Who Shot the Bitch Troll?

Chapter 8

Flynn

It is not for the first time that I am relieved that Christian Grey is going away on a vacation, and this time for a whole week. The holiday season is always very stressful for people with psychological issues and with all that has recently gone on in Christian's life it was twice as stressful for him.

Not surprisingly, he has been very anxious since he met his biological father. I believe that it would have been much easier for him if he had been some lowlife who had abandoned him and his mother to the vagaries of street life. Instead, Chris Price is an extremely decent man who had fallen into the same kind of trouble as many other teenagers. But sadly, he never knew it.

I admire the restraint that Price has shown in dealing with his long lost son. It must have been very tempting for him to try to come in and overwhelm him with efforts to develop a close relationship and make up for lost time. Instead, he simply expressed a desire for a relationship on whatever terms Christian set and then allowed things to evolve from there.

I don't know how much he knew of Christian beforehand, but being the control freak that he is, this was the only way to approach him. His willingness to hand over absolute control of the parameters, at perhaps the expense of his own feelings was, in and of itself, a courageous and loving act. He is very lucky that Christian is in a place right now that, with my guidance, he was able to discern these elements of the offer.

Christian has also, through his relationship with Ana, learned to adapt his mindset to new information. It is emotionally healthy, and a sign of his growing maturity that he no longer refers to his biological parents as the crack whore and the sperm donor. Those labels were part of his defense mechanism and a symptom of his adolescent emotional state. It has been greatly beneficial for him to be able to replace those two dimensional cartoon characters with three dimensional imperfect, but not irredeemable human beings.

Discovery the authentic humanity in his birth parents, has helped him on his journey to uncovering it in himself. It is no longer possible for him to hate them. They are real to him. Thus it makes easier for him to escape from his own cycle of self-destructive cycle of self-loathing. His next step in the process will be to accept that his adoptive family is not perfect. He will not fully connect with them until he realizes that like his birth parents, they are also fully human.

Like any adolescent, he is working on changing his value judgments from black and white to shades of gray. It is frustrating for those around him, because his responses to threats to his very judgmental positions are so extreme. He is also still in a phase, quite ironically, of testing limits and boundaries. Elena Lincoln may have taught him to do this with pain and pleasure, physically and sexually, but in giving him this "outlet," as he calls it, she stunted his emotional growth.

The irony is that it was she who started off this whole process. In the beginning, she was attempting to cause trouble and sow seeds of discord between Christian and his adoptive parents. The press leak was a cruel twist, but she had no idea that in taking on Chris Price, she was doing battle with someone who has a very strong will and character. And his people are almost as good at tracking down information as Christian's.

In the case of the press leak, she did not cover her tracks as neatly as she had when she hired McBride. Of course, we will never know for sure if she hired him, however, it is the only logical conclusion, since she was the source of the leak. How else could she have known?

The damage that she wrought still lingers. We see it every time Christian resorts to one of his "swearing sprees" when faced with frustration. Having been subjected to a number of these onslaughts over the years, I look forward to the day when his language reflects that of a CEO, rather than a truck driver.

However, even in death, I can see lingering danger from his relationship with her. He believes that his family is fooled as to the nature of their affair because her ex-husband Linc has told the police that there was no such "dungeon" as they found in her own in the one that they shared. He is also claiming no knowledge of her predilections such as they were. Ergo, this became her sexual activity of choice after the divorce and after her affair with Christian.

This of course is nonsense to anyone who knows anything about these sexual sadistic tendencies. The only one, who I suspect knows this, is Carrick. Grace would never want to think such a thing could happen to her son. And I have the truth from Christian. She may not have had a dungeon, but she had many of the "toys" and other accoutrements of the lifestyle very effectively hidden from her husband. For any practices that required the special equipment, they were able to go to clubs in the area.

It was in these clubs that Christian later learned to become a Dom, complete with pseudonym and the effective disguise of a full head mask covering both his face and hair. Elena had one of her own, and this was the one that she wore to the masked ball that the Greys held last spring. Such a mask was so effective that she even escaped detection by Christian. And it was absolutely necessary for him since his hair is such a distinctive shade of red.

It was how he has been able to operate for all of these years in the more normal, respectable business world without being "outed" by a random fellow BDSM participant. Naturally, such anonymity was also required for Elena. I am somewhat surprised that none of the fifteen "subs" have come forward to the press in spite of the NDAs they signed.

