Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Harry Potter, or any of the characters from these universes. I am making no money off of this fanfiction.

A/N: There were a fair number of people who thought the section with the conversation between Harry and Hermione was boring. Unfortunately, while it probably could have been a little shorter, it was a necessary conversation to have if I want Harry and Hermione's friendship to work. And it won't be the last either, though it should be the longest. While I do strive to have a lot of humor in this story, it is not and will not be 100% humor based. There will be moments of seriousness and character development. And only then will we get back to the humor.

Chapter 11 – Potions Class

Harry was excited.

"I'm excited!" he exclaimed in a chipper voice, having decided that this was information the Gryffindors who surrounded him at the breakfast table should know. He really thought that they should be too, though their looks of incredulous shock were a strange way of showing it if so.

Of course he was used to people not being able to match his excitement - few people could when he got worked up. But Sakura had always said he should make sure to inform his friends when he got wound up like this. Something about giving them time to leave the country or something along those lines. He hadn't really been paying attention.

He supposed it was polite to give them a heads-up to watch out for the coming entertainment though, even if that probably wasn't what Sakura had meant.

"Err...Harry..." Ron hesitated, apparently not sure how to phrase his comment. But eventually he rushed ahead and said, "No one gets excited about going to Potions. Well maybe the Snakes, but not Gryffindors. Did you hear what the upper years were saying about his classes? I don't think that even the Claws actually look forward to Snape," he added with amazement.

"Well I will have you know that I am quite looking forward to it. Potions sounds like such a fascinating subject," Hermione commented with bright eyes, though the way she immediately returned to biting her lower lip conveyed she was clearly nervous as well.

"It's not the subject so much as who teaches it, Hermione," Ron responded with a tone of finality.

As one the eyes of the first year Gryffindors turned towards the head table, where fortunately Professor Snape wasn't glaring balefully at them, as seemed to be one of his favorite hobbies. Well glaring balefully at Harry. The rest of Gryffindor seemed to just be a bonus.

"Maybe he won't be so bad," Neville said hesitantly, though it was clear that he didn't actually believe it, and was likely the most frightened of the first years at the very idea of the quickly approaching class.

"Come on guys...It's going to be awesome!" Harry grinned with a slight sinister light in his eyes.

But before he could continue, one of the Weasley Twins leaned over to say, "Are you planning something Harry? Something to make..."

The other twin continued for him, "your first potions class a little more interesting,"

"Shall we say?" the first finished the question.

"Ohhh...You just"

"have to take"

"pictures of his face"

"when you prank him." The two looked back at each other and grinned widely before looking back to Harry and continuing to finish the other's sentences. "I don't think anyone has ever"

"dared to prank Snape on the very first day"

"of their first-year classes."

"Prank him?" Harry asked with his very best innocent expression. "Why I would never prank a professor, regardless of how awful he seems to be from what everyone says about him." He waited long enough to savor the Twin's crushed expressions, not to mention that of most of the rest of Gryffindor. Though Hermione at least seemed relieved.

"No, that would be wrong," he stated sanctimoniously. "On the other hand, I've always been a very lucky person. I mean a dark lord used a death-curse that never fails on me, and karma chose that exact moment to bitch-slap him for it." Ignoring the uncomfortable shifting at this comment, Harry continued to muse in a thoughtful tone, "I suppose it is possible that should Professor Snape fail as a teacher to the extent you have described that karma might turn against him a bit as well. Perhaps even in amusing ways. That's how it often seems to work around me anyway. Through no fault of my own, of course."

The twins were back to grinning at this point, though Hermione was likewise back to chewing her lip nervously.

"Ah, yes," Twin one said with a knowing nod.

"Of course," the other agreed.

"And I guess I could possibly arrange to have some pictures taken should random happenstance fall into place in such a way. I don't have a camera though. Maybe if you let me borrow one?"

