Chapter 10: I'm Not Okay

(Richard Grayson's POV)

Kori Anders... she was the epitome of each one of my thoughts... each thought destined to be locked away in the tomb that was my mind for I could never actually voice these inner most thoughts... and I'm certain some would go weary of such a lie... believe me, even I was. I could not deny I wanted to be with her... I wanted to make her every dream come true... but... reality just isn't as shiny and perfect as most want it to be... and I was well aware of this. There is nothing I could do to make sure that if I had initiated my feelings for her that it would be worth it. As I have mentioned before, and by now you are well aware of... I'm incapable of commitment. Which I'm sure sounds hypocritical since Kori is the one commitment, whether it be just in friendship or not, that I have ever made and stood by... but I couldn't risk the irrefutable fact that eventually... I would hurt her.

I would hurt her and I would lose her... everything... everyday I had spent alongside her would have been washed down the drain because I simply am incapable of committed love and only if I was would I enter such a risk with her. Don't misinterpret my words though... I love Kori... I'm just not in love with her... I couldn't be. I was convinced that she had become this infatuation which would eventually fade. I mean... I should have been prepared for this long ago. I should have known our friendship would eventually lead to intimate feelings... how could I not, she had blossomed into this breathtaking beauty... and instead of taking better precautions where she was involved... I continued my undeniable closeness with her. A closeness in which no one seemed to understand... and now that I actually had feelings for her... it was hard to see how I ever defended our friendship as mere innocence before.

I had spent the passed five days in a hospital with the one person who existed in which I cannot live without. While neither one of us spoke of the kiss I had bestowed upon her... I could see certain instances when the memory was on her mind... the regret weighing heavy on me still. Which... I'm not so certain is regret after all. I didn't know what to say... how do you explain something like this to someone like her? She had spent the entire week at my side, helping me, making sure I was completely comfortable and even then she was constantly trying to get me to reveal a new problem... anything she could do to make me more comfortable. I was fine though... the pain had dulled with time, and yet the conflicted emotions I had for Kori continued to sharpen with each day. I could lie to you if I really wanted, but I can never lie to myself... and I knew every moment with Kori... during the kiss... after the kiss... now... she was nothing short of perfection... she even exceeded any amount of perfection in which I had thought possible in my mind. I knew I had feelings for her before but this... this was new... this was trouble.

Even now, as I sat in anticipation to be discharged from the hospital... I was nervous. I wasn't certain she did have intimate feelings for me... but I wasn't sure that she didn't. During these five days... five days in which, aside from school she had spent every minute with me... every day, every night... sleeping upon the chair beside me, I knew I was selfish with her... and I knew I didn't deserve any amount of love she could give me... not even if it were mere platonic love. Don't get me wrong... just because I didn't view myself to be good enough for her... that didn't mean anyone else was. I kept thinking myself shallow... its obvious I'm not a stranger to physical, intimate actions, and while a part of me wanted this to exist with her... the other half was struggling with the transition of viewing her as someone I was attracted to and not the little girl I had once first met all those years ago.

When we were young she was this goofy, giggling bundle of life that always said the strangest things... she was adorable,... but now... I found I was attracted to her in a not so innocent manner, the reality of these emotions only becoming harder to control. If I were to say this out loud it would sound odd to me... but I can't lie to myself... I cant' say I hadn't caught myself with eyes where they definitely should not have been.

And Kori... it was clear since the accident... since the kiss... that she didn't perceive it as anything more than me trying to win her friendship back. Now, this fact alone I'll admit somewhat upset me, because it only meant that she didn't feel the same as I did when I kissed her... or did she? To be honest ... I could have sworn I caught those eyes looking to me with a hidden passion...although it could merely have been a result of my heavily sedated condition and it only happened a few times, but when it did I had to force myself to look away. And I know what your thinking... if there is reason to believe she has feelings for me then why not go for it? ... because... I'm Dick Grayson... playboy... in truth, the me that could have loved Kori the way she deserved to be loved had vanished a long time ago... I was too late now.

