AUTHORS NOTE: Please note that this is a Dean/Castiel fanfic. I am pretty sure I am going to keep it PG because I want it to have the feel of an SPN episode, but just wanted to give readers the heads-up in case Destiel isn't your cup of tea. Thanks for reading and feel free to provide feedback. I have the main story outlined but this is very much a work in progress so feel free to share your thoughts and ideas. Thanks!
Life in the Men of Letters bunker had settled into a normal routine, if you could call anything about two supernatural hunters, a profit of the Lord and a fallen angel sharing a secret society underground bunker normal. Man, thought Dean, that sounds more like the beginning of a bad joke than the strangeness that was his life.
It had been rough going there at first. That night a couple of months ago when he pulled up to the front of the bunker with his brother spitting up blood and breathing so shallow he had to keep checking his pulse had been a low point. But Sam was pulling through, like he always seemed to. Each day he was getting stronger and stronger and Dean could see he was itching to get back to hunting.
For all Sam had talked about wanting to get out of the life, now that he had gotten a sample of being stuck in the bunker, he was actually going a bit stir crazy. He kept looking online for old fashioned easy salt & burns, bringing them to Dean with that hopeful expression, trying to convince him that they were easy enough for them to take on. But Dean had him on lockdown until he was back to full fighting health.
Maybe it is about time to get back out there, Dean thought, as he looked around the table at his roommates. He had managed to keep Kevin from fleeing with the angel tablet and even Cas had shown up on their doorstep a week after the angels fell, dirty, exhausted, and human but alive. Dean nearly shivered at the thought of the week he spent struggling to keep his brother alive while believing that his best friend was already dead. He woke up from many nightmares with the image burned into his head of Cas falling from the sky with his wings burning off.
Dean looked to his friend, "So, are you in our out, Cas? Remember, if you think you have a better hand than the rest of us, match or raise. If not, fold. Or you could bluff if you want us to think you have a better hand than you really do."
Castiel looked at Dean with a stern expression, "Dean, I won't lie to you again. I learned the hard way how much trouble that causes. I think that the three kings I have will be sufficient without bluffing."
"Fold!" Sam and Kevin said at the same time, both slapping their cards face down on the table.
Dean sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. OK, so teaching a former Angel of the Lord how to play poker may not have been his best plan. Luckily, they were saved from the game by an incoming call from Charlie.
Dean answered, putting her on speaker, "Hey, guys! How's things down in the cave of wonders?"
"Charlie, hi. We're good. How are things in… well, wherever you are these days?" Sam greeted their mysterious friend.
"Well, I think I have case for you. And you're not going to believe this one!" Charlie couldn't contain her laughter. The men looked at each other wondering what kind of case she would send them on would actually be funny.
Dean was the first to lose patience, "Charlie, what's going on?"
"OK, well, you know I keep my eye on the Supernatural fandom, right? Well, you, my friends are about to hit the silver screen! Sorry to inform you, but your lives are being made into a movie, actually rumor has it they are planning a whole trilogy so three movies actually."
"Son of a bitch! How many times are those books going to haunt us?"
Sam rolled his eyes and huffed, "So, I guess there isn't much we can do to stop a movie from being made. So what does that have to do with a case?"
"Well, since this seems to be par for the course for you guys, it should be no surprise that it looks like there's haunting on the set. Three people that were up for the role of Castiel have been injured in unexplainable ways."
"Cas?" Dean chimed in, "The books were only published through me going to hell. How do they even know about Cas?"
"Sorry Dean," Charlie sucked in a breath between her teeth, knowing she was passing on some unwelcomed news, "a bunch more were published online just before the author disappeared. They ended with Sam jumping into the pit."
"What the hell?! That's a horrible ending! Who would end a story on that note!? I'm going to kill Chuck if he ever shows his face again."
"Actually, that last book, it's called Swan Song and it's… pretty amazing! Anyway, so, three actresses have been-"
"Wait, did you say actresses? I thought the victims were going to play Cas?"
"Exactly," chimed Charlie cheerfully, "Congratulations, Castiel, you just grew a uterus. You are being cast as a woman."
Castiel squinted with his best confused look. Sam held his breath and looked cautiously at Dean, just waiting for an explosion. Kevin cracked up and said he had to go get a drink. While Dean pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. How was this his life?
"Dean, if this haunting is happening because of us, we had better go. People are in danger." Sam said, trying to keep the hopefulness in his tone to a minimum.
"I don't know, Sam. You are still recovering."
"I'm fine. Plus we can take Cas along too. Come on, three hunters can certainly handle a plain old salt and burn."
Castiel gave Sam a small smile, pleased to be considered among the hunters. Dean had spent the last several weeks training him in weapons, hunting and research techniques and he was eager to prove himself to the Winchesters.
Dean looked back and forth between his brother with those damn puppy eyes and his best friend actually smiling and fuck if he wasn't completely outnumbered and overpowered here. When they hell had this happened? "Fine! Charlie, send us the information. We'll head out tomorrow."
Dean wondered if anything could ever surprise him again. Then Charlie spoke. "OK, guys, you're not going to be able to just walk on set. This is Hollywood we are talking about here, not some horrific crime scene. Security is actually going to be tight. So, because I'm that good, I secured all three of you jobs on set. OK, Sam, you are James Hetfield, wardrobe assistant. It's perfect. You will have access to all of the actors on set."
"James Hetfield, really Charlie? You're as bad as Dean with the aliases."
"Hey, at least I am nice enough to go with your whole rock-and-roll theme. I could have named you Frodo, Merry and Pippin."
Sam had to admit, Metallica did sound better than hobbits. Who knows what they would have ended up with Charlie's taste? "So, wardrobe? I don't know anything about that."
Charlie groaned, "How hard could it be to do wardrobe for Supernatural? Plaid shirts, jeans, and layers upon layers. I think that covers it?"
Sam made a bitch face. Dean squeezed his eyebrows together, looking up contemplatively. Kevin was back and he snorted laughter into his drink at that look on the hunter's faces.
"Moving on, Dean, you are Lars Ulrich. And because you were such a fantastic handmaiden, you are now the new assistant to the current actress playing Castiel. That way you can stay close to her and protect her since it seems to be her role that is drawing the spirit's wrath."
Dean nodded his head. Yeah, he could handle being the assistant to a hot actress.
"Castiel, you get to round off coverage by working as a part of the lighting crew. You will have access to the set crew. Your alias is Kirk Hammett."
Dean had to admit, Charlie had really done some good work here. Maybe she could be more integrated into their team. "Nice legwork, Charlie. If you send us all the details we will take care of it and keep you in the loop along with Kevin."
"Oh my God! I am Charlie and I just sent you three out on a mission over a speaker phone. Kevin, you are officially Bosley. And you three are now Charlie's angels!"
"I am human now and Dean and Sam have always been. There are no angels to assist with this case," Castiel informed Charlie.
Charlie laughed, "Oh my God, Dean. He's a keeper!"