Chapter Thirteen: Confrontations with Nightmares
Estelle drew back from the hug. She met his eyes with a huge smile. "I'm so happy to hear you trust me, Flynn. You have no idea how much this means to me."
Flynn nodded silently, sweet relief washing over him. Everything would be ok. He didn't have to worry anymore because Estelle would take care of everything. He would never have to suffer or hurt or panic as long as he put his faith in the one person who always comforted and supported him.
"There's something you need to do for me first. You came to heal Ioder, right?"
He nodded again.
"I'm going to forgive you for betraying me, but first I need you to give me the poison bottle."
He reached into his pocket. She was so generous for forgiving him so easily. Handing over the poison bottle was the least he could do to show how grateful he was. When he reached for the bottle, his hand hit something else first. It was a strip of metal, and his fingers curled around it in momentary confusion. What was… oh. Yuri's bracelet. Sparks flashed through his dulled brain, but they died away when he let go of the bracelet and grabbed the small glass bottle instead.
"Thank you," Estelle said, taking it from his hand. "I knew I could count on you."
A flicker of a smile reached his face. Lady Estellise counted on him. He was a good knight. It was the happiest he'd been in weeks.
Estelle threw the bottle to the ground and Flynn jumped as the shattering glass resounded through the empty hallway. "There," Estelle said as she glanced down with a satisfied smile, "now that that's out of the way, all we need to do is take care of your friends. I have no doubt they're lurking outside somewhere."
Flynn didn't answer, too busy staring at the broken bottle. Green liquid oozed between shards of shattered glass. He trusted Estelle, so why did he feel so melancholic upon seeing the destroyed antidote? He was happy now that he was with Estelle; he shouldn't feel this way. Although… was this really happy? He tried to remember the last time he'd been truly happy. It had been a long time ago, so it was hard to remember, but he faintly remembered a warm, bubbly feeling in his chest while sitting around and laughing with Yuri. Now, he just felt empty. Feeling nothing was such a step up from feeling pain that he'd interpreted it as happy, but now he wasn't so sure.
As he stared down, his hand reached into his pocket again and found the metal bracelet Yuri had given him. The shiny floor was slick enough to give him a faint reflection, so he stared into his own eyes while clenching the bracelet until it hurt.
Remember who you are.
Yuri's words echoed around his head. Who was Flynn Scifo? It was such a hard question. The bracelet dug into his palm, reminding him of the care in Yuri's eyes when he'd handed it over. Yuri cared more about that bracelet than almost any other object he owned. He wouldn't have given it to just anybody. What would Yuri think if he saw Flynn with Estelle now? But Estelle made him feel so safe…
He had to loosen his grip because it became physically painful. He trembled as his mind flashed through memories of much worse pain.
He managed to raised his eyes from the floor. "May I ask a question?"
"Hm?" Estelle cocked her head to the side.
"If you are truly my friend… why did you torture me?"
"How could you say that? I never did anything of the sort." She frowned and added, "You know you're not supposed to call your training torture."
His breath quickened. "I'm not stupid! What you ordered the knights to do… how can that be called anything else!?"
Estelle stared at him for a few seconds, and then her face fell. "Oh, Flynn… have you gone back to that misguided thinking again? It breaks my heart to think you're going to have to be corrected again."
He shook his head and ran his thumb along the smooth metal in his pocket. "Please give me a straight answer."
"I had no choice, Flynn. You had to be corrected. I fixed you."
"Why? Why did I need to be corrected? What was wrong with me?" He felt like a traitor for questioning her, but his grip on Yuri's bracelet reminded him that going along with her would make him a traitor to Yuri. He could trust either Estelle or Yuri, and he had to figure out which.
"You were a bad knight," Estelle insisted. "You're so much further gone than I thought, Flynn. I'm sorry, but I think you're going to need a few more weeks of training."
"Why?! Why is believing in justice a bad trait for a knight? Why has no other knight been put through the 'training' that I did?"
Remember who you are.