While this realization of her possible feelings for me made me hesitant at first, I had allowed myself to enjoy it in some instances. She was happy,... smiling again, ... that light behind her eyes... it had grown ever more fierce. She didn't give me a hard time when I woke her in the middle of the night just so I could be in her alert presence when I couldn't sleep... and sure, of course I realize this may all sound selfish of me... the thought crossed my mind... but I didn't care. They way she saw it... the way it was before my feelings for her... it was all innocent friendship... and I had to pretend as though nothing had changed since the kiss, and while my feelings for her had deepened... I would never reveal them to her.

In any event, here I sat upon the large hospital bed in which I had hoped I would never have to return to... in my opinion there's nothing more annoying then being confined to the same room, the same bed,... the same boring routine. I checked my phone for the time... Kori was running late... that's unusual. It would be another twenty minutes before that beautiful figure came into sight.

She looked to me with a smile. "Sorry,... I got a little..." she paused stepping to the side, revealing Rachel, Gar, and Vic. "... distracted."

I smiled, and pulled myself to my feet looking to each of them. "It's good to see you all again..." I shrugged. "I admit... its been a while."

It was now that Rachel rolled her eyes. "It's not as though we didn't try to see you..." she paused motioning to Kori. "... we didn't really have a choice. We were told the waiting list had been made selective to two people alone."

"Yea..." Gar added. "Bruce Wayne and Kori Anders."

I noticed Kori blush slightly. "Sorry... I couldn't help it."

Pulling my leather jacket on, with slight difficulty, I paused noticing a mischievous look in Vic's eyes again. I sighed. "Alright... I know that look..." I looked back and forth between him and Gar now. "... what have you two got planned." When they looked to Kori I did as well. "Kor?"

She brought her eyes down moving circles over the tile floor below her, a hand upon her opposite arm in nervousness. "Well... we figured since its Friday night and ... well its a four-day weekend so none of us have to worry about school for a few days..."

"And?"

"And... we made plans to drive to the beach house." She paused. "It sounds... fun, yes?"

I rolled my eyes. "What... like a party?"

Gar grinned back at me now with a shrug. "It's not, not a party."

Rachel sent him an annoyed glare then inhaling deeply, she said, "Are we just going to stand here all day or are we leaving?"

With a nod from me, our group slowly entered the hallway. I looked to Kori and while trying to keep the ever-changing pace of hers, I noticed she seemed hesitant around me. Perhaps this wasn't any different behavior then while she remained in the hospital with me, but now that I was no longer medicated... I could see clearly that she was bothered by something. When we finally reached the lobby Vic, Gar and Rachel stepped out into the day but I pulled Kori to the side. I felt frustration set over me as she avoided my eye contact. Clearing my throat I said, "Is everything alright?"

It was now that she looked to me and smiled... although I could see it was forced. The moment she did I instantly knew what she was feeling... her eyes always sold her out, even when she delivered a brushed off lie to conceal her emotions I could always tell with one look into those green gems. She swallowed hard and I could tell her mind was preparing a lie.

"Yes.. everything is fine..." she faked a smile... which was almost believable but I knew better. "Everything is wonderful... you're finally leaving this place."

I nodded. "Look..."

I fell silent as she dug a hand into her purse. "I actually... I got you something." I didn't speak, merely watching her as she fumbled through her purse, then surfacing a pair of black sunglasses. She extended them out toward me but I hesitated in accepting them. "I got you these... they're the same kind you always wear." She inhaled deeply, and I could tell she was still bothered by my, while healed, yet not entirely healed presence.

"Kori..."

She ignored me and when I refused to accept the glasses she stepped to me and lifted them over my eyes. The emotion that hit me as she smiled up at me sunk me in anger. Not because she had smiled or ignored me but how she smiled... it was fake... again...it wasn't my smile. It was now that I realized that regardless of my apology to her the night of her party... she was still hurt by me and otherwise hesitant... I hated her hesitance, it did nothing more than shatter my once pleasant mood. Everything could be right in the world but when she looked to me this way... everything might have well been a disaster as far as I was concerned.

