Chapter Twenty-Four: Desolation Row
(Kori Anders' POV)
Expectation... was that really the only difference between two friends becoming something more? Before this, before all of this, I was used to being let down in certain instances and had even come to expect it, but now, now things were different... weren't they? I mean taking into consideration everything he and I have been through these past years, and I'll even go as far as to ignore the recent week he and I have had together on a more intimate level, but regardless shouldn't he be here? Shouldn't the events of that night be burned in all our memories? ... and if so, as I said before, where is he? Why isn't he at my side? Look, if I'm coming off as angry, well that's because I am, and whats worse I'm not even entirely sure that I have a right to be.
I have been in this damn hospital bed for two days and aside from my friends visiting me on the night I was admitted here, I was alone. No visitors, no calls, nothing, just absolute silence. I'm not really sure what was going on in any of my friends heads at the moment, whether they were still coping with everything that had happened that night but it didn't bother me so much that they were too busy to visit, no, what bothered me was that Richard remained silent. I still didn't have my phone as a result of losing it sometime the night I was attacked but I was somewhat glad I didn't have it on account that the medication I was taking made me an insufferable, irritable... well, bitch. I knew it, my nurses and doctors tiptoed around the fact, and my friends, they remained unaware based on their absence. Which, of course, I didn't expect them to visit every second they could spare time and I was honestly feeling much better but that didn't mean I was immune to wanting common courtesy. In the past whenever someone from our group was hospitalized we all rallied around them making every effort possible to make their stay more comfortable, and while I was convinced I wouldn't be the best company as a result of my irritability but still, a simple call wouldn't hurt.
Now, let me just pause to draw attention to the fact that there was probably a very reasonable excuse for their absence but whatever, I'm irritated, let me vent. The truth was, lately, considering the spare time I found myself submerged in while at my stay in the hospital for evaluation, I've found myself considering the steps it took to get to this point in my life.
I awoke this morning in the same dazed, fuzzy brained demeanor and as the nurse came in to check my morning vitals, or what ever it is that she does, something snapped within me. I didn't want to be here anymore. The obnoxious consistency of the white walls that surrounded me in this room was making me want to pull my own hair out, again, it's probably the medication but this al felt overwhelming for me because the truth was, I could bitch and complain and take all this medication they were pumping through my veins at home, in my own comfort.
AS the nurse stepped to me my eyes narrowed and I pulled the I.V. from my left arm and discarded it to the floor.
"What... what are you doing?" The nurse asked, turning to me wide-eyed.
I sighed to myself, my movements very shaky and stressed as I pulled my hair into a ponytail. "I can't be here another minute." She looked to me in a small amount of fear at what I might do as I reached into the suitcase Dick had left me the 'one' night he had been here. As I pulled fresh clothes from within the suitcase I noticed my voice raise in unnecessary and undeserved display of annoyance. "I've asked you all repeatedly to tone down the dosage of that shit you're giving me, its making me sick." I stopped, turning to her. "I told you that, and now,... now I just want to go home."
I could hear her following me as I disappeared into the small bathroom on the other side of the room. "Ms. Anders your doctor highly suggests that you remain under observation for a few more days."
I laughed to myself, the mere attempt at her persuasion to tempt me into staying was infuriating to me. I came to a pause as I caught my reflection in the mirror. There's no easy way around it, I look horrible, worse than horrible, I look ill which was in my opinion the worst. I felt horrible and I looked it, what a glamorous combination. My eyes were puffy and red, my hair unbrushed and even when pulled back looked like a tangled mess of red frizz.
Releasing a heavy sigh I reentered the hospital room shoving my old clothes into the suitcase and zipping it up with intense anger. Again, I realize this seems a bit much but I honestly could not control the way I was feeling right now. I knew the nurse was only doing her job, only looking out for me, but all that mattered to me was that right now she was pissing me off and I needed to get out of here. I needed fresh air, I needed to be alone which is ironic since I'm babbling about my time spent alone in this hospital bed but it would be different, I was certain it would. The entire time here I had trouble sleeping, constantly waking from vivid nightmares, everything seeming so real, so morbid as if I never really survived MR. Roth, as if he was still here, and in reality he was. He may be tied up in a hospital bed struggling for life but that didn't matter, he had succeeded in one vital attempt to destroy me. He was alive as ever in my mind and I think he always will be, this fact alone shook my composure constantly. The nightmares that haunt my dreams conjure an entirely separate, more tragic recollection of how things had played out. I often wake in the middle of the night at a loss for breath, as if I could feel Mr. Roth's grip upon me once again. He may not have succeeded in ending my life, but I was certain he would surely be pleased to know that he had forever earned himself an unflinching spark in my mind. A spark that was not vibrant and full of love, no, it was a sharp black light, a shadow that would cloak my thoughts forever. There was no way of coming back or even beginning to heal from the situation I had gone through as a result of his hate, but again ... I can't change it, so why I'm continuing to complain I do not know.
In the end, I was scared by his memory and the sad part, he wasn't the only scar in which had stitched its way into the back of my mind. This time spent alone in the hospital had given me ample time to recall each taunting memory from my past, none of which I actually wanted to entertain but time, boredom, seclusion, it will do that to you. I had learned long ago that with every scar singed into my life something equally as fierce would occur, giving life to a fragment of hope, of love, of sanity. All things required in my opinion, to, I wouldn't say move on, no, because each of these scars still hurt as much as they did the day they surfaced. Still, while I struggled against this internal horror flick which reeled my past fears in a relentless wave of intense memory I had come to terms with them. I knew I couldn't change them and I knew they would never stop burning as bright, the difference? I had something far more meaningful in my life that overshadowed, dominated any amount of fear I could ever feel. And while I cherished this external amount of strength, I hadn't always had it. What is it, you ask? Please, you already know the answer. This external strength took the form of Richard John Grayson... wherever he was at this moment.
