Chapter 8

Aria closed the book and sighed. She'd read the story five times through and knew she would read it again. She was trembling after the first time, Maddie wrapped her up in her arms and rocked her gently as Aria tried to absorb everything she'd just learned. She could picture the cliff, the mound of stones at the bottom. Aria had a vivid imagination, so it didn't necessarily mean anything, but the way she felt about the image… She felt the loss and deep emptiness that Eumelia must have experienced. There was also a face, Lycidas wasn't really described in the story, he was in wolf form, but Aria could picture a human face. It wasn't Ezra's, it was fuller, darker, and far less serious. The messy black curls were similar, but this man's hair was curlier and a good bit longer. He had a full beard and mustache, and his dark brown eyes twinkled with humor and mischief, he was beautiful.

Aria was glad she still had the $100 her father had given her. The book was $60, and Aria happily paid it. She gave Maddie a kiss and promised to come back the next day. At dinner, she was completely distracted. Byron asked if she had found what she needed. She went so far as to show him the book and explain that Maddie thought she might find what she needed in the mythology of the lykoi. She'd reassured him that if she worked it out, she would explain everything to him. He was satisfied and changed the subject.

Aria went up to her room immediately after dinner and tried to complete her homework, again. It was less frustrating this time around, but still very slow-going, as her mind kept going back to the myth and Ezra. He hadn't called; Aria was disappointed but understood that he had a lot going on. Things felt settled in Aria's heart, the myth had given her clarity. She thought about Jason and was sad. She really loved him, this dramatic shift hadn't changed that, but it now felt like a memory of love. She'd wanted to be with Jason, she was ready to be his wife, but she felt like she needed Ezra. She justified to herself that she couldn't have known this was coming. She never misrepresented her feelings to Jason, they just didn't seem to matter as much, now.

Aria felt guilty, but that wasn't a good enough reason to stay with someone, was it? She knew that she wasn't struggling to make a choice, but to defend her choice. It was insane, she knew nothing about Ezra except that she needed him, and she was confident that he needed her too. She thought back to that morning and listening to Jewel's song. She had been waiting, she'd let Ezra into her heart so fast because there was a space that was already his. Aria prayed he felt the same way. She went to sleep, determined to be honest and up-front with him. She dreamt of the moon, it seemed to smile at her. She dreamt of jumping off the cliff, flying through the air, convinced the landing would bring her everything she wanted. She dreamt of Ezra, and those were very good dreams, indeed.

When Aria woke-up, she was in a fabulous mood. She showered, took time to braid her long, glossy hair, and put on one of her favorite dresses. It was a black sundress covered in bright yellow flowers. It was a happy dress, without being pretty pretty princess. She paired it with knee-high stockings, heeled boots and finished off the look with a fitted leather jacket. She tried very hard to be calm and casual at breakfast, but Ella, who was cradling a mug of coffee while obviously nursing a hangover, commented that Aria was "exceedingly chipper." It sounded less like a compliment and more like a lament. Aria smiled anyway and hurried off to school.

Aria got to school fairly early. She wanted to avoid seeing the girls at the lockers, before class. She'd hoped she would feel better about things with them and could make herself hear them out. But, with all that she had discovered, the last thing she wanted was to hear anything about staying away from Ezra. She was nauseatingly nervous about talking with him. After the way they'd left things, she was surprised he hadn't called. Her other reason for getting to school early was to hopefully have a few minutes alone with him. She would just ask him to read the story and call her later to talk about it. She was so scared about how this could change everything, everything, in her life. But, the thought of being with Ezra, knowing that it was destined to be, made her so happy and giddy, nothing else mattered.

When Aria walked into the classroom, she was the first one there. She was the very first one there. She didn't see any sign that Ezra had arrived, yet. She settled herself at her desk and pulled out the mythology book. The rich burgundy cover made the book look so important, and it was. It was probably the most important book Aria would ever own. She imagined showing it to their children, explaining how mommy and daddy found each other and brought a story to life. A small part of her warned Aria that she shouldn't get so far ahead of reality. And, of course, Aria acknowledged that this situation was going to be very difficult to navigate. There were so few people that could know about Ezra and her. They'd have to tell her parents, she'd have to break things off with Jason. That was going to be a nightmare, and Aria had to make sure he didn't find out about Ezra, for as long as possible. The state of Pennsylvania would not accept a blessing from a goddess as a legal defense, so they had to make sure no one at the school found out. Aria worried that that might include her best friends, but they would have to all make up before it bothered her too much.

