Chapter Fifteen: Remade

Flynn couldn't remember when Sir Teddie had lost his left eye, but he was ninety percent sure it had been Yuri's fault. The ragged teddy stared up at him with one loose button eye, smiling with a sloppily stitched grin. The bear was so patched that very little of the original stuffed animal remained, which raised interesting philosophical questions of whether it could still be said to be the same Sir Teddie his mom had made for him as a toddler.

The bear had been through serious abuse over the years. He'd lost an arm in a game of tug-o-war with Yuri, he'd needed skin grafts on his leg after Flynn left him too close to the fire, he'd bled nearly all his stuffing and been severely crippled for a few days after a run-in with a nasty dog, and all his softness had been worn away over years of cuddling. The poor little bear had been through hell, and he'd been so thoroughly broken that he barely resembled the original Sir Teddie. As far as Flynn was concerned, though, he was every bit the bear he'd loved when he was three. Even if Sir Teddie would never be the same as he was before being broken, Flynn didn't care about him any less and he was still able to do his job of providing comfort. Maybe not all things were like a broken vase. Maybe some things could break and still keep going. Maybe he should stop analyzing his identity by comparing himself to a teddy bear.

Flynn sighed and set Sir Teddie on the bed next to him. He'd found the poor thing at the bottom of a box in his wardrobe. He'd never even gotten around to fully unpacking before being imprisoned, and when he'd returned he hadn't even thought of it. He had only been eighteen when this began; that felt so long ago. A whole chunk of his life was gone, and he would never get that time back.

Someone knocked on the door and he jumped, instinctively reaching for Sir Teddie. "Who is it?"

"It's me."

He sighed in relief. It was just Yuri. "It's open."

"Good evening," Yuri said, closing the door behind him. "Did you have dinner yet? I'm no fan of the castle, but I have to hand it to the chefs."

"No." He shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

"Have you eaten at all today?"

Flynn thought for a moment, and then shook his head again.

Yuri plopped onto the bed and pulled his legs up. Flynn frowned at him for getting his boots on his bed, but didn't mention it. "You've got to eat something," Yuri said, leaning back on his hands.

Flynn shrugged. "I've gone longer without food." The concept of knowing where his next meal was coming from had been a novelty when he and Yuri joined the Knights. Perhaps he should be grateful that he'd gotten so used to hunger in his childhood. It made dealing with days of no food while imprisoned easier to deal with.

"Yeah, well you shouldn't have to anymore."

"I guess not. I just don't feel like eating anything."

"Are you feeling ok?" Yuri considered this question, and then changed it to, "Well, I mean, is something bothering you more than what's usually bothering you?"

Flynn squeezed Sir Teddie's stomach until his chest bulged. "It's stupid."

Yuri leaned his head back with a sigh of frustration, his hair tickling the blanket. "Are you still saying things like that? I told you, you can tell me anything."

Flynn frowned, and spoke to Sir Teddie instead. "Alright… well, I feel stupid for being scared of this… but I'm really nervous about the trial."

Yuri raised his head. "Estelle's trial?"

Flynn nodded. "They want me to testify against her and explain everything she did. I have to explain everything, because if I'm not detailed enough it might sound like I don't really know what happened or might not be damning enough. But, just the thought of standing before the entire Council and court and saying everything that happened to me…" His stomach churned just thinking about it. It had been hard enough putting it into words when he told Yuri.

"Will they let me into the trial?"

"They should." Flynn glanced up at Yuri. "They'll want you to explain the letters you found."

"Ok, good. So, if you have to talk, just look at me and pretend you're only talking to me. Would that help?"

"Maybe." He still wasn't comfortable with the idea, but having Yuri there would make him feel a lot better. He just hated the idea of the entire Council knowing all the details. How could he expect to command respect from them if they knew how filthy and broken he was?

"It will be fine. I'll sit in the front row and if anyone gives you any trouble, I'll kick their ass."

"Thanks."

"Hey, did you get that nap?"

"I tried." He stared down at Sir Teddie's one eye. "I couldn't get to sleep. I'm still too jumpy from being in the castle. I keep thinking that elsewhere in this very building is that room where everything happened. I imagine it as some dark recess with evil seeping out of it and contaminating the whole castle." He squeezed the abused bear and sighed. "I know that's stupid. It's just an old storage room Estelle used because it was out of the way. Sodia even told me where it is after interrogating that knight."

