"Oi, Ulquiorra? Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra!"

Ulquiorra winced. "What is it, Yammy?"

"Well, damn!" said Yammy, scratching his head. "I've been calling you for a minute, and you haven't answered me! I said, did you hear the latest rumor that's going arou—"

Ulquiorra sighed. "I didn't answer because your question did not deem worthy to be answered. Honestly, Yammy, I cannot comprehend your fascination with those snippets that float about Las Noches." The other Espada stared at him. "I don't know why you like listening to those stupid rumors."

Yammy shrugged as they continued to the Espada lounge. Ulquiorra wasn't pleased to be going there, but somehow—he wasn't quite sure how—Yammy had convinced him he needed to spend more time with the others. Something about how the woman was starting to make him weak. Ulquiorra hadn't been paying attention.

Or maybe he wanted Yammy to shut up.

When they entered the room they found Starrk lying on one of the couches, taking up the whole thing. Lillinette sat beside him. Near the back wall Barragan sat cross-legged, muttering under his breath.

"What was that?" demanded Ulquiorra, as he and Yammy took a seat in one of the unoccupied chairs.

"What an honor it is to have the high and mighty Cuatro Espada join us," Barragan said, his eyes narrowed under bushy brows. "What, were we not good enough for you until now?"

"Now, now, that's enough. I'm sure Ulquiorra had his reasons for not coming here before," said Starrk, an arm over his eyes. "Either way, it is a pleasant surprise to see you."

Ulquiorra turned to Yammy. "I've had enough of this. Come, we're leaving." Ulquiorra stood up, waiting for the other Arrancar to follow.

Yammy groaned.

"See what I told ya? High and mighty!" Barragan said, as the pair made their way to the door. "Even though Yammy's an Espada, you still go on and treat him like he was your Fraccion."

Ulquiorra faced Barragan, glaring coldly. "I don't see how that is any of your business. It's not as though Yammy takes issue with it."

Barragan stood and crossed the room until he was a foot away, towering over the Cuatro Espada. "I wonder what he has to say about that. If you keep assuming for the people, it's going to come back and bite you in the ass one of these days."

"Look," Yammy laughed, "I don't really care how Ulquiorra treats me. He—"

"Well, you should care!" said Barragan. "You're an Espada! You need to have some pride in yourself, damn it!"

Starrk pushed himself off the couch sighing. "Honestly, if we all would just mind our own business—"

The moment was interrupted when Aaroniero showed up. He pushed his way past the three Espada in the doorway. They stared at the Gillian, wide-eyed.

"Did you hear the news?" asked the lower of the two voices.

"I thought you didn't like leaving your domain," Starrk said. "Whatever it is, it must important."

The higher-pitched voice cried out, "Szayel is sleeping with that woman Aizen-sama brought in from the human world!"

Ulquiorra turned his eyes narrowed over to Yammy. "Was this the rumor you were trying to tell me about?"

"Uh, no," said Yammy, sweat forming on his brow. "I heard was that woman was pregnant with Szayel's child."

"What?"

Both Yammy and Aaroniero found it wise to leave as quickly as possible, lest they feel the wrath of an Espada who, unfortunately, did not hold the belief of not killing the messenger. Aaroniero was closest to the door and was able to make a quick getaway to his domain. Yammy wasn't as lucky.

"Where did you hear this?" Ulquiorra demanded, blocking the door.

"Umm, I heard it from this one Arrancar, who heard it from the Arrancar who makes our uniforms, who heard it from the Arrancar who makes our shoes, who heard it from—"

"Did you ever find the original source?"

Yammy nodded. "Apparently that one Arrancar. Loli, I think? The one that's always around Aizen-sama. Seems she told the cook. Why do you want to know, Ul—?"

But Ulquiorra was already gone, searching for the Arrancar in question. He knew Loli didn't think highly of Szayel, but he suspected this was to get back at Orihime more than anything. His fists clenched inside his pockets.

The only place he could think Loli could be was Aizen's throne room, but she wasn't there when Ulquoirra arrived. But another Arrancar, the one who was usually by Loli's side, was.

Ulquiorra walked up to her in a calm rage.

Menoli froze. She sensed his reiatsu the moment he walked into the room. She bowed, blushing. "I-Is there something I can help you with, Ulquiorra-sama?"

"Where is she?"

Menoli averted her gaze. "I-I'm not sure who you mea—"

"Loli, the one you're usually with," said Ulquiorra. "The one who insists on hanging on Aizen-sama. As if he would care about trash like her."

"I don't know where she is," Menoli said, her eyes wide. Ulquiorra was known to never lose his composure. "Is…this about the rumor, the one about that woman being pregnant?"

Ulquiorra took his hands he out of his pockets and folded his arms across his chest. "With the Octava Espada's child."

