Chapter 58: Shades of Gray

Gel sat up in the bed, compact mirror in hand, examining her face. She was a sight for sore eyes. She wondered how anyone could stand to look at her. She was grateful for Lottie bringing her make-up bag that morning. Her hair needed a good washing, but she wasn't up for that yet. She would have to take everything one day at a time now. But there was no way she was going to walk around with the dark, baggy circles under her eyes.

She began applying concealer first, then foundation. She had to stop several times, feeling weak, but she carried on. By the time she had applied her mascara and lip gloss she felt like she needed a nap. But Danni had advised her to get out of bed today; to at least try. She huffed, sinking back against her pillows, not even examining her completed face.

In just a few minutes she was so far removed from reality that she hadn't noticed the guy standing in the doorway, arms crossed just examining her. When he spoke she nearly jumped out of her skin.

"I really like what you've done with your face, the zombie look was growing old."

Gel frowned at him, "You…" she started off startled then recognized him and moved for angry, "…You!" she said with more definition and emotion.

"I prefer to be called Geo."

"I prefer you out of my sight."

"Is that the thanks I get for saving your life?"

"I didn't need saving. Why couldn't you just let me die?"

"It looked to me like you did need saving and I surely wasn't going to just watch you die. Besides by saving you it gave your friend a chance to save herself and her baby."

Gel wrapped her arms around herself. She felt immediate guilt for putting Salene in harm's way. She hadn't expected anyone to be awake at the time she walked into the sea...she herself had barely been awake. And since when was Salene pregnant?

"I barely remember it," she confesses. "It felt like I was dreaming. I mean…I saw him…"

Geo crossed the room to stand beside her, "When you are hurting the mind can play cruel tricks on you."

She nodded, "I just…I miss him so much. He was my best friend and I loved him. I never got to tell him that. I was so rude to him all the time and he still liked me…"

Before Gel knew it she was blubbering like a baby, the face she had worked so hard to make-up, ruined by streaks of tears. She looked up at Geo, "I'm sorry. You don't have to stand here and listen to this…watch me cry."

"You don't have to apologize, besides, crying is good. It definitely fixed your make-up."

Gel laughed a tiny bit, "Really, I don't know why they don't make tear stain eyeliner and blush. It'd be a rave…"

He gave her a boyish grin, reaching on the bed tray to hand her a box of tissues, into which she blew her nose daintily. And then she went to work on her face, patting it dry and re-applying make-up. Geo watched with curiosity. He had never watched a girl apply the gunk before. It was artful in a way.

"I do believe it was doctor's orders for you to get out of here today or to at least try," he said, though he wouldn't be surprised if she declined, which she did.

"I think I'll just sit here awhile."

Geo nodded, handing her a book off a dusty shelf. It looked like something she might enjoy, a book about fashion and design. He had done some research and heard she had recently designed a couple of wedding dresses and a few other clothing items.

Gel took the book with a frown at the dust covered cover, but nodded to him in appreciation for the silence. She had expected him to leave but he remained seated in his chair. Neither one of them said a thing for several minutes. Gel examined him, causally looking up from her book from time to time. His blond hair had been cut into a textured, wavy bob that framed his face perfectly and he was fit. He was definitely something to look at, definitely more good looking than the walls.

More time passed and Gel began thinking about the night she nearly drowned. She couldn't believe she had gone so far off the deep end that she would consider killing herself. Dying was the selfish and easy way out. She hadn't thought about the others who might miss her…well at least Lottie would. She hadn't thought about Lottie. The younger girl was like a little sister to her. How could I be so selfish? She questioned herself. She felt on the brink of tears again, but she held strong.

Without looking up from her book she spoke, "Thank you."

Geo nodded with sincerity, standing as his radio went off. He walked slowly to the door before stopping and turning around. "It gets better."

Gel looked up at him curiously, "I'm sorry?"

"The pain, it gets better."

Gel closed her book, sinking back into her pillows, "But does it ever go away, these shades of gray? I mean it feels like there's a gaping hole in my heart. Can that ever be filled?"