She stepped back from me with a shrug. "Can't have your admirers seeing you as anything other than your presentable self."

Before I could respond she stepped out of the building, ... me following her, slowly falling behind. In any normal occasion I would be able to force a smile around the photographers that bombarded us, but I was in no mood. As they charge my presence I kept a firm rigid expression.

The drive to the beach house was quick and only as a result of Gar and Vic blasting loud music which made any amount of conversation literally impossible. Which was fine... I'd rather not be distracted as I kept my gaze on Kori, her distant behavior increasing with every minute.

When we stepped into the beach house... Kori's beach house... my concentration broke from Kori to the unnecessary amount of our peers that paraded through the house. Kori and Rachel quickly vanished within the crowd and Vic and Gar made a bee-line for the kitchen. Me... I needed a distraction... so, I did what I do best. I made conversation with the seductive smiles which crowded around me... their sympathy for me and my experience igniting in a wave of whimpers and childlike tones... annoying, but in the end I knew one of these random faces would serve well as my desired distraction.

It would be a few hours before I saw Kori again... and when I did I was not excited in the least. I sat upon the couch, an arm around... well I don't exactly remember her name... I think it started with a 'C'... but anyway... I sat on the couch my lips against this girls' when I first noticed Kori's presence. She stood across the room leaning against one of the beige painted walls in conversation with none other than Xavier Red. Maybe he thought I would be too anxious to get back to my old ways to notice, but his actions... his flirtatious behavior bothered me. That's not to say that I could do anything about it... I had tried that route... you all know how it ended. Kori was still upset with me and I knew if I intervened it would not end well.

I watched her... apparently in complete obviousness because within moments this girl... the one I sat with sent me a glare. I looked to her with a sigh then standing I took her hand, leading her to one of the available rooms.

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I lay beside...uhh, Crystal... yea that was her name. It was the middle of the night and I was restless. Regardless of my 'time' with Crystal my mind was still lingering upon Kori. I looked to my phone for the time... 2:15 am... I smiled. Lifting myself from the bed I quickly dressed,... which by the way had become more frustrating for me then anything with this damn cast still on my right arm.

It was 2:15, and with our past, Kori and I, as confirmation... when we were at the beach I knew exactly where she was at this moment and what she was doing... right down to what she would be wearing. I stumbled passed the few people who had passed out in the hallway and entered the living room,... not surprised when I found plenty of people still partying. I stopped before a large mirror by the back door and ran a hand through my hair until its matted tangles returned to my usual spikes which had easily formed from memory. I stepped out into the chilled night looking to the small hanging bench which hung down from the roof... and there she was... just as I had pictured her.

I hesitated taking in her presence. A smile escaped me as she brushed her long scarlet hair behind her and sighed into the open night. She was a star-gazer... if you weren't already aware of this you could tell by her eager eyes as they burned into the diamond sky. Clearing my throat I said, "May I?"

She looked to my hand which motioned to claim the empty seat beside her. Hesitance... that annoying hesitance made an appearance upon her features again. Without her reply I sat, leaning back upon the bench and sending it into a soft sway. I peered out at the ocean, the waves crashing in the short distance and the smell of the ocean nipping at my senses. I noticed her peek over at me, but as I looked to her she turned back to the beautiful scenery before us.

"Kori..."

"You seemed to be enjoying yourself tonight." She said with, yet another forced smile. "It was nice to see you smiling again."

"Kori..."

She looked to me now, her eyes drifting over my tired eyes. "You look awful..." a small giggle escaped her... this ... this was believable though. To be honest I wasn't even sure she could fake one of those signature giggles of hers. "Did you remember to take your medication?"

"Kori..." she fell silent, her eyes looking to mine knowing perfectly well I was about to willingly enter a conversation of concerned proportions. I sighed. "Is this how it's going to be with us?"