Aria kept checking the time and watching the doorway for any sign of Ezra. The minutes were slipping by and other students were starting to trickle in. Most dropped off their stuff and left to enjoy their last few minutes of freedom. Aria chewed on her pen and on her lower lip. Her foot was bouncing, but she forced it to stop when she realized it was drawing attention to her. She was getting more and more anxious. Sure, if Ezra didn't get there until the last minute, she could go up after class to give him the book. But, the girls would likely take note that Aria stayed behind to be "alone" with him, again. And she doubted she'd be able to concentrate in class if she was still practicing what she wanted to say. The first bell rang, and the class filled with students. Spencer, Emily and Hanna walked in, but Aria refused to acknowledge them. From the corner of her eye she could see that they looked upset, but none of them tried to talk to her, which Aria preferred. Ezra finally walked into the classroom and walked straight to his desk. He set his things on top and went to write on the board. There were only 4 minutes left until second bell would signal the start of the class period, but Aria couldn't make herself wait. Maybe it was even better to do this in front of everyone. They weren't having a secret meeting, all alone. They were talking about a book that Aria was giving to him, it would look totally legit.

"Mr. Fitz? I wanted to talk to you about a book I found, yesterday." Ezra froze, but didn't turn around to face Aria.

"I think you should take your seat, Miss Montgomery. Class is starting in a few minutes." His voice sounded odd to Aria. He was speaking in a clipped, precise way, as if he was using as few words, and as little time, as he could.

"I'm sorry, I know. It's just, you asked me a question yesterday and I discovered something interesting. I was hoping you could read it and then call me after school, so we could discuss it." Aria walked a fine line of speaking with enough volume that no one would accuse her of whispering, but softly enough that no one would understand her words. Ezra finished writing on the board and sighed. He turned around to face her and she smiled a brilliant smile. He was even more handsome today. Her heart was beating quickly, but her smile faltered when she saw the stony look on his face. Obviously, he was not having a good morning. Maybe he'd had a flat, or overslept, and that was why he'd barely made it on time. Aria thought maybe she had better go sit down and talk to Ezra later. She didn't want to add to his stress.

"I'm sorry, we can talk later." Aria felt a sense of dread creeping over her, and it was about to get much worse.

"Actually," Ezra said, reaching into his bag. He pulled out a couple of worksheets, stapled together, and handed them to Aria. She didn't understand. "I really don't think it's appropriate for us to have contact outside of school." Aria flipped through the pages and saw that stapled in the middle was the small piece of paper with her number on it. He'd prepared for this. He planned ahead to give this back to her. How could this be happening?

Aria started to feel a little light-headed. Her mouth was working silently as she came up with and discarded several possible things to say. "I thought you wanted to learn about um, cultural history. And I was going to introduce you to my dad. You kind of have to meet him, in order to get to know everybody else." She wasn't going to cry, she wasn't going to show any emotion of any kind. But Ezra was about to test that, mightily.

"Well, I'm sure I will meet your father at some point, maybe parent/teacher conferences. But, I'm in no rush to meet anyone else, I'd prefer to have some time to settle myself in. Now, Miss Montgomery, please take your seat." Aria knew there was no point saying anything else. The bell screamed at her to hurry up and she turned around to walk away from the disaster. She kept her head high and her face completely smooth. As she approached her desk she saw the faces of Spencer, Hanna and Emily looking right at her. They all wore looks of pity and Aria almost lost it. They couldn't have any idea what the conversation had been about, but Ezra's aloof, slightly annoyed attitude had surely come through loud and clear. Aria was certain they thought she'd thrown herself at him and been rejected in a teacherly way. And, when Aria considered it, that was exactly what had happened.

Feeling like her whole body was made of lead, Aria sat down in her chair. She stared at the fake assignment, not seeing what the worksheet said. She knew it wasn't a message from Ezra begging her to play along with his ruse, because someone was onto them. It wasn't an explanation of how he had come to the conclusion that she was a bother and needed to be dismissed, out of hand. It wasn't a reassurance that everything that had passed between them was real, that it wasn't just in her imagination. Maybe none of it had actually happened, maybe her nightmares had taken a bizarre and vicious turn. Aria shoved the papers into her bag. She looked at the book again, the book she now hated, the book that represented the cruelty of fate. She and Ezra might or might not be the storied lovers, but Aria acknowledged that the story didn't promise a happy ending. It promised a chance, a chance to meet and to remember. Ezra had clearly decided it wasn't a chance he wanted to take. It was going to be wretched for Aria to "unpick" Ezra. But, he wasn't giving her a choice. None of this had been her choice.

Aria stared out the window and tried to ride out the waves of emotions that were crashing inside of her. She knew roll was called, but it wasn't like he didn't know she was there. He obviously didn't want her to be there, any more than she wanted to be, but she shouldn't have to declare her presence. Mr. Fitz launched into something or other about Hamlet, Aria couldn't care less. She continued to stare out the window, carefully building a wall around herself. She had to do this once in a while, to separate parts of her life that couldn't overlap. This wall had to separate her heart from everything else, Mr. Fitz, her friends, and anything that could make her feel. She was done feeling, at least for now.