"Have you gone to see it?" Yuri asked.

"Part of me wants to. I think if I saw it, and saw that it's just an ordinary room and not some den of nightmares, I'd feel better. I was going to go earlier after talking to Sodia, but… I chickened out."

"I'll go with you, if you want." He pushed himself upright. "We can grab dinner on the way back."

"I'm not sure…"

"Let's do it." Yuri hopped up and held out his hand. "Come on. It'll be good for you."

Flynn set Sir Teddie on the bed and took Yuri's hand. "Fine." This was going to be painful, but he knew he'd be better off getting it over with.

Yuri laughed and as pulled Flynn to his feet. "So you still have that dumb bear?"

"Yes," he said indignantly.

"What was he called? Mr. Bear or something?"

"Sir Teddie."

"Oh, right. You were always so creative."

He led Flynn out of the dark room, and Flynn could physically feel his anxiety rise just by leaving the security of his bedroom. "Like you're so much better. You had that little wolf Hanks' wife made and you called it Growly."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Yuri said, stubbornly looking ahead.

"Whatever happened to that?"

"I don't know. It doesn't matter." He had that indignant pout he always wore when Flynn brought up things he was embarrassed by. He quickly changed the subject. "So, hey, Sodia talked to that knight? Did you see him too?"

"No," Flynn said with a shake of his head. "Sodia wouldn't let me into the room."

Yuri glanced back with a raised eyebrow. "I didn't know she had the power to 'let' you do anything."

"I didn't know either." It was probably for the best. He'd tried to follow her into the interrogation, but she stopped him and gave him a stern talking-to about understanding one's limits and how interrogations required precision. It had been a polite way of telling him he wasn't emotionally stable enough to handle facing the man again, and she was probably right.

"So? Did she get anything out of him?"

Flynn realized he'd drifted off again. Damn, he just couldn't concentrate lately. "Ah, yeah. His name is Peter Sprenger. He has a handful of minor charges for behaviour unbecoming of a knight, but he was never convicted of anything. He claims he can't be prosecuted for this because he was just following orders. That's the same defense most of the Royal Guard who helped Alexei gave, and the court established a precedent that following orders could not be used in cases that are clearly immoral."

"That sounds good. So is the Council actually going to follow through on punishing a piece of crap?"

Flynn frowned. "Well… not exactly. In exchange for testifying against Estelle and giving us the names of every other knight involved with my…" he still struggled to put it into words sometimes. Torture. To just throw two little syllables into a sentence to sum up everything that had happened to him felt strange. He couldn't just casually say it because he was far from being able to think about it casually. Yuri noticed his hesitation, but he pressed on and forced it out. "My torture. In exchange for their names, he'll be given a lighter sentence."

Yuri's expression darkened. "They're going to let him go?"

"He'll serve time. Just… not as much." Flynn saw how angry this made Yuri and said, "Yuri, please don't take this upon yourself."

"Are you saying you don't want this bastard to die?"

Flynn could read Yuri's expression like a book. Yuri was partially glad Sprenger would be released after a short sentence, because that meant he had an excuse to take him down himself. Flynn couldn't let Yuri do that, though. "Please, Yuri. If he gets murdered right after being released, it will make future criminals think there's no point in plea bargains. It could really damage the justice system."

Yuri scowled. "Flynn, you of all people should want him dead. Just watching you have nightmares or memories kills me and I'm not even experiencing it." He rounded on Flynn with fire still in his eyes "Now the man who did all this to you is going to get a short sentence, and you're ok with that?!"

Flynn jumped back with a flash of fear, his heart skipping a beat. Yuri's anger disappeared in an instant, replaced by guilt.

"Dammit." He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." He was more embarrassed by his reaction than anything. Even though he knew Yuri would never hurt him, he still freaked out when people shouted at him. He tried to keep talking like nothing had happened, like he could pull together some semblance of normality. "Since his crimes were against me, personally, doesn't that give me the right to decide if I want him dead?"

"I guess," Yuri grumbled and they started walking again. "Why don't you want him dead, though?"

"I do," Flynn muttered at the floor. He felt guilty for admitting it, because he had never thought of himself as the type to wish death on a person. "More than anyone. Despite that, I also want to believe that the justice system works. I don't want him punished by a lone vigilante, I want him punished by the law. Please respect that."

Yuri growled in frustration, and then said, "Fine. Can I at least beat him up?"

"Be my guest."

