Bella's p.o.v
It's strange, my mami being nice to me I mean. It's like she just expects things to go back to how they were years ago and to be honest I'm having a hard time adjusting I guess, I don't know how to act; how to behave and what to do because I'm not used to it.
I know that when Lara and Leo get back it's gonna be harder; part of me thinks it's going to go back to the way it was… sometimes I just feel so lost in myself in the house because I'm not used to having people to rely on, usually it's just me , myself and I.
"Hey kiddo, Lara and Leo are back so I'm gonna talk to them and then we'll have breakfast okay?" Brittany asks popping her head round my door pulling me out of my thoughts,
"hm? Yeah yeah okay" I reply nervously counting to ten in my head to try and calm down.
As she leaves my room I hear a stern "Leo , Lara get here now!" from Brittany from there on I just hear snippets of "I'm sorry" and "She is your sister" echo throughout the house before I heard my mami "look we've all done something wrong now we just need to fix things".
I decide I've heard enough and drag myself away to get changed into a pair of shorts and a red vest top before texting Lucy to let her know that I'll come over later on for some lady loving because I want to get ma cuddle on.
"Mija breakfast is ready!" My mami yells up the stairs and I immediately have to try and keep myself calm before heading down the stairs where everyone sits silently at the table, sitting down and starting to eat is so awkward, no noise just silence.
"So um … what are you doing today" Brittany asks clearly trying to ease the tension,
"I'm gonna go to Lucy's for a bit I haven't seen her in a few days" I try to say as casually as possible as mami is sat reading her newspaper.
"Um … I was thinking me and you could go for a coffee later; like the old days if you want to that is" Mami asks nervously , I know she's nervous because she's rubbing circles in the palm of her hands with her thumbs… same thing I do.
"I-uh yea okay" I speak hesitantly thinking how quick this is escalating when a few weeks ago she would have just snarled at me instead; this is just getting too much and I'm freaking out.
I notice everyone has finished eating so like normal I start to side the table alone taking everyone's stuff into the kitchen before my mami grabs my hand to stop.
"It's okay; we can do that mija" She says going to take the plates off the edge of the table where I've stacked them up.
"Nah it's okay I'm used to doing it so…" I continue to stack the stuff up before she tries to help me "I can do it" I say harsher than intended,
"mija I was just trying to help" She offers calmly infuriating me even more
"Helping me… I think were a little past that don't you!" I yell in frustration
"I thought we had gotten past this" she sighs shaking her head.
"Gotten past this! You've treated me like crap for years and you expect things to just go straight back to before 6 years ago! It's freaking me out this is too fucking fast; I'm trying to forgive you but it's not fucking easy for me! You can't just expect me to be okay with all of this it's too much, I don't know any different than to be treated like a slave; fuck it's been that long I don't know how to act around you… I don't know how to be a part of a family I've never fucking had!" I finish yelling taking a deep breath counting to ten opening my eyes I see everyone sat with their heads down and my mami has tears streaming down her face.
"I'm sorry" She says quietly wiping the tears from her face.
"I'm sorry for yelling I just- I just … I just need time to adjust to this I don't; this isn't normal for me but I'm trying" I breath out as she faintly nods.
"Look I'm just gonna go to Lucy's calm down and then we'll go for coffee later okay?" I say softly expressing my apology for yelling.
"Yeah I'll um I'll pick you up later" She says softly wrapping her arms around herself and I can tell I've hurt her… but she's hurt me more.
As I walk down the street I think about whether other people have been through this, how they coped and if they're okay now. I want to be happy and I'm getting there it's just hard.
I walk into Lucy's house to the smell of pancakes… she sure loves them it's so freaking cute.
"Oh hey baby I wasn't expecting you yet" She speaks softly coming up to me drawing me into a soft kiss as I trace her bottom lip with my tongue pulling her close into me I hold on to the kiss for what feels like forever because when I kiss her … time just stops. "We're just gonna watch a film if you wanna watch it with us"
"Yeah baby that sounds perfect" I admit pulling her in for one last kiss before going to join her in the living room seeing Rachel and Quinn snuggled up on the sofa just makes me think/hope that that could be me and Lucy in 10-20+ years with our children.
I get on the other sofa with Lucy and hold her into me under a blanket as I cuddle her I sigh in contentment.
"Lucy said you weren't coming till later" Quinn spoke softly like she was in contentment too snuggled up with her girl.
"Yeah I um… to be honest I kind of lost it a bit on my mami" I admit regretfully as Lucy places soft kisses under my ear.
"How come Hun?" Rachel asks as she pulls Quinn in tighter resting her arm over her stomach.
"Well she's just acting like nothing's happened and really nice and I guess I get it from her perspective; but I'm not used to it and I guess I'm just having a hard time adjusting to it, it's just too much for me I think." I sigh as Lucy whispers I love you into my ear, "but I apologised after I yelled and came here to just I don't know to be able to breathe… because well you're the only people I feel comfortable around." I state quietly at the end as Quinn comes and gives me a hug taking my hands in hers.
"Look, Bella … when I was your age I, um well I got pregnant. I gave Beth up for adoption and I took it hard and I guess everything was getting too much for me to. So I went and got some therapy look I'm not saying you're a nut job or anything but it helped me so it might help you." She offers with gentle eyes,
"Yeah I uh I guess I could try it" I reason thinking about it, it actually makes sense to talk to someone else who I don't know.
"And obviously if you ever want to talk you have us three here; you're part of our family too so whatever it takes to make you happy."
I offer a thank you as a few tears drop from my eyes. The movie starts and I feel Lucy cuddle further into me as she turns around and faces me.
"I'm so proud of you baby, I love you so so much" She says pulling me into a soft secure passionate kiss and to be honest I've never felt so at home before.
About an hour later the movie has finished and now were just idle chatting with Lucy sat on my lap as she shuffles about she grinds into me and it's driving me fucking crazy.
"So Bella how about you show off those awesome singing skills I hear you have" Rachel asks excitedly as I inwardly groan but with Lucy whispering in my ear she'll make it worth my while who am I to deny her.
"Okay I … I'll do one for Lucy as she is my shining star" I say grabbing Quinn's guitar from behind the piano.
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
Ive never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams
I don't know how you do what you do
Im so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby Im amazed by you
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes
I don't know how you do what you do
Im so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby Im amazed by you
Every little thing that you do
Im so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby Im amazed by you.
"That was beautiful" I hear but it's not the voice I was expecting as I hear mami walk towards me.
Hey so just a small chapter really; I'm trying to find time to write as much as I can so I hope this was okay and ill try update asap , please R+R and thanks for reading!