"Only with time," answered someone from the doorway.

Geo turned around and Gel looked in that direction to see Salene standing there.

"I don't mean to interrupt," Salene apologized.

The radio on his headset went off again. "I was just leaving. Have a good afternoon," he said allowing Salene to enter before he exited the room. And then he was gone, disappearing into the lobby.

Gel watched him go with curiosity. She wondered who he had lost to make him so sympathetic towards her.

~0~

Salene crossed the room timidly towards Gel. She hadn't exactly worked out what she wanted to say to Gel, but she knew they had to talk. This talk was long overdue and Salene was only sorry she hadn't talked to her sooner. All of this could've been avoided. No one knew Gel's pain better than Salene.

"I'm sorry," they both spoke in unison.

"Why are you sorry?" Salene questioned the younger girl.

"I didn't know about the baby," Gel said pointing to Salene's baby bump. It was definitely apparent now, if you were close enough, that she was with child.

Salene smiled, "You couldn't have known I would be out there that night. And even then, only a few others knew about the baby. I'm just glad we could help save you."

Gel nodded, "I owe you and Geo my life."

"Nonesense. You being alive is payment enough for me."

The younger girl drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself, "So…what are you sorry for?"

"Do you remember how depressed I was? Before we left The City?"

"Yes, because of Pride."

"Yes, well I saw you hurting and I should've reached out to you, but I didn't. And for that I'm sorry."

"I didn't exactly ask for a therapy a group," Gel shrugged.

"But we are something like family now. And I know how it feels to feel so alone after such a loss. I should have come to you. Asked you how you were doing…been your friend…"

"Yeah, well you're here now."

"I am and you can talk to me."

Gel looked up at her, eyes glossy. Her tears were just threatening to spill over once more, "Is it true? What you said? That it gets better with time?"

Salene nodded, "Sammy will always be present in your mind and heart. But eventually over time, that gaping hole will start to fill in with the good things in your life."

"Things like your baby?"

"Well yes, but other things too. What helped me most was leaving The City. Everything there reminded me of Pride. Where we first met, our first date, our first kiss…it was a constant reminder. And then we were forced to leave and each new day the pain lessened a little." She had a little help from May, and then a little help from alcohol and Bray, but Gel didn't need to know. Salene didn't like to think about it anyhow. Especially the night she broke her sobriety. That was when everything between her and Bray became intensely complicated; how this baby came into existence.

"Well then I am glad we're leaving this place soon," Gel admitted, the first tear spilling over onto her cheek.

Salene joined her on the bed, wrapping her arms around the grieving girl. It was comforting to Gel and the girl began to cry harder. Salene just set there holding her. She knew better than anyone else that tears were helpful in the grieving process as well.

~0~

Slade stood holding tools for his brother. He was not entirely sure what they were doing but he knew it had something to do with technology. After all, Josh was the genius in the family.

Slade had been the suave middle child, always into mischief, their deceased older sister Carla was the beautiful, boy-crazy one who was good at everything, and then there was Josh, their little half-brother, the brain. From the time he was five, Josh could take apart the TV and put it back together before anyone realized he had done so.

Slade used to envy him a bit until he learned as Josh did, that all that genius can be a curse as much as it is a blessing. Look at what Josh had become; Mega, an evil mastermind with more enemies than Slade's own wife.

But Slade believed that any man (or woman), no matter how dark their past had a spotless future. He hoped, for his kid brother's sake, that this remained true.

"What is on your mind?" Josh asked interrupting the older man's thoughts.

"I could ask you the same, your heart doesn't seem to be in this project."

It was true. Josh had been toying with the same wire for several minutes. "Why don't you tell me why you really need my help," Slade pried further.

Josh, who was very good at maintaining a poker face, shrugged and Slade saw something in his face, a slight glimpse of embarrassment.

He smirked at his brother knowingly.

Alarmed, Josh lost his demeanor for a slight second, "What?"

"Which lady is it?"

"I don't know what you are getting at."

"Come on, tell me. Is it Danni?"