She hesitated, then pulling her left lavender jacket sleeve into her palm, resting the fabric against her cheek she shrugged. "What do you mean..."

"Don't pretend as though you don't know what I'm talking about." I said, gritting my teeth slightly. I didn't understand why she ever tried to pretend as though she was unaware of what I was thinking... I could read her and she could read me... it had always been this way. "Is this the way its going to be between us?"

I heard her inhale deeply. "I don't know... its... complicated."

"It's actually the most simplest thing in the world." I paused placing a hand upon her shoulder. "Look at me..."

As she did her eyes receded into nervousness. "Do you regret it?" My heart jumped involuntarily... "Did you mean what you said ... that day at the party... after Roy had left?"

Inside a wave of relief rushed over me, I was so certain she was asking if I had regretted kissing her... which as much as I wish I had more discipline for myself... no I didn't... I had to experience it at least once... especially if I could never be with her. I lowered my gaze from hers now. "I don't think you want the answer."

She nodded. "That serves as good an answer as any."

I paused lingering my gaze upon her as she deflected the presence of my hand upon hers now. "It's... it's not that easy Kori." I hesitated, my anger taking a moment to step up to the plate... I gritted my teeth. "I apologized... isn't that enough for you? Don't you realize I wasn't trying to hurt you I just... you weren't being yourself that night and..."

She looked to me now with unexpected anger, those gorgeous locks shining in the moonlight as she cocked her gaze to mine unflinching. "I'm not the innocent Kori you knew all those years ago, Dick." It sounds ridiculous, but as she said this all I took note of was that while she was obviously upset, ...she didn't call me Richard. I found a small amount of comfort in this. "I'm not the innocent Kori you even knew two years ago..." she shook her head, her eyes softening now. "... you had to have known that eventually I would start seeing people."

"So this is some sort of revenge because of my actions in this category of behavior."

She rolled her eyes, releasing a heavy sigh as she lowered her head into her hands. "No..." she looked to me again shaking her head. "... I'm just trying to get you to understand that ... I... I'm not a possession... you can't decide who I spend my time with and what choices I make."

I remained silent, these words as they spilled from her sweet lips turned vicious in my mind. If this was how she felt... which despite the fact that I knew she was right... I didn't care.

We lingered in a challenging gaze, each of us trying to read the other, before a small whimper of defeat escaped her. She looked to the sky again.

It was now that I had done the one thing that goes against every one of my protective and defensive feelings for her... I said, "What do you want from me... tell me what I can do to fix this..." I inhaled deeply as she looked to me again. "Kori... your my best friend..."

"...and you are mine..."

I smiled. "I don't want anything to come between us."

Her gaze lowered, and I could tell she was entertaining a small thought. "Can you just promise me nothing like this will happen again? I can forgive the awful things you said if only you make it clear that it wont happen again."

She looked to me with eager eyes anticipating my response. It was me who looked away now. "I can't." I looked to her and before she could object or question me I continued. "I could sit here and make this promise to you but... I can't. There's no telling how brief of a period of time it will be before I break it." I inhaled deeply looking to the ground, not wanting to look her in the eye as I spoke. "I can't sit back and watch you with someone who doesn't deserve you. If you really want to be upset because of it... fine."

There was a deafening silence in which I spent scolding myself... I could have easily lied if I wanted to... but that's just it I didn't want to... not with her.

"Dick,..." I paused looking to her only to find her shaking her head with a held back smile... her true smile. "... do you insist on always being this stubborn?" Before I could reply she moved closer to me, leaning her head upon my shoulder with a heavy sigh. "You knew I'd forgive you... you could have just humored me."

I smiled to myself, placing an arm around her as we spent the rest of the night in a comfortable... healing silence.

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(Kori Anders' POV)

A muffled voice surrounded me as morning arrived. I heard it... but not really, its was as if my mind was buffering... unable to wake.

"Dick..."

