"So Cliff..." he began, trying a bit of small talk. "How long have you been a postal worker?"
"Well Niles, honestly I've done it so long that I can't remember when I stared or at least it feels that way."
"Frasier tells me that you've been doing this for several years. That's very admirable. And now you're reaping the benefits of retired life. I remember when Dad was shot and was forced to retire from the force. He wasn't happy about it..." He paused, taking a moment to empty his glass, ignoring the way Cliff was staring at him. Dear God, the man was worse than Eddie!
"Um... Hey Niles..."
"Hang on a second, Cliff. I'll be right back."
Grateful to be away from the annoying guest of honor, Niles crossed the room and headed straight for the bar. "Another one of these." He said to the bartender. "And make it a double!"
"Certainly sir."
Niles took the glass from the bartender and gave him a handsome tip. And then reluctantly he returned to Cliff. "So... where were we?" Niles asked.
"Niles, have you met Carla?" Cliff asked.
Niles smiled at the dark haired woman and extended his hand. "Can't say as I have. Pleased to meet you, Carla. Niles Crane."
She too, stared at him in apparent disbelief, making him even more uncomfortable.
"Is... something wrong?"
She walked around him in a circle, never taking her eyes off of him. And then she turned to the heavyset man who appeared next to her; the man who had been talking and laughing with his father earlier.
"Hey Norm, doesn't he remind you of Frasier?" She shouted, making Niles cringe. "Niles, say indubitably!"
Niles rolled his eyes in response. "Must I?"
"It's insane!" she cried. "You look just like him!"
Niles was not amused. "Yes... well we are brothers." He replied, not bothering to hide his sarcasm.
"Isn't this a great party?" Cliff asked. "My friends are here and we're having all of this great food and alcoholic beverages. Niles, I'm guessing that you're a wine connoisseur like your brother. What do you think of this? Picked it out myself!"
Niles took the bottle from Cliff's hand almost fainting when he read the label. "Oh dear God it's just labeled wine!" But he no longer cared as he grabbed one of the cheap plastic wine glasses and poured himself a glass of wine. He drank it in one gulp before pouring another.
"Hey, hey Niles! You'd better take it easy there!" Cliff said.
After drinking the second glass, he stared on a third but stumbled, nearly losing his balance.
"Maybe you'd better ease up on the wine." Norm said.
But Niles was nothing short of annoyed to no end. "Look, I'm a grown man and I know exactly what I'm do-whoa!"
Norm, Cliff and Carla caught him before he fell and eased him back into his seat. And then a wave of dizziness came over him as the room began to spin.
"Oh... I think you're right." Niles groaned, his head already beginning to ache. "Perhaps I did get a little carried away. Maybe I should drink some water. I'd ask Daphne to get me some, but-."
"So what's the story with Daphne?" Carla asked.
"There's no story really." Niles replied. Not that I'd want to tell any of you. He added silently. "One night, on a balcony amid night blooming jasmine, the stars and a full moon at the Waverly Inn, she kissed me and I knew that we were meant to be together. Now if you'll excuse me..." He rose from his chair and carefully made his way to a narrow table where a large pitcher of untouched water awaited him. He proceeded to pour a glass of water, drinking it as quickly as he had the alcoholic beverages before pouring another.
"You'd better slow down there a bit Niles!" Cliff advised.
Niles glared at him through blurry eyes. "Why? It's just water and studies have shown that drinking eight glasses a day-."
Cliff looked at Carla and Norm. "Exactly." The three of them looked at Niles before bursting into a fit of laughter.
"What's so funny?" Niles demanded, annoyed that he'd been interrupted.
"Nothing, nothing." Cliff said a little too quickly. "So how did you and Daphne meet?"
Niles smiled at the memory, for his first encounter with the goddess Daphne Moon was a story he could tell a thousand times over and never get tired of it. "Well, I-."
They began to laugh again and Niles forcefully set his empty glass on the table.
"All right, what's so damn funny?"
"We just think that all that water isn't good for your... condition, if you know what I mean!"
"No, Cliff. I'm afraid I don't." Niles said.
"But you told her, right?" Carla asked.
"Told who, what?"
"Daphne!"
"Oh... right..." Niles said, grateful to get back to his story. But apparently they were more interested in the happy ending, which he was glad to oblige. "Of course I told her! It took me seven years but I finally said those three little words."
"Don't you mean five little words?" Carla corrected, trying to stifle her laughter.
Niles was completely clueless and he found himself demanding to know what was going on. "Five words is a bit elaborate to be honest. All you really need is three little words to convey-."
Finally Carla got it, although Niles was still thoroughly confused. "No, no!" She yelled. "Not that sappy stuff! The other thing! You do tell her everything right?"
Niles clinched his teeth and the handkerchief that he'd retrieved from his pocket. If he was going to lie, he certainly wasn't going to let it show. "Of course I tell her everything! She's my wife! But I still don't understand what five words you're talking about!"
Carla scoffed. "Gee for a guy who's a psychiatrist, you're not very bright, are you?"
"Look, I hardly need to sit here and take this nonsense, so are you going to tell me what you're talking about or not?"
"Five little words..." Carla repeated. "Daphne-I'm-a-bed-wetter."
Niles' entire body turned numb and cold as he felt his throat close up, making it difficult to breathe. As he listened to Frasier's so called friends laughing hysterically, Niles sunk into his chair.
His horrible childhood secret was out. And nothing would ever be the same.