He was Flynn Scifo and he was a knight. Knights fought to protect the innocent and make people smile. That was what he had firmly believed the last time he was truly happy. Giving himself over to Estelle would be painless, but it would never move beyond that. He remembered what 'happy' felt like, and if he ever wanted to feel that way again, he had to take a risk and hope he could find it at the end of Yuri's painful path. He was a knight, and knights were not afraid of difficulty.
"Why would you question me, Flynn?" Her eyes welled up with grief. "I love you."
"You haven't given me any reason to believe that." She always told him she was his friend and that she loved him, but beyond effortless hugs and sweet words, she had never actually done anything for him. He had never questioned this before, because in his disoriented and torture-addled mind he couldn't think of any other frame of reference for what love was.
He squeezed the bracelet. Yuri had nearly gotten himself killed saving Flynn's life even when Flynn didn't want it saved. Yuri got punched in the face - or worse - waking Flynn up because he'd rather feel the pain than see Flynn suffer through a bad dream. Yuri had put his life on hold to take care of him, and he had never asked for a single thing in return. That was what love was.
He stared at her with sick horror. "You were never my friend."
Estelle's smile dropped, and then she slapped him across the face.
The last shred of trust for her that he couldn't shake shattered, and he could practically hear the remnants of his ties to her clattering to the ground.
"What a pain," Estelle said irritably as Flynn clutched his face. "I wonder if it's worth it trying to break you in again or if I should just cut my losses and kill you."
"Why?" Flynn demanded. "Why did you do this to me?"
She rolled her eyes. "So I could use you, obviously. Clearly it wasn't for your intelligence."
"Why me?"
She shrugged. "You annoyed me. You were too perky. I figured that even if it didn't work, it would be fun to watch you crack."
Flynn gaped at her, eyes wide with horror. His whole body shook with rage and pain. "Fun?" he breathed.
"It was something to do, at least. Life in the castle is usually so boring. As a bonus, I got a pretty good puppet at the end of it."
He couldn't even move. At the very least he'd thought that his life had been torn to shreds as part of some grand evil scheme, but… fun. She did it because she found it entertaining. She'd ripped apart his body, destroyed his identity, and twisted his emotions all because she felt like it.
"You really should just come back to me," she said, glancing down at her nails. "Serving me, at least you're useful. Without me, you're just a sniveling wreck. Admit it - you can't function without me anymore." She glanced up with a smirk. "It's ok. I won't blame you. I rewired you that way on purpose after all."
"No…" He backed away from her, shaking his head. He shook like a pot about to boil over. He had his sword at his waist, but he felt too numb and dizzy to even reach for it. "I'm not… I won't follow you!"
"But what else are you good for? You're a failure of a knight."
"No. No! Your idea of the Knights is wrong!" It was hard to get words out around his heart pounding in his throat. "The Imperial Knights believe in justice and protecting the innocent!" That was an anchor he could cling to in this sea of confusion and broken ties.
"Justice? There's no such thing."
"There is!"
"Geeze, you're almost as annoying as Yuri." With one hand on her hip, she said, "Justice is just what self-righteous people call revenge in order to feel better about themselves."
"That's wrong!" His head spun with confusion, but he grabbed the bracelet in his pocket to steady himself. "Justice means defending those who have done no wrong and punishing the wicked so that they won't be able to harm anyone else."
"Yes, but who decides who's wicked?"
"Wicked people hurt innocents."
"Says who? Says society at large? Why should I listen to them?" She took a step toward him, and Flynn instinctively backed away again. "It's always the same with you goody-good types. You just buy into whatever you're told, and that's why you were such a good subject for my experiment. There's no such thing as an innocent, Flynn. Everyone is a bastard at heart; they're just too cowardly to express it in fear of going against social norms. Those of us who aren't caught up in the peer pressure to care about other's feelings for the sole reason that people say we should are vilified as wicked. Morality is a social construction that you buy into because you're too stupid to consider that there's another way of living."