The twins quickly agreed with matching ominous smiles before they hurried off, presumably to obtain one. Hermione briefly looked like she wanted to say something, but she bit back her words and went back to eating hurriedly, though with the occasional sidelong meaningful glance in Harry's direction.

It didn't bother Harry though. The other Gryffindors at least were now considerably more excited about Potions class than before, which was certainly a good thing. Eleven year olds shouldn't dread the first class of the year like that. If Snape had to suffer a bit to relieve that fear for the students...Well, he shouldn't have been such a bastard to cause that kind of fear in the first place. Be a decent teacher or even just human being, and you don't experience pain and humiliation. Any animal could be learn a lesson like that, so he didn't see why the same couldn't work for Snape.

Before he could consider his plans in Snape-training any further, he noticed the distinctive white plumage of Hedwig swooping down in his direction carrying a letter. It was the first letter he had received since his arrival at Hogwarts, and Harry was a bit confused as to who might be sending him anything. But he took the time to give Hedwig a quick scratch on the head and feed her a strip of bacon before removing the letter and reading it.

Dear Harry,

I know you get Friday afternoons off so would you like to come and have a cup of tea with me around three? I want to hear all about your first week. Send us an answer back with Hedwig.

Hagrid.

Looking up from the letter, he glanced around at his friends as he asked, "Hey guys, Hagrid just invited me over this afternoon. Do any of you want to come along?"

Ron gave a grunt that could be interpreted as anything, his mouth too full for any actual words to be understood. Neville shrugged indifferently, but he agreed to come. Obviously he didn't particularly care other than it just being a reason to spend time with friends, something it appeared he still wasn't quite used to, but was eager to embrace.

Hermione though quickly got rather excited. "Oh! He was the one you said knew so much about rare magical creatures? I wonder if he can answer some questions I have. Some of the books I was reading were not very detailed. Of course I'm sure there are better ones in the library, but I just haven't had a chance to read very much about Magical Creatures. Such a fascinating subject, you know..."

Before she could continue her somewhat rambling exposition, Harry laughed and interrupted her. She had to have been running out of breath anyway, so it was only the polite thing to do. "Calm down Hermione. I'm sure he will answer whatever questions you have, and maybe he can point you in the right direction for some of the more interesting books too."

If anything, Hermione became even more excited at this, though Ron gave her a look of disgust as she began waxing on about what she might be able to learn. Harry just laughed again as he quickly wrote that they would come for tea that afternoon on the back of the letter and sent Hedwig back to Hagrid.

Maybe some people could become as excited as he did, even if they chose strange things to base their excitement around.

Potions took place down in the dungeons, which rumor had it was fairly close to the Slytherin common room. It made Harry pity the Slytherins at least a little bit. He would give it an eight for atmosphere, if the target atmosphere was ominous and slightly creepy, though that was probably in part due to the various animal body parts in the jars which lined the shelves along one wall.

He wasn't sure why ominous and creepy was the target atmosphere for a classroom, but there was no way this could be an accident. He had seen plenty of magical smokeless torches around the castle, so it wouldn't have been difficult to provide a reasonably cheery and bright room for the students. Instead, Snape appeared to prefer a few scattered candles which gave off a dim red glow barely sufficient for a normal person to see clearly. Not to mention it lost some overall points based on the classroom being highly dank and slightly chilly, even in the first week of September. And worst of all was the lack of any sort of ventilation.

While poisons had never been a particular specialty of his, like with virtually every other shinobi field of study, he had picked up a fairly strong knowledge in the subject over the centuries of his prior lifetime. Poisons weren't quite the same thing as Potions, but they seemed to share a similar basis in the same way that Seals shared a basis with Ancient Runes. So he knew that it probably wasn't a great idea to be breathing in random fumes of various bubbling magical substances.

It wasn't a problem for him, since he could use wind manipulation to filter anything out of the air he breathed, but the rest of the students were not so lucky. Though perhaps the magical world was simply unaware of such things? The modern non-magical world had only discovered the effects of things too small to see comparatively recently, and given how far behind the magical world seemed to lag, it was quite possible.