Josh began busying himself with the wire again letting silence build between them. It wasn't for several minutes that he spoke again. "There used to be someone…a girl. She was before Tai-San. "

Slade raised a brow at his brother but didn't dare interrupt. This was the most Josh had ever opened up about anything not a current issue in his life.

"We trained together. Her name was Emile, we were never serious, but I loved her."

He grows silent after that, just thinking. The more his memory returned to him the more he wished his memories would have remained simple shades of gray. As Mega he had buried so much at the back of his mind and deep in his heart, Emile especially.

He hadn't thought about Emile since using her photo to get Lex off his trail when he was probing around looking for Tai-San after he and the Mallrats took down Ram. But now she was imminent in his mind and it had everything to do with Danni. At first he wasn't sure of his feelings for Danni, but now there was something there that wasn't there before.

"What happened?" Slade couldn't refrain from asking.

"I lost her."

"I'm sorry."

"She didn't die. She just went…crazy. She went rogue. She left the Technos in a world of hurt. She left with vital information and she was every bit of a genius as Ram and I. She could pose a very dangerous threat. The last time I saw her though…I knew she would never be."

Josh let his mind take him to that dark place. They were under orders to raid this small town, take prisoners for the new Reality Space experiments, and be out within the day's end. Josh was just a person that sat behind a computer at their base camp for the invasion, but another Techno had radioed him and said that he had spotted Emile in the town. Josh had felt immediate conflict. Emile had been his best friend before she turned her back on The Technos. He loved everything about her, from her large, doll-like, brown eyes and melodious laugh. So without good judgment he left camp and went to see her for himself.

He and the Techno that had radioed him were ambushed before they could even get their wrist guns charged with electricity. His beautiful Emile, her long, wavy hair minimized to an uneven and shaggy bob. Her eyes which had once held so much light were cold and dark. Her face was covered in the blood of the Techno Josh was with, that had just been bludgeoned, and it hadn't even fazed her. A normal person, especially someone like Emile who couldn't stand the sight of blood, might have screamed or at least been unnerved after witnessing such a scene, but not her, not this Emile. Instead she stood there with a smirk, wiping at her face and licking the blood off her fingers and lips. When he advanced upon her after deleting the man that had killed his friend, she had screamed out like a banshee, catching him off guard. She leapt at him, knocking him to the ground and escaping while he lay in a stupor. Not able to believe this was the same woman he had fallen in love with.

"Emile played a major part in the person Mega became; who I became. That night, going after her, it nearly cost me my rank. If I wasn't cold before that night, I grew colder. If I didn't let anyone in, I could never be hurt in the way that losing her had hurt me. I loved Tai-San in a way, but not in the way I felt about Emile, and now with these confused feelings I have for Danni, I just…I don't know. We've both been hurt by our exes and I don't even know if she feels the same way I do. And what if she doesn't…"

Slade nodded in understanding, "She is a friend, a good one, and you don't want to lose her."

Josh nodded, "Exactly. So Mr. Charming, what do I do?"

The older man put down the wire cutters he was holding and rubbed the back of his neck. That was a tough one. "I guess you are just going to have to take a leap of faith."

That is exactly what Josh was afraid of. He liked to be in control. Taking chances never ended well for him. Maybe he'd wait awhile, see how Danni truly felt. Right now she was a woman scorned.

When Josh hadn't said anything, Slade patted him on the back with a bit of brotherly love, "You want to tell me what we are doing here?" He indicated the tools and the wires.

Josh shrugged, "When I'm bored I have to put this genius to use."

"Well are we done?"

"Just a sec," he said twisting a wife and closing the control box. He pushed a red button nearby and a blaring siren went off along with flashing lights. There were a series of clicks from the nearby entrance doors. He grinned satisfied then punched a few buttons on the control box and it all shut off.

Several people stuck their heads out their rooms in alarm, mirroring Slade's own confusion.

"Jack isn't the only one who knows how to rig a good alarm. Don't say I never did anything good for you virts," he gave them all his signature smirk.

Slade just laughed, shaking his head, "Come on little brother, I'm buying you a drink."

Josh followed, "Good because I could sure use one."