow over my shoulder, pull the arrow out of the walker's head, and get my walking stick. I settle myself against a rock and use my shirt to wrap my wound. "Son of a bitch was right," I mutter, remembering what Merle told me. My stomach lets out a loud growl as I suddenly realize how hungry I am and how little energy I have. It doesn't take long for me to find and shoot a squirrel. It's not much, but it should be enough to get me back up this cliff. I gut the squirrel with my knife and pick out the meat. Before I attempt to climb the cliff again, I slice off the walkers' ears and string them into a necklace with my bootlace.
I stare up the cliff, figuring out my best path. Once I've got it picked out, I start the climb. I manage alright up the rocky part, but once I reach the final stretch—a steep climb with nothing but lose dirt and tree roots—I start to struggle. As I try hoisting myself up by the roots, I hear loud cawing from above me, followed by, "Please, don't feed the birds!" I see Merle looking down on me from the top of the cliff. He laughs as I squint up at him, "What's the matter, Darlina? Is that all you got in you?"
"I did better when you were missing," I yell through my panting.
He laughs again, "Now c'mon. Don't be like that. I'm on your side!"
"Yeah, since when?"
"Hell, since the day you were born, baby brother. Somebody had to look after your worthless ass."
"You never took care of me. You talk big game but you were never there!" I growl back at him. "Hell, you ain't here now. Some things never change."
"I'll tell you what. I'm as real as your Chupacabra!"
"I know what I saw." I reach for a higher tree root and pull myself up, arms shaking.
"Yeah, and I'm sure them shrooms you ate had nothin' to do with it, right?"
"You best shut the hell up!"
"Or what?" He yells back, crouching down. "You gonna come up here and shut my mouth for me? Come on and do it then, if you think you're man enough!" He laughs, "Hey, kick off them high heel s and climb son!"
I'm so close to the top now, there's only a few feet left to climb. "You know what? If I were you I'd take a pause for the cause, brother. Cause I just don't think you're gonna make it to the top. You can't even get laid! You think that hot little red head is gonna be waitin' for you when you get back? You think you can even compare to the rich doctors and lawyers she's used to fucking?" He laughs even harder, "Face it baby brother, you're just not man enough to take what you want! C'mon. C'mon, little brother! Grab your friend Rick's hand."
My hand reaches the top of the cliff. With my final bit of strength, I pull myself up onto solid ground, panting from the exertion. I look around for Merle, but there's no sign of him. "Yeah, you better run!"
ASHLYN.
I take out the report and start skimming over parts, looking for any data analysis sections or concluding results that might help me make sense of all this. There must be something Jenner knew I would understand, something he would tell Rick about. Toward the end of the file, I find an "Additional Reports" section that looks like it was frantically circled in red pen.
'On the day of Tuesday, July 23rd, 2013, Dr. Sarah Martin was found unresponsive in her office at 0205 military time. She was announced dead at 0212 by the on staff physician. Cause of death has been reported as overdose of Codeine approximately five hours prior…'
What the fuck is this? My hands start shaking and I almost can't bring myself to read it, but at this point, there's no stopping.
'During the body's removal from Zone Four by two remaining attendants, an unclear incident occurred in which one of the two attendants contracted the unknown pathogen. The surviving attendant reports returning to the office after speaking to a supervisor and finding both the deceased and the other attendant exhibiting the same symptoms observed by those infected. Due to the necessity of terminating any threat of outbreak within the facility immediately, both infected persons were put down on site by nearby security. No signs of infection transfer were detected on the body of Dr. Martin; however, a bite mark was found on the neck of the attendant which contained trace amounts of Dr. Martin's saliva. While the cause of the reanimation of the deceased is currently unclear, recent findings from blood sample analysis indicates that the body did carry the pathogen. Further comparisons to blood samples previously believed to be uncontaminated point to the possibility of infection without contact with subjects displaying symptoms…"
I put down the papers, unable to focus on the words. "Infection without contact"? How is that possible? This woman turned without being bitten? No, that can't be right.
I remember one file in the report that didn't make sense to me. It was a blood test that was reported as inconclusive because the control—the blood sample of an uninfected person—tested the same as the infected blood sample, even with repeated trials. I flip back to the file and reread it. If the control had the pathogen as well, that would explain the results. Even though so many samples were used, it had the same result every time. Could… could we all be infected?
I have to tell Rick. People need to know this. People could let their guard down, not expecting someone who wasn't bit to turn, and end up like the attendant.
I get out of my truck and head over to the RV, still panicked. He should be done talking to Hershel by now, I have to find him, let him know—
"Walker! Walker!" Andrea's shouting interrupts my mad search.
"Just the one?" I hear Rick's voice and start running toward it.
Everyone starts gathering by the RV, alarmed by the first walker to stumble onto the farm.
"I bet I can nail it from here," Andrea says, all too eagerly.
"No. No!" Rick demands.
"Andrea, there's no point! The noise will only attract more," I try to reason with her.
"Andrea put the gun down," Rick commands but she isn't listening.
"You best let us handle this," Shane says, approaching with an axe and T-Dog at his side with a baseball bat.
"Hershel wants to deal with walkers," Rick warns him.
"What for man? We got it covered."
"Dammit." Rick grabs a pistol and chases after Shane and T-Dog, followed by Glenn.
I stay behind, still in shock from the things I read and hardly able to process the madness going on over one walker a hundred yards away.
I hear Andrea cock the gun and get into position to shoot.
"Andrea don't!"
"Back off Dale."
I look to the group, which finally reached the walker. I see them lower their weapons though, not attacking it.
"Wait, Andrea, something isn't right—"
I cringe as the shot echoes through the field and the walker drops.
"No! NO!" Rick's screams carry back to camp. My blood freezes and my stomach turns as I watch the scene unfold before me. I remember who I was waiting for. Who I was hoping to see coming back from the window. It can't be…?
Holy shit this chapter is over a week later than I meant for it to be posted and twice as long as I intended it to be. I'm really sorry for the delay! Hopefully I've got my new college schedule better figured out and it won't happen again. This chapter was supposed to end well after Daryl gets shot but it was getting so long I decided to end it here. I'm worried I'm putting too many details in my writing that's making it drag out too much.
Either way, writing the hallucinations was really fun, I hope you enjoyed reading them too!
As always, thanks for the reviews and favorites! they really motivate me to keep writing and feedback is always good.