After a few more minutes of walking, they made it to a hallway in the basement. The prison cells that Yuri was so familiar with weren't too far away, but this was a long, dimly lit corridor of storage rooms. The fine marble floors of the castle were gone, replaced with grey slabs of cement. Flynn stopped when his feet hit the cement.

"I don't understand. Where are we going?"

"Be quiet."

"I was told to report for training, but what's down- ow!"

"I said be quiet."

"Where are you taking me? What's through this do- ugh."

"You never shut up, do you? Get in there."

"Wait, what's going on?"

Slam!

"What is this room? Hello? Hey, you can't just leave me in here! Where am I? What's going on? Hello?!"

"Flynn?" Yuri lightly touched his elbow, and he flinched.

Flynn looked to Yuri with wide eyes and realized he was shaking again. "Uh… I'm ok."

"Ok… follow me, you're almost there."

Flynn didn't want to almost be there. He had to put effort into every step forward. The last time he'd walked down this hallway, ten months of horror came next. It's fine, he told himself over and over. He was following Yuri, not being escorted by knights. There was nothing special about this room, and that's what Yuri was trying to show him.

Despite telling himself this, he was shaking and dripping sweat by the time they finally stood in front of the door. Every instinct told him to run away as fast as he could, and he actually had to grab Yuri's arm to keep steady.

Yuri turned his eyes on him with concern. "We can turn back if you really want to, but I think you'd be better off if you faced this."

Flynn nodded. "Yes. Just… open the door."

Yuri opened it, but Flynn looked away and squeezed his eyes shut. He was certain he smelled the sick stench of various human fluids mingling together over ten months. He took short, fast breaths, trying to get the cloying odour away. Blood, sex, vomit, urine, sweat -

"Come on, you can look," Yuri said softly his hand on Flynn's shoulder. "It's just a room."

It was not "just a room". It was the place where his life ended and turned into this living hell. Screams rang through his head. They were memories of his own, and they reverberated against the close concrete walls. Knights were laughing and an ache settled into his muscles.

"Flynn!" Yuri snapped his fingers in front of his face, startling him out of the memories. He panted and stared at Yuri in shock as Yuri grabbed his shoulders and said, "Look. It's just a storage room. They're keeping fertilizer and shovels in there now."

No, no, no, he didn't want to look. There were going to be bloodstains and ropes and knights waiting to finish him off.

"There is nothing in there that can hurt you," Yuri said firmly. "Well, I guess if you tripped on a rake that might hurt. It is a thousand times worse in your head so just look."

Flynn took a deep breath and grabbed Yuri's arm in a vice grip. If Yuri was bothered by Flynn holding him tighter when he'd been dangling off the side of Altosk, he didn't mention it. With that lifeline firmly in hand, he turned his head to look through the doorway.

Yuri was right; there was nothing in the room but gardening supplies. Sacks of fertilizer lined one wall, and a corner was taken up with a stack of clay pots. Hoes and rakes leaned against the wall, and a broken lattice reached up to the beams on the ceiling. There was no sign of blood, and the thick scent was actually just the fertilizer that his mind had warped. Peter Sprenger was just a man and this was just a room. There was no reason for him to be afraid of a garden shed. He didn't think he ever wanted to come down here again because it stirred up too many memories, but he no longer felt like this room had power over him.

"You ok?"

Flynn nodded slowly. "Yeah… thanks. I needed to see this."

"Great. How about letting go of my arm? I think I'm losing circulation."

"Sorry." He dropped his hand. "Let's get out of here." He turned away from the room and walked quickly down the hallway.

Yuri ran to catch up with him. "Can I convince you to stop for dinner?"

Flynn wasn't really hungry, but he knew Yuri would pester him until he ate. "Fine."

"Good. I'm gonna be spending the night in the castle. Do, uh, you want me to stay in your room? I don't mind sleeping on the floor."

Flynn really wanted to say no and tell him to go sleep comfortably with Karol and Raven. Then he thought about lying alone in a dark room and how vulnerable he'd feel because he couldn't protect himself while asleep, and that was on top of the knowledge that if he had another nightmare there would be no one to drag him out. He looked down at the steps and muttered, "If you don't mind…"

"It's not a problem at all."

Rita lay in bed, trying to sleep. She was back to her room in the castle, but she couldn't sleep. Estelle was locked in one of the cells, Yuri was acting like his old self again, and Flynn seemed to be on the road to recovery. Everything was working out, so why did she still feel like crap? It was stupid to be upset about Estelle. Estelle betrayed them, so she shouldn't waste time feeling sad that she was gone. And yet, she couldn't stop feeling like she was being ripped apart.