However, the press would have a field day if they were to discover the fact that it was her affair with Christian that ultimately broke up Elena's marriage. There is also the detail that Lincoln's vendetta against Christian was based on this, as was Christian's payback by breaking up his company. If Lincoln is charged with Elena's murder, even based on circumstantial evidence, it is entirely possible that he will tell this to the police and worse yet, the press.

Everyone is playing a very dangerous game now with that man. He will no doubt inherit his wife's estate, which would keep him away from the Christian. His fortunes would be restored. He could, with very little trouble, sell her very profitable business to the highest bidder and retire in the style to which he is accustomed. If he were to have killed his ex-wife the motive of revenge is only clear if one understands that ultimately it was she who was responsible for Christian's ability to destroy the timber business.

Christian has told me that he began to accumulate the shares of Lincoln Timber after Linc put Elena in the hospital. He was always afraid that sooner or later Lincoln would come after him because it is not in his nature to forgive and forget. Nor is it in Christian's nature. I just hope that his impulsive action does not come back to haunt him.

Being outed as a former Dom would be highly embarrassing, especially since he is happily married and now considered a solid family man rather Han an enigmatic bachelor. Such a salacious story would create a press feeding frenzy of epic proportions. His life and that of his family, both his families would be a misery. The press would be out to hunt any former subs offering big bucks to tell their stories.

This kind of publicity would be certain to derail his fragile emotional progress. But it doesn't have to happen. There is no concrete evidence to connect Lincoln to the crime and the police won't find any. The question that remains is whether Detective Clark will let this turn into a cold case or will he put Lincoln in a position where he feels forced to play his hand to protect himself.

Yes, I am glad that Christian is presently out of town, and hopefully building a new relationship with his biological father. Studies have shown that adolescents have the greatest chance of successfully negotiating the treacherous waters of that phase of life if they have many positive relationships in their lives to help them along. A solid, meaningful relationship with his biological father can only benefit Christian in the long run.

Christian

Even as the jet is hurtling down the runway, I am still questioning the wisdom of spending this long weekend with my biological father and his family. It was Flynn's idea of course. He has been listening to me agonize over the revelation of about one month ago when suddenly the bottom dropped out of my very stable world. I have finally realized that the kind of control and stability in my life is nothing more than an illusion that I create to cope with my inner demons.

I thought that Elena was the best thing that ever happened to me because she took all control of my life away from me. Her incentive program was a hedonistic mix of pain and pleasure. She tamed my rebellious and self-destructive nature with her beatings and rewarded my successes by offering me sex in infinite variety. I thought that she gained pleasure from my growing strength, but the reality was that her pleasure came from my subjugation.

It has only been since I have learned to make love to Ana that I have I discovered the true nature of fucking Elena. When I enter Ana, it is as if I am finding a sanctuary from my inner fears and demons. Within her, I am protected, I am safe. And now within her grows our child, the product of our love. As I watch her growing belly, I am more and more aware of this tremendous gift that she is giving me.

I can feel the anxiety that she always has at take offs and landings through her finger tips that clutch my hand for safety. With my other hand, I reach out and gently, protectively cover her stomach, where, she tells me, our child is shifting. With lift off, I can feel her relax as she sighs audibly. I lean over and kiss her hair and when it is permitted, I unbuckle her seat belt, knowing that the band is uncomfortable around her waist. I must talk to Stephan about getting an extension for it so that she can fly more comfortably.

I would do anything for my Ana, my sweet, loving, and giving Ana, the woman who taught me how to make love, who taught me how to give love, who taught me how to love myself. And she freed me of the devouring bitch whose influence had held me in a perpetual state of adolescence.

It was Flynn who figured it out first. But I refused to believe that Elena was anything other than a force for good in my life. He tried to tell me that the sex that she offered me, far from taming my demons had called them forth. There was never anything beautiful in the act for us. She needed the hard, driving force and the powerful orgasms that she taught me to give her. It was her release, her physical pleasure that mattered, not mine.

It was probably why she had respected my boundaries with regard to touch. She had never felt any inclination to comfort or sooth. From the beginning, Ana wanted to touch me to demonstrate her love for me. But what did I know of such tactile demonstrations? I had never allowed my own parents to touch me, to hold me. What was touch to me but harsh and painful?

Did my birth mother ever hold me and cuddle me as mothers are inclined to do? If she did, I have no memory of it. My only memories are of an indifferent crack whore, too stoned to protect me from the evil man who beat the shit out of me and abused me in unspeakable ways. Elena's touch, of the cane, the lash, the paddle was of the same nature. It was the pain that I richly deserved for being such a little shit.