On another note, if I was being honest I felt as though it was as if the medication was making things worse. The hallucinations I had begun to see were... I don't know, they were either dreams or visions of death that smiled back at me and I couldn't make them go away. I would look at simple objects and no longer see the beauty shine from them but somehow my mind sought out the demented and darker aspects of things. I was struggling each day, the vision of Mr. Roth never really fading. Whether he invaded my mind through the incessant nightmares or the mystifying hallucination, it felt real, more than real, it felt as though I, as a person, as a being, I was slowly disintegrating. Of course I was the only one aware of these hallucinations. I hadn't told anyone, and be honest.. would you have? It doesn't exactly scream sanity now does it? This realization didn't just have a hold on me it was the reason I couldn't move on. Sure it had only been a few days but it seemed as though time had slowed around me, in no hurry to allow me to become free of any of this.
In the end, this place was making me crazy. The smells, the food, the water, the hollow smiles of the doctors and nurses that were forced to be in my presence, I wasn't sure how Dick had managed to stay in here so long after his accident. I was going crazy staring at the white walls which surrounded me, the scent of antiseptic and rubber gloves stifling my senses.
Giving the nurse a quick sigh I lifted my suitcase and headed into the hallway and stopped before the large desk, my frustration deepening as the woman behind the desk raised a finger to me while she continued with her phone conversation. Rolling my eyes I said, "Look, I'm Kori Anders and I'm checking myself out so... yea."
Without giving her time to respond, let alone comprehend my words above the ones being spoken into her ear through the phone, I took to the exit. My eyes widened as a sea of photographers charged me, their cameras flaring at my retinas. I shielded my eyes from the blinding lights and tried my hardest to ignore the incessant aggressive questions being shouted at me.
"Kori... Kori,... is it true your heart stopped during surgery?
"Kori, why are you leaving the hospital alone? Are things with Dick Grayson not doing so well?"
"Is it true you were living in the Manor with Dick Grayson when you were attacked?'
"KORI!"
"KORI! Look over here!"
I could feel my chest heaving now. I was hyperventilating in the midst of this crowd which seemed to grow by each second. This was the intelligent moment I realized I had no ride out of this hell hole. THen suddenly...
"Kori."
This call of my name was far too familiar to be ignored. I turned within the crowd to find, no, not my Richard, but Roy. Too many different, conflicted emotions overcame me now. Emotions I couldn't even begin to entertain while in the midst of this chaotic scene growing larger around me, the people shoving harder and screaming louder at me. Now, I hope you'll understand my behavior in response to Roy as he pulled at my hand forcing me from the crowd and toward his car.
"Where's your bike?" I managed to say, thinking it somewhat ironic that a car was perfect since I had my suitcase in hand and the truth that I had never seen him drive anything other than a motorcycle all seemed so coincidental.
He opened the passenger door and guided me inside then shut the door, racing to the driver's side and immediately pulling out of the parking lot. As the hospital faded from view in the side mirror my eyes remained focused on I felt my body relax slightly. That is until I looked to Roy who had a smile directed on the traffic before us.
"Thank you." I said brushing my bangs to the side and hating the fact that I looked ridiculous in this moment.
"I've been trying to visit you since you were admitted. I guess I just got lucky today."
I rolled my eyes, not so much at Roy for trying to visit me and more about Dick who I knew had probably specified to the hospital that Roy Harper needs to be denied visitation to me. Which sure I can understand Dick's point of view but as of right now all that was on my mind was that Richard didn't really care enough to visit so why he should be putting limitations on those who would have visited, it just frustrated me.
"Where do you want to go?"
I sighed. "Home." I paused as I noticed Roy's smile remained like stone on his features. "Look, as much as I appreciate the ride... I just... you realize if I had any other choice I wouldn't have... I mean..."
"Relax Kori." He said placing a hand upon my knee. A gesture I quickly corrected by casting it away.
"I'm serious Roy. If..." I placed a hand against the bridge of my nose, my eyes shut at the beginning of a headache which invaded my mine. "When Dick finds out about this he's..." I sighed again, the headache gravitating more toward the strength of a migraine. "... he's gonna be really upset so."
"So what?" He chuckled. "Come on Kor, you two may have decided to become a couple but I think you and I both know that wont last long."
"I really don't want to argue with you."
His voice softened. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'll take you home and I'll leave." At the time his car stopped at a red light his concerned expression turn to me. "I just want you to know I'm here for you... for anything."
"Don't... don't do that. Don't be nice to me. You're making all of this harder than it has to be. You should be furious with me, call me names, put me down, but... don't be nice to me."
"I can't help it."
The car suddenly came to halt in front of my house and as I removed myself from the car I paused noticing Roy's footsteps coming toward me. With a heavy sigh I turned to him but before I could object to his attempt at what I was assuming was him trying to join me in my house, I felt a collision. My eyes widened as his left hand invaded my personal space, gripping tightly behind my head pulling me into his lips. I tried to shove him away from me but the strength of his hands on me, the other wrapped aggressively around my waist held me still. He lingered in the kiss for a short moment the released me earning a slap across the face.
"You have some nerve!" I yelled, inhaling deeply as I began to back away from him. My frustration setting in further as he smiled back at me.
"Tell Grayson I'll be anticipating our next talk."