She tossed to her side and pulled a pillow against her chest. Part of her wished Yuri had never found those letters so she could keep believing Estelle was her friend. This is why I liked blastia, she thought miserably. Blastia never lied. She would have sworn off ever making friends again if it wasn't for the fact that she still cared about Yuri and Judith. She scowled and glared at the wall, and silently admitted that she had some semblance of fondness for Karol and Raven too.

She closed her eyes and tried in vain to get some sleep. It wasn't fair that Estelle could still hurt her through lack of sleep even after Rita had ended their friendship. Her door slowly opened and her eyes shot up.

She had a spell powered up and ready to fire by the time she sat up in bed and turned to the door. "Who's there?"

The door clicked shut and the glow from Rita's prepared spell illuminated the intruder's face. Rita was so surprised she let the mana peter out and then the room went back to blackness. Light footsteps crossed the room. Rita couldn't breathe as they closed in on the bed.

"Rita, don't be scared. I don't want to hurt you."

Rita still couldn't see her in the darkness, but she breathed, "What are you doing here, Estelle?"

The bed creaked as she sat down. Rita stiffened bit didn't pull away. Her eyes began readjusting to the darkness and the moonlight streaming through the window outlined her profile.

"I'm leaving," Estelle said.

"Aren't you supposed to be in jail?"

"I escaped," Estelle said simply. "Those cells really weren't designed to hold magic users." She turned her head, but the only detail Rita could make out was the glint of moonlight in her eyes. "I realize there's no way to prove my innocence."

"Because you're not innocent," Rita snapped, pulling her blanket over her knees.

"Heh. No, I suppose I'm not." She folded her hands on her lap and Rita was able to make out a small smile. "So, I'm leaving Zaphias. I'm going to start a new life somewhere else and lay low for a while."

Rita's fists bunched around the blanket. "Estelle… why did you do all this? Just… why?"

"Because… I wanted to." She shrugged. "I've always done what I wanted to. I know most people care when other people hurt, but I just… don't."

"But… what about me?" Rita's voice wavered. "Was it really all a lie?"

Estelle didn't answer right away. In the tense silence, she grabbed Rita's hands. "Come with me, Rita."

"I - what?" Her eyes had adjusted enough to make out Estelle's sincere eyes. It was disconcerting to see such a familiar expression when she had already written those looks off as false.

"Once I leave, I'm never coming back and I'll never see you again. You should come with me."

"Why do you want me to?" She should pull her hands away, but she couldn't bring herself to draw away from Estelle's touch.

"Because I've never felt this way about anyone before you. You're the most amazing person I have ever met. Liking you was never an act."

Rita's chest throbbed. "Estelle…" She took a shuddering breath to pull herself together. "How can you say that when you already told me you don't care about anybody?"

Estelle squeezed her hands. "You're right. I understand that normally people hurt when the people they love hurt, and they can find pleasure simply in their loved one's happiness. I don't feel that. I can't, even if I wanted to. The emotions are just foreign to me. Despite that, I feel like my life won't be complete if you're not in it."

"Stop it." Rita squeezed her eyes shut. "How can you say that? I know what you did to Flynn." How could someone capable of such heinous and cruel torture tell her she needed her with such sincerity?

"I want you to come with me. We'll start over far away from here. It can be just the two of us, and I can promise not to hurt anyone else if it means you'll stay with me. You're the only person I've ever appreciated like this and I don't want to lose you. So, please, come with me."

Rita opened her eyes and looked down at Estelle's delicate hands curled around her own. A strong part of her wanted to say yes. She wanted to run away with Estelle and pretend this never happened. She could deal with abandoning Yuri and the others if it meant staying with Estelle. But… "You're not even sorry for what you did to Flynn, are you?"

Estelle hesitated, and then said, "No. I understand that by society's standards it was a bad thing, but I can't bring myself to feel remorse."

Rita swallowed hard. "How can I know you'll never get bored of me? What if you decide you'd rather break me like you broke him?"

"Never," Estelle said. "I would never want to change you. You're perfect how you are."

Rita pulled her hands out of Estelle's grip and slowly shook her head. "No, Estelle. I can't go with you. I can't overlook the things you've done."