"With…the Octava Espada? I thought Szayel-sama was gay," said Menoli. "Anyway, that's not what Loli said. I was there helping the cook. Of course, what she said wasn't any better."

"And what was that, exactly?"

"Just that she thought that the woman was pregnant. She noticed the woman was sick, so she said something like, 'Oh, I bet she's pregnant, that—'" Menoli stopped and cleared her throat. "A-Anyway, that's all she said. Then that blabbermouth of a cook had to go and tell someone."

Ulquiorra frowned. "Then where did this other rumor come from?"

"There was a rumor from a few days ago about the Octava Espada and that woman sleeping together. Maybe the rumors got mixed," Menoli said, nodding slightly. "Many Arrancar have seen the two walking and talking together and being more…intimate with each other in these past few months. I suppose it's possible for even Szayel-sama to get close to someone. After all, I'm sure he also…has…urges…"

"I see," Ulquiorra remarked, putting his hands back into his pockets. As he exited the room he called back to Menoli. "I do not have the time, so tell your comrade that she should mind what she says in the future. If not, it will be the last thing she ever says."

Ulquiorra rapped on the door. A few seconds later, it creaked open.

The spherical Fraccion stepped out. "What does the Cuatro Espada want with Szayel Aporro-sama?"

"I have to speak with him. It's a matter of the utmost urgency."

Lumina and Verona looked at each other and nodded. They pushed the doors open, wide enough to allow him entry. Ulquiorra looked around the Octava Espada's domain as the two rushed past him.

"To what do I owe this visit, Cuatro-san?" asked Szayel, coming out from one of the rooms down the hall.

Ulquiorra frowned. "I have...a request."

Szayel raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" He walked over to Ulquiorra and stopped. "And that would be?"

"You're aware it's my duty to watch the woman until Aizen-sama decides to make use of her. However, I have been assigned a mission, one that will leave her unattended for some time."

"And this is so horrible because…?"

Ulquiorra spoke with obvious disgust. "Nnoitra knows where her room is."

"I see," Szayel said, after a brief pause. "And what does this have to do with me?"

"I told Aizen-sama of this predicament, and he agreed she shouldn't be left alone. In the event this mission takes longer than predicted, he suggested another Espada take my place as her guard until I return. He said he would trust my judgment in choosing my replacement."

Szayel smirked. "And you chose me? I'm flattered."

"Don't take it the wrong way," Ulquiorra said quickly. "I don't like the idea of you being her guard, but I was left with no other choice. The top three Espada are on similar missions, Grimmjow would have no patience with her, and Yammy...I wouldn't trust him with a responsibility of this magnitude."

"What about Zommari?"

Ulquiorra shook his head. "Finding him is impossible. As you can see, I didn't have a choice."

"You're too kind," Szayel muttered flatly.

"You are surprisingly apathetic towards this arrangement"

"Of course," Szayel said, running his fingers through his hair. "She's just some human, isn't she? Granted, that power of hers is quite unique. What I wouldn't do to get her into my laboratory, have her restrained to one of the dissection tables, the glint of the scalpel as I ran the smooth side of it down her cheek, just enough to see the fear reflecting in her eyes. And then…the real fun would begin."

Ulquiorra's eyes narrowed.

"But I can't to study her powers the way I want, so why get excited about it?" asked Szayel, pulling himself back. "I'm sure you've already told Aizen-sama you would choose me as your replacement, and he probably gave some stipulation that if anything were to happen to her, there would be a new Octava Espada. Correct?"

Ulquiorra nodded. "That's correct. She's not allowed outside her room either."

"Damn." Szayel sighed. "So, instead of working on the experiments Aizen-sama has requested of me—and a couple of my own that I'm working on—I have to take time to babysit some woman. Yes, that sounds like so much fun." He glared at Ulquiorra. "You owe me."

"Only if you do your job correctly."

How ironic life could be. Once more Ulquiorra stood outside the entrance to Szayel's domain, only this time there were no doors to keep him out. He noticed a pile of rubble in a corner as he stepped in.

Lumina and Verona bound up to him. "Ulquiorra-san! Szayel Aporro-sama isn't here! You're going to need to—" They stopped when they noticed his withering glare in their direction. Gulping, they turned around and went the other way, far from the Espada whose eyes promised them a painful death.

If Szayel wasn't there, Ulquiorra would wait until he arrived. He looked down one of the halls, at the doors on either side and at the very end. Opening the first door he was somewhat taken aback to find a garden, the same garden Orihime had told him about numerous times. Most of the foliage was either wilted or dead, but there was still an undeniable beauty there. He closed the door and went to the door across from it only to find a library, filled to the ceiling with books.

All this searching was getting him nowhere. Finally Ulquiorra looked to the door at the end of the hall. He walked past the numerous doors, ignoring the muffled sounds from behind a couple of them, until he got to the end.