Flynn couldn't stop shaking his head. "To care about another creature's pain is what it means to be human. It's what separates us from monsters."
"I'm still not seeing a compelling argument to give a damn about other people. Admit it - you're just jealous that I don't have these pesky worries about 'morality' holding me back from achieving my goals. You accuse me of brainwashing you, but you've had people since the day you were born telling you what to believe and who to care about. Caring about others isn't innate to humans - it's imposed on you when you're a child so you can conform to society's values." She pointed her finger and poked his chest. "And you bought into it wholeheartedly. You just leap to accept other people's values. You were born to be brainwashed, Flynn. Don't get mad because I used you like you wish you were brave enough to use others."
"That's not true." He clutched the sides of his head and looked to the floor with panicked eyes as his voice wavered. He didn't believe what she was saying, but his brain was too rattled to create a counter argument.
"You'll thank me once I fix you," Estelle said. "Once I've hammered out these hang-ups about justice, you'll back to being the servant you were born to be."
The only thing Flynn got out of that was the implication that she intended to lock him up and torture him again. The prospect of living through that again sent bolts of terror shooting through him that blinded him to all other thought. No, no, no, not again, he could not handle that again. Panic threatened to spill over again, and he couldn't stop a steady stream of images flooding through his brain, accompanied by the horrifying thought, this is going to happen to you again.
Before he could even complete a thought about having a sword and being a strong fighter, he ran. Estelle's voice shouting for the guards rang through the corridor and he pushed himself onward. He didn't know where he was going, just that he had to get away from Estelle.
His heart hammered so hard and fast he vaguely wondered if he was going into cardiac arrest. He had to keep pushing faster because his legs flew under him and slowing down just a hair would throw off his balance and send him crashing to the floor. He passed a knight, but he flew by so quickly the man didn't even recognize him.
They're going to capture me.
He couldn't see straight. Everything moved too fast and every connection in his brain flashed on high alert.
When they capture me, they're going to torture me again.
He wasn't sure if his inability to breathe was due to sprinting so hard it hurt his shins or the panic clutching his chest.
This is my fault I gave her the poison bottle Ioder is going to die I screwed up fuck I screwed up I can't fix this they're going to torture me.
He had to get out of here. No, he couldn't make it all the way out of the castle. Flynn heard shouts in the distance and knew they were knights looking for him. He was going to get captured and Estelle was going to lock him up and she'd probably never let him out again. Tears streamed down his face as his mind blared with the certainty that a slow and agonizing death was ahead of him.
He saw a knight at the end of the hall. "Sir?"
Shit he's going to kill me fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-
He couldn't keep running around the castle. He was so disoriented he had probably taken a wrong turn. He couldn't deal with this, or with life in general. Flynn swerved to the side, grabbing a door handle to save from falling over. He pulled the door open and found a dark, cluttered closet, and immediately threw himself into it, slamming the door behind him.
He found a corner against the wall, blocked from the door by a large crate filled with cleaning supplies. A clumsily shoved away broom clanked on a bucket as it fell to the ground. In the corner, he curled up and pulled his legs to his chest. With his face buried in his knees, his shoulders heaved with every frantic breath.
He couldn't stop crying. The terror that knights would find him any second now and drag him away to that room was worse than actual torture. The more he cried the more pathetic he felt, which just confirmed how useless and helpless he was. What a terrible knight. He wanted to throw up.
The door creaked open, and his head shot up in terror.
"Commandant?" It was Sodia.
"Go away!" His voice cracked.
Sodia hesitated, but then entered anyway and closed the door softly behind her. "Sir, what's going on? A knight told me you freaked out and ran into a closet."
Sodia didn't know anything. She had no idea Estelle was a monster, or that he'd been tortured, or that he'd done so many terrible things. How could he possibly explain everything? Just thinking of how overwhelming his circumstances were panicked him even more. He gaped at her with frantic eyes while he shook like a machine going into overdrive.
"Sir?" she said hesitantly, taking a few slow steps toward him.