Her cunt was merely an orifice that sucked me dry for her pleasure and hers alone. And when I became a Dom, I reversed the process. My subs were no more than empty receptacles to be filled for my pleasure. They were to be beaten for my pleasure. They were to take the punishment that the crack whore should have gotten from me. And being the masochists that they were, they took the pain willingly.

But then Ana came along and refused to take the pain. I beat her with a belt and she ran away, screaming that I was a sick bastard and she would not let me use her body as a whipping post.

"You need to sort out your shit, Grey!"

Those words reverberated in my consciousness over and over. And it was then that I finally turned to Flynn and admitted that I had shit that need to be sorted out. I had had a taste of the "more" that Ana had offered me. She had tantalized me with her spunky response to my verbal assaults. She had challenged my rigid views of female relationships. Somehow, in her charm and innocence, she had crossed the boundaries that I had erected so carefully around my emotional world.

She had gotten under my skin and burrowed into my soul. I was lost without her. Flynn told me in no uncertain terms that unless I changed, I was never going to be able to have her. She would never let me beat her again and unless I could overcome that compulsion, I would lose her. If I wanted her, then I must be worthy of her. I must overcome my nagging fear that I did not deserve her. I had to decide that I was capable of being worthy of her and that I could deserve her love.

This first baby step towards the light made me realize that if I was worthy of Ana's love, then perhaps I was worthy of my mother's love, and my father's, and my brother's, and my sister's. The next step in my evolution of self has been discovering my biological father and the fact that he is not the asshole that I always thought that he was. But more than that, I learned that my birth mother, Ella, was not always a crack whore.

Looking at her through Chris's eyes made me realize that in her own messed up way, she had loved me. I had not been born unworthy of love. I had been born as the result of a teenage summer romance. My mother had been a fragile girl, filled with self-doubt and love for a boy who had let her down. My father had deep regrets for the choices that he had made that had resulted, ultimately, in her death.

I think that it makes a great difference to a child, whether he feels wanted and loved from the beginning. And that has made me view my own child differently. It is not only that my child will want for nothing materially, he is never going to doubt that he is both loved and wanted by his parents. He will never know the self-loathing that one develops because the only touch he knows and can tolerate is painful.

"Christian," says Ana suddenly, breaking into my reverie. "Why did you decide to invite Chris and his family to Aspen with us?"

I knew that sooner or later she would ask this question. In fact, knowing her insatiable curiosity about everything that I think and do, I am surprised that she hasn't asked before.

"I'm still not sure myself," I respond. "It was Flynn's idea. He thought that I still had some unfinished business with him. And I guess I do. Besides, I had kind of promised the girls, hadn't I?"

"You promised them a boat ride," she says. "I don't recall a trip to Aspen. But still, I hadn't realized that you cared about them so much. Forgive me if I am mistaken, but I got the distinct impression that you were pretty happy that Chris was out of our life when he left last month."

"You know, I'm not sure about that or anything else anymore, related to him that is," I try to explain. "I don't know why I decided to call him on Christmas. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. And then when we were on the phone, I thought that maybe I should see him again. And the house in Aspen is kind of neutral ground."

"Kind of," she says uncertainly. "Have you discussed your impulsive actions with Flynn?"

"You know that I have," I reply. "Of course he started to go on about how it was some kind of subliminal desire to see him again. I don't know. I mean, it's not like he feels like my father or anything. But it sort of feels like he holds the key to a missing part of myself. It's not just about him. I guess that I'm still looking for some affirmation that my birth mother loved me, that I was worth loving."

Ana sighs.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I love you, Blip loves you, and your whole family loves you, before you believe it?"

"I know," I answer. "But just think of how many times I have heard the pimp's voice when I was a kid, in my nightmares, and even when I was awake, calling my mother a fucked up bitch and me a little shit. It was like brainwashing or something."

"Do you still hear it?" she asks. "Do you still have the nightmares?"

"Not in a long time," I say. "Not since we made up after the Hyde thing. But sometimes when I am in a situation where I start to feel insecure or doubtful, I think that I hear it."

"Have you discussed it with Flynn?" she asks.

"Yes," I answer. "But he thinks that in time it will fade. He also said that my biological father might lay some of those ghosts to rest. I mean, knowing that my father was really a very good and decent man may help dispel the idea that I have always had that I was genetically screwed up or something."

"You are Chris are really very much alike," she comments. "Even though he didn't raise you. That must tell you something about your genes not being somehow defective."

"I know," I say. "And maybe that's why I want to see him again, you know? I want to reassure myself that he is as normal as he seemed a month ago. Then, well, then maybe I can move on."

"Do you want to move on?" she asks.

