*Starts giggling* I made funny Guide on how to handle Autobots who come into our "real" reality. This will kind of be an ongoing Guide book, more tips will come as I think of them. Suggestions are ABSOLUTLY welcomed!
Hope you enjoy : )
Tips to Handle Humanized Autobots
Part
One
TIP #1 – The Following Books are Band from the Group:
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*The Yearling*
-The Autobots wanted to know what Fodderwing stood for.
-We looked it up.
-That's MEAN!
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-Billy and Alex went naked around the house.
-Sadie and Crystal made them put their clothes back on.
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-Bumblebee and Alex started begging for a deer as a pet.
-The girls told them no.
-They went looking anyway.
-Bumblebee went to the hospital with antler wounds on his aft.
-We couldn't stop laughing.
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-At the ending we turned from laughing to sobbing.
-The boys didn't want a deer anymore.
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*Lord of the Flies*
-Alex and Billy had to read it for a class assignment.
-They got Bumblebee and Bulkhead to read it with them.
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-Alex and Billy started looking for wild pigs.
-Half way through the book Billy, Alex, Bumblebee and Bulkhead put face paint on, striped to loin cloths and made sharp wooden spears.
-They chased Ratchet around the yard with the spears screaming "The beast! The beast!" (He was not amused. Arcee thought it was funny. So did the others.)
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-Bulkhead got mad about Piggy's death shouting "Why does the fat kid always get it?
-He quite the tribe. The boys were sad.
-The remaining boys made a big bonfire in the backyard.
-The house almost burn down to the ground.
-The girls took their books away.
-After reading the ending; the boys didn't mind.
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*Where the Red Fern Grows*
-We told Crystal not to read it!
-She told them she could handle it.
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-Crystal was wrong.
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-She wouldn't stop crying.
-Optimus tried cheering her up.
-It didn't work.
-Crystal tears up everytime she sees a hound dog now.
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TIP #2- Don't let the Autobots watch the following movies:
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*Avatar*
-When the movie started, Bulkhead's eyes went huge and he exclaimed "Blue monkeys?"
-Emily laughed so hard at she fell off the couch.
-He didn't see what was so funny.
-Everyone else did.
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-Billy and Alex learned to speak Na'vi.
-Now no one knew what they were saying for over a month.
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-All the boys want a Banshee now.
-Secretly…so do the girls.
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-Prowl says the movie is very enlightening.
-So does Sadie.
-Tree huggers.
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*Jurassic Park*
-Don't ask.
-Museums are to scary to go to now.
-Annie and Ashley jump out of their skins every time a shadow moves.
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-Prowl went on a rampage of how untrue the movie was.
-Who knew Prowl could cuss? Or how many earth curses he knew?
-Sadie sure didn't.
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*Ms. Doubtfire
-Awkward.
-It's a fly by frutie!
-Everyone will throw their voice when saying "Helloooo!"
-We caught Acree dancing with the vacuum cleaner.
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-The Autobots glitched when they found out the woman on the front cover is a man.
-They will ask what hot flashes are.
-And what gay means if someone "accidently" (Alex) says the word where they can hear.
-And what body suits are.
-And is it really that easy to act like a woman.
-And if some of the "woman" on TV shows are actually men.
-As I said….awkward.
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*Finding Nemo*
-Bumblebee acted like he had Short Term memory loss.
-Sari smacked him across the face after he said "Who are you?" three times in a row.
-Billy shot water across the room laughing at the spectacle.
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-Prowl hide all the fish sticks in the house.
-Bumblebee glitched and started demanding why.
-Alex pointed at Bumblebee and corrected "Fish are friends, NOT food."
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-The girl's WILL teach the Jet twins to say "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."
-Over.
-And over.
-And over.
-The Jettwins were sent to emergency room after Ratchet threw wrenches at them after two hours of singing.
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*Willy Wonka and the Choclate Factory*
-Just don't.
-Who actually LIKES that movie?
-Billy told Alex Ommpa-Lommpa's were out to get him.
-He told Billy he was nuts.
-Later that night Alex woke up screaming.
-He went hysterical when meeting a short person for about a week.
-Including Bumblebee.
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*Grease
-They will start to sing.
-There's a reason their fighters; NOT singers.
-All the girls can say is…don't quite your day job.
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*Jaws 1, 2 and 3
- The girls will find it very amusing to sing "da, dum" just to hear the boys high pitched screams.
-We couldn't get Bulky to take a bath for a week.
-Crystal and Emily finally hosed him down with a fire hose.
-Bulky wasn't amused.