I felt a shift where I rested my head, but still remained unaffected.

"Dick... can I talk to you?"

It was now that a hand met my arm, it shook me gently trying to wake me, but I would not budge.

"Kori..." I heard Dick's voice call.

I shrugged his arm away burying my eyes from the bright light now. "Five minutes Dick,.. please go away."

"I'm trying to." He said, that amazing laugh following.

I opened my eyes to find a displeased brunette glaring down at me. My eyes narrowed until I realized that Dick and I had fallen asleep upon the bench in each others arms. With a laugh I immediately stood. "Well... this..." I looked to Dick shaking my head with a smile. "...sorry."

He stood, his charming smile focused on me. "Don't worry about it. I just didn't want to leave you here alone." A yawn escaped him, but as the girl pulled on his arm, he released a grunt. "Careful." He turned to walk away then paused lowering his voice to me, his eyes filled with concern. "Are we... are we alright now?"

"Yes... go."

My heart sunk as he turned and tossing an arm around the girl, vanished into the house. I sighed... he was going to be the death of me... I was sure of it. I paused looking out at the view before me. The ocean sparkled back at me instantly bringing a sense of calm to me. You know as well as I do that my feelings for Dick, especially after his accident, only continued to blossom. I sighed again... I realized I had made a habit of this unconsciously. I lifted a hand to shield my eyes from the blazing sun then sat back upon the bench.

I had to be positive... yea... at least I kept telling myself this. My mind kept striving for the light in my situation. Even as I played it all through my thoughts it didn't seem any less stressful... and did I mention unbearable? Sure, I had forgiven Dick, I think we all know it was only a matter of time before I gave in, and while I felt better that I had... it didn't change the fact that the memory of his lips against mine had gone from a dreamy memory to a nightmare. Which... I suppose is fine,... I had made my mind up days ago that Dick and I were never meant to be anything beyond friendship, especially since he didn't feel anything for me ... at least not the way I did for him.

Sigh... sigh... why not add another one just to be dramatic? I was in an unbearable struggle where he was concerned so why not? Why not allow myself to be submerged in self-pity? ... well,... because this wasn't just anyone I had felt an unrequited love for... it was Dick, and there's no way I would make excuses for myself. He deserved better than that from me,... and to be perfectly honest I expected better from myself. I knew just by forgiving him that I was in for a world of discomfort and awkward scenarios, for me, not him, especially with his new accessory... the brunette. I would have to endure his usual behavior around me and pretend as though it did not stir up feelings in me, and I would have to pretend as though the kiss which was nothing short of amazing to me... was nothing more then another one of his questionable displays of friendly affection for me... which was all that it really was. Obviously I know it sounds a little hard to believe, but then again this was Dick... he had always been more affection with me then the average best friend. Sigh...

"Son of a bitch!"

I turned, narrow eyed to find Rachel stumble out of the house, a cigarette and lighter in hand. "What are you doing?"

She looked to me with a sigh of annoyance. "Is it really all that hard to figure out?"

I paused as she struggled with the lighter which refused to spark. I stood. "Rachel... you don't smoke."

She looked to me now with a scowl. "Thanks for the update."

I rolled my eyes, she was never a morning person but this was... different... a little excessive considering we were vacationing at the beach. I inhaled deeply as her hands shook in frustration. I couldn't understand why she was... I paused, my eyes going wide. I quickly lifted my phone to my vision for the date. I froze... I had been so caught up in my issues with Richard that I had completely separated myself from the rest of the world... the rest of my friends... Rachel in particular.

I inhaled deeply, stepping toward her with caring eyes. "This is about your father... isn't it?"

She lowered the lighter, which was clearly broken, and released a sarcastic laugh. "If that's what you would call him. The fucking pathetic bastard."

I paused, choosing my words careful, knowing perfectly well this was a sensitive situation for her. One wrong word and she would go over the edge. I brushed a bang from my face and sighed. "You know... if you need to talk or..."

