With thanks to WellspringCD for being such a wonderful beta reader. Thank you to everyone who reads, particularly those who review and/or those who add this to their alerts/faves. Normally, I would publish this chapter on Wednesday but, in honour of the US release of DAII, this is a day early. (OK - I'm not sure my story can stand the competition!)
Fearghal pushed the door open and the others followed him inside. "Hello?" he called.
A white-haired dwarf came towards him, bearing a light. "Humans? You are Grey Wardens?" he asked, obviously surprised to see them.
"I am, as is Alistair," said Fearghal.
"But we heard of the battle, deep in the south. I thought all the Wardens had fallen."
"I'm afraid Alistair and me are the only Wardens that survived Ostagar. We didn't even know that there was a compound here."
"It's not as big as the compound in Denerim, but we can accommodate you all, Warden... "
"Oh, I'm Fearghal and this is Alistair. Our companions are Wynne, Zevran, Leliana and Morrigan." Fearghal indicated each person as he introduced them. Fearghal heard a whine and smiled. "Oh, and this is Bane," he said, reaching down to fondle the dog's ears.
"I am Thamar," said the dwarf, bowing. "I'll show you to your rooms. There are only two baths, but hot water isn't a problem." He looked at the shaggy hair and beards sported by Fearghal and Alistair. "I'll send for the barber."
Thamar showed them to their rooms. There were six small rooms off one corridor. He showed them how work the rune lights set into the wall. As Alistair and Fearghal made towards the last two doors, Thamar stopped them and indicated they should follow him. He led them into a different corridor, with two doors facing each other. Each door led into a generously sized room. Fearghal was relieved to see that the furniture was human-sized and intrigued by the double beds. Such a waste! Each room also had a couple of easy chairs, a bench along the bottom of the bed, an armoire and a desk.
"I suggest that the ladies have their baths first, Warden. I'll send the barber along as soon as he arrives. In the meantime, have you eaten?"
At the mention of food, Fearghal's stomach growled and he realised he was starving. "That would be excellent, thank you." He grinned at Alistair, then went into the right-hand room and shut the door, immediately pulling at the buckles on his armour. The food, when it arrived, was delicious. Meat pies, piles of mushrooms, soft bread. Fearghal couldn't identify the meat in the pies, but it was tender and lightly spiced. He was still eating when the barber arrived, so he sent the man to Alistair first. He was starting to doze in the comfortable chair when the barber returned. In no time at all, Fearghal was shaved, the beard he wore on his chin trimmed and his shaggy mop of hair looked much tidier. As the barber was finishing, Thamar arrived to take away his dishes and tell him that a bathroom was now free.
Fearghal's eyes widened at the bathroom. The bath appeared to have been carved from the stone at the same time as the room was made and was of a piece with the floor. It was full, almost to the brim, with steaming hot water. Thamar showed him where the towels were kept. Fearghal ripped off his smelly, sweaty clothes and sank gratefully into the hot water.
~o~O~o~
Alistair re-wrapped the small towel around his waist and sank on to the bench, leaning back against the wall. For the first time in days he felt clean. He'd felt like he would be never be truly clean again, just like when they'd reached Redcliffe after going to Haven, but after a shave, a haircut and a bath he'd started to feel like himself again. One of the Dwarven servants had recommended he try the steam room. Intrigued, he'd headed through the indicated door and now he felt like he'd died and reached the Golden City. Moist heat sank into his muscles easing the last traces of tension.
~o~O~o~
Fearghal rubbed himself dry vigorously. Finding that the Grey Wardens maintained a small compound in Orzammar had been unexpected. That it contained huge tubs with unlimited hot water was an added bonus. He'd soaked in the tub for almost an hour and only hauled himself out reluctantly because he felt like he should, rather than because he wanted to. He re-braided his newly-trimmed hair and headed out of the bathroom. Thamar met him coming out and suggested that he try the steam room.