He would have to set up some hidden seals to filter the air in the room. In addition to it helping to protect his friends, it would probably also annoy Snape, since the man wouldn't understand what was causing it once he inevitably noticed the result.

But for now he was more focused on more immediate ways of annoying Snape. Principally the illusion he had already set up.

An illusion which activated as the man swept into the room with billowing robes and his typical sneer.

"There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class," the professor said as he took his first steps into the classroom. "As such, I don't expect..." he finally trailed off as he looked around noticed that something was definitely very wrong. Apparently he wasn't quite as absorbed in his clearly memorized speech as Harry had hoped. But it was all made worthwhile when his expression slowly transformed to one of profound confusion.

"What...Where?" He looked around, clearly baffled at his surroundings - a bafflement which began to spread to the other students who couldn't see anything wrong with the classroom.

At this point Snape's wand appeared out of his sleeve and he murmured a quiet, "Tempus," and looked over the glowing numbers which formed into the current time before looking back over the classroom with a still clearly confused expression.

"Err...Professor Snape?" Malfoy asked from the Slytherin side of the classroom in a tone indicating he was just as confused as Snape appeared to be, though clearly in his opinion for significantly better reason. "Are you alright?"

But Snape just ignored the young Slytherin as he continued to examine his surroundings before finally turning and slowly walking back towards the exit to the classroom.

It was Hermione who first grasped the basics of what was going on as she asked in a voice that wavered between horrified and accusatory, "What did you do to Professor Snape?" Or at least as much of those emotions as it was possible to inject into something quiet enough that it could barely even be called a whisper.

Harry was relatively certain that she wasn't going to buy his innocent act this time, especially as other Gryffindors nearby started to catch on and quiet chuckles spread in widening circles around Harry's seat. They might not have been sure exactly what was going on, but after the conversation at breakfast, he was relatively certain that even the more clueless Gryffindors knew he was responsible somehow.

Not that it mattered. No one could prove anything at all.

And fortunately for Harry, he didn't have to respond to Hermione's question because Snape had reached the doorway and stuck his head outside of the classroom to look around. This caused the quiet questions of what exactly was wrong with Snape to rise in volume and provided an opportune excuse for Harry to ignore Hermione.

After a few seconds, the once again scowling professor drew his head back into the classroom, at which point Harry dropped the genjutsu he had earlier placed on the man.

The reaction was immediate. Snape turned around to face the inside of the classroom once more and gave a yelp which Harry was fairly certain was very unlike him as he leaped back, actually jumping into the hallway and almost falling over as he stumbled outside. This just caused more snickers from the Gryffindors, and greater confusion from the Slytherin.

But this didn't last long as Snape quickly strode back into the room, his robes billowing just as they had in his original entrance. Except this time rather than a haughty sneer, the man was openly furious.

The amusement which had spread across at least one side of the classroom quickly wilted under the man's expression as he scanned over the students until his gaze fell on Harry.

"Potter," Snape very nearly growled. "You did this."

Harry already had an innocent expression prepared from Hermione's question of a handful of seconds ago, so all he did was widen his eyes even further, affecting being startled at the accusation. Hesitantly he asked the glaring man, "Umm...What do you mean, Professor Snape?"

"You made me not able to see you or any of the other students! It was just an empty room!" He paused long enough to sweep his fierce glower across the room, presumably to discourage any laughter before continuing, "Don't try and lie Potter. Just like your father to try and slip out of things even when you are obviously responsible. Thirty points from Gryffindor for doing such a thing to a professor."

"You can't see us?" Harry asked in amazement. He widened his eyes even further, now as wide as possible. He also added a very subtle genjutsu which made his eyes seem even wider – giving an almost unnaturally extreme impression of a wide-eyed child. "Oh, Professor Snape...Do you need help making it to the hospital ward? Maybe a potions accident or something like that? I certainly wouldn't know what would cause something like that. I'm just a first-year, after all."