Estelle dropped her hands and stared at Rita for a few long seconds. She was partially afraid Estelle would attack and try to take her with her by force, and that uncertainty was reason enough to not spend the rest of her life with Estelle.

Estelle looked to her knees. "I understand."

"You're not going to go after Yuri or Flynn, are you?"

Estelle shook her head. "No. I won't say I don't want to, but the risks outweigh the benefits. I'm going to leave Zaphias and I plan to never encounter any of you again."

"Oh. Well… good."

Estelle slowly stood up, and then turned back to Rita. "Thank you for being my friend, Rita." Rita sat frozen as Estelle rested her hands on her shoulders, leaned forward, and gently kissed her forehead. She gave Rita a tight smile and then left the room.

Rita stared at the door after it closed, still able to feel the warm tingling on her forehead. She should get the guards, of course. Estelle was making her escape, and it was Rita's responsibility to warn the knights to keep them from letting her leave the castle. Despite thinking this, she didn't make a move to alert the guards.

She let out a groan of frustration, and then buried her face in her hands. She knew would never see Estelle again, but she wasn't sure if she was glad about that or filled with grief.

How to get bloodstains out of carpet probably shouldn't be the top of his priorities, but Flynn couldn't help dwelling on it. He sat at his desk, leaning forward on his crossed arms. He was supposed to be getting things ready for Sodia to take over his duties for a little while, but every time he tried to read a line, his mind drifted halfway through the sentence. He'd read the same line at least ten times before giving up to contemplate the blood on the carpet from where he'd nearly died.

Someone knocked on the door and he jumped in his chair. Crap, he was supposed to have gotten all this ready for Sodia and he'd zoned out. His heart sped up and he frantically looked around the desk for something to prove he hadn't been slacking. He'd messed up and now he was going to get punished and -

No. Stop. He was the commandant now. The worst anyone could do to him was be disappointed in him. There was no reason to be afraid.

But what if it was Estelle?! He gripped the edge of his desk, his muscles going rigid. She'd escaped from jail last night and the last he heard, the knights still hadn't caught up with her. She was going to come after him and punish him for turning on her.

The door cracked open and Flynn leapt to his feet, drawing his sword. He pointed it at the door with his face constricted in terror, ready to defend himself.

"Uh, sir?" Sodia said, peeking through the door. "Is everything alright?"

He sheepishly sheathed his sword again and slumped back into his chair. "Everything is fine." Stupid. Freaking out over nothing again. He leaned forward and rested his head in his palm. "Ha. If you were still wondering why I'm taking time off, this is why."

Sodia entered fully and approached his desk. "I completely understand, sir. After what you've been through, no one would fault you for taking medical leave. Have you finished your preparations?"

His stomach squirmed with guilt. "No," he mumbled. He rubbed his forehead and sighed. "I can't seem to read anything without my mind drifting." He didn't mention it, but since he had an ocean of traumatic memories lying in wait, when his mind drifted it always seemed to land in something unpleasant. This made him less inclined to even try reading, because analyzing the pattern on the curtains was easier than remembering exactly what a broken bone sounded like when you twisted it.

"I'm such a mess," he grumbled. "I can't even read, let alone do my job."

"It's alright, sir." Sodia pulled up a seat across from him, folding her hands on the desk. "You just need to take some time off and get the help you need. Don't worry about these forms. I'm sure I can manage with what you've already left. I was filling in for you for the past couple of weeks already."

Flynn managed to lower his arm and raise his head. "If you could, I would greatly appreciate it."

"Anything you need, sir. Have you already gotten your things together for your trip to Dahngrest?"

Flynn winced and in a small voice admitted, "No." He'd been so concerned with trying to get this stuff done for Sodia that he pushed packing to the back of his mind. He could only focus on one task at a time, and even that took effort.

"I can help you pack," Sodia said, thankfully sounding non-judgmental. "You don't have very many clothes, after all.

"Thank you. Also, while I'm thinking of it, I want to properly thank you for stopping me yesterday. I don't think I would have ever forgiven myself if I'd gone through with murdering Sprenger."

She nodded tightly. "I know, sir. I'm just glad you're yourself again."

"Have the other knights involved been arrested?"

"All the others were already either dead or in prison, sir. They're currently serving time for helping Alexei with his coup, but they'll stand trial for these additional charges and their sentences will be extended."

"And all of them are accounted for?" He didn't want to directly say it, but he was terrified of the prospect that someone who helped torture him could still be loose somewhere. He'd spend the rest of his life fearing he'd bump into them around any corner.