He edged away from her, afraid that Yuri was wrong and she was working for Estelle, too. He couldn't control his wild breathing and his heart raced so fast he could barely feel it anymore.
Sodia held her hands out to show she wasn't attacking as she slowly approached him and crouched. "Sir, I think you're having a panic attack."
Who cared what it was called? He was going to die. They were going imprison him and rip him apart. He wrapped his hands around his head and hid his face in his knees. He gasped for air, trying to get enough oxygen through both uncontrollable sobs and frantic breathing.
"You need to calm down, sir. You're hyperventilating." Her hand touched his shoulder, but he flinched away. She was gentle, which reminded him of Estelle.
She pulled her hand back, and it hovered a few inches from him. "Sir, look at me. I'm trying to help you. Raise your head and look at me."
Not knowing what else to do, he lifted his head. It was hard to make her out with his vision fuzzy around the edges and tears blurring his eyes.
"Alright, sir, try to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do it with me." She breathed in deeply through her nose and then blew out through her mouth. "Keep time with my breathing."
Flynn met her eyes and took a deep breath through his nose. He only last a couple of seconds before he had to breath out and gasp again, but he kept trying. Sodia crouched in front of him and kept breathing slow and deep, until finally Flynn was able to time his breathing with hers. He took a long, deep breath, and when he exhaled he felt a small shred of relief. At the very least, he could control his breathing again.
"Are you alright?" she asked after a couple minutes of this. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"
What wasn't wrong? He didn't even know where to start. He was able to breathe normally, and he could feel his heart throbbing as it gradually slowed down, but he was still jittery. He reached up to rub his eyes and sniffled to try to bring his crying to an end.
"I'm f-f-fine." He was too distraught to even feel embarrassed that his subordinate officer was seeing him in this state.
Sodia frowned and shifted forward to sit on her knees. "Sir, you are clearly not fine. When did you get back to Zaphias? Is this Yuri Lowell's doing?"
Yuri. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bracelet, and then clasped it between his hands and rested his forehead against it. He clung to the bracelet like a life preserver in a raging ocean; it was tangible proof that someone trusted and loved him (but why should he when you fucked up so badly?). He took a few more deep breaths and then raised his head. "Sodia… we cannot trust Estelle," he said with hoarse voice.
She was confused. "What is going on, sir?"
"Estelle was working with Alexei. She is currently poisoning Master Ioder."
"Are you positive?"
Flynn nodded as his thoughts began to clear. Sitting in a small, quiet room certainly helped. "I was manipulated. For the past two years, I had lost my free will and followed her orders unquestioningly. Estelle was collaborating with Alexei to raise Zaude."
"I don't see how that's possible, sir. How could she manipulate you like that? You've always had such strong ideals."
He hesitated, trying to think of a way to explain without actually having to talk about. He failed, and averted his eyes before whispering, "Torture."
Sodia covered her mouth with a small gasp and watched him with eyes full of pity.
"She… tortured me until I would follow her mindlessly, and then used me as a pawn in her schemes. I know it's hard to believe."
Sodia bit her lip while hesitating, but her eyes darted over Flynn's dishevelled appearance and she swallowed hard. "I trust, you, sir. Are you… alright?"
Her belief in him was relief. He thought about that question, and then sighed heavily. "I'm really not," he admitted. He saw her concern and added, "Physically I am uninjured. Mentally… I feel like I'm holding myself together with a thread."
"Sir…" She hung her head and gritted her teeth. "I had no idea any of this happened to you. Please forgive me for being inattentive."
"It's alright. I didn't realize it either," he added grimly.
"What happened to remind you?"
"Yuri." He squeezed the bracelet again. "He forcibly removed me from Estelle's influence and broke her hold on me. Please don't blame Yuri for my… instability. My current behaviour is a reaction to what Estelle did to me, not him."
She clearly didn't like being told Yuri wasn't to be held accountable, but she nodded. "Alright, sir. When did you get back to Zaphias? We've all been so worried about you."
