Peter spent the entire day staring at his phone in fear, waiting for Deadpool to text him. He was half convinced that Tony had activated some tracker in his phone and would know the instant anything happened, or that Steve would be able to tell, just from a glance, that Peter had been out superhero-ing last night. Peter had helped though… or Spiderman had… and with the Green Goblin out he just. Didn't. Feel. Okay. Something terrible was bound to happen and… Peter just hoped the "something terrible is bound to happen" feeling was coming from Deadpool and not the Green Goblin.
Because Deadpool was crazy but not malicious; the Green Goblin was a supervillainous monster who was likely to turn Peter into an orphan all on his own. Steve might not understand but Tony did. Peter could sense a hint of nervousness in the way Tony glared at his Starkphone over breakfast.
Oscorp and Stark Enterprises were business rivals. And, well, Norman Osborn wasn't exactly a good person for anyone to get along with. Even though Tony insisted that his arch nemesis's were Bud Light and the legendary dragon Fin Fang Foom (Peter still wasn't sure if the story was real or Tony was exaggerating a business deal), there was a dark place in his eyes whenever Norman Osborn was mentioned.
So, Peter nervously glanced at his phone all throughout school. Of course, this was perfectly natural because it was school and Peter was a student. Working at the Daily Bugle it was a bit more nerve wracking, Ben Urich asked Peter twice if he wanted to call it a day and Betty Brant sneakily passed Peter four cookies before it was time to go.
Then again, right before Peter left Ben sat down across from him and frowned.
"I want to interview you," Ben said.
"Holy shit what," Peter's hand froze over the mouse. He currently had Youtube open and was so, so, so not busy searching through "Superhero Fails!". He wondered if Ulrich would tell Jamison that he wasn't working.
Ben leaned forward. "Okay, so maybe you don't want to mention Tony Stark."
Peter swallowed.
"But Bruce Banner is fair game, right?" Ben Ulrich conspiratorially pulled out his phone and hit record. "Say something."
Peter grimaced. "What do you want from me?"
"A story," Ben Ulrich said honestly. "A superhero story from a unique perspective. After all, how often to normal people like us interact with superheroes?"
Peter swallowed again.
"Unless," Ben said, "you're a mutant, in which-"
"Hey!" Peter yelled. No one heard them, however, because the Daily Bugle was crazy with noise at the moment.
"I don't mean to offend," Ben said slowly.
Peter shook his head. "You're not, it's not offensive, just you…"
"I know. Sorry. Could I…" Ben openly turned off the record on his phone. "Would you be alright with me listing you as an anonymous source?"
"No," Peter said immediately, "I'm not going to go around everyone's backs; I mean… are you kidding? They're… I mean," he slipped, "Bruce is my friend. Family friend."
"But even that would have given you a unique perspective." Ben stood up, putting his things away. "I just want you to know, that if you need to tell the public something, I'm your friend too, Peter. And I'm not going to let the tabloids ruin it all for you, I'll write you something good and fair."
Peter frowned for a moment, but Ben was still staring at him and it forced him to think. "I," Peter said. Am I a celebrity? "Okay. Thank you."
"Good. Now, Bruce Banner is waiting to pick you up downstairs."
Peter sighed. "I hate being grounded," he muttered under his breath.
…
They had dinner in complete and utter silence.
Actually Steve and Tony were called away to their Mysterious Avengers Meeting and Peter and J.A.R.V.I.S. had dinner in complete silence because Peter kept calling J.A.R.V.I.S. Siri so Tony programmed the A.I. to get offended.
Peter sat down to debate whether or not to do Robotics 101 homework and turned on the news, after which he promptly turned to American Horror Story. His phone dinged, and he picked it up, taking a moment to enjoy the feeling of a new Starkphone rather than the constantly-dying-flip-phone he'd had years ago. A number not in his contacts texted him.
Hey
Peter had flashbacks to the Scream movie, temporarily. Hey. He replied.
Zachary Quinto came onscreen and Peter lay down to try and enjoy it better. Mary Jane loved this show, it wasn't quite Peter's thing but, Mary Jane was coming back on Thursday.
I have blisters on my pinkie
Peter frowned. Who are you? He texted. He wondered if he should add "this is Spiderman, no… really, it is."