Sodia nodded. "Yes, at least all the names Sprenger gave us."

"Good." That was a heavy weight off his chest. There was just one more thing for him to worry about. "And what about Estelle? Any luck in finding her?"

Sodia shook her head with a frown. "No. I'm sorry, sir, but there's no sign of her. The jail cell was busted open with a magic arte and any guards in the area were knocked out. No one saw her slip out of the castle."

"She didn't try to make contact with anyone from Yuri's group?"

"No. I asked all of them, but they said they didn't see her. Miss Mordio, however, did ask me to tell you that she was positive Lady Estellise wouldn't try to go after you again. I'm not sure what she's basing this certainty on."

"I see." He folded his hands and thought. Rita probably understood Estelle better than anyone, but even that wasn't saying much. Yuri always thought he understood her, too. Flynn took some comfort in her words, but he also knew it would be a long time before he felt safe enough to sleep without the windows locked. "I suppose that's all we can do." Part of him was actually glad she was missing, because as long as Estelle wasn't around, he wouldn't have to testify at her trial.

Sodia stood up. "Sir, why don't you leave this paperwork to me? Go get your things together so you can get going. Being in the castle is so stressful for you, so I don't want you to linger here any longer than is necessary."

Flynn looked down at his papers. He didn't want to feel like a quitter, but in an hour he'd only managed to read a single paragraph. "Maybe you're right."

There wasn't anything he could do about Estelle for now, and trying to do work when he couldn't even read was getting him nowhere. The best thing he could do was to get out of here and work on healing. If he managed to pull himself together to a point where he could handle stress and didn't have a panic attack when someone yelled at him, he could return to his post and prove to himself that he deserved it, even if it had been handed to him under dubious circumstances. If he couldn't, he was at least comfortable leaving the position in Sodia's hands.

He stood and slid the paper across the desk to Sodia. "Thank you, Sodia. For everything."

"Of course, sir."

"I'm going to go pack." He walked away, muttering, mostly to himself, "Damn, do I ever need a vacation."

"Are you feeling ok, Yuri?" Karol asked, pausing next to an open box.

"I'm fine," he said, a bit more terse than he'd intended. He stuck his paintbrush into the bucket and then slapped more paint on the wall. They'd finalized the lease for their new building, but it was taking a lot of work. They'd been at it for a month already, and they still weren't open for business.

"Are you sure you're not worried about Flynn?" Karol pulled books out of the box and began stacking them on a shelf.

"Why should I be? He's a big boy. He can walk home by himself."

Flynn had been staying with them for the past month, first at Altosk and then staying in Yuri's room at their new Brave Vesperia building. Karol had been the one to find a therapist for him - it turned out there was actually a psychology guild, a fact which barely even surprised Yuri anymore. He wouldn't be surprised to find there was a guild for cheesemongers. Flynn met with a women for a few hours every other day, and it seemed to be doing him some good. At the very least, nightmares were no longer a nightly occurrence. He still tossed and turned for hours before falling into a restless sleep, leaving Yuri feeling guilty if he let himself fall asleep before Flynn did, but Yuri only needed to rouse him from a nightmare every few days.

Since the first day of therapy, Yuri had walked Flynn to the session and then gone back to walk him home. Flynn got nervous in crowds and Yuri didn't want to risk leaving him alone on the street again in case something sparked another traumatic flashback and no one was there to help him. Today, though, Flynn had asked him to stay home, saying he wanted to make the walk back by himself. Yuri agreed, because if Flynn felt he needed to do this, then Yuri would respect his choices.

That didn't mean Yuri wasn't still worried, though. He should have been home fifteen minutes ago, and Yuri couldn't help imagining him having a freak-out on a street corner with strangers standing around gawking. Half of him wanted to head out and look for him, but if he ran into Flynn taking a leisurely stroll home, seeing Yuri's lack of faith in him might devastate him.

"I'm sure he's fine, Yuri," Karol said. "Most people would recognize him as the commandant, and everyone around here knows the commandant is staying with us for now, so if there were any problems, someone would come get us."

"Yeah, I know, I told you I wasn't worried." He wished he could be as optimistic as Karol, and he wished Karol wasn't as adept at reading his emotions.

Repede barked from the floor, telling him in his way to stop fretting. Yuri scowled at the dog and turned his attention back to painting the wall. Maybe he was fretting, but he felt that considering Flynn's condition, a little worrying couldn't hurt.

