Chapter Twenty

Of course, Ana and Christian don't quite manage to believe that she's invincible, but they do have a nice time over a very leisurely lunch, talking about everything except the reason why they're hovering near a medical clinic. They're each nursing a hot drink when Christian's phone rings. When he excuses himself to answer it, Ana knows that it can only be the clinic. The fact that they've called him, instead of her, confirms that he really is back in control. She hasn't had enough time to work out how she feels about it when he pockets the phone, after only a few seconds, and says, "When you're ready, McKay wants to see us."

Pushing aside her now lukewarm tea, Ana says, "I'm ready."

Christian is beside her in time to help her into the jacket. He again embraces her from behind, and again includes their baby in the gesture, kisses her cheek and whispers, "Together, whatever happens, okay?"

Managing not to cry, but only because a few people are staring at them; probably recognizing them but unsure what to do about it, Ana gulps, "Okay."

Her small hand is firmly clasped in his as they approach the receptionist, who "oddly" seems to have come to life since Christian arrived, and motions towards the consulting room, saying, "Please go right in."

Colin greets Christian and welcomes Ana, then motions for them to sit. Slightly less aloof than before, he reveals, "I'm afraid it is bad news, but not catastrophic. You have a brain tumor, Mrs. Grey. However, there's quite a bit of good news: it's small, in an accessible position, is apparently contained and, if it is malignant, appears to be primary; no sign of cancer anywhere else, though we're still waiting on some of the test results." When they make no reaction, only waiting for more information, he quickly continues, "A colleague of mine – neuro-oncologist – has viewed the scans and is keen to assist. He, together with your obstetrician, will be able to answer all your questions and help you decide what to do next. Obviously, it's up to you, and you're welcome to get a second opinion, but I strongly recommend that we proceed without delay. Thankfully, the tumor is not very aggressive. But every day you wait increases the chances of potentially cancerous cells spreading to the rest of your brain."

Ana is still trying to process any of the words that followed "brain tumor" when Christian asks, "The oncologist?"

"Carl Renner. There are few better in all the country, and none nearby."

Christian nods and says, "I've heard of him. He'll recommend monitoring and chemotherapy?"

"I presume so, given the circumstances. But my strength lies in diagnosis, so I'd be guessing."

Finally summoning the will to speak, Ana asks, "But the baby will be okay?"

"Yes. As I expressed earlier, you're almost lucky in this situation; usually, this diagnosis isn't made until marked neurological symptoms begin presenting. The tumor appears non-infiltrative and is on the very edge of your brain. That's why it caused headaches, as it pressed against the nerves inside your skull, when you lay on your right side for any length of time, or were active enough to jolt it. Renner will almost certainly suggest regular MRIs, to monitor the tumors growth and, if it doesn't become aggressive, you should be able to limit treatment to mild-dose chemotherapy for several months, possibly even until after the baby is born; at which point you'll undergo surgery, radiotherapy and probably full-dose chemotherapy, depending on the results."

After a moment, Christian asks, "And what about the chemotherapy; how will that effect the baby?"

"As I explained to Mrs. Grey earlier, there's a very good chance that the baby won't be adversely affected, but there've not been definitive studies on the matter, as cancer during pregnancy is quite rare, particularly in the first trimester. Renner will explain all your options and help you decide on the best course of action. Obviously, if the tumor is malignant, the sooner you start treatment, the better. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. For today, I suggest you go home and think about your immediate options. If you decide to go with Renner, let me know soon, as he's highly in demand, but has expressed interest in your case." Handing over a folder, he adds, "This is everything I've just told you and more, a few warning signs to watch out for, and the names of other oncologists who are qualified to treat you. Please let me know one way or the other."

Despite his apparent calm, Ana can see the strain on Christian's face when he then looks to her. Wondering how long her heart can stand this strain, she squeezes his hand and nods. Copying the gesture, he then takes one deep breath and instructs Colin, "We'll go with Renner. Please copy Pamela Greene on everything as we proceed, and Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey at Seattle Children's…though give us an hour on that one."

"Your mother?" At Christian's nod, Colin jots down a note and says, "Right. I'll contact Renner." Glancing at his watch, he adds, "You may hear from his office today. If not, certainly first thing in the morning. Do you have any other questions for me at this stage? Unless we gain more information from the last of the tests I scheduled today, my part of the process is pretty much concluded, but I've of course some knowledge of what happens next."

He's looking at Ana, so she says, "Uh, no; tumor in brain, will slowly grow until baby is born, then surgeon will cut it out, and…oh, how long before we know if it's malignant?"