"Steam room?" queried Fearghal.
"Yes, Warden. It's through there," answered Thamar, pointing at a door opposite. "Warden Alistair's already in there. Must be enjoying it, he's been in there for a while now."
Fearghal pushed the door open and entered the steam room. The room was warm and humid... steamy, in fact. He looked round and saw Alistair sitting on a bench against a wall to his right. Fearghal felt his stomach drop. It was almost like he was really seeing Alistair for the first time. The collar-length hair and beard were gone. Alistair had his eyes closed, one arm flung up, hand resting on his head. He looked breathtakingly beautiful. Wearing only a small towel, his powerful physique was fully revealed. Fearghal's insides turned to jelly as he looked at his fellow Warden. Desire flooded through him; he was rooted to the spot.
Fearghal saw Alistair shiver as the draught from the door reached him and let it go. It closed softly behind him. Then Alistair's eyes opened. Fearghal saw Alistair's puzzled look, then the blush; Fearghal realised he was staring but couldn't drag his eyes away. His mouth went dry as Alistair's eyes swept over him in a frankly appraising look; down, down they travelled, then Alistair's eyes snapped back up to Fearghal's. Mortified, Fearghal felt heat flood his own face.
He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out; he had no idea what he could say. He backed slowly towards the door. Alistair was off the bench and across the room in the blink of an eye. He caught hold of Fearghal's arm.
"Don't go!"
Fearghal shivered at how low and husky Alistair's voice sounded. Not a request, almost a command. Alistair's hand gripped his forearm firmly, but not so tightly that Fearghal couldn't break away if he wanted to.
"Alistair... " Fearghal's voice was almost as husky as Alistair's had been. "I don't think we should... "
Alistair leaned in quickly and kissed Fearghal, cutting off what he'd been about to say. It was only a peck on the lips, clumsily done, but he couldn't think what else to do. He heard Leliana's voice. 'I'm sure you will have the opportunity to show this person how you feel. You will know the moment, when it comes. You must be brave and seize it.'
"Don't," murmured Alistair.
"D-Don't what?" asked Fearghal shakily.
"Think... talk... " mumbled Alistair against Fearghal's mouth. Don't leave!
Hesitantly, before his courage failed, Alistair kissed Fearghal again.
Something about Alistair's uncertainty sent a thrill through Fearghal; the tentative lips were such a contrast to the firm hand that still gripped his arm. Almost in spite of himself, Fearghal returned the kiss and felt the shiver run through Alistair. He nipped gently at Alistair's lower lip and heard him groan as his lips parted. Fearghal's tongue darted into his mouth and he felt Alistair go limp against him, his hand falling away from Fearghal's arm. Fearghal's arms came up around Alistair, pulling him close as he kissed him. Fearghal desperately wanted to push Alistair roughly up against the wall and plunder that mouth that was making small whimpering noises but a tiny voice in his head reminded him that this was Alistair, who had probably never even been kissed before, never mind by a man.
Behind them the door flew open. "A steam room, how civili... ah, sorry, my dear Wardens, I didn't mean to interrupt."
Cursing, Fearghal dropped Alistair like a hot cake, pushing him away. He spun round and glared at the smirking Antivan, then strode out of the room.
Fearghal burst into his room, slamming the door behind him. He felt so frustrated he could scream. He paced up and down in his room, trying to bring some order to the confusion that raged through him. On the one hand he could cheerfully throttle Zev for interrupting. On the other... Alistair. It was a really bad idea to start something with Alistair. If he could be sure that Alistair would be happy with a casual fling... but that was the rub. Alistair was the last person Fearghal could imagine indulging in a fling, but that was about all Fearghal felt he could deal with. I miss Rory so much. Fearghal sank onto the bench at the end of the bed and buried his face in his hands.
~o~O~o~
Alistair stood gaping, then blushed, torn between a flare of fury at Zevran that was rapidly followed by embarrassment. Zevran's eyes swept over him and he grinned broadly.