This must've been Szayel's laboratory, considering the different machines and tools strewn about the room. Off to one side Ulquiorra noticed a table with a clipboard. He picked it up and started reading:

Subject: Inoue Orihime
Species: Human
Age: 16 years old
Sex: Female
Height: 157 cm
Weight: approximately 44 kilograms
Family: Mother and Father (situation unknown), older brother (deceased; seems to have been the substitute parental figure during development), distant relatives
Physical Characteristics: Soft orange hair held back with two light blue clips, brown eyes, smooth skin, heavily endowed chest
Other characteristics: Blushes easily, intelligent, observant, inquisitive, amusing sense of humor, frequently apologizes (submissive?), very warm, uncomfortable with familiarity, eccentric, radiating light/life from her entire being...

Ulquiorra's eyes scanned the page. "What…?"

"Hey! Don't you have any manners, Emo Clown?" said TREA, from its spot on the pedestal in the center of the room. "Those are Szayel-sama's things you're going through, you know!"

Ulquiorra glared at the cube. "It would do you well to keep quiet, machine." He turned back to the clipboard and continued reading:

Experiment 3: Exposure to other living organisms
Methods: An environment was created to replicate the natural environment of the participant, using various flora and fauna. The different species are listed on the next page. The plants were genetically modified in order for them to survive the harsh environment of Hueco Mundo and so that their maturation cycles were synchronized, but no other changes were made.
Null hypothesis: There will be no change in the participant's behavior.
Alternative Hypothesis: The participant will exhibit behavior characteristic of happiness and/or elation.

Ulquiorra flipped the page, only to find the next one blank. Unlike the other two experiments, the third experiment cut off right there. No results section, no comments, nothing. It was odd, considering Szayel's reputation for being meticulous with his experiments.

Ulquiorra walked over to TREA. "Where's the rest of it?" He waited a few seconds, but the machine didn't respond. "Cube, I said, where is the rest of the Octava Espada's report?"

"First you threaten me to keep quiet, and now you're threatening me to answer? Make up your mind, will ya?" TREA said, exasperated. "There is no more, Emo Clown."

"What do you mean, there's no more? This report is at least—"

TREA sighed. "I mean there's no more. That's all Szayel-sama ever filled out. After that incident, he never touched that clipboard again."

"Why?" Ulquiorra threw the clipboard back on the table.

TREA laughed knowingly. The sound unnerved Ulquiorra, though he would never admit it. "Why? Goodness, are all Arrancar this blind, or just you and Szayel-sama? It's obvious why! It's because he stopped seeing Orihime-chan as some experiment. He started viewing her as his equal. Maybe even more than that."

"More…?"

"Szayel-sama started liking her, which I thought that was quite impossible. But, you know, even I can be wrong from time to time," TREA said. "Add to the fact that you like Orhime-chan too, and we have one hell of a love triangle!"

"I don't have feelings for—"

"Please!" exclaimed TREA. "Why else would you be skulking around here, waiting for Szayel-sama to return? It's because you're jealous of him! Though I guess in in the end it doesn't matter how either of you feel, but how Orihime-chan feels about the two of you. Even I can't figure out her feelings."

Ulquiorra said nothing. He'd had enough of the machine's ridiculousness. He crossed the room and was about to open the door to Szayel's private quarters.

"Hey, what makes you think I'm not going to tell Szayel-sama you've been in here?"

"Because you prefer staying in one piece," Ulquiorra said, a sharp edge to his voice.

TREA laughed nervously. "Too true! Too true! My proverbial mouth is zipped."

Ulquiorra walked into the dark room. His eyes adjusted quickly. The room looked disused, although the covers had been taken off and laid on top of the bed in a small bundle. His eyes narrowed at the sight. He took a seat in one of the chairs at Szayel's desk and closed his eyes.

TREA's words reminded him of a conversation he had with Orihime days ago.

"You'd prefer Szayel as your guard, wouldn't you?"

Orihime's eyes widened. "I don't know why you'd think that, Ul—"

"You're always going on about him."

Orihime smiled. "That doesn't mean I'd prefer him as my guard over you. I like Ulquiorra for Ulquiorra and Szayel for Szayel." She blushed faintly. "I can't compare you two. You're not the same."

Ulquiorra heard the door open, light pouring into the room. Szayel stared back at him, confused, before his eyes narrowed.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello, Octava Espada."

Before Szayel could react Ulquiorra pointed his finger at him and released a cero. The force threw the other Espada back, through the walls of his domain, and into one of the hallways. Ulquiorra stood up and sonido-ed to where Szayel lay, struggling as he clutched his stomach.

"Prepare yourself, Szayel," Ulquiorra spat. "I'm not holding back."