"Unless something shows up before then, we won't know for sure until a biopsy is taken when you have the surgery. There's no point putting you through the physical and emotional strain of a craniotomy while the tumor behaves itself." Gesturing to the file, Colin says, "There's also information on counseling and support groups. You both seem to be coping well, but this could be the most challenging thing you'll ever face in your marriage, so I recommend some sort of professional help."

When Christian says only "Under control," Ana almost giggles at the accuracy of the statement; his icy calm almost frightening, though she's grateful for it, as even the scream inside her head had quieted in response to his apparent mastery of the situation.

Thinking of something else, Ana asks, "Where is it?"

Colin comes around the desk and says, "May I?" At her nod, he gently angles Ana's head, so that Christian can see what he's doing and studies her skull for a second before touching the tip of his index finger to a site towards the back, upper right side of her head. "Right here, towards the back of your parietal lobe, almost where it intersects with the occipital lobe. Avoid sleeping on your right side and any very strenuous activity, especially anything that may result in head injury. You should be fine, at least for a while. Do keep an eye out for those neurological symptoms I mentioned earlier. It's all in your information, and Renner will go over that, too."

"Thank you." Then looking to Christian, Ana says, "I think I'd like to go home now."

Somehow managing to smile, Christian lifts her hand to his lips before saying, "You got it." To Colin, he says, "I presume there're forms to sign?"

Stepping aside, Colin says, "Yes, at the desk, if you would. I know this sounds bad. But try not to worry too much. You've done the right thing by seeking help early. I'm confident of a happy resolution, for all three of you. "

With Christian beside her, Ana manages to stay in control enough to avoid weeping as she thanks Colin and bids him farewell. Christian doesn't let go of her hand even when he shakes Colin's, nor when they walk to the desk; somehow managing to carry the folder under one arm even as they sign the forms. Without a word, they finally leave, this time with only Ryan accompanying them. When he's behind the wheel of Ana's car, he asks, "Where to?"

Christian merely says, "Home."

He's already scanning the information, still clutching her hand. Wondering how she can feel so…nothing, Ana asks, "Are you okay?"

Christian flashes a humorless grin and says, "Fine, baby. I just need to call Grace, then I'm all yours for the evening; anything you want."

Satisfied that he's coping all right, Ana adjusts her position so she can lean on his shoulder while holding his hand and says, "This is what I want."

Christian kisses her forehead, even as he lifts the phone to his ear. This close to him, Ana hears Grace's voice say, "Christian! What a lovely surprise."

Ana feels Christian tense before he says, "I'm afraid not, Mother."

"What's wrong? Have you and Ana had a fight?"

Christian spits out a humorless laugh and says, "Yes, but that wasn't enough to warrant a phone call. We've a good news, bad news situation for you."

A pause and then, "Just tell me, sweetheart."

Taking a deep breath, Christian says, "It's not something I'm prepared to discuss over the phone. Are you able to meet us?"

There's a silence so profound it almost has sound, then Grace says only, "Where are you?"

Ana feels Christian relax at these words, and he says, "On our way to Escala."

"I'll be there in forty minutes."

When she's suddenly not on the phone anymore, Ana laughs. At Christian's confusion, she explains, "I thought only you did that, but it must be learned behavior."

Christian smiles and reveals, "Grace doesn't like goodbyes." Embracing her as best he can, he says, "Baby, if you're being brave, there's no need. I'm okay. You have no idea how reassuring it is to know that my obsession with your health may have saved your life."

Surprised, Ana realizes that he's right. Lifting her head enough to kiss his cheek, she then says, "So you did. Thank you." With a smile, she says, "I suppose that's Cautious Christian? And I really am okay. Mom is the one who likes to panic. You're helping a lot, thank you."

"Good. And, when all this is over, we're going to have a very long talk about your persistent tendency to keep things from me. I can't protect you if I don't have all the information."

"Darling, if we get through this, I think we'll call it lesson learned."

Not a trace of doubt in his voice, Christian commands, "When. I may not believe in prayer, but the power of positive thought is well documented."

With a nod, Ana amends, "When we get through this. You're right. Just in case, I'll also be praying."

"Baby, considering the week we're having, I may join you."

They're soon at Escala; Christian finally relinquishing his grip on Ana's hand so that he can carry both their briefcases. Even then, he extends his elbow, so that she can maintain contact as they ride up to the apartment. Once there, he leads them towards their bedroom, saying, "You're not sleeping alone when you might have a seizure, or worse. Taylor's already moved your stuff back in."

