Chapter Thirty-Six

The next day, Alison was sitting at her computer typing when she heard a knock on the door. "Come in," she called distractedly.

The door squeaked open behind her. She turned around in her chair and stared, her mouth hanging open involuntarily.

Erik was standing in the doorway, wearing a dark purple button-down that clung to his thin frame and a pair of black jeans that he kept adjusting every few seconds. "Does this look all right? I can change if you need me to–"

"No," replied Alison, shaking her head a little to clear it. "You look…really good." She grinned at him. "All of the girls will be so jealous of me. They'll be wondering how I managed to get myself such an attractive boyfriend." She got up, put her hands on his cheeks and kissed him. Then she pulled back, still smiling.

It was Erik's turn to stare. "You think so? Truly?"

"Oh yes, definitely. I'll have to keep you on a leash to make sure you don't get stolen. Some of the girls I know at college throw themselves after every cute guy who comes along. Nice people, but…"

"Ah." Erik was still a little bit shocked at being called 'attractive', but he shook it off as Alison went to sit back down. "What are you writing?" he asked, looking over her shoulder.

"An essay for a class I'm going to take in the fall. I need to bring it in the first day of class, and before that I'll have to move into my room and meet my roommate and everything. I signed up for a new one so I honestly don't know what kind of a person I'll get. So I'm probably not going to have time to do it when I get there."

"When you get where?" asked Erik.

"College," Alison replied as if it should be obvious. "I'm going back for senior year in about a month. I need to be ready and it's probably better to do it sooner or later."

"You are still going to school?" Erik was a little confused.

"Yes, of course I'm going to school. I told you, I have one more year."

"Where is this 'college'?"

"Didn't I tell you when I was in your world?" She shrugged. "I guess not. It's a little outside of Boston, in Massachusetts. It's about six hours away if you drive."

"Six hours away? But what about Étienne? Will you take him with you to school?" Erik didn't understand. Why was she going to school and leaving their child?

"He'll stay here, with my parents, the way he has for the last two years. Obviously the first year I couldn't exactly leave him, but it was really difficult to manage him and homework and everything else, so he's staying here. I don't like doing it but he can't come with me."

"So you drive twelve hours every day, there and back, and go to school for the rest of the time?" Erik was having trouble understanding the concept.

"No!" She looked at him as if he were crazy. "Of course not. That would be stupid. No, I stay there for the school year and come back on breaks. I seriously thought about going to the community college nearby but my parents wanted me to get the best education I could so that I can support Étienne. We managed to persuade the school to keep me."

"But what about me?" Erik sounded almost lost, envisioning the life her words painted in his mind. A life without the woman he loved. Again. "Where will I go? I cannot stay here and take advantage of your parents' hospitality. You know that I am not a good guest, nor am I good with people in general."

That threw Alison for a moment. "You could come with me, I suppose, and live in a house somewhat nearby or in Boston or something like that, I guess. I could help you get a job and find your way around. That way, we would be close enough and it would be easier for me to see you."

"Angelique, I have not had a proper job in years because of this." He pointed at his mask. "I–"

"Will you stop using your mask as a crutch?" The words exploded out of Alison before she could stop them.

"What?"

"Stop using your mask as a crutch. 'I've got a mask, so I can't leave the house. I've been shunned for all of my life, so I can't go to the mall or anywhere else or talk to people, et cetera, et cetera.'" Her voice was a poor imitation of his. "I can't just run around and do things like this for you. I want to be your lover, not your freaking mother. I understand that you need help. You need to learn about the modern world and be accustomed enough to do things on your own. I get that. But you can't just use the fact of your mask as an excuse to make me do all the work."

Erik was stunned. "I am doing no such thing! My life has led me to be cautious about these sorts of things. That is all. I am not trying to make you do all the work. I can be perfectly independent. I have, in fact, been learning about the modern world. I just leave at night when you cannot see me. I have learned some things. I taught myself how to use the bus based on what you told me. I am not utterly stupid, Angelique." His voice rose with his anger.

