A/N: I wanted to let you guys know that I won't be home all weekend so I won't be able to update. I hope you guys can wait a couple of days.
Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!
Special thanks to Jotchprossi18, Twilightangell and jenny crum!
I don't own criminal minds!
Chapter 13: Bad places
November 2nd 2006
Hotch parked his car in the driveway. He was dreading what he was about to do. But it was all he could do. His marriage to Haley had been falling apart before JJ ever went missing. And now it was time to end it and tell the truth. It had been a little over a month since JJ went missing and the team was ordered by Strauss to come back home because there were no new leads. The detectives promised Hotch to keep the case alive while his team had to take on new cases without their friend's presence. The weight in his heart became heavier every single day. It was tearing him apart. He had been lying to two women in his life. To one about loving her when he actually didn't. And to JJ, he lied about what he wanted with her. He felt like a screw-up.
He finally opened the door to his modest family home. He noticed Haley in the kitchen. She was making dinner, knowing Hotch would be home for the first time in a month. He had practically been living in Portland since JJ went missing.
''Hey,'' he greeted to get her attention.
Haley looked up from the counter. Her husband was finally home and she still couldn't help the nagging feeling. His face was filled with exhaustion. He looked broken in every meaning of the word. ''Hi, honey.'' she greeted affectionately. When they were younger their love had been passionate, but she hadn't felt that in a long time. He didn't look at her the same as he used to. Deep down Haley knew their marriage was over a long time, but she tried to keep it going for their son.
''We need to talk.'' Hotch announced firmly. His voice was cold and distant.
''Sure,'' Haley agreed as she followed him into the living room.
Hotch sat down on the couch when Haley took a seat across from him. ''Do you remember JJ?''
''Yeah, I met her when I came to your office with Jack. Isn't she the agent who went missing?''
Hotch shook his head. ''Yes, that's her.'' he replied. ''But there's something else I need to tell you…'' he tried to say but Haley held up her hand, stopping him to go further.
She knew. She had her suspicions for a very long time. Especially after she met JJ. She was gorgeous and Hotch looked at her with so much admiration. ''Please, don't!'' she begged.
''I'm sorry, Haley. It just happened.''
Haley rose from her chair, her eyes watery and blurry. ''Don't try to explain! And don't even try to make any excuses!'' she said angrily. ''We have a son, Aaron.''
''I know. I never wanted to be the husband to have an affair. Never.''
''How could you?''
The answer was actually pretty simple. ''I fell in love with her.''
''What did I do wrong?''
Hotch didn't know an answer to that question. Something had gone wrong a long time ago. ''It's not you, Haley.'' he replied. ''If I look back on our relationship I know I've never been myself with you and that's not your fault. But I can't keep doing this.''
''You want a divorce? What did JJ say to you?''
He remembered his last real conversation with JJ by heart. The pain in her voice. The tears on her face. The questions in her blue eyes. He could still replay that day. It was the day he failed as unit chief and…he didn't know. What was he to JJ? He had never known. ''It has nothing to do with her. She was right about me. I never took enough time to actually acknowledge how much she means to me and now she's gone.''
''Which means we can give our marriage another shot.'' Haley hinted as she sat down next to Hotch. She took his hands in hers, looking him in the eye.
''I just told you I had an affair, Haley.'' he stated angrily, getting off the couch. ''I'm not in love with you anymore. I fell for someone else and I am sorry but I am not going to stay with you just because JJ is gone.''
''Fine. Just go!'' she yelled.
''I'll be staying at a hotel. I will come by tomorrow to see Jack.'' he said before leaving the house. A weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, but another one was still there and it was the worst one.
Hotch sat in the empty bar. He needed a place to unwind. It hadn't been an easy month. Everything was falling apart. Gideon just left and a new spot opened up in the BAU. Luckily, Hotch was able to convince David Rossi to join the unit. He was an old friend and Hotch knew he would be best to replace Gideon.
''Aaron Hotchner!'' Rossi called out as he walked into the bar where his longtime friend was hanging out. ''Your phone call was the last thing I expected.''
Hotch turned around the moment Rossi had walked into the bar. ''Hey, Dave.'' he greeted.
''Wow, you look…exhausted. What's going on?''
Hotch sat back down on the barstool and took another zip of his scotch. ''A lot. Haley and I decided to get a divorce, and not to mention that the woman I love is missing.'' he said bluntly, knowing the alcohol was the cause of his boldness.
''Yeah, I heard something about an missing agent. Jennifer Jareau?''
''Yes.'' Hotch answered.
Rossi sat down next to Hotch and ordered a scotch. ''Are you still investigating? And what in hell got you to sleep with your subordinate?''
''First of all, JJ and I were friends before it all started and she isn't just another girl. She is amazing.'' he explained. ''The police in Portland are still investigating, but Strauss ordered us to get back home when we ran out of leads.''
''Do you have any idea what happened to her?'' Rossi asked with worry. Hotch looked literally like shit. There were no other words for it.
''No, we have no clue.'' he answered sadly. ''We only found a tape with her bloody clothes.''
''What was on the tape?''
''JJ. She was half-naked, whispering the name Julia. Our technical analyst was able to isolate the audio but it only gave us the name. We have no idea who it is. So we hit a dead end.''
''I'm so sorry, Aaron.''
Hotch took the last zip of his scotch. ''I am not giving up on her. I'll call Portland PD every single day. I won't stop until I find her.''
Rossi could see how torn up his friend was. He knew Hotch as a stoic and professional agent, but what he saw now was the opposite. ''Tell me about her. She has to be special if she is worth giving up your marriage with Haley.''
Hotch sighed deeply. ''There's something different about JJ. I wasn't with her because she was younger.'' he explained instantly. ''She carries around this joy that always struck me. She was able to lighten up my darkest days.'' he went on. ''And her compassion was endless. I just realized I actually know so little about her, yet I love her so much.''
''Don't forget that! Because you need to tell her that when we find her.''
''I will never forget.''
''I think you had enough drinks for now. You should get some sleep, Aaron.'' Rossi said, standing up from the bar stool. ''Tomorrow is a new day and I think there will be a case waiting for us.''
''You're right.'' Hotch said. He said his goodbyes to Rossi and returned to the bar afterwards. He needed a place to let go and it was the only place he knew. JJ used to be that person for him. Someone who helped him let go of all the horror their jobs faced them with. Now he needed a drink to get to that point.