Wiping at my lips as if to rid myself of his taste I quickly accepted my suitcase from his car then I stepped into my empty house ignoring the loud screech of burning rubber as Roy pealed out of the driveway and back to the street. Great, just another piece of my life that just got more complicated.
I sighed, locking the door behind me, the echo of loneliness within the house sounded loudly with each of my movements. I paused in the living room, my eyes wandering over every aspect of the room down to the smallest of details. Everything seemed so different as if I were seeing everything in a completely different perspective. There was a tightness that rose in my chest as I noticed the several picture frames which resided on a long shelf behind the couch. I stepped to them slowly, my eyes weighing heavy over each of them, each memory, each piece of my life that could have easily have been lost. Now, while I didn't really want to see anyone at this time, it felt nice to remember them through these photos which served as instances of frozen time back when things seemed a whole lot easier.
The first photo was of our entire family, the sight of my father and his bubbly smile striking at my heart now. I could feel my eyes glaze over and yet no tears sprang to life. I lifted the photo into my hands and peered down at the vibrant life my family once held. Things weren't just different then, it was as if we were an entirely different family, complied of completely separate lives in which we led now. Since my father had passed, us girls were lost. We had all managed to scrape by, surviving such an infinite loss each in our own way. My mother she was happier then, so full of life and the possibilities of tomorrow, and now, now she was this drone that lived and breathed work. My sister had receded with the scum of our society and lavished herself in drugs and money, surrounding herself with superficial yet hollow individuals, they were all dead inside even her I believed in some circumstances. Me? I think out of all of us I had been the lucky one. I had found Richard. I had helped him years before with the passing of both of his parents so when I lost my father, while things seemed hopeless, with him at my side I had managed to survive, scratch that, he had actually restored the happiness I had lost that day.
I set the photo back upon the shelf and took a sidestep to my right, a photo I had framed and placed here on my own coming into view. It was of us, all of us, the gang I mean. It was the perfect execution of a picture which captured each of our personalities. My mother had taken it one summer when we were all vacationing in the Bahamas. We were all situated on a bed of towels on the beach which we had set up around each other. Dick and I were situated behind everyone, not at a distance but in relation to everyone else in the photo. He was sitting with me, his arms around me from behind, his signature shades directed at Vic mid laugh. Vic looked back at him as if in conversation, his expression contorted in a slight cringe at the sight of Gar. Gar was the only one standing, his arms stretched out in front of him in his usual demeanor of overly excited enthusiasm. He was focused on Rachel who had approached us in a one piece bathing suit. Gar's eyes were wide and if I remember correctly he had spouted off a comment to her appearance in which she didn't take too kindly to. She stood with her arms cross at an angle from the camera, her left arched brow hardly making an appearance in the shot but you could tell she was brimming with agitation. Then there was me. I sat with my arms laced over Dick's which were around my knees that I had tucked into my chest. I was laughing along with Vic and Dick at the obvious anticipation of Rachel's response to Gar's outburst. It was beautiful, everything about it. The way the sun had glistened off of each of us, the sheer excitement of the day which we were in the middle of, and the sharp horizon consumed by the raging ocean behind us.
I swallowed hard, the memories that danced across my mind filled me with enough comfort to begin to finally relax.
I swallowed hard as the phone to my house sounded. I felt my expression hardened. Who could really be calling? No one has been home for a little while now. I stepped into the kitchen and hesitated before answering. Clearing my throat I lifted the phone to my ear.
"Hello?"
The voice on the other line raised in a stressed screech. "Kori! Oh my God! I've been trying to reach you. Why aren't you in the hospital? What are you thinking?"
I sighed, leaning my back against the wall now. "Hey Mom, I'm fine, ... everything is fine."
"Why wouldn't you call me after vanishing from the hospital. The doctor just called me in a panic saying you just left."
"I couldn't be there anymore."
I heard a sigh escape her. "Look, give the phone to Dick... I need to speak with him. Make sure he takes care of you."
"I don't need to be taken care of."
"Just put him on the phone."
I hesitated. "He's... he's not here."
"Alright, then put Rachel on."
I rolled my eyes, anticipating her rant now. "She's not here either."
There was a pause then her anger became fully engrossed into our conversation. "You know what Kori... I'll just have to come home."
My eyes widened. "No..." I really just wanted to be alone. "Mom, I said I was fine."
"Do you have any idea how heartbroken I felt when the news stands filled with the latest tragedy of your life? I hadn't heard from you. I hadn't even the slightest clue that you were in the hospital until this morning and now... now after all you've been through you flee from the hospital and you go home to be alone? Kori being alone is not what you need right now."
"Yes mother, it is. I'm just trying to catch up on sleep, please do not leave New York to come home and watch me sleep hours on end. I'm tired that's all."
She hesitated once more. "Are you certain your fine? The police haven't given me any insight as to what happened only that you were attacked by Mr. Roth. The doctors said you were beaten up really badly."
"I'm fine. I don't know how else to tell you. Please, just... let me get some sleep. I give you my word I will call you when I wake up."
"Keep your phone by you at all times."
I sighed. "Fine, but... don't get all crazy with the phone calls. I need my rest."
"Kori... I love you, darling."
I smiled, her words bringing a small amount of comfort to me. "I love you too."
I could tell she was holding back tears now. "Alright well... I still need to speak with Dick."
"For what? He's not going to want to hear you rambling on about my safety, he already knows how to look after me."
"Right but I know him far more than you give me credit for and I know he would appreciate the words I have to say."
"Fine..." I was so over this conversation now. "I'll call you later."
