Mind your memories

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Hogwarts – Great Hall – Sixth of March – Lunch Time (Snape's POV)

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With a suppressed sigh I lowered the letter I just received from Roxanne Pinegrew. A few weeks ago I had started to call her Pinegrew – in my mind at least – because I believed that Cyrus didn't deserve her anymore, if he ever did. Not after his behaviour for the past months, not after the plans he concocted – the plans that had started the doubt in my heart regarding my old friend Lucius.

"I'll expect you at Pinegrew Manor on Saturday the eleventh for lunch. The transfer of your memories into the picture should be finished within an hour, but the process is very exhausting, so you're invited to stay for the afternoon. I'm certain we'll find an interesting book for you in the library."

At least she wasn't expecting some nice small talk. On the other hand the Pinegrew ladies belonged to the shrinking number of persons in my life, who were able to make a sophisticated conversation, something I sorely missed at Hogwarts. Perhaps the afternoon wouldn't be so bad. Not that I really had any choice about the matter. There was still the bargain with Roxanne's daughter from January. She had held her end of the bargain and indeed convinced Potter to leave Nott alone – more or less. His pranks had even been a bit amusing to watch. Not that I ever would admit openly to enjoy a 'Potter prank'. But now it was time to accomplish my duty. A visit to Pinegrew Manor it would be.

"All right, Severus?" Minerva asked with quite that amount of concern in her voice that I hated to hear, but still reminded me that she was one of my very rare friends. Albus showed concern too, but it always had been the concern about a well-functioning tool. Minerva on the other hand always saw the human in me. Often I had wondered how I deserved this fondness.

I nodded. "I'm alright, Minnie," wishing instantly to take back the words. To use her nickname was a certain sign that not all was right about me. But to my relief she chose to respect my wishes, my privacy and only showed me a soft smile before she turned around to Madam Sprout again.

Thoughtfully I watched them. Since the second task – or to be exact: Since Filius returned the day after the task – there had been many conversations among the teachers, mostly among Minerva, Filius, and Pomona but also with a few others. Only Hagrid, the oaf with his way too big mouth and his Dumble-love, Sibyll 'I-speak-weird-even-when-I'm-sober' Trelawney and Mad-Eye hadn't been part of those conversations. And I had been neither, naturally. Apparently nobody trusted me enough to speak with me about important matters. Not that I blamed them. It was quite obvious that there was something going on about the Headmaster and I was still too close to him, still too indebted.

What could it be they were speaking about, or more exact: Plotting? The angry demeanour of Augusta Longbottom and Agatha Pinegrew had been a sure sign that they weren't happy about Albus. Something he had done, something more than simply messing with the friendship between Potter and Greengrass with his exchange of the hostages. It had been a very stupid act in my eyes, and the reasoning to do this still hidden to me. Albus hadn't been willing to speak about it, but I saw the signs in his face: He was worried. That I was able to see those signs was a sure clue about the amount of trouble he had to face at the moment.

The most surprising about the whole issue had been my impression that even Lucius was somehow part of the whole matter. He had sent Headmaster Karkaroff a letter a few days after the task. I knew that he despised the former Deatheater, the 'traitor'. What could they have to discuss? Apart from their hatred for Albus and Potter they had nothing in common, as far as I knew.

"Lucius asked me about the Headmaster." I remarked with a low voice, intensely watching Minerva's reaction. Her eyes widened for a moment. She had never been any good in hiding her emotions.

"Oh, what about," she responded, trying fruitlessly to hide her interest.

"He wanted to know about some of the events of this year: The choice of the Champions, how the tasks went behind the scenes. He was especially interested about how Albus handled the choice of the hostages and his behaviour towards Daphne Greengrass." The choice of the Champions had been a wonder to me too. Despite my official statements, I never assumed that Potter had been the one to put his name into the Goblet. To cheat the Goblet's magic was far out of his reach even with the help of Granger and Greengrass. No, some other person did it and remembering Albus reaction in the whole matter it guessed that he had been part of it or at least knew the culprit.

Minerva took a sip of her tea, certainly to allow her some seconds to soothe her voice: "Any idea why he could be interested in that?"

I shrugged: "Simple nosiness perhaps. And he has a legit interest in the welfare of the Greengrass girls with the younger one being Draco's fiancée."

Minerva forced a small smile and nodded, taking another sip of her tea. Quite the right moment to make a shot in the dark.

"Or he's still looking for a way to get rid of Albus."