Lalala. Zachary Quinto's character was gay. No surprise. Mary Jane had gushed about it. What is it with girls and gay guys, Peter wondered, guys don't get that way about lesbian- Oh no. They kind of did, Peter remembered.
dont be such a taco drake bell
"Holy shit," Peter said. He sat up and frowned at his phone. Deadpool had finally texted and… seemed more girly than Cecil from Night Vale. It's Spiderman. Peter said. And when he realized how lame it was added, What do you want?
Don't be such a Taco Drake Bell
Peter wrinkled his forehead. Been a long day. What?
I
That was all the message. Peter wondered if it was an L, I, or 1 before…
Like
You
And
The
Author
Owes
Me
What. Do. You. Want.?
Deadpool replied almost instantaneously, I want to be President of the United States.
Peter shrugged. Fine. He would go along with it. Why?
To make chimichangas illegal and aliens legal. We need more Superman in our lives.
Bc he's an alien?
Dont be racist spiderman ur a bug
Not a bug
Id declare heterosexuals unable to be married
That's very liberal of you
No. Ill do it just to fuck with wolverine
Don't like wolverine? Peter asked. It was a dumb question. No one liked Wolverine.
No one likes wolvy, holy cow! IMAGINE IF HE WAS A COW AND NOT A WOLVERINE WOULD HIS UTTERS BE MADE OF ADAMANTIUM?!
Peter laughed so hard he cried.
…
"Homosapiensuperior is trending again," Harry said, falling into step with Peter as they walked to class.
Peter flinched for a moment because, well, he and Harry hadn't had the best memories lately even if it was Spiderman and Harry and… but he got over it. "What about it?" He asked.
"It's so stupid," Harry sighed, tucking his iPhone into his leather jacket. He looked different, calmer and more… well, in shape. "I just don't get why people are okay with superheroes but not mutants."
"Most people still aren't okay with superheroes," Peter pointed out, shifting his backpack to the other side. His phone rang again. Since the time Peter had fallen asleep, Deadpool had been sending him a text every five minues asking are u awake yet pidey? but Peter hadn't answered.
"True." Harry shrugged. "So uh, the thing that I wanted to talk to you about," he said as they walked into homeroom together.
"Oh, yeah." Peter nodded.
Harry pushed just a bit ahead of Peter and walked straight to the back of the class, stealing the only seat that had an open spot next to him. Peter normally sat around the middle, by the window, but he sat next to Harry.
Ever since the… Harry, well, getting a bit 'supervillain' they hadn't hung out much, and Harry had gone to rehab so. Peter actually… he felt good. It was nice to have a friend he could sit with again, instead of always worrying about Kong or Flash calling him gay for sitting with Gwen and Mary Jane.
Totally wasn't gay.
Or well, he could be, it wasn't like it was too big of an issue he…
Peter clamped his jaw shut. Realization crawled across his mind as the thought process shoved its way through. It wasn't an issue anymore. If he was gay or if he wasn't, that didn't matter, and it certainly wouldn't to Tony and Steve. He didn't have to think about bringing a girl back to Aunt May even if…
…even if the thought of that was like a knife to his stomach…
…he could… maybe... if he… wanted he could… have… options…?
Like Darcy was always saying. She didn't… she didn't limit herself because… if it happens, it happens and… it was cool. It was okay. It didn't have to be a factor.
It would be okay. If he picked one or the other. Or if he picked both. Like… it would be okay.
"Pete?" Harry said.
"Yeah," Peter turned to Harry, acting entirely normal.
"Look, I wanted to ask you if-" The teacher called them all to attention, so it took a few moments before Harry could finish, "you would come over on Friday? I know its tomorrow but like… with everything that happened…" Harry dug his fingernail into the desk. "I thought we could like, play Mario or MW3 or whatever."
"I," Peter began and stopped. Harry's father was Norman Osborn. So if Peter went over to Harry's house, he would be exposing himself to his arch nemises… although it would be incognito since Norman didn't know Peter was Spiderman…
It was the perfect excuse to do sleuthing without Tony getting mad.
"Yeah," Peter said, nodding his head. "I'll just have to check with my dad. I'm grounded."
Harry frowned in disbelief. "For what. No offense Pete but… well, you don't do anything that I used to do."
Peter grinned. "Don't be mean."