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
I had been alone for a good hour now, the silence that lingered over me had given me the precise amount of calm to take a pause in my life but I soon realized that with the silence, my mind was beginning to retreat into the darker parts of my thoughts. Only after blaring the stereo to distract my mind was I able to finally begin to get back in touch with myself. I had pushed the couches back, shoving the coffee table up against one of the corner walls and lay out a soft blanket in the center of the room. I had come to the realization that I missed Komi at a time like this. Did I want to really see her? No, but the memory of the great times we used to spend together raced through my thoughts.
I had surrounded myself with cosmetics and lotions and creams, nail polish and every other amount of beauty products I could think of. My body was still so sore from the attack coupled with the draining feeling which was a consequence of the medication so I thought I would treat myself. Besides, the sight of my tanned skin invaded with scabs and abrasions was making me feel completely disgusting. I had already showered, spun my damp hair into a high bun and ordered a pizza. To say I was starving would be an understatement. I wanted food, and what I considered to be real food. Something greasy and unhealthy, unlike anything served to me during my short stay in the hospital.
I smiled down at my freshly polished lavender toe nails and lifted the bottle of beer which I had beside me to my lips. Cherishing every last drop of the cooling bitter taste of the alcohol I had become so accustomed to, pausing only as the doorbell rang. My body perked up in excitement as I walked toward the door, my stance positioned heavily on my heels as not to ruin my newly finished pedicure. As I opened the door my eyes narrowed against the delivery man's wide-eyed expression. It was now that I remembered the aqua tinted facemask in which I had painted onto my face a while ago. I gave him an embarrassed giggle then quickly paying him, I accepted the pizza, locking the door and resuming my position in the center of the living room.
My stomach growled up at me impatiently at the delicious rising smell of the warm food as I set the box beside me. I took one sip of my beer then dove into the pizza. No one was watching, who cares if I looked ridiculous in this moment,... I was hungry.
After consuming my fill, I returned my interest to my appearance. I applied a thin layer of lotion to my legs, where the scabs from the broken glass I had fallen onto the other night stood out against my otherwise clear skin. From there I moved on to my choice of clothing. Turning the music up to a louder volume I made my way into my room diving into my sock drawer until I came across the precise set of knee height socks I wanted and pulled them on. I changed into a pair of jean shorts and slipped into a small tank top. As I stepped to my vanity mirror I smiled back at my appearance. I may not have been able to fade the noticeable scab on my brow, the unnatural red abrasions striped across my neck, or the puffiness beneath my eyes but I was starting to look myself again and not just that, since I had eaten, my mind was becoming less cloudy. Then out of nowhere a shadow crept passed my mirror. As I turned, even as I recognized the person standing there I still screamed out in fear.
"You look like shit."
I shook my head and tried to calm my breathing. "What the hell are you doing here? How are you..."
"It's nice to see you two sister dear." Komi said with a smirk. She jumped back onto my bed with a sigh. "I can honestly say I've actually missed you." I paused as her eyes moved over my features, narrowing and her voice taking to a more serious tone. "I heard about what happened."
"And?" I said with a sigh, my breath still just out of normalcy.
She shrugged, sitting up now. "Would you believe me if I said I was worried about you?" I gave her a set of narrowed eyes to which she laughed at. "Fine, well... I was. If you ask me I would've killed the bastard that did this to you."
I nodded, the desire I had to steer clear of all things negative weighing heavily on me. "So, what are you doing here?"
"I got out of rehab yesterday and I've been here ever since. I'll tell you... I've never been so happy to be rich."
"What? Why?" I watched her closely as she lifted her left foot at an angle on the bed. It was now that I realized the thick, tacky black bracelet upon her ankle. I laughed. "Really? House arrest?"
"It's not so bad. I mean with a mansion for a home I can hardly see how I'm really being punished."
I shook my head as she began to follow me downstairs. We made our way into the kitchen, both of us pausing for a moment to stare back at one another awkwardly.
"What?" She said.
I rolled my eyes. "Nothing... you're just... you're hovering."
"I'm bored."
"No, you're concerned?" I said in a playful tone. "Come on Komi, I'll be fine."
"Right... but why not make a night of it. Hearing your sister was almost brutally murdered kind of makes one rethink all the horrible things they've done to her."
I rolled my eyes, her sincerity actually believable. Clearing my throat I smiled. "Alright, fine. What do you want to do?"
She smiled, a smile I hadn't seen since we were kids and there was no competitive struggle or hate for one another layered beneath. It was a pure smile, a smile that actually comforted me. "Now, I may not be able to partake in any fun drugs, but..." She paused before our famous liquor cabinet. "... I can drink."
"I don't know, I was actually kind of looking forward to some time on my own. I don't think alcohol will make my situation better."
She laughed. "Oh contraire... alcohol will take the pain away."
I rolled my eyes. "There is seriously something wrong with you. That sounds more like the logic of an alcoholic."
She paused, her brows lowering in thought, then with a shrug her demeanor perked up again. "So? That doesn't make it any less true."
As she poured two glasses of wine I smiled. "Starting out calm are we?"
She nodded. "Its going to be a long night." She paused as we both entered the living room. She turned to me, her eyes looking down at my hands. "Here... come sit. I'll do your manicure."
I was hesitant, not really use to this kind of behavior from her. I sat nonetheless though. "You don't have to be this nice to me. I know your dealing with your own stuff and..."
"Come on, you think I'm doing this for you?" She gave off a snorted laugh, her hand setting her wine glass beside her on the floor. "Trust me, the world will thank me when this is over. You never were good at the mani part, but I'll admit you have the pedi area down."