"I want to be a good Dad, like he is to his three girls," I say. "But I really don't know anything beyond that. It's funny, but even though Carrick has always been a great Dad to me, I don't feel like I can learn to be a good Dad from him. Maybe it's because I always thought that he was too good to be my Dad. I felt like I didn't deserve him. He's just always seemed so perfect."

"And Chris is not?" she wonders.

"Not to me," I reply. "But to his girls he is. I'm just so confused. In fact, I haven't felt this confused since the first time you told me that you loved me."

"I remember that," she smiles. "But you got over it."

"Yes, I did," I say with a smile.

Ana yawns and then cuddles into my shoulder. I put my arm around her and snuggle her in close. And as I do, I feel two very precious lives in my arms. In that moment, I feel sorry for Chris because he never had the chance to feel the same way about my mother and me. I am beginning to understand why he feels so strongly about me. The feeling is unsettling, but it's also rather nice.

Gail

I was very happy to to say goodbye to Mr. And Mrs. Grey so that Jason and I could finally have a whole weekend away from home and by ourselves. And I had never imagined that traveling in first class could be so luxurious. It was nice to have someone waiting on me for a change, anticipating my needs, and insuring my comfort. I remember when my first husband and I would board the plane and walk past the first class passengers already seated in their large, comfortable seats and sipping cocktails. I never thought that some day it would be me.

It felt so pleasant and natural to walk through the airport, holding Jason's hand and then sitting in the first class lounge with his arm casually draped over my shoulders. He was visibly relaxed, knowing that Grey and Ana were safely flying on their own plane with Stephan at the helm and with Sawyer and Ryan there for security. Once they hit US airspace, Jason turned full control of their security over to Sawyer and his full attention to me.

"What are you thinking of, honey?" he asks, breaking into my thoughts.

"I am thinking about how for the first time it is really just us," I answer. "It has always seemed as though one of us was either on duty or out of the country. So much of our time alone has been up in our quarters, always ready for the call if we were needed."

"Yes, that is our life," he sighs. "Do you ever regret it? Do you ever wish that we would leave and get other jobs."

"No," I say. "I really like my job, especially now that I have Ana to look after. And I am looking forward to the baby coming. Even though I am sure that Mr. Grey is going to drive me crazy with every specialized diet he reads about."

"Mrs. Grey is planning to nurse, isn't she?" he asks.

"Yes," I answer. "But Mr. Grey has already been reading books on nursing and what the best diet is for a nursing mother. It's amazing that he has time to run his business."

"Well, he doesn't need much sleep," replies Jason with a smile. "That's a good thing because the bassinet will be in their bedroom for the first couple of months so he will be getting limited sleep. But if you think that you've got it bad, I have to deal with the security issue."

"What security issues?" I ask. "Won't the baby always be with Ana? And since she won't be working both Sawyer and Ryan will be at the house."

"I'm afraid that after the Jack Hyde mess, he is very paranoid about the baby being kidnapped," he answers. "In some ways, he is right to be concerned. I will be hiring some guards for the outside of the house, to watch the perimeter and the waterfront. He wants to keep all of that as low key as possible to avoid worrying Mrs. Grey, so it shouldn't be much of a problem for you."

I am silent because I hadn't thought of that and Ana hasn't mentioned it.

"What about the nanny issue?" he asks.

"It's still a stalemate," I reply. "I'm staying out of it."

"Smart girl," Jason says with a smile. "Now why don't we forget about those two crazy rich people that we work for and focus on us?"

"I thought that you would never ask," I answer with a smile of my own. "Have you ever been to Vegas?"

"I've been just about everywhere," he says. "But never as a tourist. Come to think of it, I haven't been many places as a tourist. But when I have had the odd chance to vacation, Las Vegas has never appealed to me."

"Any reason why we're going there then?" I ask.

"Well, getting married in Nevada is convenient for the obvious reasons," he explains. "My other choice was Reno and that had no appeal whatsoever. Of course we could easily have married somewhere in Washington state, but I wanted a complete change of scene. It's not much of a honeymoon for you though. Maybe sometime later I can do better."

"I am happy with the time we have," I respond. "I don't really see our relationship changing much just because we got married. But I'm glad for Sophie's sake."

"Are you really okay with all that?" he asks. "You know, being a stepmother and all?"

"Jason, I couldn't ask for a more wonderful step-daughter than Sophie," I reply. "I just wish that her mother wasn't so difficult about everything."