Ana was going to ask for that consideration, so all she says is, "Thank you."

With only a nod, Christian then says, "For now, shower and change. I'll update Gail and Jason. Want me to call your parents? There's always the chance that the news could break, and you don't want them to find this out from a headline."

Ana hadn't even considered it and is stopped in her tracks as she says, "Oh, God. Mom is going to freak, and Dad will be so worried."

Again leading her onward, Christian says, "I'll call them. Want your Dad here? If Carla is prone to panic, she might not be the best influence until things settle down. But I don't imagine much phases Ray."

"No, please, I'll call them, and there's no point either of them being here while I'm feeling okay. I've got work anyway."

It's Christian's turn to be shocked into stillness and his voice is ice as he says, "You're not going to work. You have a brain tumor."

Knowing that tone very well, Ana sighs and attempts, "Which I've evidently had for the duration of my admittedly short career; probably since well before we met."

She knows that Christian apparent newfound confidence is a sham when several emotions flicker over his face before he looks afraid and more gently says, "You're also supposed to avoid stress, for the baby's sake, if not for your own."

"And you think that sitting around the apartment, wondering whether or not I have cancer, will be less stressful than editing manuscripts?" She immediately regrets her choice of words, when Christian flinches, as if she'd struck him, on hearing the word "cancer" from her lips. "I'm sorry, darling, but there's no point me being home while I'm able to work. I'll be sensible and immediately take some leave if my condition worsens, or the pregnancy is taking a toll on my energy levels, I promise."

And then she wonders how he can be so brave, when Christian draws himself up to his full height and declares, "We'll discuss this later. For now, freshen up and call your parents. I'll meet you in the living room."

Gratefully accepting her briefcase from him at the door, Ana then adds, "Thank you, for today; getting there in time to help me through the MRI and…you've been my rock today. I would have been a mess without you by my side."

Only love in his voice, Christian counters, "No, you wouldn't. You'd have coped. But it is truly my privilege to be of any use to you, Anastasia."

Her eyes already misting, Ana gently pushes him as she says, "You'd better go, before I dissolve into a grateful, weepy puddle."

Apparently even brave enough to summon a dazzling smile, Christian says, "Well, we wouldn't want that. Don't be too long, or I'll be forced to worry about you."

When he leans in to kiss her cheek, Ana intercepts him with her lips, and the familiar heat spreads through her body when Christian moans and takes control of the gesture, as if he honestly has no choice. Ana is dimly aware of the thud as his briefcase hits the floor, and then she's in his arms, lost in the heady sensation of his reclamation of her body, from lips to toes; a brushfire of passion coursing through her.

Time means nothing while they're lost in each other like this, so Ana has no idea how long it is before Christian lifts his mouth from hers to gently kiss her forehead and then rest his head there. Then his broad hands find her shoulders and clench them almost painfully, as if he's trying to physically force some space between them, but cannot summon the strength. His breath ragged, he groans, "Grace will be here any minute."

Not for the first time, Ana marvels at how her body knew the truth before she did; she's no longer afraid of him. With no trace remaining of that gut-wrenching fear of further hurt that's haunted her since his outburst on Monday evening, her smile is serene when she promises, "Later."

It's enough that Christian is able to huskily agree "Later," and gently squeeze her shoulders before releasing her and turning on his heel to leave.

Smiling, Ana lifts his briefcase and says, "Uh, darling?"

Blushing slightly, Christian takes the case as he says, "Right. Thanks." Suddenly grinning like a little boy, he steals another kiss and says, "Welcome back, Mrs. Grey."

With a mock curtsy, Ana says, "Thank you, Mr. Grey. I missed us."

Passion flares in Christian's eyes at this confirmation that they're again okay, and he says, "You'd better go, before I can't let you."

Knowing full well what effect it will have on him, Ana nevertheless trusts him to be strong enough to let her walk away when she enters the bedroom saying, "Yes, Sir."

Only a little surprised at his audacity, she doesn't even look around when his palm connects resoundingly with her backside, because she knows that he will already be gone. Dumping her case, and then her clothes, she heads to the shower; there to let the forceful hot water wash away any vestige of emotional pain still clinging to her. It's not enough to erase her concern about the baby or the tumor – both growing inside her – but does get her through the phone calls with her parents. Even Bob insists on speaking with her, to offer his congratulations and commiserations. She's genuinely grateful to him when he concludes, "Just look after yourself, sweetheart, okay? I'll take care of your Mom."

Not that he's ever done anything to upset her, but it's the closest she's ever felt to Carla's current husband and Ana means every word when she says, "Thank you. It helps a lot knowing that she has you."