Snape's nostrils flared and his clenched fists started to rise from his sides before he took a deep breath and regained his calm. When he finally spoke after a couple of silent seconds, his voice was frozen in the depth of its loathing, "Another thirty points from Gryffindor for your cheek, Potter, and detention. For a week, I think." He then whirled around and walked away, finally reaching the front of the class for the first time that morning. "We will see if you can learn a little respect in cleaning floors with Filtch. Not that I have high hopes for it."

It was only when Snape had turned away from him that Harry allowed his mouth to twitch up in amusement. Humiliation came in a lot of different flavors. The Weasley twins favored the more obvious kind – most frequently color changing charms on the Slytherin's robes or hair or something similar. It gave some quick laughs, but everyone could see exactly what happened, so really it was just some people who didn't like Slytherins being given an excuse to laugh at them.

But to make it appear that a man was going insane? Make his totally irrational hatred of an eleven year old readily apparent to the whole school based on something no one else even saw...It might take longer, especially as there were likely many fully willing to accept that Harry had done something, even if they were not sure what. Besides, even if all of the students knew Harry was responsible, that wouldn't be how Snape would see it. A man like that would only see the people laughing at him behind his back. And that was a deeper humiliation that struck at the heart of how Snape believed others saw him.

A man like that was well used to people fearing him. But laughing at him? Questioning his sanity, and witnessing him being bested by someone decades his junior? That would likely be a new and very unwelcome experience for the Potions Professor.

Though it was not so different from the effects of Snape's constant humiliations of the students supposedly under his care, really. Maybe Snape would figure it out eventually. Probably not though. The man was just too petty to ever allow himself to accept defeat in this sort of thing, much less actually accept responsibility and change his behavior. Though he expected that Snape's reaction once he learned that Harry truly didn't care about any punishment he could possibly give would be the most painful of all.

After all, what did points or a House Cup mean to him? And detention could always be served by one of his shadow clones. He needed to leave the castle to continue his physical training frequently anyway, so there was a fair amount of time in which a clone would be taking his place. It didn't particularly matter to Harry if the clone was sitting around the common room or cleaning with Filtch. In many ways, detention was actually preferable, since he would rather spend time with his friends in person if possible.

Once Snape reached the front of the class, he whirled back around to face the students and quickly ran through the roll, clenching his teeth hard enough that it had to be painful as he ground out Harry's name. When Harry replied, "present" quite cheerfully, the grinding of the man's teeth was actually audible in the otherwise silent classroom.

After making it through the rest of the roll, Snape suddenly snapped out, "Potter, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"Oh, I have no idea, Professor. What would you get?" Harry asked with a bright inquisitive smile.

"You get a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death," Snape responded with his own twisted smile. As annoyed as Harry's unflappable expression clearly made the man, any chance to bring a little humiliation back to Harry was clearly welcome. "Perhaps if you were not such a dunderhead who relied upon your fame carrying you through life, you would know such a simple question.

"Well, maybe even someone as foolish as you might know this one," Snape continued. "Where would you find a bezoar?"

"Well, a bezoar is any mass found trapped in the stomach or intestines of an animal. Or human, I suppose. That's kind of gross though." Harry gave an exaggerated grimace.

But Snape just continued sneering with, if possible, even greater disdain. "Don't be a fool. That's the muggle definition, which was based on stories of real bezoar from before the Statute of Secrecy. A true bezoar is a stone which sometimes forms exclusively in the stomach of goats exposed to significant amounts of magic. It is an antidote to almost all poisons. You would know that if you had bothered to read the first three chapters of your book. I don't know why I would have expected someone like you to do that though."

"Oh, you really shouldn't have Professor Snape," Harry responded, back to his earlier carefree voice which was quite out of place in the dim castle dungeon, and especially out of place before Snape's angry expression. "This is the very first day of Potions class. So we haven't had any assigned reading yet. Of course I haven't read the first few chapters. That's alright though. I'm sure I will read all about bezoars this weekend. They sound fascinating!"