"Just today. I was supposed to take a poison bottle to Ioder, but…" he squeezed his eyes shut in shame. "I messed up. I let Estelle get to me and she smashed the bottle. Then she told me she was going to torture me again until I followed her orders and I - I just panicked. I'm sorry you had to find me like this."
"Sir, I completely understand why you panicked. I'm just glad you've calmed down now." She glanced back at the door. "That explains why the knights were looking for you."
His heart skipped a beat. "They're looking for me?"
"That's how I heard you had returned to Zaphias. Everyone is confused. Lady Estellise reported to the knights that you've turned traitor and that she caught you trying to assassinate Master Ioder. The knights are under orders to search the castle for you, but it's turning into chaos. Many, including all those from our brigade stationed here now, refuse to believe her. Sergeant Isaacs saw you run in here, and came to get me because he said you seemed… off."
Off. That was one word for it. Off his rocker, maybe. "That was Isaacs?" Isaacs was in the Flynn Brigade. Flynn didn't know him personally, but could count on him for a mission. He felt embarrassed that he'd thought he was going to kill him.
Sodia nodded. "Sir, what is our next move going to be? We can't hide in a closet forever."
Flynn thought for a moment. He was able to think clearly and rationally again, something that was helped along by the still quiet of the closet. He felt safe in here, but he knew he couldn't stay forever. "There is a poison bottle in my room. We can get it and then return to Master Ioder."
"Alright, sir. Are you ready to get moving?"
No. He wanted to stay curled up in the closet for the rest of the day, or maybe for the rest of his life. He didn't want to let everyone down again, though. He'd already failed them once, so he grabbed the edge of the crate and pulled himself to his feet. "Sodia… thank you."
"Of course, sir. Please let me know if there's anything else I can do to help you."
Flynn let Sodia open the door, steeled himself, and then followed her out. Sergeant Isaacs jumped to attention. "Sir! Is everything alright?"
Flynn wondered how obvious it was that he'd been sobbing his eyes out a few minutes ago. If it was obvious, Isaacs didn't mention it. Flynn glanced to Sodia, silently telling her to explain.
"Everything is fine," Sodia said. "Isaacs, I want you to spread the word through the knights that Lady Estellise has betrayed us."
His eyes widened. "She - really?"
"Commandant Flynn has done nothing wrong. He has recently discovered that she was working in tandem with Alexei and she is attempting to discredit him before he can report her treason to the Council. Make sure the knights know that if a dispute between the Knighthood and the royal family arises, we stand with the commandant."
Isaacs saluted. "Of course, sir! I'll spread the word."
"Also," Flynn added, "tell the guards that if Yuri Lowell and any of his companions attempt to get into the castle, they are to be allowed in." He had originally been hoping to get to Ioder without Yuri and the others showing up and causing a commotion, but commotion had been caused and there was no point keeping them out. The idea of Yuri coming comforted him more than he cared to admit. He was trying to get back on his feet, but he couldn't keep himself from using Yuri as an emotional crutch.
"Got it," Isaacs said with another sharp nod.
"What is the situation with the Council?" Sodia asked.
"They're holding an emergency meeting in the council chamber, trying to figure out what's going on."
Flynn had a strong feeling they would side with Estelle, at least before they got the full story. Most of the Council wasn't enamoured with him and would jump at the chance to paint the boy from the lower quarter as a villain. Stress piled up on him again as he struggled to figure out how to fix this problem. He took a deep breath and focused, which was difficult to do with panic dancing around the edge of his mind.
"When we administer a poison bottle to Master Ioder," Sodia said, "that will prove he was being poisoned. Lady Estellise claims to have given him one, but clearly she didn't. This will prove her lie and strengthen your case."
Flynn talked to the ground, working things out as he said them. "Isaacs, we need to organize all the knights who remain loyal to me. Those who side against me must be taken out - non-lethally of course. We also need to make sure Estelle is not allowed to escape the castle, so keep security around all possible exits. We'll also send a squad to the Council chamber to stand guard and keep them in there. The last thing I need is for them to come out with an official mandate deposing me. That squad should be members of our brigade to ensure loyalty." He finally raised his head and glanced between Sodia and Isaacs. "Understood?"
