Bella p.o.v
"Um hi" I say awkwardly knowing that she has never heard me sing before now.
"Are you ready to go?" She asks politely with a small smile on her face.
"Yeah sure" I say before putting my shoes on and giving Rachel and Quinn a hug as I go to leave,
"Wait!" Lucy yells jumping on my back peppering kisses across my neck before I pull her round so she's wrapped around my waist.
"You didn't think I wasn't gonna say bye now did you?" I ask laughing at her adorableness as she buries her face into the crook of my neck.
"You're leaving me" she speaks in a dramatic tone
"Baby it's just the way it's gotta be" I play along
"Yeah well … aint nobody got time for dat!" She yells really loudly giving me a kiss on the lips before whispering in my ear "and if she's mean I will go all lima heights on her sorry ass" she tries to speak gangster … oh hell naaa!
"baby one don't ever ever use gagster talk again it's weird and two I love you and I'll see you later" I whisper giving her a soft kiss as she yells love you before I walk out the door.
The ride to the coffee shop was excruciating to say the least and the silence ARKWARD!
I stare out the window and thank god when we reach there I open the door so quick I'm not even sure mami had turned off the engine.
As we enter I get the feeling of anxiety like I can't cope… I take a deep breath as we approach the counter and mami tells me to grab us a seat.
As she comes to sit down opposite me she offers me a smile "I got your usual"
"I'm surprised you even remember" I scoff because it's being so long before offering a small sorry knowing it's not helping things.
"It's okay I deserve it" She speaks ashamedly before we land in another awkward silence as we slowly sip our coffee.
"I'm sorry about this morning; I … I'm trying to deal with this but it's so fucking hard mami and I just, I don't know what to do" I sigh as a tear slips down my eye.
Mami grabs my hand and rubs it softly,
"I know this is mostly my fault and I wish … I wish I could have been a good parent to you especially when you needed me most" she sighs herself sipping her coffee still holding onto my hand.
"I felt trapped, I felt lost I felt like I wasn't worth anything and I was better off dead; but then when I think of all the people that die of cancer what right did I have to end my life when they couldn't even get to choose and when dad beat me it fucking hurt more than anything but In a way it made me feel better. Like I was making up for the fact that I was such a disappointment to you" I take a sip of my coffee to try and control my breathing.
"I never meant or want you to feel like a disappointment to me mija I'm so proud of you and how strong you are"
"I just don't feel strong anymore though I feel exhausted; I was so so close to breaking but then… then Lucy came and she saved me. She taught me being open is okay, she showed me that not everyone you love leaves you. She was the first person in a long time to make me believe I was worth something" I say as I smile just thinking about her.
"You really love her huh?" Mami says lovingly,
"Yeah I do… d'you believe in soulmates?" I ask curiously
"No" She says shortly and I'm a bit taken back "no is what I would have said if you asked me when I was with your dad… but then I think of Brittany and I know she is my soulmate" she replies honestly with the same loving look I had on my face not two minutes ago.
"Well I believe Lucy is my soulmate, meeting her was fate I think. For some reason she was brought into my life and I love her more than anything else in this world and I'f I could choose I would go through all this again just so I could be with her; I'd take all the insults and beatings in the world just to be with her she is my everything" I say my face lighting up as I talk about her confidently not wavering my voice once.
"Wow … I don't know what to say apart from if that didn't tell me how much you love her that song you sang sure did … It was beautiful" she speaks sincerely I still notice she clutches my hand as I see and feel how much she means it and it makes me smile.
"Yeah no one really knew I sang to be honest" I spoke quietly into my drink as I pull it up to my lips savouring the taste.
"Why?" she asks simply and I know she has been honest with me so I should do the same.
"Singing. Singing was the only way for me to let out my emotions, it saved me from cutting myself it was one or the other I knew that. I had to hold onto it and I knew if people knew about my singing you would all try take it away from me … and I couldn't have that taken away from me because I love it and if I didn't sing then I would have done something stupid" I say honestly adverting my eyes as I told her hesitantly … she squeezes my hand tightly as I look up to her.
"You don't have to hide anything anymore baby girl" She speaks sincerely before coming around the table and pulling me into a hug as she pulls back she says " I love you" and I feel my heart skip a beat,
As I say it back and look into her eyes I see warmth, honesty and love in them … making my heart swell I know I may have a long , extremely hard road ahead but knowing she loves me …
Well that makes me want to move on more than anything.
Hey guys im still trying to update quick but I have a lot going on … please review it means a lot too me and thankyou for reading it means a lot any questions, advise , ideas review them or pm me and once again many thanks.