When Ana breaks her good/bad news to Ray, he's less tractable, insisting, "I'll be there by tomorrow evening."

"Dad, there's no point. I'm currently well enough to work, so you'll just be bored and restless. I'll keep in touch and let you know how things are going, I promise." When this plea is met with stubborn silence, she begs, "Please, Dad. I'm okay; just headaches if I sleep on my right side. Christian is being wonderfully supportive, and his concern for my wellbeing is the very reason that the news isn't worse. He'll take good care of me, and you know that we can afford the best medical attention."

Finally, Ray says, "All right, Annie. But that man better look after you and my grandchild, or I won't be responsible for my actions."

She can hear the peace in his friendly threat, so Ana relaxes a little and says, "I'll warn him. Thanks, Dad. I love you."

Suddenly sounding smaller, Ray says, "I love you too, sweetie. Just be well, okay?"

Too much emotion almost stopping her voice, Ana squeaks, "Okay."

After permitting herself the luxury of a cathartic cry, she repairs her appearance and heads to the living room. Christian and Grace are so engrossed in something on his computer that they don't at first notice her enter. Then Grace looks up and smiles as if she's been waiting only for her daughter-in-law's presence to make everything in her life seem worthwhile. So Ana is already bathed in a warm glow when the older woman approaches and enfolds her in loving arms as she says, "Ana! Ana; you wonderful, miraculous girl."

A little bewildered, as she'd assumed they were looking at information about her tumor, Ana looks to Christian for an explanation. With an indulgent smile, he says, "You may not be shocked to learn that my mother has a tendency to focus on good news."

Finally releasing Ana, Grace says, "I don't want you to worry, Ana. If I had to have a brain tumor, this is the one I'd want. The progress has been so slow that it's almost certainly no more than a grade two, which is entirely treatable even without risking bombarding the baby with radiation."

"How many grades are there?"

"Four. Two is considered low-grade, and it may well be grade one; completely benign, though I agree that chemotherapy is a good idea, just in case. Without the contrast agent, it's difficult to see just how diffuse it is, so we need to assume the worst; that some cancerous cells may have infiltrated the rest of your brain. But even that isn't too bad at this early stage."

Christian chimes in with, "I've spoken to Carl Renner. He'll see us first thing in the morning to set up a treatment plan." When Ana holds a fingertip to her left temple, his brow furrows and he asks, "Ana? Baby, are you okay? Is it another headache?"

Eyeing Ana, Grace observes, "That's not the tumor, son. Your wife is stressed and tired, probably dehydrated, too." Putting an arm around Ana's shoulders, she faces Christian and continues, "As a medical professional, I prescribe a cup of weak tea and a quiet evening. Nothing further needs to be done tonight."

Suitably chastened, Christian ducks his head and says, "Yes, Mother. I'll remember, I promise."

Apparently satisfied, Grace tells Ana, "I've absolutely prohibited him from bullying you. If he gives you any trouble, call me, okay?"

With a nervous glance at a now silently fuming Christian, Ana says, "Uh, okay. I'll do that. Thank you."

Again embracing her, Grace is clearly on the verge of tears when she says, "No, thank you, darling girl. It seems that the blessings you bring to this family are infinite. I'll try and limit Carrick to a phone call, but I'm afraid he'll insist on congratulating you in person very soon."

Imagining Carrick's joy on finding out that he's to become a grandfather, Ana pushes aside any fear that it might not eventuate and says, "I'd like that, thank you."

True to her word, Grace leaves soon after that, again almost crushing Ana in an embrace. Still obviously uncertain with how much affection to show Christian, she hesitates a moment, in which he awkwardly hugs her, saying, "I'll call you tomorrow. Thank you."

Stepping back when he releases her, she then cradles his face and he obligingly bends down so she can kiss his forehead and say, "Take care of yourself, too, okay?"

Christian rolls his eyes and says, "Yes, Mom."

One last squeeze of Ana's hand and she's gone. They're both staring at the elevator when Ana teases, "I think Grace should move in with us."

Christian throws a mock glare her way and says, "No fucking way. It's bad enough that I can't make my wife obey me, without having my mother nagging me all day. I'd sooner cut off my balls with a rusty steak knife."

When his gaze then darkens and he approaches as if herding prey, Ana ignores the answering passion in her body to caution, "Christian, when I said 'later', I meant…"

Crowding her, forcing her back against the wall, he says, "Oh, I'm content to wait, but I'd very much like to discuss this work issue."