"Ten points from Gryffindor for your cheek, Potter," Snape barked out immediately after Harry finished speaking. "And you should have known to read ahead of time. It is called preparing for class. Something I'm sure you know nothing about. But your fame won't get you automatic good grades here."

The other students, Gryffindor and Slytherin alike, were staring back and forth from Harry to Professor Snape in something akin to awe by now. The Slytherins might not like Harry Potter, but it seemed even they could recognize how unusual it was for someone to speak to Snape like this. And while the Gryffindors would probably later be annoyed at all the points Harry was losing them, for now they instinctively knew that a confrontation like this didn't happen just every day. Or at least it didn't before Harry's arrival at Hogwarts. Still, they knew they should be grateful for the opportunity to bear witness to something which might come to be a legend of Hogwarts. Or at least gossip for the next few weeks.

"Thanks for the help, Professor Snape!" Harry exclaimed with mild excitement. "You should really put that into the initial letters though. There wasn't any indication anywhere that we are supposed to begin reading over the summer before we come to Hogwarts. I bet you would get fewer dunderheads if you told us what was expected of us ahead of time, you know?"

"That's another ten points from Gryffindor for that, Potter," Snape scoffed in response. "I suppose some people truly are incapable of learning. Now, what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

"Well both of those are the same type of plant. Shouldn't you know that?" Harry asked in an inquisitive tone, attempting to make it sound like an innocent question, even though it clearly wasn't. But he didn't give Snape enough time to respond as he continued, "Both are common names given to the Aconitum genus of flowering plants. They are also known as aconite, devil's helmet, and blue rocket. It also makes a rather potent poison, which is where it gets most of its names. Shouldn't you be teaching this though? This is the first day of class. My understanding was that professors were supposed to teach us stuff before we were required to know it."

This long and rather detailed answer to his question actually caused Snape to freeze for a few seconds as he blinked back at Harry in shock before he gathered himself and responded angrily, "Don't question your professors. That will be another thirty points from Gryffindor. Do you really think that you are too good to learn Potions just because you are the Boy-Who-Lived?"

"Oh, it isn't that I think I am too good for it," Harry replied with a pleased grin. "It's just that I am never going to actually need to know it." He held up a hand as if to give him time to continue, as if that would have actually stopped Snape's reaction if the man hadn't been too surprised to formulate a response quite yet. "Of course I'm not saying that no one should learn potions. Some people have to make them. It should just be an elective like Arithmancy. Most of us can just buy whatever potions we need, so we don't have to actually know how to make them. From what I saw in Diagon Alley, the basic potions don't really cost much more than the cost of the ingredients anyway, which makes sense because they are easy and quick. And the difficult ones are not safe if you don't have a Potions Master to make them. So learning potions is pretty pointless for anyone who isn't going to become a Potions Master.

"I'm sure you agree," Harry stated with a shrug as if it was a foregone conclusion.

"No, I do not agree," Snape very nearly yelled in an outraged voice. His hands once again clenched around the edges of his desk. "Potions is a noble art, and just because you are too incompetent to manage it doesn't mean no one should even try. And that will be another fifty points from Gryffindor. And another week of detention." Snape gave him another glare at this point, though Harry wasn't sure what this was supposed to accomplish, since he had been glaring more or less continuously since class began.

"But what did I do wrong, Professor Snape?" Harry asked, returning to his earlier innocent expression. "I was just answering the question you asked. Do we get detentions for answering questions incorrectly? I'm sure Professor McGonagall would have mentioned something like that."

"You lost points and received detention because of your lack of respect and outright insults," Snape snarled. "I doubt you are capable of learning respect, Potter, but as your teacher, I shall do my best."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry Professor Snape. I certainly didn't mean anything like that. I deeply apologize for any insult I might have given on accident." Harry then smiled sweetly at the man. Which he knew would only infuriate him further.