Her reaction was quite clear. Coughing, spitting, and trying to cover up with a glare that would have contained far more hate only a month ago. So that was it all about: Someone wanted to get rid of him. Nothing new in itself, but apparently some teachers were part of this. Even Minerva, I wondered. She had always been Albus' staunchest supporter; even in those cases she obviously hated his decisions. I remembered quite well the days after the 'Shrieking Shack event'. She had been furious about Albus' decision not to expel Black. But in the end she had conceded as always. And more than once I had been witness of a fierce shouting match between them regarding Potter's welfare. In the end she had obeyed – every single time.

What had changed her stance? What had convinced her to switch sides? What had happened?

And what did this mean to me? How should I react, which side should I chose? For the first time in fifteen years I was at a loss.

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Same Place – same time (Hermione's POV)

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"Your article was brilliant, Luna."

Luna showed me a dazzling smile. Over the last months the friendship between us had been growing with every day. Since I opened up to her ideas – allowing myself to believe some of them and trying not to be as harsh as before about her more ridiculous ones – I had been able to see this other side of her, the side Harry apparently detected months before me. I was willing now to accept that Luna saw more than others. And perhaps a few of her 'creatures' were only her very special way to describe to us something she saw, because we wouldn't understand otherwise; like I would have trouble describing colours to a blind man.

"Thank you. I really like to write about Daphne and Harry. And luckily Colin had a few photos to add."

Harry groaned and hid his face behind his hands, while Neville, Daphne and I exchanged amused smiles. Colin had been Harry's official photographer for a few weeks now. He had nearly fainted when the letter from Roxanne arrived, telling him that only he was allowed to take photos of Harry and Daphne from then on. A copy had been sent to the Daily Prophet, certainly causing more than one apoplexy. To my regret Skeeter hadn't died from shock.

"Colin is a real good boy," Harry had explained. "And he's a good photographer. But his family isn't very well off. Selling photos of me could be his chance to get a foundation for his later job."

Nobody doubted that photographer would be Colin's vocation after Hogwarts. And the pictures had been really good. Some of them, taken at the second task, had found their way into the Quibbler and – some days later – into the Daily Prophet. Others found their way into the ever growing collections of Harry and Daphne.

"I really liked the picture with Harry kissing Daphne after the apology," I smirked, enjoying Harry's squirming perhaps a tad too much. He glared at me but nodded when Neville remarked how he liked the other picture, showing Daphne casting her Patronus. "I'm sure that from now on no Patronus will be as famous as Daphne's."

For a moment we stopped the happy banter when Viktor Krum entered the Hall. Following Harry's plan we had convinced Madam Pomfrey to examine all four Champions. A flushing potion had been part of that examination and as expected – or should I say 'as feared' – the reaction had been immediate. I still didn't know what exactly Harry said to Viktor afterwards but Daphne received a secretly written apology the next day.

Since then Viktor had slowly changed his behaviour. To a neutral observer it must have looked like he was getting over his crush for Daphne – or as if he was overcoming the effect of the love potion. As a precaution he took another flushing potion every day, in case that 'someone' tried to apply a new potion. But apparently the idea to set Viktor up with Daphne had come to an end, with the feelings of Harry and Daphne quite clear and now in a way official through Daphne's oath.

"Confundus Animus Potion," I mumbled. That had been the name of the potion in Viktor's blood stream, according to Poppy's examination. She had sent a blood sample to Agatha and her colleague had confirmed the result.

"Grandma wrote me about that potion," Daphne whispered. "It is a very complex potion, way above NEWT level. According to her Potion Master only two people at Hogwarts should be able to brew such a potion."

I nodded, shortly looking at Snape. He was one of those two but he had no reason to meddle with Daphne. So this only left the Headmaster, renowned Alchemist even before his time at Hogwarts. Had it really been three and a half year ago, that I read that Chocolate Frog Card about him and his reputation as an alchemist?

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"{You should be more careful,}" Harry's voice scolded us in our minds. "{Such words are better not spoken, but merely thought.}"

Blushing with embarrassment I nodded. This was still too new for me, but he was right. Since the weekend of the second task we had been able to exchange our thoughts. We didn't even have to hold hands anymore but only to sit within ten feet of the other person with a clear line of sight. It was still a bit difficult to switch between speaking aloud and in our minds, but we were getting better. Most of the time we spoke normally so as not to arouse suspicion. But in moments like this mind-speech would have been the better choice.

Luna looked around with a dreamy expression and smiled at me. She couldn't know about the mind-speech, we hadn't told her. But still I was certain that somehow she knew nonetheless.