Everything in her desperate for closer contact, Ana tries in vain to regulate her breathing as she protests, "Grace said no bullying. But I'm quite prepared to discuss it after that cup of tea."

His expression immediately changes to one of concern, and he says, "Deal. And, considering how I'm feeling right now, it must be time for my medication."

"How are you feeling?" When he merely smirks and arches one eyebrow, Ana quickly adds, "I mean, about everything; the baby, my tumor?"

Taking Ana's hand and leading her towards the kitchen, Christian says, "Actually, surprisingly good after talking to Mom and Renner. She says that he's brilliant, by the way. And I'm certainly impressed after speaking with him. He understands that we're not prepared to consider termination unless it's an emergency, so I'm confident that he'll be what we need." Her sudden immobility haven't brought them to a stop, he turns his confused gaze on her and asks, "Ana?"

Feeling as if her heart is actually glowing with happiness, she echoes, "Not prepared to consider termination."

A shadow of remorse in his eyes, Christian takes Ana in his arms and says, "Unless your life was in immediate danger, no. I'm…fuck, you said no apologies, but I am irretrievably ashamed of how I reacted to the news that we're going to be parents. I want this too, very much. I think I've always wanted it. And I haven't forgotten your plan. By the time our son or daughter is born I will be ready. I swear to you." Suddenly lifting up a shocked Ana high enough that his face is level with her belly, he adds "Both of you," before replacing her on the floor and steadying her when she wobbles.

"Are you going to do that very often?"

Christian laughs and says, "I don't imagine so. But I'm feeling incredibly optimistic right now." At her obvious confusion, he explains, "I told you; plan for the worst. I'd actually envisioned much worse when I made that appointment for you with McKay."

"Like what?"

His expression suddenly closed to her, Christian says, "Let's just leave it at 'worse', okay?"

When he then again takes her hand, Ana says, "Wait. If you're feeling strong, could we…I dunno if you need to check with Flynn. But could we maybe skip the drugs, just for this evening?"

Clearly confused, Christian says, "I thought you liked me calm?"

Adamantly shaking her head, Ana says, "Not at all. I needed you calm today; totally different thing. But I'm okay now…we're okay now, so I want my Christian back."

Considering for a moment, Christian slowly nods, saying, "Okay, baby. And I don't need to check with Flynn. These things are fast-acting and work for only a few hours. He recommended that I take one any time I'm feeling panicked or might be entering a stressful situation."

He guides them to the kitchen and Ana onto a barstool, then sets about making the drinks for them. With the kettle boiling as the soundtrack, he leans across the counter, grins and says, "Your Christian, huh? The playful, angry one?"

Vigorously nodding her head, Ana can't help but smile at his mood and say, "Uh, huh. I love him."

One eyebrow raised, Christian asks, "Lust him a little bit, too?"

Now shaking her head, still smiling, she says, "Uh, uh; a lot. I haven't had sex in forever."

Crooking his finger to bring her closer, Christian tenderly kisses her and asks, "So, you don't want me completely different; just the stuff that would make me a shitty father?"

Only now realizing that Christian would have actually stuck with her plan and slept in the same bed as her for the duration, without having sex, she sobers and says, "Yes. Anything else I asked for was just…you hurt me, Christian." Seeing an answering pain in his eyes, she knows that he understands how much, and continues, "But I don't feel that anymore. I trust you, and I love you, and I currently want you so much that my legs are trembling."

His face only inches from hers, Ana can practically see the thoughts pass through his mind as he considers all his options, then Christian says, "All right. You can go to work. But you will never be more than ten feet from one of our team, and you will – if you have any compassion at all – tell me about any new symptoms, okay?"

It's better than she'd expected, so Ana doesn't hesitate to say, "Okay."

"Right now you'll drink your tea and study up on said symptoms, so you can keep your promise. Then I'm going to take you to bed and fuck you, because you're not the only one trembling with need in this kitchen."

This one definitely wasn't a question, so Ana smiles and promises, "Yes, Sir."

Author's note: Research for this one, rather ironically, gave me a headache. I've tried to make sure I know what I'm talking about, then translate it back into layman's terms. Let me know if you're having trouble following what's going on with their ongoing medical drama.

Oh, not that she reads this, but thanks to Mobabe for so politely refusing this plot line when I had decided to ditch it for something more canon. She was so nice about it that I decided to use it after all. Also means that, if you don't like the idea of Ana having a tumor, blame Monique;-)

The cutesy ending is for anisurnois; how could I resist my favorite author begging me to make it a nicer bedtime story?