"I'm not! You're like the golden boy, if Captain America was reincarnated, he would be you." Harry finally met Peter's eyes, and he laughed. "So like…" Harry leaned forward and looked around before whispering, "is it really creepy? Being adopted by gays?"
Peter was thrown aback by the question. "Well…" he stumbled, "no I mean… it feels good because I guess, they are… well, both there."
"Oh," Harry realized, looking ashamed. "Sorry, Pete, I-"
"No, it's cool. Sometimes-"Peter began a story, but a sudden shout of reprimand by the teacher shut him up for the rest of homeroom.
…
Around theater Deadpool stopped texting, which was a relief because Peter could use his phone now, but also somewhat disappointing. Peter sat down in the class, debating whether or not to finally text back to him, and tried his hardest to ignore the current debate over how to title the Superhero-pony play they were writing and whether or not ponies should be in it in the first place.
Peter sighed, buried his head in his arms, and wanted to disappear.
"Stark," Gwen said, tapping on the back of Peter's hoodie with her pencil.
Peter turned his head just enough for one eye to get a blurry picture of his blonde friend. "Yeah."
"You okay?" She asked, pursing her red lips and wrinkling her forehead.
Holly Hudson, the goth, began to loudly protest the idea that My Little Pony wasn't sexist. "It is!" She insisted, "And that's like, the second best part!"
"Yeah," Peter told Gwen. He shrugged his shoulder slightly. "I don't know. I just have a lot…" Peter shrugged again.
"No college is going to worry about bad grades after a death in the family, y'know," Gwen said lightly, "I mean. Like, M.I.T., right? All this stuff will make a good coverletter."
Peter frowned. He sat up a bit. "M.I.T.?"
"Don't you want to go to M.I.T.?" Gwen asked. She blinked. "I mean, you did join the Robotics Club."
"I don't want to go to M.I.T.," Peter said. He hadn't thought about college much… or at all lately. He should have, since he was just now a Senior in high school and this kind of thing was supposed to have been decided already.
"Where do you want to go?" Gwen asked, and then immediately said, "I've been looking into NYU, because, like, I don't want to leave the city but I don't want to be home. But also, how amazing would it be to go to like, the University of San Diego. Just get away from all the crap."
"I'll probably go to NYU," Peter shrugged. He did not exactly want to leave New York City either. Especially not when he just got a family. Or when he was just getting training by SHIELD… although SHIELD itself had an education course. He could always join SHIELD. "Maybe I'll join SHIELD," Peter said aloud.
"Really?" Gwen asked, "Why SHIELD? You're not exactly the military guy, Pete."
"No," Peter said, "but they need scientists. And I'd be helping, you know, defend the country and everything."
Gwen rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair with a huff. "Oh come on, don't tell me you're buying into the crazy rush of patriotism thing. All the guys are doing it now, they all want to be macho and straight like perfect ol' Captain America. Especially now that Tony Stark's dating some dude hero."
"Captain America is gay," Peter said, turning forward.
"I hope so. It'll annoy Flash Thompson almost as much as if Spiderman was gay."
"Yeah," Peter said. The thought of Flash Thompson's horrified face made him grin.
Mr. Hester, the teacher, sat exhausted on his desk. Originally, he'd been writing down the arguments for their script on the whiteboard, but he'd slowly abandoned the endeavor. He just stared, frowning and thinking, at the arguing high school students.
"I wish the Black Widow was gay," Gwen said suddenly. Peter turned in surprise and blinked at her. Gwen shrugged, sinking into her seat with a smile on her face, "It's not that I'm gay, but like… if she was…" she let it hang.
Peter wondered if there were any people like that in his life, that if they were interested he'd just be totally okay, on account of them being… Mr. Fantastic. God, Mr. Fantastic was awesome. Scientist and a superhero. He was pretty much the most exciting thing ever. Especially since he actually did, science science, Tony pretty much just focused on the engineering side of things. Peter could acquiesce to being a Mr. Fantastic fanboy.
"ALRIGHT, WE ARE DONE!" Mr. Hester yelled loudly, his bald head gleaming with sweat. Ew, Peter thought, and tried not to focus on that. Damn spider-vision. "This class is no longer writing a script together I just… geez, Holly," he said to the gothic girl, "can we give up on My Little Pony?"
"No," Vin Gonzales, the football player who kept leering at Liz Allen, said.
There was a moment of quiet. Peter decided that Vin Gonzales was weird as heck.
