Chapter 3: Lack of Relevance

Shea was quite uncomfortable when he woke up that next morning. The sun scorched his tired eyes, and his body was covered in goosebumps. His back was still and constant shivering.

"Chelsea... Why have to burn hut? She need another fishy slap."

He got up and stretched. With a couple pops of his back, he grabbed a fish and set into the jungle. He made it to the mainland just fine, but... He was instantly lost.

"Oh no! Where Chelsea house?!" He rubbed his sore spot. "Chelsea fault. Need two fishy slaps."

He continued on his way and ended up in the forest. "Is this Chelsea house?" He opened the door to a small, reclusive home. It was decorated in the strangest of colors, and the whole floor was smothered in teddy bears.

"Bears! In Chelsea's house! Die!"

He proceeded in ripping open each and every one of them. One could no longer see the floor due to all the fluff. The door opened.

"Who the hell are you?! What did you do to my bears?!" It was the wicked Witch Princess. In her hand formed a ball of red energy. "I'll make you pay for this!"

The orb hit Shea with a lot of force. It knocked him down. His skin and bones began to move in horrifying ways. "What...?" He tried to stand up. His legs were wobbly and his hand were... stubs?

"Now! You get to be my teddy bear until you fix them. Each and every one of them!"

Shea began screaming and burst through the window. What on Earth was happening?!

He ran all the way back to the jungle. He told Wada what happened. He simply replied, "... Witch." Clearly he was going to be of little help.

It came back to him shortly: where Chelsea lived... But only because Wada tagged along and showed him the way. He made his way to her house. After all, she owed him! She'd have to help!

Suddenly, Chelsea's door was kicked down. "Oh, hello Wada. And... What is that thing?!"

"Shea... Witch... Help..."

She nodded. They made their way back to the forest. The next hour or so was filled of just screaming. "He destroyed my teddy bears!" "He's in a child's mindset!" Eventually it got so bad that the Witch Princess just kind of... blew up. Shea was turned back to normal. He hopped around in glee, hugging Chelsea and Wada. They began to leave when they heard more arguing.

"What have I told you?! If you want to blend in with the mortals you can't just up and explode like that!"

"What else was I supposed to do?! Hex all their mouths shut?"

The Harvest Goddess sighed. The Witch Princess had turned into some sort of mermaid creature and was in her pond. A massive wall of moss began to grow around the pond instantaneously. A loud crash sounded, and the Witch Princess came flying out. Her tail had been removed, which landed on Wada's head. It made a very nice hat. The Witch Princess ran home, crying.

The others decided to do the same. Shea and Wada returned to their half-hut while Chelsea made haste to her farmland. This was sure one heck of a day.

Chelsea couldn't quite sleep that night. The events of the day kept echoing through her mind. There was a loud thud, and she could see Shea clenched to her window pane.

"Shea spider," he said with his tongue sticking out. He fell, and she decided to go check on him.

For some reason, all of his limbs were on backwards. She tooked to Doctor Trent, who was composing a suicide note when she got there. "I just can't stand the people here...," part of it read.

He chopped of the backwards limbs and sewed them back on the right way. The blood loss and stitches made him look like Dr. Frankenstein's monster of sorts.

The next morning Shea wanted to play with Charlie and Eliza. He had met them the other day, and they really enjoyed playing games. He thought he'd join in.

The kids were horrified. They were having a nice date on the beach, and Charlie had given the girl flowers, fed her a nice lunch... Then the creature showed up. It was monstrous... Truly a sight to haunt anyone's dreams. He hobbled over, limbs stiff. "SHEA... SPIDER!" He pounced on Charlie.

"AAAH! Daddy! Help me!"

Chen, who was conversing with Denny about fish sales, turned to see his little boy being molested by a madman. He pulled a shotgun from his sleeve and fired, taking Shea's jaw clean off.

He made several pathetic whimpering noises. He fell to his knees and began to roll about. Chen gave him a swift kick, sending him flying into the ocean.

When he hit the water, His legs expanded into two huge wings. His arms shaped into tentacles. He was the king of the ocean now!

He lived on for many months. He had new adventures every day; it was by far the best time of his life. Until one day. He decided to journey out into the deeper waters, and was greeted by a nice, big whale... Who swallowed him whole.

"GAH!" Shea woke abruptly. He had a massive headache.

"No more... shrooms."