"{I think Luna knows about our mind-speech.}"

"{Perhaps,}" Harry agreed. "{She's really perceptive.}"

"{I would like to tell her about it – and Susan and Padma too, perhaps Tracey and Blaise.}"

"{Maybe – I'll write Mother and ask her.}"

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"In the next edition we'll publish Viktor's apology, father wrote me."

I nodded. According to our plan of 'Viktor's slow change for the better' his statement about the whole affair would only be published a few weeks after the task. We wanted to avoid any new rumours about the love potion. Even with Daphne's oath there would certainly still be more than enough people who believed Skeeter's silly ideas, especially if it became known that a love potion had been found in his blood.

"That's good," Daphne commented without much interest. Instead her eyes followed Ron and Ginny as they left the Hall, concern in her eyes. She still was more than a bit interested in Ginny's welfare, despite her anger after the task. Perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise to me how fast she was willing to accept that Ginny hadn't any choice in the hostage issue. After our return from Pinegrew Manor she bade me to teach her the tracking and monitoring spells I had used on her. Two times since then I noticed her casting those spells on Ginny. Harry had stayed silent about the matter, unwilling to start a new fight with his girlfriend.

It's important to her, that's all I have to know to accept it. Since when had my best friend become so grown up?

Daphne didn't explain. I didn't ask. She would tell me in time.

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Luna had just left us together with Colin. They wanted to choose the pictures for the next article.

"They're a cute couple," Neville commented and he was right about it. Thoughtfully I watched them disappear. I had never thought about that before, but a boyfriend could really be something good for her. While her housemates behaved better than before, she still had only a very small number of friends. And far too often older students harassed her.

"Looney," I whispered, feeling my eyes to get wet. "How could I ever have called her that?"

Neville hugged me. "You made an error, but you learned. You were strong and honest enough to correct your behaviour. And I think she really likes you now."

I nodded weakly and put my head on Neville's shoulder, ignoring the glares from some Slytherins and Gryffindors. "Luna is the nicest girl I ever met," I remarked after a while. "We should really spend more time with her. And we should set her up with a boyfriend."

Neville and Harry groaned, not liking my 'girly idea' in the least. But Daphne nodded with a broad grin, and that was all that mattered.

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Hogwarts – Office of Professor McGonagall – 8th of March

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"This was," Fred started.

"Really undeserved," George finished.

Both twins were glaring at Minerva McGonagall, their eyes speaking about the injustice of the world. To be called to her office because of a small, completely insignificant prank. Hadn't they controlled their pranking souls at Valentine's Day? Yes, the simple reason had been Fred's wish to impress Angelina with his adult behaviour. And there had been his gloomy mood after they heard about Harry's detention. If someone deserved a nice Valentine it certainly was Harry and Daphne. Even Angelina – at the beginning of the school year not Daphne's greatest fan – labelled them a cute pair. But nonetheless: They had allowed everyone a prank-free Valentine's Day.

Perhaps after that the twins had a bit overstepped the line with their 'Viktor-pranking'. But, Merlin, did the git deserve it. He had been the reason for Harry's detention. With broad smiles they had watched Harry blast the prat into oblivion. It was moments like this, that they were proud and happy to be his friends. Within seconds Harry positioned himself at the top of their secret list of 'students we don't want to mess with', even above Angelina – in Fred's case – and Daphne, who had really impressed them with her deadly streak and imaginative mind.

But since the second task they had slowed down again, allowing the Durmstrang git to breathe freely for a few days without anything funny happening to him. The hair-coloring today had only served as a little reminder that he wasn't completely forgiven. And the orange curls had fitted perfectly, in their opinion.

With the sense of a growing lump in their stomach the twins watched Professor McGonagall as she took a paper from a drawer of her desk.

"Let's have a look…

15th of February: Viktor Krum hexed to speak with a squeaky voice.

16th of February: Viktor Krum poisoned with a laxative."

"Must have been something…"

"… in the pudding." Both twins showed their most innocent smiles.

Minerva only glared at them, before she continued:

"18th of February: Spiced Viktor Krum's tea with tasteless alcohol."

"These Durmstrang students…"

"… are so irresponsible."

"20th of February…"

She continued for a while, interrupted by a number of explanations and excuses from the twins, listing a total of fourteen pranks on Krum and five additional on Nott. Their faces were a bit pale now and they exchanged concerned looks. "We're in deep trouble," George mouthed and Fred slowly nodded.

"Yes, you are," Minerva growled. "Nineteen pranks within three weeks, a number of those doing bodily harm. I know that you don't really care about detention or loss of points. But this would be enough to expel you from the Quidditch team for the rest of your time at Hogwarts."