"You're not going to let him get away, are you?"
Alistair looked blankly at the assassin. "Wh-what?"
Zevran looked pointedly at Alistair's towel, where his erection strained against the cloth.
"Well, you seemed to be enjoying that... and so did Fearghal. But unless you wish me to... take care of that for you, maybe you should go after him?" said Zevran, with a leer and a nod at Alistair's groin.
"Take care of... ? No!" burst out Alistair, turning an even deeper shade of red.
"Then what are you waiting for?" asked Zevran.
Alistair looked uncertain. "I don't know what... if... "
Zevran pushed him gently towards the door. "Go after him, Alistair."
Alistair swallowed nervously, then headed out of the door towards Fearghal's room.
Alistair hesitated outside Fearghal's door, hand raised to knock, then decided against it. Instead he opened the door and looked in. Fearghal sat on a small bench, his head in his hands. Alistair slipped inside the room, closing the door quietly. He had no idea what to say. He crossed the room and sat on the bench alongside Fearghal.
Fearghal started as Alistair sat down beside him. He'd been so lost in thought, he hadn't heard him come in.
He lifted his head, sighing. "Alistair. You should leave."
Alistair shook his head. "No. I'm done trying to hide how I feel. I didn't think that you... but you do. If it was just me, it would be different."
Fearghal groaned. "I can't give you what you want. I can't be what you want."
"How do you know what I want?" burst out Alistair. "You're just deciding everything in your head without even asking me!"
Fearghal stood up and turned his back on Alistair, his arms folded tightly across his body. "Then what do you want?" he asked, his voice wary.
Alistair sighed. "I barely know. It's not something I've ever let myself think about much before."
Fearghal's head turned, his face flat. "Then maybe you should come back when you've had time to think it through," he said over his shoulder. He looked away, waiting for Alistair to leave.
Alistair hesitated. If he left now, he'd never get another opportunity like this. He knew how much Fearghal was hurting; he was afraid that if he revealed how he truly felt, it would scare the other man away. Alistair stood and stepped close to Fearghal.
"I-I want to touch you," he said softly, running his hand down Fearghal's back, watching with fascination the visible ripple of muscles his fingers produced.
He felt himself stir as he leaned in and kissed the nape of Fearghal's neck. "I want to taste you," he murmured, as his lips travelled from Fearghal's neck, along his shoulder.
Alistair put his arms around Fearghal and felt him tremble. "I want to hold you," he whispered as his mouth moved up Fearghal's neck and behind his ear. Alistair nibbled Fearghal's ear gently and was rewarded with a gasping moan and Fearghal's backside pushing back against his groin.
"I want to hear you making that noise and I want you to keep doing... that," Alistair said huskily, dropping an arm around Fearghal's belly, pressing hard against him.
A surge of relief ran through Alistair as he felt Fearghal relax against him. His mouth explored Fearghal's ear, neck, jaw, shoulders; his hands roamed over Fearghal's belly and chest. He felt clumsy and awkward, but Fearghal seemed to be enjoying what he was doing. He ran his hand over the fur covering Fearghal's chest, savouring the softness under his hand. A gasp as his fingers brushed over a nipple; Alistair's fingers returned to it, feeling it harden, as his other hand tugged Fearghal's towel loose and it fluttered to the floor. Alistair shuddered with desire and anticipation as Fearghal reached back and tugged his own towel off, then Fearghal's hand were on his hips, his thighs, stroking and pulling him closer. Fearghal writhed in Alistair's arms grinding his backside against the hard erection behind him. Alistair groaned against Fearghal's neck, unable to stop his hips thrusting.