We sat for a long while, both having agreed neither one was willing to discuss the situations we were in. Her with her approaching court dates, being under house arrest, and me, well you know my situation. At one point in the hours we had been sitting, talking, drinking and just coexisting peacefully that Komi had turned the music up louder, the reaction was more laughter, louder conversation and an overall amount of unexpected release from me. I didn't think about my friends' about Dick, about MR. Roth, about the hallucinations, ... nothing. And then it happened, and just before she could voice her words my heart sunk. I knew merely by the devious look that took for, in her eyes that she was going to talk about something I really didn't want to.
Her frail, untanned arm reached toward me, a bottle of whiskey at hand now as she refilled my glass. "You know, there's actually something else I heard while I was away that sort of... caught my interest."
I raised a brow in her direction. I knew she was waiting for me to say 'really? and whats that?' but I did not want to give in to her trap, so I remained silent.
Clearing her throat she continued. "I heard you and that Roy boy called it quits ... and... I was wondering what sparked that change? I mean the tabloids, at least when you two were together, had stopped preaching you and Grayson's undying love and yet now... now the rumors are back on that you and Grayson are a thing."
Our eyes locked now. Lifting my glass to my lips, trying to hold back the cringe that possessed my expression from the harsh alcohol, I shrugged. "So?"
"So... whats really going on? The last time I saw you with Roy you were happy.. why call it quits?"
Keeping my easily readable gaze averted from her, I could see in the corner of my eye that she was shaking her head in a silent laugh to herself.
"I knew it. Grayson finally stepped in, didn't he?" I looked to her now, unsure of how to respond, her eyes widening. "I knew it! So... is he why you're all gloomy right now? Because he never visited you in the hospital?"
"How did you know that?"
She rolled her eyes. "Please, I've been here an entire day with an annoying amount of time on my hands. I've watched the news, the poor kids been back and forth at the police station and the Manor trying to clear things up so that the police will back off of you until you're better."
I felt my breath thin out in an uneven flow. I shook my head. Have you ever been in a situation where someone you know you probably can't trust, regardless of how open and how different their current behavior is and you almost feel as though you can probably confide your secrets with them, but the back of your mind is screaming at you to just keep your mouth shut... yea, this is where I'm at. I knew if I spoke about Dick and I that it would come back to bite me in the ass, but I did anyway.
"I just... I felt like I really needed him you know. I needed him at my side to make things better and he was just... gone." I rolled my eyes. "Now of course, since you told me he was busy with the police, sure, now I feel guilty for ever thinking badly of him but... that doesn't change anything now does it?"
"That depends... is he a friend... or... more than a friend?"
Her eyes lit up in a far too curious mood, so I continued. "Well... I mean, yea."
"I fucking knew it!" I hesitated as her body shifted forward until her weight was placed completely on her legs which tucked beneath her. "So is he as good in bed as people say?"
I felt myself blush in somewhat painful amount of emotion and embarrassment. "Uh... no I ... I don't know."
Her brows raised suggestively in excitement. "Yet." I shook my head, immediately downing the rest of my drink. "Oh come on don't be embarrassed you know you've thought about it."
I sighed, shutting my eyes in hesitation. Uh... yea, of course I've thought about it, a lot more recently then I would admit to myself let alone my loud mouthed sister. Clearing my throat I forced a laugh. "Well, I mean... can we just forget about this conversation?"
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTT
(Dick Grayson's POV)
"You're crazy!" I heard Vic's voice sound in a hardly successful whisper. "How could you go see her?"
"Dude, I'm gonna be there to visit Kori and I might as well check on her too." Gar's voice sounded in a strangely depressed tone.
"We could always have Rachel check on her." Vic said with an exhausted laugh.
"Do what?" I asked, entering the kitchen, the two jumping at my presence. I raised a brow, feeling far too exhausted for their games. We had all just spent an endless amount of time down at the police station trying to clear the entire 'crime scene' being held at the Manor. We were all gathered in the hotel suite I was staying in after our long day.
"Uhh... we nothing." Gar said nervously.
"Gar's actually considering visiting that bitch Terra in the hospital."
I was too drained to offer my opinion in the matter, the only thought on my mind, the only thing worth staying alert at this point for, was Kori. Giving each of them a careless shrug I immediately stepped to the hotel door and made my way to the hospital as fast as I could. I knew she was furious with me, and she had every right to be. While I had done my best to get to her in the hospital the amount of questions and accusations being tossed at all of us were never ending. The police had even given me the option to visit Kori as long as an officer escorted me, and while that sounds since, I knew better. Kori was the main victim in all of this and the police, as well as the media, were dying to get an exclusive interview with her and as much as I was missing her right now, I couldn't put her through that. She had been through too much and a list of questions which would all need detailed explanations of her attack was not what she needed.
With a yawn I entered the hospital, making my way to the nurse's station. "Excuse me..." The short, squat of a woman draped in a pale blue scrubs looked to me. I ignored the excitement on her face as she realized who I was and continued. "I'm here to see Kori Anders." An alarming amount of panic set over me now as the nurse's smile changed into pure confusion. Clearing my throat, I rolled my eyes. "That's Anders, Kori... which room?"
Her hesitancy lowered to a stack of paperwork, her eyes scanning over the large file impatiently. Inhaling deeply she looked to me again, her brown eyes struggling for words. "She... she isn't here."
"I'm sorry, what?"
She looked down to the paperwork again. I didn't have time for this. All I wanted was to be with Kori again. "Umm... I'm sorry Mr. Grayson, but she checked herself out this morning."
My entire body froze, completely as if incapable of comprehending something so simple and unsure of how to respond to this. It was as if my mind was wiped clean of all things knowledge related. There was no way Kori left this hospital on her own without at least trying to contact me. Fine, I had her cellphone, and sure, she was probably still fuming as a result of my silence these past few days, but... this was Kori, she would have called me. Right?