"No, you can't…"

"… do that." The twins pleaded.

They were the masters of detention and house points had been unimportant since Harry belonged to Gryffindor – and Hermione. Since her friendship with Daphne Greengrass the formerly bushy-haired Gryffindor had started to reap even more points for her house. But to lose Quidditch was to lose the sole reason to remain at Hogwarts. They really hoped for a last eventful Quidditch Season next year, their seventh and last year at Hogwarts. Certainly she wouldn't be that cruel.

"Please, Minnie…"

"… have a heart."

Thoughtful Minerva McGonagall watched the twins fidgeting in their chairs. She had watched them for weeks. And now it was time to close in for the kill.

"We could find a way out perhaps. Under certain conditions I could be willing to… to lose this list. You know: Sometimes I'm so glad about something that I simply forget everything else." She winked – Minerva McGonagall really winked. Fred was shocked.

"Yes, sometimes it's…"

"… the same with us." The twins hastily agreed.

"What could it be…"

"… that would make you so happy?"

Minerva stared at them. Was she really willing to hire the twins? And hire them to do 'this' for her? But she needed help. It was important to know your own abilities as well as your limits. And this job demanded a very special skill, a knack for secrecy and deception, something these two pranksters had shown often enough in the past. She sighed deeply.

"I require your help in obtaining something for me. Obtain it without attracting attention…"

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"I can't believe it."

Fred exclaimed on their way back to the Gryffindor dorm.

"But it was for real apparently."

George responded, waving Minerva's list.

"This will be…"

"… fun…"

"… interesting…"

"… dangerous…"

"… and a complete new level…"

"… of pranking."

The twins grinned at each other. This demanded some serious planning.

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Pinegrew Manor – 11th of March – Saturday afternoon

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Someone entered the room but Roxanne's eyes never left his face, the face of Severus Snape. He was in a restless sleep still, tossing about in the bed in one of the manor's guest rooms. Sweat was on his forehead, the eyes flickering. His high body temperature was concerning her.

"What happened?"

"Anne, Merlin, good you're here. I… I really don't know. It all started completely ordinarily…"

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A few hours ago Professor Severus Snape had entered Pinegrew Manor as appointed. From the beginning, it had been obvious to Roxanne that Snape knew about 'The Dumbledore Pact', knew that something was going on to remove him from Hogwarts. His questions and insinuations made his interest quite clear. But she simply didn't know what his agenda was in the matter. Was he asking as Dumbledore's spy? Was he asking as Lucius' friend? Or did he have his very own reasons? So she had tried to avoid the issue and concentrated on the picture instead.

Roxanne had been relieved to hear that he was willing to share his memories. "I know, Severus, that we… Sirius, Remus and I… have not a very realistic view in the matter. Lily and James had been our friends and we mostly remember their good sides. We hoped you and Petunia would add another point of view. Harry deserves to know about his parents, but it should be a realistic view, not something silly like from a children's storybook."

"I don't know if he really wants to see my side of the matter, especially about his father, but I'll do it."

So Roxanne had prepared the spell and watched him when Severus transferred his memories to the picture.

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"It was weird from the beginning. You know how it looks when someone pulls a memory from his mind. It's kind of silvery thread. But his had a golden hue, not silvery. And it seemed to exhaust him much more than it did to Sirius and me. I didn't want to interrupt the process. I don't know enough about it to estimate, if it would hurt him to be violently separated. But suddenly he yelled in pain. Seconds later he was on the ground – unconscious."

"I see." Anne responded, looking at the Potion Master with a thoughtful look. A golden hue was a sure sign of 'pure memories', a kind of memory that was too clear, too simple to really happen in life. Sometimes it happened when someone experienced a shock and his mind tried to cope with it. But in most circumstances it was a sign of someone meddling with a memory. A mind alteration – irrespective of how skilled the caster was – could never be as complex and 'true' as a real memory. And with what had happened to the teenagers, it was a sure bet to assume that something similar had happened to Snape too.

"You assume someone meddled with his mind?" Roxanne more stated than asked.

Anne nodded. "I would know for sure, if he allows me to examine his mind."

"No," it was only a whisper. "Nobody…" Already exhausted Snape closed his eyes again.

Roxanne patted his arm: "Alright, Severus. It is your mind, your decision. You're safe with me."

Seconds later he was asleep again.

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"I don't need your help, Mudblood."