Fearghal spun suddenly in Alistair's arms, grasping his head and kissing him hard. There was so much hunger in that kiss, Alistair went weak at the knees. When he felt one of Fearghal's hands drop and encircle his cock, it was all he could do to stay on his feet. He groaned into Fearghal's mouth, trembling violently. Fearghal's hand stroked and squeezed, and Alistair leaned against Fearghal, burying his face against Fearghal's shoulder, moaning softly.
Alistair desperately tried to make himself last but was undone when he heard Fearghal murmur, "Let go, Alistair." Then he was pumping hard into Fearghal's hand, groaning incoherently against his neck.
Alistair slumped against Fearghal, momentarily drained. "Sorry," he mumbled. He felt, rather than heard, the chuckle rumble through Fearghal. He lifted his head as Fearghal shifted, his eyes going wide as Fearghal gave him a wanton look and raised his hand to his mouth and slowly licked Alistair's seed from it. Alistair flushed; he'd never seen anything so erotic in his life. He looked down, aware suddenly of Fearghal's erection prodding his hip. Alistair had heard plenty of 'dirty talk' amongst the boys at the monastery; things they said women did to men, like taking them in their mouths.
Nervous but excited too, Alistair dropped to his knees.
"Alistair, you don't have to..."
"I want to," asserted Alistair hoarsely. He grasped Fearghal's hips in his hands; he could feel the other man's tension, the slight tremor... of anticipation, he hoped.
Alistair looked down at Fearghal's cock; he could see the drop of moisture glistening at the tip. He lowered his head and dipped his tongue into it. Fearghal gasped and his hips jerked. Encouraged, Alistair swirled his tongue over the head. One of Fearghal's hands ran through Alistair's hair gripping it loosely. Alistair used his mouth to explore Fearghal's full length, gratified at the noises this evoked. Gaining confidence, Alistair took Fearghal into his mouth. Fearghal's self-control started to fray and his hand tightened in Alistair's hair as his hips thrust forward hard.
Alistair gagged and tried to pull back. He felt a moment of panic, then Fearghal withdrew, his hand loosening its grip in Alistair's hair.
"Sorry," mumbled Fearghal. He took one of Alistair's hands and circled it around his shaft. "Like this... "
Alistair nodded and took Fearghal in his mouth again. Fearghal groaned as Alistair pumped him with mouth and hand, his hips matching the rhythm Alistair set. His hand fisted in Alistair's hair as he felt his orgasm build.
Alistair was aware of Fearghal's legs trembling, then his hips bucked and hot, bitter fluid jetted across Alistair's tongue. Alistair experienced another moment of panic, unsure what to do, then swallowed. He drew his head back and Fearghal sank to his knees, his hand still in Alistair's hair. Fearghal pulled Alistair's head forward and kissed him hard, his tongue thrusting into Alistair's mouth. Alistair returned the kiss just as fiercely. Eventually, Fearghal pulled away, breathless and leaned against Alistair, folding his arms round him.
Fearghal leaned against Alistair, holding him close, trying to decide what to do next. He didn't want to hurt his friend; it felt as if their friendship had been hard won and it was still so new, Fearghal didn't want to endanger it. If he sent Alistair away now, it might break it irretrievably. But at the same time, he didn't want to mislead Alistair that this could be more than it was. And I've missed this. Selfish, but true; holding Alistair felt so good in a way that holding Zevran hadn't. It wasn't that Alistair reminded him of Rory but that Rory had been the epitome of everything that Fearghal had ever desired in a lover; that Fearghal had loved him had been over and above that.
Fearghal felt Alistair shift. His own knees were aching, Alistair's must be too; the stone floor was only covered in a thin mat. I should send him away. Fearghal stood, pulling Alistair up with him, and led him over to the bed, pulling the covers back. While Alistair got into the bed, looking slightly nervous, Fearghal went around the room turning down the rune lights, leaving only the one near the bed burning. He slipped under the sheet and turned to face Alistair.
Alistair was lying on his side, his eyes full of trepidation. Oh Maker! Is he regretting this already? Fearghal realised he was frowning when Alistair's eyes widened with alarm.