Sodia nodded once. "Yes, sir."
"Is there anything else?" Isaacs asked.
Flynn shook his head. "No, that's all."
"Uh, sir," Sodia said, quickly licking her lips in nervousness. "I know it is not my place to suggest, but I wonder if it would not be pertinent to assign security to Master Ioder. Lady Estellise may attempt to finish the job."
Flynn paused, staring at her for a moment. Yes, that was the sensible thing to do. He should have thought of it himself. "Yes," he said softly. "That… do that, Isaacs."
Isaacs tried to hide his confusion that Flynn seemed abnormally out of it today, but he nodded anyway. "Right. I'll send the next group of knights I see to his chambers for protection."
"Thank you for your loyalty, Sergeant."
Isaacs smiled slightly. "You've more than earned my trust, Commandant." He saluted once more for good measure, and then hurried off.
Flynn let Sodia lead the way through the castle. If she thought it odd that he let himself fall back and follow her, she didn't mention it. He found it comforting to let someone else take the lead for now. They walked in silence for a while; Sodia didn't seem to know what to say and Flynn appreciated the chance to get his thoughts together.
He was angry at himself for losing the poison bottle. He already knew that Yuri wouldn't be mad at him, but that didn't make him feel less like crap. It was so frustrating not being able to be himself. All he wanted was to stop being scared of stupid crap, or at the very least to handle that fear with the dignity and courage of a knight.
A few times on their way to Flynn's room, a group of knights ran past. Whenever they did, they stopped to ask what was going on and Flynn let Sodia explain. They were lucky; they hadn't run into any knights who supported Estelle yet. Part of that was because the ones they did meet told them which way not to turn and where the worst of the fighting was. The sounds of distant fighting echoed through the corridors, and Flynn felt terrible thinking his knights were getting hurt because of him, even if Estelle was the one who started it.
Sodia finally broke the silence. "Sir… may I ask you a question?"
It took him a second to snap out of his thoughts and process what she'd said. Damn, he'd let himself zone out again. This was why she was in the lead. "Of course you can."
"Were you under Lady Estellise's manipulation for the entire time I knew you?"
Flynn's throat tightened, catching his breath. Sodia didn't look back at him as they walked, and Flynn pulled his eyes from the back of her head to stare at the slick floor. "Yes," he whispered.
"I… see," Sodia said softly. "So, the man I would have killed for… it wasn't even you."
Flynn wasn't quite sure what that meant, but he was too torn up with guilt to dwell on it. "I'm sorry." He was doing nothing but apologize lately, but with all the shit he'd done, he needed to.
"It's hardly your fault," she said stiffly.
"While under her control, I tried hard to behave as my actual self so as not to raise suspicion from those who already knew me. I like to think my true personality is not all that different from the front I presented to you and the rest of our brigade."
Sodia took a deep breath, and then turned around. She held herself straight and stuck out her hand. "In that case, it is an honour to finally meet you, sir."
Flynn stared at her outstretched hand for a few seconds, not sure what she was getting at. He hesitantly reached out and clasped it, though he knew it was one of the weakest handshakes he'd ever given. "It's… uh, good to meet you as well."
"I will strive to be more attentive in the future. I cannot forgive myself for failing to notice you were being controlled." She dropped her hand and let her professional air lower. "And sir, if there is anything I can do to help you recover from this trauma, please let me know."
"Thank you." He wasn't ready to unconditionally trust her yet, and he didn't know if he would ever be able to fully trust people again. It was possible Estelle had irreversibly broken that part of his mind. He could, however, have cautious optimism that she wouldn't stab him in the back.
Sodia saw the uncertainty in his eyes, but if it bothered her, she didn't show it. She nodded once, and then turned and said, "We should keep going."