"Okay, let's have a vote. Each of you will pick two plays. I will put them on the board. At the end of the day, you all will vote for four DIFFERENT plays. The one with the most votes is the one we are doing." Mr. Hester frowned, "So much for originality."
Gwen grabbed a pen and her phone and began researching.
Peter stared blankly ahead. He didn't know any plays. Oh wait. Les Miserable, he saw that movie. And the Phantom of the Opera. Wasn't Jekyll and Hyde one too? Peter shivered slightly, Okay, not Jekyll and Hyde, he had the image of a black spider suit in his head. There was that Harry Potter thing, wasn't there? Could they even do that in class? Why wasn't there a superhero musical like… Captain America should have totally had a musical. All Captain America had musically was that one song that Tony set to play whenever Steve dropped the dishes.
Musicals… or wait; plays. Peter should pick plays, not musicals. IF they did a musical in this class he would have to sing, and Peter did not want to have to sing. ROMEO AND JULIET, everyone fucking knows Romeo and Juliet, Peter thought. But he didn't want to have to be Romeo. And Peter could not for the life of him recall anything else.
Peter sighed. He leaned his elbow on the desk and…
Holy shit.
There was totally a Spiderman musical.
Granted, Peter hated the musical because before this he could never afford to go, plus they placed his origins in like… a wrestling match for some reason, and Spiderman was about 30 years old and had some strange blonde sidekick… and the dialogue between him and the Goblin, which Peter had read online, made him cringe and was nothing like the real thing but…
Peter wanted to do the Spiderman musical.
He wrote 'Spiderman' and then search on his phone for something weird and obscure, and ended up looking through his Netflix cue (someone had been watching a bird documentary, Peter was almost certain Tony put that on the cue so he could pretend it was Clint's fault) and chose Dr. Horrible.
Nathan Fillion… would Peter be gay for Nathan Fill- yeah. Mal. He would so go there.
…
Hey, Peter texted Deadpool. He was at work in the Daily Bugle but, honestly there was nothing to do at the moment. He'd done a good job fixing the website and currently he was in more of an IT position. Until someone emailed a problem, Peter was perfectly okay to lie back, pull his red hoodie over his eyes, and sleep.
Of course, the moment he was able to sleep, Peter was more inclined to text psychopathic mercenaries and also shop online for a new computer but… same old, same old. He wanted Alienware. Life was boring without crimefighting. Maybe he could pick up on that Skyrim thing people always raved about, but he'd never had time to try.
Hey pider man! Hey! Listen! Whhhhhat are you doing. now. Deadpool replied immediately.
Peter googled Deadpool's name. He frowned in shock. Working. Kind of. He told the mercenary.
There was so much information about Deadpool online. There were about 13 anti-Deadpool websites, a Wikipedia page that looked like Deadpool himself wrote him… and his own Youtube channel? Oh, also Deadpool's own website that was buried underneath all of this. It took Peter a moment to realize it wasn't an advertisement for a dog shelter.
Do you need love and companionship in your old age?
(this photo removed for copyright reasons)
why r u a pussy?
DEADPOOL WILL KILL YOU!
(this photo removed for copyright reasons)
(but not free of charge!)
(deadpool is a mercenary and then do not come cheap also as of 2/32/11 deadpool is not excepting payment in the forms of smallish kittens and fanmail, but is accepting payment in taco bell gift cards or nudes as of 9/22/13)
He will also un-alive other people
(this photo removed because it's dumb)
CALL TOLL-NOT-FREE TODAY
Email: thenotrealactuallyrealfreudianslipdeadpool . c o m
There were then a few links to cat videos and vines that he likes. Also a website for 'lonely singles who like vampires'. (Peter wasn't sure how to think about that.)
In a sex shop, Deadpool answered.
I work at a newspaper. The Wikipedia said that Deadpool's name was Wade Wilson, and he grew up on a small farm until he stepped into a vat of toxic llamas and had to fight the lice queen to reclaim his throne. Is your name Wade? Peter asked, spinning his chair in a circle.
OHMYGOD WHO TOLD YOU?! Deadpool replied. Goddamnit pider man this is not a game
It's on Wikipedia, Peter replied.
Shit that Weasel, Deadpool answered.
Peter shrugged in his chair. So you like Taco Bell?
...