"What?" Alistair asked, his voice anxious. "What's wrong?"
"I was about to ask you the same thing," replied Fearghal, striving to keep his tone light. "You're lying there, looking as if I'm about to eat you." He paused, choosing his words carefully. "Look, if you're having second thoughts, don't feel you have to stay... I don't want you to feel... "
"No! It is what I want! I just... I don't know what to do... what to expect." Alistair flushed and dropped his eyes.
Fearghal reached out and stroked Alistair's cheek, then tilted his chin up and kissed him lightly.
"If you're sure?" Fearghal's voice was soft and low.
"I'm sure." Alistair's voice was equally soft, but insistent.
Fearghal nodded, then rolled onto his back, throwing out his arm, inviting Alistair closer. Alistair shuffled across the bed and laid his head on Fearghal's shoulders. Fearghal felt him relax as he closed his arms around Alistair's body.
"So," he murmured against the top of Alistair's head, "what happened to 'I'm not like that'?"
Fearghal laughed as Alistair turned his face inwards, groaning; Fearghal could feel the heat blazing in Alistair's face against his chest.
"Oh, please! Don't remind me! I really want to forget that conversation ever happened," he said fervently.
"Really though, did you have no inkling?" Fearghal was genuinely curious.
"Well, yes... but I tried not to think of it."
"Why?" Fearghal was astonished. "Even being raised in the Chantry... it's not like they speak against it."
"No," agreed Alistair. "But it wasn't just a Chantry, it was a monastery. We weren't supposed to think about it at all. Any fraternisation amongst the boys was strongly discouraged; if there was so much as a hint of anything improper, they came down on it like a ton of bricks. They used to check our beds for 'night emissions' as they called them. Any boy who'd... well, you know... they got a strong lecture about self-control and lustful thoughts."
"Maferath's balls!" Fearghal was shocked. "So was there no-one... I mean, did you ever... ?"
He felt Alistair's head nodding. "He was another initiate, a couple of years older than me, though. You...um... you met him at the tower. Cullen."
"You mean the templar imprisoned outside the Harrowing Chamber?" Fearghal cast his mind back. 'You! Always they show me you!' and then that nasty jibe that had obviously hurt Alistair so much, 'They used to call you... Lord Alistair.' "Did you ever... ?"
"No. I didn't think he knew I was alive." Haltingly, Alistair told Fearghal what had happened in the bath house; that Cullen was one of the few people that had ever spoken up for him. Alistair had nursed his crush in secret until it had finally burned itself out. Then Cullen had appeared in his dream in the Fade, only to be interrupted by Morrigan; he spoke of his shock when Cullen had appeared in that prison in the tower, more the shock at his words, what they implied. Fearghal noted that Alistair said nothing of Cullen's cruel jibe.
"So, afterwards, in the inn, Morrigan made some crack about unrequited love. I thought she meant what Cullen had said but..."
"Yeah, she was getting at me about what she'd seen in the Fade," Alistair mumbled against Fearghal's shoulder.
"The spiteful bitch!" burst out Fearghal. He suddenly felt furious at the witch.
"Huh, she'll have a field day now," said Alistair, trying to make light of it.
"She'd better keep her trap shut. The first smart remark I hear, I'll feed her to the darkspawn!"
Fearghal tightened his arms around Alistair and felt the other man relax against him. What he felt for Alistair didn't come close to what he'd felt for Rory, but he realised how vulnerable Alistair was and didn't want him to be hurt any more than he had been. He heard Alistair's breath slow and realised that he had fallen asleep. Fearghal smiled. He was content to just lie here, holding him. For now.
Well, it only took them 47 chapters to get there! I hope that everyone who has been so patient with these two think it was worth the wait. Like Chapter 40, most of this was written not long after I started writing NNN and the scene in the steam room was inspired by this incredible picture http: / / fav dot me/d2mv394