I shook my head, discarding my thoughts. "I'm sorry... you said she's... gone?"
"Gone. This morning."
My anger and hurt rose out of this truth. Kori should have called me, or, I guess I should have called her. Either way I should have known where she was right now and I didn't, and I hated it. My eyes widened, the pounding in my chest reaching a high frequency now as my anger directed itself to the nurse. "I ... why? Why wouldn't you call me? I'm listed under Kori's contacts for emergencies, why was I not informed of her departure?"
"Umm, because it wasn't an emergency. It's not illegal for her to discharge herself from the hospital. Her vitals were under control and while the doctor would have preferred her to stay a little longer," she shrugged. "We can't force her to stay."
I paused for a second, not wanting to fully believe what I was hearing but eventually came to my senses and barged out of the hospital. I raced through the streets at a high-speed and when I finally reached her house I didn't even bother knocking. There was loud music playing which made me nervous to think that she was not alone and as I fixed my key into the door I shoved it open, somewhat surprised at what I found. Kori and Komi sat in the center of the living room and it appeared that they were... happy? This only infuriated me more and as I turned the music down they looked to me wide-eyed. I stared back at Kori in disappointment from behind my shades.
"What the hell were you thinking?"
I ignored the roll of Komi's eyes as she lifted herself from her place upon the floor and disappeared into the kitchen. I glared back at Kori not angry at her but disappointed that she didn't tell me she was out.
"Dick, I... I'm sorry. I just needed a little space." She said standing and pausing before me nervously.
"Do you have any idea what you just put me through?" I exhaled curtly. "I mean, I went to the hospital ready to fight against this nurses words when she told me that you had left this morning, because..." I paused with an unamused, sarcastic laugh. "... I mean I knew if you were to leave you'd at least let me know. Not just disappear and..."
"How was I suppose to know you would choose the one day I decide to leave to actually visit me." My jaw tightened against her words and the pain in her eyes. "Look... I don't ... I don't want to fight with you alright. I... miss you too much to willingly enter into one of our little banters right now."
My anger subsided now. She was right, I didn't want to fight with her either. I inhaled deeply allowing myself a moment to overlook her appearance. I swallowed hard, that pain that stung at my chest to see her in suffering sharpened now. She looked thin, far too thin for having only been in the hospital for two days and her skin seemed less vibrant, not that I was any less attracted to her, only that the pain her body had endured and survived was more than apparent. As her amazing jade eyes cowered before mine I brought her into my arms embracing her as gently as I could while still managing to feed my desire to hold her tightly.
"I would have been there if I could. I hope you know that." She pulled away from me with a comforting smile meant to display her amount of acceptance in the situation. Raising my hand to her chin I leaned down to her and I could feel my eyes were intense regardless that they were still hidden beneath my sunglasses. "Are you aright? I mean,... are you... how are you feeling?"
She smiled up at me then connected her lips to mine. I felt my body succumb to an immense amount of emotion at the act. Her lips had never felt so soft, her taste never so appealing then in this moment, the sweet taste of liquor on her breath.
"Can I... let me get you out of here?"
She hesitated, a hand against her forehead in thought. "I don't know. Komi's here all alone and..."
"I don't care about Komi, Kor. I need to be with you right now. These past few days have been torture without you and I just..." I paused, a thought crossing my mind. "Can I take you to dinner?"
I was surprised when she shook her head. "No... I ... I look awful and a public scenery is the last thing that..."
"Please..." I said, thanking her hand into mine. "I want to take you out."
"Look at me Dick... I look..."
"The only thing you need to concern yourself with is how beautiful I think you are. That's all that will ever matter... do you understand me? I just... I need to see you smiling again. I wanna make everything better."
It pained me more than I can even describe to see her feeling so out of sorts, but as her smile surfaced before me, I felt a sense of calm.
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
"Are you ready for this?" I asked as I noticed Kori's nervous gaze upon the crowd that gathered outside our favorite restaurant. Before she could reply I took her hand, planting a sweet kiss against her knuckles. "Come on... it's just you and me."
It may sound like a pathetic announcement of jealousy by wanting to take her to a public place, my arms around her, if only to make it obvious to the world that she was mine, but I couldn't help it. I was feeling strange around her, as if I would lose her, and it wasn't anything that she had done, no, it was the unfortunate amount of suspicion Roy had forced into my mind. If you recall, he had gone out of his way to get me to believe he and Kori had slept together and while I was certain she had not, that didn't exactly mean that it wasn't on my mind now and then.
This was it though, the first official viewing of us as a couple that the world would be let into. The moment I stepped from the car a smile tugged at my lips, the satisfaction I was about to feel as the media ignited against Kori and me was far too much to anticipate calmly. I stepped to the passenger door, the cameras descending upon us now. I took Kori's hand and guiding her from the car and into my immediate possession we both turned to the crowd. I could feel her hands shaking nervously, but as we made our way through the riot of paparazzi, placing an arm around her, I suddenly felt her posture calm.
As the paparazzi began to crowd around us further I placed a hand out in front of us to assume a barrier of personal space and formed a charming smile. "Give us some space guys. Kori's not feeling well tonight."
At my words the crowd began to shift slightly, just enough for me to get Kori and myself through. Entering the restaurant we were quickly seated, me left across from her at the table admiring the beauty that was Kori. Now, if you were to ask her how she looked in this moment she would surely spout off about how ridiculous she looked but me,... for me she was the most beautiful person I had ever laid eyes on. She was perfect, absolutely perfect in every way. The only flaw in this evening was the nervous glances she was giving to the other people around us which was bothering me. I wanted her to enjoy herself tonight, after all this was truly the first time we were going out as a couple.