"Jeannine has always been difficult, well, since we married anyway," he says. "She didn't really understand what being an army wife was all about. Then she talked me into quitting and before I knew it, she had taken Sophie and moved out. She thought that if they moved to Washington state, she could get away from me. She was not pleased when I got the job with Grey."

"And she wanted to get away from you so that she could talk you into giving up custody and allowing her new husband to adopt her?" I ask.

"That was the plan," he says. "But she forgot how tenacious I am. Sophie is my child and there is no way that I am letting her go. Besides, she's too old for that. She knows who her Daddy is and Cliff is not Daddy. It displeases Jeannine that Sophie insists on calling him by his first name, but she's a pretty stubborn kid."

"Did she really tell her that if she had to call Cliff, Dad, that she would call me Mom after we got married?"

"You bet," he says proudly. "I wish that I could have been a fly on the wall. Jeannine does not like to be thwarted, but she is reluctant to really give Sophie a dressing down. In a few years, the courts will consider her old enough to choose which parent she lives with. It could be a tricky time for Jeannine if she keeps harking on my faults the way that she does."

"I'm sorry that Sophie will be your only child," I say regretfully.

"I'm not," he says firmly. "I love as you are, Gail. Don't ever feel guilty because we won't have any children. And if you really wanted a child we could always adopt. But you are the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Children grow up and move away, but we'll be together for the rest of our lives. Besides, I have found that there are other fringe benefits to marrying an older woman."

"The fact that I'm more mature?" I ask playfully.

"I wouldn't exactly say 'mature' in any negative sense," he replies. "You know who you are and what you want. And you're one hell of a lover in the bedroom. I know a good thing when I see it and you're beyond good, you're amazing."

Now I blush with pleasure. He's one hell of a lover too. On that score we are very well matched. Jason leans in and kisses me and then settles me comfortably under his arm.

I close my eyes and feel safe and secure in our future together.

Melissa

We are met at the airport in Aspen by one of Christian's security people, a man named Ryan, with an SUV. He immediately grabs our luggage and Chris helps him tie the skis and poles to the ski rack. Of course the girls have a million questions.

"Is Ryan your first name or your last name?" asks Emily.

"My last name," he says briefly.

"What is your first name?" asks Katie.

"James."

"Can we call you, James?" she asks.

"I prefer Ryan," he says formally.

"Oh, that's too bad," comments Sarah. "I wanted to say 'Home, James' like they do in the movies."

At this, we finally see a glimmer of a smile.

"What did you do before you worked for Christian?" Emily asks.

"I worked for the FBI," he replies.

"Like 'Criminal Minds'?" asks Sarah.

Again we see a glimmer of a smile.

"Not exactly," he answers.

"Oh, did you ever have any interesting cases?" asks Emily.

"Yes," he says briefly.

"Can you tell us about one?" asks Katie.

"Of course not," interrupts Sarah. "They're all top secret, right James, I mean Ryan?"

"Right."

I can see that Ryan is trying to control his laughter. Something tells me that this is the first time that he has ever had this kind of discussion since he has worked for Christian.

"How long have you been working for Christian?" asks Emily.

"I have been working for Mr. Grey for about seven months," he replies.

"Are Christian and Ana already at the house?" I ask to change he subject to something less personal.

"Yes, ma'am," he says. "They arrived earlier."

"Does Ana look any bigger?" asks Katie. "You know, because of the baby?"

"I prefer not to comment," answers poor Ryan.

"My Mommy's going to have a baby too," announces Katie. "In the summer. We're hoping that it's a boy so that we can have a real brother."

"Katie, you have such a big mouth," scolds Sarah. "You know that we're not supposed to talk about that."

"I'm sorry," answers Katie. "You won't tell on me, will you, Ryan?"

"Of course, he won't tell," interrupts Emily again, rolling her eyes. "He's ex-FBI. He's used to keeping secrets."

"Oh, yeah," says Katie. "I forgot."

"Okay, girls, the interrogation is over," says Chris firmly. "Why don't you all keep quiet and look around at the scenery? It certainly is gorgeous out here."

"Yes, it is," I agree quickly.

With that the girls turn their attention to the mountains. They move on to safer topics by asking Ryan about the village and where the ski slopes are. I can see him relaxing. I am sure that he had never experienced anything like the conversation that he just had with our three, even as an FBI agent.

As we drive out of the village and up to the mountain, I can feel Chris tensing beside me. Even though Christian freely made the invitation, I know that he is hoping that he isn't regretting it. But Christian Grey does not strike me a the kind of man who would change his mind about something like that. Besides, we have the girls around to keep things real. I believe that we are all going to have an interesting weekend.