They walked at a brisk pace. As they went, Flynn couldn't keep his mind from wandering. It drifted to worries about what would happen if they got stopped and captured by knights loyal to Estelle. When the inevitable consequences of that (torture, pain, blood, suffering - stop thinking about that!) overwhelmed him he tried to distract himself with thoughts of Yuri. Was he in the castle yet? He had to be. As soon as he noticed signs of a commotion from the castle, Yuri would have charged in. Flynn might run into him around any corner.
They rounded a corner, and Flynn breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the door to his room. They'd made it without running into any opposing knights. Entering the room was a soothing relief after the constant danger in the hallway. Knights weren't going to sneak up around corners in here, so Flynn let his guard drop, if only slightly.
"It should be over here," he said as Sodia stood by the door. Flynn knelt in front of the chest by his bed, trying not to think too hard about how the last time he'd used this room he'd still been under Estelle's control. He'd had only two nights in this room right before being imprisoned. He would have savoured those nights more if he knew what was coming. Up until he'd been transferred to the castle, he'd never in his life had a room to himself, and never had a mattress this soft. He wished he'd been able to appreciate it more before enduring ten months sleeping on cold concrete.
His fingers wrapped around the small bottle and he pulled it out before his mind could drift again. He wondered if he would ever reach a point when every tiny thing didn't remind him of trauma.
"Alright," he closed the chest and stood up straight, "let's hurry on to Master Ioder." Once he was healed, Ioder could take over and deal with the Council and Flynn could go back to hiding in bed. He hoped to eventually be able to take on the post of commandant even if he wasn't sure he truly deserved it, but he knew he was definitely not ready for that kind of responsibility right now. It was still a daily struggle to keep himself from falling to pieces; he couldn't deal with the responsibility to hold an entire military together.
"We're almost there, sir," Sodia said, opening the door. "Just a little longer."
Flynn nodded silently and walked past her into the hall. As he stepped into the hall, he stopped when he saw a trio of knights making their way toward him.
The knights paused, and one of them said, "Oh, Commandant, there you are."
Flynn froze up, not sure yet if these knights were on his side or not. Sodia took charge and asked, "Have you received your orders?"
The short one nodded. "Yes. We are to escort the commandant to Lady Estellise."
Flynn's heart skipped a beat and he reached for his sword.
Sodia kept her calm and said, "Ignore those orders. Lady Estellise has committed treason and those loyal to the empire must place their faith in Commandant Flynn."
Oh, right, they didn't actually know that these guys were aware of the situation. Flynn lowered his hand, wishing he could stop being so jumpy.
"So we've heard," the tallest one said, "but we're going to need you to come with us."
A chill ran down Flynn's spine, but he couldn't place the exact cause. All he knew was that these knights had apparently chosen to side against him, and his hand shot back to his sword.
"Stand down!" Sodia commanded. "Knights with honour will remain loyal to our commandant."
"Our empire is headed by the royal family," the knight who was neither the tallest nor the shortest said. "I find it easier to believe a commandant has gone rogue than the princess. Look what happened with Alexei."
The tall one nodded and drew his sword. "Surrender, Commandant. If you give yourself up willingly, I'm sure Lady Estellise will take pity on you. She's fond of you for some reason."
The chill appeared again, this time in the form of an icy hand gripping him tight and holding him frozen in horror. That voice. He knew that voice, he knew that voice, fuck, he knew that fucking voice. The distant whiff of overpowering aftershave drifted down the corridor.
"Sir?" Sodia said, glancing at him nervously when she noticed he'd gone rigid.
It was him. It was the man Flynn had met in his nightmares almost every night for weeks. That bastard must have gotten himself transferred out of the Royal Guard when he saw the ship sinking and now he was here. Flynn had his sword in hand but couldn't move his arm. Yuri said all the people who had tortured him must be dead or in prison, but now here was the worst of them, facing him in a hallway, and all thoughts about being armed and strong flew from his brain. He felt as powerless as he had in that room as the man's very presence threatened to snap the threads holding him together.
All he could do was whisper, "You."