I caught her attention suddenly by resituating my chair beside hers and putting an arm around her. I sent a kiss to her forehead, my voice lowering in a serious yet uneven tone. "I love you Kori."
Her eyes snapped to mine, the amount of passion in her gaze increased my heart rate instantly. And then, there it was again, ... my smile, the smile she had somehow designed just for me. The one smile that could render me defenseless against her, the smile I had fallen in love with.
"I love you too, Dick." She replied, eyes sparkling.
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
(Rachel Roth's POV)
It was day three since my fathers attack. The past two days had been nothing more than an agonizingly, slow-paced chain of events which I, along with the rest of my friends, were barely surviving. The unavoidable truth being that without Kori, who remained in the hospital under observation, we were falling apart. If we had been unaware of it previously, it was far too clear now that we just weren't the same without her. Something was missing and we all knew it was her and her bright smile, positive attitude and shining eyes that we needed. If the past proved anything, it was that Kori was always the one to tear each of us from our pain, suffering, and doubt and, while sometimes it was forced upon us, she always managed to brighten our outlook on any situation, no matter how mild or tragic.
The majority of our time was not spent at the hospital but had been consumed by incessant interrogation from the police who were still trying to piece together the whole scene. As a result of this, the Manor was considered a crime scene and Dick was staying in the large penthouse suite in the hotel downtown. We spent our free time there if only to relax after being asked the same questions over and over, just in a million different ways. And while we were always around each other the vibe around us ... it was dark, depressing, quiet. Which isn't to say that the world around us didn't still bounce around and spring to life at every corner. No, it was us, individually, we were scarred. We couldn't see past the fear of what happened in relation to what could have happened. It would have been far to easy to have really lost Kori, one small event changed and she could be dead. She had barely managed to escape it as it were, and this, this was something I could never let go. I should have been there for her, I should have been the one to place the barrel of the gun to my father. I wouldn't have missed any vital vein. If it were me, the bastard wouldn't be breathing still. Thinking back to everything now I see that I was not as strong as I wished myself to be and I knew everything that happened from here on out was my fault. As I said before, our group, it depended on Kori to return the spark of light to our lives but she was in the hospital, the days dragging on without her. She was the beauty in our friendship, she made all of us happy and now, now that she wasn't here, we were all feeling her loss, Dick, I think the most.
While I know Kori would say this event had brought us all closer, in reality, without her here, it made us take a pause. We still spent time around one another but it was complete and utter silence throughout the day, the dark auras that hung heavy on our shoulders had began to feed off each others sinking each of us further and further into the quicksand we were in. When I looked to the faces of my friends, I saw myself and this was not something to applaud even the very least. They were depressed, alone, angry... lost.
Gar remained in this state of unanticipated silence, well, each of us did, but it was more of a shock to see that he had receded into it as well. His usual upbeat and enthusiastic personality had faltered, diluted itself among the constant regret and betrayal he felt in this situation. Because, while I was blaming myself for everything that happened that night, I could tell his mind was focused on blaming himself. He blamed himself for falling victim to Terra's words, and in the end, her betrayal to him, being the sole purpose that Kori and myself were hurt. Vic was no better. He would ever so often mumble to himself, comments made to stab at his self-esteem. He was upset at the fact that he had been rendered completely useless that night, ... his words, not mine. And Dick, well, that's an entirely different story. I had never seen him so depressed, the problem being, he wasn't just upset he was furious. A part of me would even go as far as to say that he was angry with everyone in this room. We all sat in the living room within the penthouse in, as I have made obvious, in complete silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, more of a frustrated silence. We all just sat quietly, eyes averted to the floor, no one in the mood for conversation as we waited for Dick to return. He had said he was going to visit Kori and I think we were all waiting to hear how she was doing.
"Hey Rachel..." Gar's graveled voice reached out to me as I stepped into the kitchen for a drink.
I paused turning to him, the expression on his face making me somewhat nervous. "What?"
I felt my eyes narrow as he positioned his slim figure against one of the counters to his right, a heavy sigh drawing from him.
"What?" I repeated in annoyance.
He inhaled deeply and I could tell what he was about to say was something far more than just serious. He scrapped his fingernails through his mess of green hair and for some reason his eyes refused to focus on mine. "I..." he lowered his voice to a whisper yet managed to contain the amount of emotion he was feeling. "I saw you there."
My mind flashed wide awake now. I knew immediately what he was referring to and it was something that could very much lead to more trouble, at least for me. It was now that his gaze studied mine. I knew I was consistently masking any amount of alert I felt in this moment, but it was as if he knew what I was trying to do. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Sure you do."
Swallowing hard I forced a roll of my eyes then leaned down into the fridge for one of the herbal teas which remained at the bottom shelf. "Seriously Gar, I don't have time for this." I came to an abrupt halt as I noticed him step to me, towering over my existence now. Raising a brow up at him my expression remained firm upon the border of uncertainty. "What?"
His large forest green eyes snapped back and forth across my expression. "You realize it will be you who they come after first."
I stepped passed him. "As I said, I don't know what you're talking about."
"There's no way around it Rachel. I was there, I saw you, I... I know you have something to do with his disappearance."
I lunged at him now, my hand placed over his mouth and my eyes wide. "Shut the fuck up Gar. You don't know what you saw... and you shouldn't be talking about it either."