And he was proven correct as the wood of the desk Snape continued to grip creaked audibly. But Snape didn't respond, perhaps aware that even the Slytherins would likely think he was insane if he started yelling at Harry for daring to humbly apologize. The fact that both Harry and Snape clearly knew that the apology was totally insincere wasn't really relevant.

So the professor tore his gaze away from Harry with visible difficulty and gestured to the board at the front of the class as he gave instructions to the class of children who seemed to have just as much trouble shifting their attention from the drama, if it could be called that, which had taken place in front of them moments before. "The instructions for the boil-cure potion are on the board. Complete the potion by the end of class."

The man then spent the rest of the class returning to an almost continuous glare focused on Harry with laser-like intensity.

Harry didn't mind though. It meant that Snape didn't miss all the little things like the fact that Harry prepared a perfect potion. Which wasn't difficult for him, with all of his various advantages. It probably wouldn't help him if he ever wanted to become a Potions Master and actually make original potions, which based on what he had been able to gather seemed to require an exhaustive understanding of potions ingredient reactions and an innate feel for the potions themselves. But for the comparatively simplistic potions taught at Hogwarts, all that was really required was following very precise instructions.

And precision was something he could do extremely well. With the Sharingan, he could actually see the magic of the ingredients, so when the instructions said to put half of a slug in, he could tell much more precisely how much he actually needed to put into the potion by comparing how much magic was in the various slugs to work out an average and include only the correct amount to make the potion perfect. He also had hand-eye coordination which would probably be considered supernatural, so dicing ingredients into exact eighths, or stirring exactly thirteen and a half rotations were all easily accomplished.

Snape clearly didn't like the fact that he was apparently very talented at potions. Especially in light of his earlier dismissal of the subject as something not worthy of his interest. Of course the man didn't seem to like anything Harry did by now. Even the few things he did in class that were not aimed at further aggravating Snape such as helping some of his fellow Gryffindors avoid mistakes with their potions were met with a swift loss of further points. Apparently that was 'disruptive'.

Harry made sure to place another genjutsu on him so that Snape, and only Snape, would hear a cheerful humming coming from Harry for that one. It lost yet more points that Harry didn't care about and made Snape look like a lunatic yet again when he insisted that Harry stop. So a solid win in Harry's view. Best of all, it would probably take until one of the Slytherins pointed it out for Snape to begin to understand what happened. It was nice to know he could infuriate the man even when Harry wasn't nearby.

But for the most part, he let the rest of the class pass in relative peace. He didn't want to push Snape too far after all, though with Snape's near continuous absurd level of abuse for a teacher towards a student, Harry found it hard to hold back. But for now, he was happy with keeping things at a low simmer with his obnoxiously high degree of skill at brewing.

Unfortunately, eventually the exceedingly entertaining class came to an end though as Snape called out, "Everyone bottle and label a sample of your potion to be graded and clean out your cauldrons. Class is over."

The resulting rush of students seemed especially eager to get out at that point. Though Harry didn't really blame them. If he had truly been eleven years old, he probably would have equally quick to get away from the glare which hadn't left Snape's face for more than a handful of seconds for the entire double period. Even if that glare was rarely directed at any of them. And Harry's bright smile in response to that glare seemed to disturb at least the Slytherins to an almost equal degree.

So Harry let them rush ahead as he carefully bottled and labeled a sample of his perfect boil-cure potion to take to the front of the classroom behind most of the other students. In fact, only Hermione, Ron, and Neville were hanging back at this point, though each of them stayed well back and looked quite nervous even so.

So when Harry placed his potion on the front table, not even Hermione seemed particularly shocked when Snape 'accidentally' brushed his robe's sleeve across the potion sample to knock it off the table and shatter it on the ground. Apparently not even her general faith in authority figures could quite stand up to the level of mistreatment a Snape had exhibited that day, though how long that would last was anyone's guess.