"Well, then don't act like it! I love you and I want to spend time with you –"

"It does not seem like it."

"What? How? You know that I–"

"Then why are you going to college and leaving me?" As soon as the words left his mouth he went red and turned away, his hands clutching at his lips as if he were trying to push the offending sentence back in.

They stood in silence for a moment.

"I'm not trying to leave you," said Alison, breaking the silence. "How could you ever think that? But I do need to finish college and get a job, and do so many other things with my life. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I have my own things to do as well. Not everything is centered around you." She tried to speak as gently as possible.

"If you leave, how do I know you will come back?" He sounded almost like a lost child.

"You can come with me, Erik." She went to him and took his hands in hers. "We can still see each other. It's not as if I want to break up with you. I spent almost three years thinking you were gone, I'm not losing you again."

"You don't need to go to college, you know." His voice was quiet. "I can take care of you and Étienne."

She smiled sadly. "How? I know you have education, but not in the traditional way. In this day and age, people won't accept that. They need to see college credentials, past job experiences, references, things like that. You have none of those things."

"You are saying that I am not worth hiring?" asked Erik, offended.

"No! Of course not! I'm just trying to be practical."

"Practical? How is that practical? I am trying to provide for my family. That is practical. That is my duty as a man, as a lover, and as a father."

"I understand that, Erik. But in this day and age, the woman can provide too. I'm not saying you're not good enough," responded Alison quickly, trying to diffuse the anger she saw rising like an oncoming storm. She had forgotten how great a temper he had, but was being reminded every second by the expression behind his eyes.

"I am perfectly capable of providing for everyone myself! You do not need to exert yourself. I have a family, something I did not have before, and I intend to take care of it."

"It's not about exerting myself, it's about doing something worthy with my life."

"And being with me isn't enough?"

"No. Yes! It's not about that, Erik. You are more than good enough–"

"Lies." His voice was cold. She could tell that her momentary hesitation had hurt him, and he was retreating to minimize pain.

"I'm not lying, just hear me out."

"You've said all that you need to say. Go. Go to college and do something more worthy with your life. I should have known it was too good to last." The contempt in his voice cut her to the bone as he turned to leave.

"Erik." This time she was pleading. "Listen to me."

He turned back to look at her. "I have listened to you." Rage boiled beneath his voice. "And you have told me that I am inadequate, not worthy, and too weak to support even myself."

"No, that's not what–"

He slapped her.

As soon as his hand made contact with her skin, he jerked back, a look of horror on his face. The anger that had blotted out all other thought disappeared at the crack of skin on skin. He wanted nothing more than to undo what he had done, but it was too late. Alison's hand went to her cheek, shock turning to betrayal in her eyes. He reached out to her in apology, but she flinched back.

"Don't touch me," she hissed. "Don't even think about it. Just get out."

"I am so sorry–" he whispered.

"Get out!" She pushed him out of her room and slammed the door behind him. She leaned her head against the cool wood surface of the door, taking a deep breath to calm her emotions.

Erik stared at the closed door that was inches from his nose, trying to muster some excuse for what he had just done.

"Daddy?" Étienne's childish voice came from just behind him and he spun around. "What happened?"

Erik bent down to his son's level, trying to put a smile on his face. "Nothing, Étienne. Your mother and I just had a little…disagreement, that is all. Nothing to worry about."

Étienne smiled back at him and gave him a hug, wrapping his arms around Erik's shoulders. Erik tentatively hugged back, pushing down the rising tide of mixed emotions. "It will be all right, Étienne. Just go play with your grandmother for a little bit, okay?"

The little boy nodded. "Okay." He ran down the stairs calling, "Grandma! Grandma!"

Erik watched him go, then stormed up to his room, closing and locking the door. He sat down at the piano and let the pained, tortured music spill from his fingers and bleed through the floor to where Alison sat at her computer, trying to concentrate on her essay. It pierced her right to the quick. Unable to think anymore, she slammed the top of the computer down, buried her face in her hands, and let herself cry.