"I don't want your sympathy Kori." She chucked the lighter to the floor with a growl, her matted violet hair bouncing at the action.

"What do you want?"

Her eyes narrowed on mine now, her words stabbing at my existence. "I would love it if you just stopped talking."

I hesitated, having made up my mind to leave her to herself, then paused. I could tell she was quickly becoming frustrated by my presence, but I ignored it, stepping passed her. I could feel her glare on me now as I lowered myself to the brick wall which was the base of the chimney. Removing one of the, thought to be stationary, bricks I surfaced a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Turning to her I handed both of them over.

Her eyes narrowed at me, and I shrugged. "Komi."

She nodded, sparking the cigarette without hesitation. She exhaled slowly and I could see her stress being released, which from what I understand smoking isn't the reason for, but if it made her feel as though she could relax... then fine, by all means. She paused now, looking to me. She held the cigarette out towards me.

"No..." I shook my head. "I don't smoke."

She laughed, taking another drag. "Yea,... neither do I." She paused as we both remained silent, then she said, "I thought you might need some relaxation too." As my eyes narrowed, she rolled her eyes in response. "Don't even try Kori." She exhaled again, the smoke clinging to my throat bitterly. "You don't fool me. " We looked to each other now. "You can't sit there and tell me seeing Dick run off with the first girl he sees out of the hospital doesn't just piss you off."

"It doesn't. He can do what he wants."

She laughed. "Alright."

Surely you can understand my perspective,... I mean, sure, I wasn't thrilled to see him back at his old games again, but I wasn't surprised... it was expected. And it's not that it angered me, more that it... I don't know... I guess it effected me in more subtle way. I wasn't pissed off like Rachel assumed, no, I was focused on dealing with this in an entirely different method of coping... I was more accustomed to the suffer in silence type.

But this... this moment... it wasn't about me, it wasn't about Dick,... it wasn't about anyone other than Rachel. I knew she was trying to change the subject and yet while on a normal occasion I would see nothing wrong in it... I knew she needed to deal with the issue of her father. You see,... we all had our upsetting pasts, but Rachel... her was a darker, more violent collection of haunting memories that consumed her, you might even argue it was the reason for her behavior.

When she was just a child her father was happily married, that's not to say he didn't stand far too closely to the border of strange behavior. I always knew there was something strange about him, his behavior was... odd, and while I didn't take into consideration more closely as to his logic and demeanor, it would be brought to full focus when Rachel's mother was caught cheating. I wasn't there the day he snapped, and when he did... Rachel was alone. Now, Rachel isn't exactly one to dive into details about her past... or about anything really, no, the only reason I was aware of any of what really happened that day is because of the media... once again.

Apparently, when Rachel's mother betrayal was discovered, her father went ballistic. He... now this is disturbing so here's a fair warning now... he murdered his wife. Strangled her to death. What's even worse... he didn't even try to hide the body, he was proud of his actions and before setting fire to her corpse,... he took a picture of her lying there lifeless. These pictures, of course, were not released to the public, not that there wasn't an attempt to fully breach the privacy of Rachel's life. The reason I am aware of them was because I had over heard Rachel in one of her brief tantrums babble off a few facts. And while I realize this entire scenario was already frightening... it gets worse.

Once the bloodshed of her mother had come to an end, her father's anger had turned to her... as I said, he just snapped. What ever happened to be holding this man's already questionable mind together... it had disintegrated, leaving his psychotic, violent logic focused solely on Rachel. She was alone... all alone now, and when he went after her... she didn't expect what was to occur.

Rachel,... while I had known her for no more than a year before this happened, she was different. Not entirely, but she seemed happy,... now, ... and don't misunderstand me, I completely accept who she is... she has survived something I, myself, do not think I would be strong enough to endure, ... but now she was guarded... heavily guarded. She hadn't made any friends beyond our small group which was already formed. I mean, to be accurate, it was me, Rachel, Dick, and Vic,... Gar had come along a few years later, which might shed light to the reason why she is so easily tempered by him. The fact being, she didn't want additional friends, she was content with who she had, and while she didn't despise people... she just would rather not try. She didn't mind hanging out with other people just as long as they didn't try to get to know her... she wasn't good at bonding, she simply wasn't interested... she didn't trust people easily. I mean, she and I had bonded and still she was reserved around me.

