A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to jenny crum, samcarter1980, Jayda Jareau-Hotchner, Jotchprossi18, crimindsnicolle and Criminalmindschick221!

I don't own criminal minds!

Chapter 8: Conscious

November 9th 2012

Hotch was up instantly when Rossi started talking. The three of them went back to join the rest of the team where the doctor was talking to them. It looked like reasonably good news. The team wasn't crying, so that was a plus.

''Surgery was a success. She will probably wake up in a few hours. We don't know how she will respond, so we only want one person in the room with her because we don't want to scare her.'' the doctor explained to everyone. ''It's best to sent someone who she trusted and who she talked to on a regular basis.''

Garcia, Reid, Derek and Emily all looked at Hotch, knowing he was that person. They all knew Hotch and JJ were close friends. Plus, they spent most of their time together at work. JJ provided the new cases and she went over those with Hotch. It wasn't that weird that they were closer than most of the team members.

''I'll go.'' he agreed.

''Good luck.'' Garcia whispered softly as she stood next to Derek. It felt good to have her friend back, but she also felt angry. When the team lost JJ, they lost Emily and Derek later on and she didn't like it when they left.

''Are you okay, princes?'' he asked, noticing Garcia's expression. ''How are you feeling?

Garcia turned around to face him. ''I'm disappointed Derek. That's how I feel.'' she answered simply. ''Why didn't you call? It's been two years since I last heard anything of you. God, it has been three years since I saw you last.''

''Penelope,'' he said but Garcia caught him off.

''Don't Penelope me!'' she murmured. ''Do you have any idea how much I missed my hot stuff?''

''I missed you too, baby girl.'' he said as he hugged her tightly. He held her in his embrace not wanting to let go. He never wanted to cause more pain when he left the unit. But now he realized he probably did.

Hotch followed the doctor into a private room. The door opened slowly and he walked inside. He immediately caught the sight of JJ. The dirt from her skin had been removed, but it didn't make a big difference. Her pace was pale. It still shocked him. He could finally take a good look at her. She wasn't in a dark room. He could see scars on her arms. The restraint marks on her wrists made him sick. There were multiple indentations of restraints. Just like the marks on her neck. It sickened him and he wished he could kill the person who did this to her. He had no idea who did this and he knew it would probably be best if he never would know. He still couldn't believe that the tiny person was actually JJ.

He finally sat down when he was standing next to the bed. He was so close to her. Even though she didn't look the same, he knew the person he loved was still there. He loved JJ no matter what happened to her. ''JJ!'' he whispered softly, taking her hand. He softly stroked it. Her hand was warm and it made him feel emotional. He hadn't touched that hand in six years. It sounded ridiculous in his own head that the single touch of a hand could make him cry. But he had cried more in the past six years than he ever had in his entire life. Normally he wasn't someone who showed emotion. But this situation was so different and he knew it.

''I'm so sorry, JJ. I'm sorry about everything.'' he started. He hoped that she could somehow hear him, but he knew that chance was really small. ''I missed the conversations we used to have, I missed to hear your voice, but most of all I just missed you!''

''I love you, JJ! I never stopped loving you!'' he said while a tear ran down his face.

Hotch stayed by her bedside for the next few hours. He never let go of her hand. He was reliving moments he spent with JJ. He tried to remind himself of the happier, times. But he stopped when he heard a groan coming from the blonde.

''JJ?'' he called out while he rose from the chair.

JJ felt a heaviness in her whole body. She couldn't see or hear anything. It was like she couldn't remember how to open her eyes. Where was she? What happened? Her mind was racing, and suddenly she heard whispers coming from her side. Quiet talking. She stayed still, trying to hear what the person was saying. The next thing she knew, she felt a hand on her arm. It caused her to open her eyes instantly. A bright glow was taking over her sight, but when her eyes finally adjusted, she saw a human form hovering over her. And then she heard her name again. ''Where am I?'' was all she could get through her throat.

''You're in the hospital.'' he answered softly while he saw a nurse walking into the room. He kept a reasonable amount of distance between himself and JJ. He didn't want to scare her away again.

She looked around as she kept an eye on Hotch at the same time. She saw he barely moved, but her heart was racing. Was it really him? Was it the man she loved once? Before she went through hell for god knows how long. She looked again trying to figure out if she wasn't dreaming. She had been dreaming to be saved for years. ''Hotch?'' she croaked out as the tears streamed down her cheeks when she realized it had to be real.

''It's me, JJ.'' he whispered as he took a step forward. ''I'm right here. I promise!''

The tears didn't stop. She tried to sit up in the hospital bed, but the pain in her body stopped her from moving. ''It's really you.''

''Yeah,'' he closed the distance when he saw JJ relaxing for a bit. ''How are you feeling?''

''Don't come closer. Please!'' she begged softly. ''I need to get out of here.'' she mumbled as she tried to take of the tubes connected to her body, but she was too weak.

Hotch watched as JJ struggled with herself. He didn't know what to do. His thoughts were racing. What the hell could he do? What did she need? He decided to walk closer. When he was at her side, he leaned down pulling her to him in a tight embrace. Her entire body was shaking in his arms.

''Let me go! Let me go!'' she cried out.

''JJ, it's just me. I am not going to hurt you.'' he whispered. ''I'll never hurt you.''

Minutes past by before JJ finally started to calm down. His touch and warmth was comforting in a familiar way. But she didn't know if she could trust him. ''Where were you?'' she asked, crying into his dress shirt. The stains were already visible. ''Where were you?'' she repeated.

Hotch stepped back with tears in his eyes. How could he ever make up what happened to her? How could ever explain anything to her? There was no way he could possibly justify the past six years. ''I never stopped looking for you. Not once, JJ. I kept looking for six years. I never gave up. I tried everything.''

She didn't say anything. She only listened as she tried to stay calm. She was terrified. He finally sat down in the chair. ''I know this hard, but I need to know what happened to you, JJ. We need to get the people who did this…''

''No!'' she croaked out. ''I can't. I can't. I can't.'' she kept repeating.

''Shhh,'' he said, realizing how stupid his remark was. ''I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.''

''How did you find me?''

''A witness came forward. The bastard said he was worried about your safety.''

''Charlie came forward?''

''Charlie?'' Hotch questioned with shock. ''Tall man? Brown hair? Early forties?''

''Yeah,'' JJ answered simply.

Hotch immediately picked up his phone and texted detective Baker and Anderson the name of the man they had in custody, hoping they could find out more about JJ's past. After that a long silence fell. JJ looked to the other side while Hotch kept staring at her. Something was really off about her. Her eyes were cold and distant. It was like her emotions were turned off. He had expected her to act the same as in the warehouse. But he knew this could all be a defense mechanism. After what she had been through it was absolutely normal.

''I've missed you a lot, JJ. The thought of never seeing you again nearly killed me.'' he admitted boldly, breaking the tense silence.

His words caused her heart to beat even faster. Those were words she wanted to hear years ago. She didn't want to hear them when she was so broken on the in and outside. She couldn't give him anything anymore. She wasn't the same at all. ''I can't be that person for you. Not now. Not ever!''

''JJ, but I…'' he started but she cut him off. She still sounded weak.

''I don't want to know. I can't deal with anything right now.''

''Of course.'' Hotch said in agreement while his heart broke. He wanted to tell her he loved her. That he had loved her for so long. But he respected her decision. He had no right to give her more problems. So, he sat back. He noticed that JJ closed her eyes and for a moment he tried to imagine that she wasn't so damaged and different. He wished he could go back six years and change everything.