Harry just smiled even more widely though. Well, smiled and seallessly activated a modified Replacement technique to switch the falling bottle with another from the desk.

"How unfortunate, Potter," Snape sneered with what was the first expression that morning that could really be called a smile as he spoke in a satisfied voice. "It seems you have no potion to be turned in. I suppose I will have to give you a zero. And I think another twenty points from Gryffindor for failing to turn in a potion sample as instructed."

"You know, I don't actually think Gryffindor has any points to take by this point," Harry mused. He then bent over and picked up the shard of glass from the ground which held the label, which he held out to Snape as he called out, "Besides, this one was Malfoy's. See?"

"What?" Snape practically screeched. "No, that's impossible!" he exclaimed as he grabbed the label which clearly read 'Draco Malfoy'.

"Yeah, that's pretty unfortunate," Harry replied in a vaguely sympathetic tone. "Too bad he has to get a zero though. His seemed almost as close to the exact right shade the book describes as mine was. I would think he would get a chance to make a replacement potion, but I guess if that is what your rule is, he will just have to live with it. And I suppose the Slytherins can afford losing that twenty points better than Gryffindor after this morning..." Harry gave a casual shrug as he trailed off meaningfully.

But Snape apparently didn't find this as amusing as Harry did, as he dropped Malfoy's label back onto the ground and seized a handful of Harry's robes to yank him forward. If Harry had been a normal eleven year old, it probably would have pulled him off his feet, but he found it easy enough to keep up with Snape.

"Potter," he snarled, with his face even more twisted with blatant hatred than his normal expression. "I'll see you expelled for this."

"For what, Professor Snape?" Harry asked with mild curiosity.

"For academic sabotage. For cheating, insults to a professor, and deliberate incitement of other students. Pick one," he spat. Literally spat, as Harry had to shift his head to avoid the spittle.

"Oh, that's too bad." Harry nodded sympathetically to Snape before looking over his shoulder at his friends, who were still standing at the entrance to the Potions classroom looking at Harry with mouths gaping in shock and horror. "I'll see you guys at lunch in a little bit," he called out to them with a casual wave behind him in their direction. "I guess I have to talk to Professor Dumbledore for a little while first though."

Snape just snarled again, and yanked harder on the handful of Harry's robes he held clutched in his fist while Hermione, Neville, and Ron continued to stare after him silently.

A/N:

I almost put Snape's normal introduction speech in there somewhere. It really does catch Snape's character quite well. But since things changed quite a bit as soon as class started, it is unlikely he would continue with his normal script. Not to mention that it shows up in pretty much every Harry Potter fanfic in existence, so people have probably seen it even more often than the Sorting Hat's song.

Harry's description of a bezoar is correct in real life, by the way. It's a word JKR took for use in the magical world rather than making something up. Not a commonly used word, but Harry would know it. The same is true for the monkshood and wolfsbane question, which Harry is even more likely to know, given its uses as a poison.

And yes, I realize that some of Snape's comments and actions are more extreme than in canon, but given that it is probably only Snape's Occlumency that is preventing him from losing control and attacking the kid, it seems reasonable. After all, Snape gave continuous scorn to Harry when Harry did nothing at all. When Harry is actively baiting the guy? Yeah, their relationship is going to be even worse than in canon. Not because I am trying to bash Snape or anything like that, but because that is how I see canon!Snape reacting to a very different Harry like this one. In canon, Snape constantly thought of Harry as exactly the same as his father. It's a ridiculous accusation with absolutely no evidence to support it, but here, it really is fairly true. Except this Harry is far more audacious than James Potter ever was.

Finally, please review! I don't care if it's just a short, "I liked it," a detailed breakdown of what you think I did wrong (and hopefully can improve on), or even just informing me of a grammar or spelling mistake - I would appreciate it. But please no flames. I don't mind criticism as long as it is constructive, but a simple, "This is the worst thing ever written," or "You made Harry too powerful. You suck" will be ignored.