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Tip #3 NEVER tell the Autobots about the following foods
*Hotdogs
-Optimus' face went white.
-Crystal fleed from the potential upchuck.
-Optimus gags when you say anything related to the food item.
-Crystal eats them sometimes just to see his face.
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*Liver
-Billy and Alex shuddered from memories past.
-For a practical joke, they slipped some in Bulky and BB's plates.
-BB and Bulky spit it out and it went airborne.
-Right into Sari's face.
-She chased the four boys until finally shoving some of the nasty leftovers in Alex's mouth.
-Eww.
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*Tongue
-Ratchet made the statement "So your eating something that can taste you?"
-Pizza's surprisingly good at 9:30 at night.
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*Tofu
-Prowl still continues to eat it.
-As does Sadie.
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-Crystal made the comment about Tofu, Futon sounding the same and tasting exactly alike.
-She didn't get the hint to be quiet when Sadie sent her a glare.
-Crystal continued saying that Tofu is a white jello, with no flavor, or taste, or smell that you cook in a pan with other food and it sucks the life out the other food.
-Sadie chased her out of the kitchen as Crystal giggled "Now we know why it's China's biggest export! They don't want that stuff EITHER!"
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Tip #4- Never EVER let the Autobots try Alcohol!
-Prowl and Optimus thought it was human fuel.
-They had three glasses full.
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-The girls came in to them laughing hysterically as Prowl fell off a bar stool.
-Crystal asked what was so funny.
-They had no idea!
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-Optimus broke in to "Show me the way to go home…"
-Prowl joined in with "I'm tired and I wanna go to bed!"
-Crystal and Sadie had to help them to bed as they continued singing "I had a drink about an hour ago….and it went right to my head!"
-Prowl and Optimus giggled like little girls before bellowing out "Where ever I may roam! ON land or sea or foam!"
-Optimus batted a very irritated Crystal from taking his shirt of and then kissed her on the lips while blubbering " I don't wanna go...but I got a go...HOME!"
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-Crystal pushed him away, gagging at his breath and accidentally slipped.
-With Optimus on top.
-After just taking his shirt off.
-With Billy walking in the room.
-Black eyes are more painful with a hangover and death glares from your girlfriend's brother.
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Tip #5- Never challenge Sadie to football. Ever. Period.
-Sack me Down Sadie showed up.
-She talked such smack Prowl turned bright red with embarrassment.
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-When Ratchet made a foul on her team, she threatened to kick is a**.
-Alex wouldn't stop laughing after his reaction.
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-Sadie pounced like a lion on Bulkhead before making it to the goal line.
-Where the slag did she come from?
-Did anyone see her move?
-Bulkhead still swears she roared like a lion as she tackled him.
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-Bumblebee screamed like a girl when Sadie got in front of him before the goal line, growling in his face.
-Bumblebee ran away from the goal line.
-So did everyone else.
-We don't play football anymore.
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Tip #6- At Halloween, NEVER let the boys watch "horror" movies on TV. Day OR Night!
-They said they could handle it.
-Bulkhead's eyes got huge after just ten minutes.
-Alex started to shake in two seconds.
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-The girls snuck behind them, leaping out at the most scary part.
-All the boys screamed.
-The girls laughed.
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-Billy begged to stay on the couch for just ONE night!
-It turned into a week.
-Bumblebee secretly joined him.
-So did Alex.
-And Bulkhead.
-We found them huddled together with thumbs in their mouths.
-Crystal couldn't help it. She took a picture.
-Blackmail!
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Tip #7 –Actually…..just skip Halloween.
-The boys BEGGED to take the Autobots trick or treating.
-We did. Ugh.
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-Optimus had a spaz attack every time a kid came by in a Megatron suit.
-Crystal made him put down one crying child.
-Poor kid.
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-Bumblebee started eating too much of the candy.
-Hyper Bumblebee came to town.
-Prowl threatened to kill him.
-He just kept bouncing around singing "The Monster Mash."
-Off key.
-Billy joined in, Alex too.
-Again…I didn't know Prowl knew so many human curse words.
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-Alex saw a kid in an Ommpa Lommpa Suit.
-Billy whispered "He's coming for you…just like I said."
-He paid the kid ten bucks to start singing the song.
-The poor kid was chased a half a block as Alex ran behind screaming "Don't sing that da** song!"
-The mom chased Alex away with her purse.
-Billy has it as a Youtube video.
-It has over 100,000 views.
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So…funny? Stupid? I want to know what you think! Any ideas for Tips are welcomed!