With tears in her eyes the redhead turned around, unwilling to look into the face of the boy who had been her friend for more than a decade. How could he do this to her? How could he behave like this? Yes, James and Sirius had been disgusting. But she had only tried to help him.

Without looking back Lily ran away.

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The smirk on Black's face was more than he could endure.

Potter and Lupin were at his side, sharing the expression, watching him, daring him to go against the Headmaster's decision. Lucius had been right: There was no justice for a Slytherin at Hogwarts. They would walk away in freedom, unpunished for their deed, unpunished for nearly killing him.

The Headmaster had forbidden him to speak about the Shrieking Shack, forbid to tell anyone that Lupin was a Werewolf. "If you'll go against my wishes, I'll have to obliviate you." That he dared to show his usual grandfather smile and his disgusting eye twinkle had been the icing on the cake of injustice.

He would keep silent about it. But he would never forget. He would never forgive.

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"Yes, it's your fault that she died, Severus. There's no doubt about it. But you can try to atone for your deeds. You can fight at my side for the Greater Good. Make her proud, Severus. I'm certain that one day Lily will forgive you."

He had come to Albus' office after he heard about her death. He never wanted this. Yes, he hated James; he hated their child – because it was Potter's son and not his own. But he never hated her. Why had he never been able to apologize to her? He wished she had accepted, he wished she had forgiven. Now it was too late. The boy would live with his Aunt.

The boy, that was responsible for her death.

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Pinegrew Manor – 12th of March – Sunday morning

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"Do you remember what happened, Severus?"

Roxanne was sitting at his side with Anne farther away to watch the scene without disturbing them. Severus was still not completely awake, but he looked far better after a night of sleep.

"Pain," he whispered. "There was pain. My head…" His voice stumbled. Suddenly tears started to fill his eyes. "I called her Mudblood, Roxanne. She was my only friend before Hogwarts. She was the one that allowed me to survive my childhood, my father. I lost her."

Roxanne gently brushed away the sweat and tears from his face with a piece of linen. "I'm sure she understood your pain, Severus. I'm sure she forgave you."

"She never…" He stopped, grabbed at his temples, a moan of pain leaving his throat. Pictures were running through his mind, pictures of a seventeen-year-old Lily glaring at him, denying him any chance to apologize. But other pictures were mixing with them, pictures of a grown up Lily, a bundle in her arms. "It's my son, Severus."

"They didn't allow her to speak with me." They had been Black, Lupin and Potter. Always ready to intercept him, always ready to step in between. He only wanted to speak with her, tell her how sorry he was. But Lily only glared.

"They nearly killed me. Potter knew. Lupin knew. They tricked me into a life debt. It was Potter's plan from the beginning."

"No, Severus. I've spoken with Sirius and Remus. Sirius made a grave error. He should have been punished for it, he should have been expelled. But only he knew about it. James wanted to rescue you. Yes, certainly he wanted to protect his friends too, especially Remus. But it wasn't his plan to trick you into a life debt. And Remus had no choice in the matter. He didn't ask to be changed into a Werewolf. He only wants to have a life. Remus would have been destroyed learning about biting you. Remus is a good guy. He's my friend – so are you."

Severus wanted to speak, wanted to deny, but again he felt a wave of pain crushing through his head. Roxanne sensed magic emanating from him, like a few minutes ago. She glanced in Anne's direction but the woman showed only keen interest, not betraying any other emotion.

"I'm sorry, Severus." The boy stood in front of his bed in the Hospital, his face very pale, his body trembling with exhaustion. Severus wondered why he never before had seen the signs: The sudden 'diseases' every month, the exhaustion afterwards.

"We aren't friends. Perhaps we'll never be. But I never wanted to hurt you. If nothing else you're still in Lily's heart and at least because of her I would never willingly attack you. Please forgive me."

"No", Severus yelled. "This never happened. He was part of the plan. He wanted to hurt me."

Totally shaken Roxanne watched him. What was happening to him? What was troubling his mind? She really wanted to help, but without his allowance there wasn't much she could do. "Severus, please calm down."

To her relief he slowly slipped into sleep again. A last time he whispered: "They wanted to hurt me. She never forgave me. It was my fault."

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A/N

This chapter was a bit shorter, but I wanted to have the next events in their own chapter. It will be about a damsel in distress.

Whom would you like to see with Luna? Colin would be the most "natural" choice. Any other ideas? Perhaps even one of the girls?

Any idea what Minerva could want the twins to do for her?

The part about Snape is perhaps a bit difficult to read, because there are many dream/memory sequences in it. To clarify it: There are in parts two memories about the same incident struggling to be the dominating one.