"Why not?" He said shoving me back in an amount of dominance I had never experienced from him. He stepped to me with a raised finger. "You're such an idiot Rachel. Its going to be all over the news tomorrow and ..."
"Why do you care?" I said, teeth grinding in agitation.
It was now that I felt my anger completely vanish, if only for the moment, as his expression gave way to his anger into disappointment. I hated seeing him like this, it was ... annoying the way it effected me so. His eyes were blanketed slightly in an amount of concern that made them somewhat shine.
"Rachel... I ... I think its obvious by now that I care about you and..." I felt my gaze flicker in nervousness. I was hoping he would just stop right then and there, and not go any further. "I just... I can't... how am I suppose to fix this?"
I raised a brow at him in response. "I don't need anyones help to..."
"Yea yea... I get it, your independent, you stand alone against everything, ..." He paused, fixing a hand in one of his pockets with that adorable little shrug of helplessness that I somehow found... attractive. "...but what about us... your friends that are here, thrust on the sidelines by your distant behavior? How are we suppose to react to something like this. I mean... is it worth it?"
"Of course it is." I said turning away and entering the hallway, trying to escape him in my room. But... of course he followed. "Just leave Gar. I don't feel like doing this right now. Not with you."
He shut the door behind us and stared down at me as I situated myself, legs crossed on the edge of the bed, my hands rubbing at my temples in frustration.
"This isn't fair, your just being selfish."
"Selfish?" I yelled now, his ignorance being far too much for me to hold back against. I managed to lower my voice as not to alert Vic of the specific conversation Gar and I were involved in but the anger upon my face was still very apparent to Gar. I took one step closer to him. "Are you crazy? Gar, its my fault Kori was almost murdered by him. Its my fault your girlfriend is in the hospital being kept alive by tubes and needles and... and more importantly, its my fault my father survived that night."
"No it's not Rachel, none of this is..."
"Fuck that, Gar. You know just as well as I that I have to fix my mistake. He should have died that night and now... now I'm going to make it so that he is. Everything is as it should be."
"And when the cops come...what then? You think I want you taken away over this? DO you really think taking his life is worth losing yours to a life in prison?"
"Absolutely."
My anger allowed me to ignore the spark in his eyes as it faded. I watched coldly as he stepped to the door, then paused.
"Just go." I demanded.
He shook his head as if contemplating something. "I wont let them take you."
"I'm telling you to stay out of this Gar."
"When the cops come, and you know by morning they will, what are you going to say?"
"The truth. It wont be so hard for them to believe anyway. With a father like mine it's almost expected."
"You can't tell them the truth."
"I have to."
"No, Rachel... " He stepped to me desperately. "... you can't. If you were to kill some innocent person on the street I could understand you feeling guilty or feeling obligated to turn yourself in but... this man, your father,... he deserves everything he gets."
"I wont lie and I don't need you trying to justify my actions. The consequences that follow will be my own, I do not need you interfering, so just stay out of it like I told you."
There was a deafening silence that surrounded us now. Both of our gazes fighting for dominance over the other. Then, without reason his body moved toward mine and I suddenly felt his hands at either side of my jaw line and his lips... they were against mine again, the same, somewhat intoxicating emotion settling over me as before. There was no amount of thought, or successful, amount of train of thought that consumed me now, only the ever-changing motion of his touch. For some reason, without hesitation both of our bodies responded in progression, as if this moment was anticipated for each of us. I didn't question the amount of passion he seemed to be able to muster for me and he didn't speak either, just continued his shockingly amount of drive. And I'll admit, his confidence right now was far too enjoyable.
Before I knew it we were both back upon the bed, his scrawny body hovering over mine shirtless now. I wasn't sure how far he was willing to take this moment but with the increasing display his determination to kiss, touch, feel every part of me... I allowed it. The truth was as annoying as he had always been to me, this was something I couldn't say I didn't actually want.
It was only at the sound of Vic's loud voice carrying itself to us in the hallway that brought out exchange of heated passion to a stop. I shoved Gar off of me without concern of where he would fall and I stepped to the mirror, checking my appearance. It was obvious Dick was back from the hospital and was ready to tell us all how Kori was, so I rushed to readjust my hair which was slightly frizzed. I paused only as I felt Gar's presence beside me.
"We can continue this later." He said wiggling his brows at me as he fixed his shirt over his head.
I shoved him back in a clear display of annoyance and stepped to the door, coming to a halt only as he stepped in front of me. His expression was drenched in determination now. "I wont let the police take you alright. I'll figure something out."
I rolled my eyes, shoving my way passed him. "I said to stay out of it."
"Just... tell me where he is."
I ignored him, entering the living room to find Kori and Dick standing beside Vic. I forced a smile, masking the undoubtably obvious truth that unbenounced to everyone aside from Gar,... things were about to become very interesting, this mere fact being confirmed as my phone buzzed with a text.
KOMI: I have what you asked for. Remember, Kori stays out of this.
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
(A/N) Alright so... once again I'm apologizing for taking so long to update. To be honest I really don't even know why this chapter was so difficult for me to write...ugh, maybe because its more of a filler chapter, but I just don't want things to be rushed and I was so ready to jump into the obvious action that's about to happen. So I guess this chapter serves more as a hint to whats to come. Oh, and for those of you who are anticipating some lemony goodness, do not fret, it is already in progress although I just don't want to rush things, but it is coming up soon. Anyway, as far as next chapter, it is already written, which, I actually wrote that one before this one... I got too excited but, anyway I should have it up later tonight or tomorrow at the latest so don't get too upset over the slight cliffhanger I've tossed your way. You wont have to wait much longer. Please review, your opinions are highly appreciated. =]