"If you're not worrying, why have you painted the same section of wall three times now?"

Yuri paused and stared at the beige paint dripping down the wall. He frowned, and then said, "I'm making sure it gets enough coats."

Karol rolled his eyes. "Sure, Yuri."

"Why did you and I get left with this job, anyway? There others should be helping out, too."

"Judith promised to help later," Karol said, setting the final book on the shelf. "But she's busy right now."

"Yeah, yeah, I know that." She and Ba'ul had taken off to find Estelle. Rita said she didn't think they had to worry about her, but Yuri was still nervous about letting her roam free. So far, though, Judy hadn't had any luck. Wherever Estelle had run to, she was good at covering her tracks.

Part of Yuri didn't want to find her. As much as he wanted her to pay for what she'd done, both to Flynn and to everyone who suffered due to her schemes, he also didn't think he could stand to see her suffer. Usually when confronted by villainous scumbags he got blindingly angry and wanted nothing more than to make them pay for hurting people. When it came to Estelle, though, he couldn't garner up the fury and instead he just got sad. He didn't want to punish her; he just wanted to move on and try to get over her betrayal.

The front door opened, and Yuri nearly dropped his paintbrush as he spun around. "Hey, you're late." He tried not to reveal how worried he'd been.

"Sorry," Flynn said, closing the door and then setting a package on the table against the wall.

"You didn't run into any trouble, did you?" Karol asked.

"No, I'm fine. I'm sorry if I worried you."

"Worried?" Yuri said. "Who was worried?"

Karol glanced over at Yuri and then snickered. "Yuri, you're dripping paint on your boots."

"Huh?" He glanced down and swore and then dropped the paintbrush back in the bucket. "Whatever; they were old anyway. So, anyway, how'd it go, Flynn?"

"Same as usual." He scowled a bit and then added, "It's not fun, but it helps. On the plus side, she says I might be able to go back to work in another month, maybe earlier."

"That's great!" Karol said with a big grin.

Flynn leaned against the table and crossed his arms. "Eager to get rid of me, are you?"

Karol faltered. "Ah, what? No, of course not! I just mean - you know, it's good that you're feeling better."

"Yeah, I understand," Flynn said.

Yuri watched him with worry. It was hard to tell sometimes when he was joking. It had only been in the past week or so that he'd started dropping jokes or sarcasm, so they weren't used to it. Add that to the fact that his sense of humour had taken a turn for the dark and that he never smiled, and it was pretty hard to tell when a comment was a joke.

"You're already almost fully recovered, then?" Yuri asked with a grin. "I knew you had it in you."

"Well… not exactly. She said she'd set me up with someone in Zaphias so I can keep seeing someone."

"Oh." Yuri's excitement fell somewhat, but not entirely. Flynn was still making improvement, and that was enough for him. He walked to the table and asked, "So, you got home alright?"

Flynn nodded. "I'll admit I was nervous, but I didn't have any problems."

"Alright!" Yuri held up his hand for a high five, which Flynn returned with a bit less enthusiasm. It might seem silly to cheer something as simple as walking home alone, but they celebrated the small victories. "So, what held you up?"

"Actually, I stopped at the post office. I asked Hanks to mail me something before I left Zaphias." He picked up the package and untied the string.

"Hm? What is it?"

Flynn pushed away the paper, opened the box, and then pulled out something that caught Yuri by surprise.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"Hanks had it," Flynn said, holding up a small stuffed wolf. "He said you left it with him before joining the Knights."

"Yuri?" Karol said, walking over to get a closer look. "What is it?"

Heat rose to Yuri's cheeks and he crossed his arms. "Yeah, I asked him to toss it for me."

"He said you specifically asked him to keep it safe for you."

"Geeze, that old man sure knows how to make up a story."

The worn, tattered wolf stared at him piteously with blank bead eyes. "How could you say that, Yuri?" Flynn said, holding the wolf out. "Look, he misses you."

Karol laughed. "Wow, Yuri, that's pretty cute."

"It's just a dumb toy!" Yuri scowled. "I don't even know why Hanks held onto it."

"Since you thought it was so funny that I still had mine, I thought you'd appreciate the reminder," Flynn said. He looked down at Karol and said, "His name is Growly. Yuri named him himself. He was very proud."

"Dammit, Flynn, you don't have to tell him that!"