Anyway, her father had gone after her... of course she ran, she hid, she did everything she could to escape him... but he eventually found her. Let me just point out, she was only the young age of eight when this all occurred. It was said... by this I mean by the media... that she, Rachel, had hidden for several hours and truly thought her father had left the house. She ran to the phone and immediately called the police, but not before witnessing the burnt corpse of her mother coming to a dimmed flame. Believe me, I realize this is all very disturbing, but I'm merely trying to let you in on who and why Rachel was the way she is.

The reports stated that by the time she hung up with the police that she turned to face her father... who was drunk at this point. She ran and he chased her, knife at hand. I wont go into too much detail about this part because honestly it sickens me, but all you need to know is that in the end Rachel had managed to position herself with a gun at hand. She shot her father in the chest... obviously he didn't die... no he was rotting in prison. So why... do you ask is all this just now coming up... her excessively edgy behavior and even shorter temper then normal? ... Because, while her father remained in prison all these years, he had vowed to escape and get his revenge on her. He said he was counting the days until he could force the life from her eyes and smile as she faded into darkness. It was this weekend in particular that he was being transferred to a different prison, further away, but Rachel always became nervous when something like this would take place, and I didn't blame her. These were the last words he ever said to her and they stuck with her, why wouldn't they... I was afraid of them and they weren't even directed at me.

The most terrifying thing about all of this... her father, when taken into custody willingly offered every detail of this information up to the police and the media with a sick sense of pride in his actions. Rachel... she was taken by child protective services and didn't speak for months... even when she was questioned about her fathers actions all she did was nod. When I asked her if what her father claimed to have happened held any truth, she just nodded and said 'Every word'.

So if you were asking yourself before, why I was so calm in a moment like this, when she is seething in rage and very on edge... it's because I knew better to take anything she said personally. She could call me anything she wanted, ... she could say the most hurtful things to me... and I didn't take any of it seriously. Be honest... knowing what she's been through, what she's survived... would you? After all these years I knew she never meant the horrible things she said or the way she treated me at a time like this and I never took offense... it just drew more concern for her because it only meant she was on edge. And when this all happened the first time, when her father was initially placed in jail.. and she was alone,... Vic, Dick and I, ... we banded together and fought for her to return to us. It wasn't easy and there were moments of doubt,... but here she was... she was Rachel,... a deeply effected Rachel... but she was still her deep down.

Which of course is why I felt so horrible right now because I had been so consumed in my own life that I had dismissed this very detail about her father being moved to a different prison, knowing perfectly well that she would begin her spiral downward... yet again. This wasn't the first time this had happened, and I'm certain it wont be the last. I inhaled deeply,... knowing nothing good could come from her behavior... it would be a struggle... just like before.

I looked to her now, she was sporting a scowl, the cigarette having burned to the filter. I swallowed hard asking a question I already knew the answer to. "Are you scared?"

She looked to me and I immediately regretted having asked the question. She stood. "Are you fucking crazy? Being scared is the last thing on my mind." She laughed turning to the ocean view now shaking her head in irritation at even me suggesting such a thing. "Let that mother fucker show his face to me... I'll finish what I started those nine years ago." She turned back to me with confidence... a frightening amount of confidence, as if she was partly looking forward to the chance to end his life. "There's no room in this world for fear Kori." She flicked the extinguished cigarette bud on the ground before me. "The sooner you understand that... the better."

"Hey Rae..." I heard Gar call from behind us.

As Rachel walked passed him, ignoring him entirely he looked to me. "What'd I do?"

I sighed. "We need to talk." I stood, a hand upon my waist. "All of us."