Flynn looked down at the stuffed animal. "If I recall correctly, Growly was a super wolf who could run faster than a horse and bite through solid armour."

Yuri gave Karol a furious glare, warning of dark things to come if he didn't stop laughing. Karol did not heed his warning, so Yuri grabbed for the wolf. "Alright, you're done, give it here."

Flynn jerked his hand away. "I thought you didn't want him?"

"I don't!" He leaned forward and tried to reach around Flynn to get it. "But I especially don't want you to have it. And dammit, Karol, is it really that funny?!"

Flynn backed away from him, holding Growly above his head. "You'll have to try harder than that. Growly the super wolf can't be caught that easily!"

"Ok, ha-ha, really funny, Flynn." He reached up, but Flynn fended him off with his other arm.

"Awooo! Evildoers beware!"

"Be careful! He's really old; don't be so rough!"

"I thought you didn't care about him?"

"I don't!"

Flynn backed up some more, but then he tripped on a box and toppled to the ground. Yuri followed him down in seconds. He had been about to tackle him and pin him down, but thought better of that halfway down. He veered to the side and landed on his knees next to him, wrapping both hands tightly around Growly. The last thing Flynn needed was for someone to pin him to the ground, even if it was Yuri, but tug-o-war with a stuffed wolf was unlikely to trigger a horrific memory.

"You've had your fun, I'm sorry I made fun of you for Teddie, now give that back!"

Flynn let go of Growly without much protest, partially because he was laughing too hard to focus on a strong grip. With Growly safely out of Flynn's mocking hands, Yuri held him protectively against his chest and glared at Flynn for a few seconds.

He couldn't keep glaring for very long. Flynn lay on his back, clutching his stomach with his eyes squeezed together in a fit of laughter. Tears ran from his eyes and he gasped for breath between laughs. A huge weight slipped off Yuri's shoulders and a grin slid onto his face. He hadn't realized just how much he missed Flynn's smile until now.

Yuri chuckled and sat back, leaning against the table leg. Karol had stopped laughing and was back to smiling happily, while Repede just gave them a look and silently reprimanded his humans for being so childish. It really wasn't that funny, but Flynn still couldn't stop laughing. When Yuri considered that this was the first time Flynn had really laughed or smiled since he was eighteen, he could understand the need to get it all out.

Flynn gasped for breath and then rubbed tears from his eyes. He raised his head with a small smile and said, "Heh. Heh-heh. Sorry, Yuri."

"Don't worry about it." He glanced down at the wolf in his hand and added, "I just hope Repede doesn't get jealous."

Repede growled slightly to let him know that it would be a snowy day in hell before he got insecure about a stuffed animal.

Flynn got up and dusted himself off, but Yuri stayed on the floor and watched him with a small smile. It would be naive to think Flynn didn't still have serious problems. He would probably always have problems, and their idea of a positive future was when he could go months or - in a best case scenario - years between breakdowns. It was looking like he would be able to live something close to a normal life between attacks, though, and that was more than Yuri had hoped for when they first started working with him.

Estelle had escaped unpunished, and that pissed Yuri off more than he could say. He hated imagining her happily living the rest of her life thinking she'd won. His only hope was that one day she'd sit down for breakfast in whatever backwoods village she was hiding out in and open the morning paper. There she'd see a story about how successful Commandant Flynn was and all the sweeping change he'd brought to the empire. Yuri imagined the newspaper crinkling under her angry fists as she realized she hadn't successfully broken Flynn beyond repair.

She hadn't won, even if she may think she had for now. She thought she'd successfully shattered him into a thousand pieces, but little by little they were putting those pieces back together.

A/N: And that brings us to the end of this cheerful story. I hope you enjoyed it! If you ever thought it's too depressing, just remember that the original plan was for Yuri to actually kill Flynn in their first battle and the rest of the fic would deal with the consequences of Yuri killing his best friend. So, hey, it could have been a lot worse!

If you're interested in the particulars of what Flynn went through, you should look up the Chinese treatment of American POWs during the Korean War (which is what I based Estelle's techniques on) or the deprogramming of cult members in the 70s and 80s (which is what I based Yuri's techniques on). Both topics are fascinating, although very depressing.

There's also an alternate scene I wrote for a thing on tumblr. I re-wrote a scene from chapter 9 from Estelle's point of view, so if you're interested you can read that here: tinyurl kmjab24 (remove the spaces).

That's all I have to say, so thanks for reading!