A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us.
-John Steinbeck
Chapter 13: Taking a Trip
Shikamaru recovered almost two days later. When he awoke, he found that things had significantly changed in the team dynamics. While Kei had always been rather quiet, she was now was surrounded by a cold aura. It was the difference between blending into the background and being passive-aggressive. She tended to her teammate in silence, using the first aid kit that Noriko had let her borrow.
It was the way her eyes had that faraway look that made Shikamaru worry. However, when he asked her what was wrong, all she said was that 'it was nothing'. It obviously was something if she was worrying about it, but Shikamaru knew he would get no more from her yet. Instead he lay on the cot and let her tend to him.
Their blonde teammate had changed as well during the two days Shikamaru was unconscious. Occasionally he had come up to visit Shikamaru while he was ill, but he rarely stayed unless Kei was gone from the room. The two had obviously had a fight of some sort, but Shikamaru was still unable to figure out what had happened. Neither of them would give him any details and when he asked Inoichi, he had said to ask his teammates. It all lead around in circles and was a complete mess.
Shikamaru stared up at the rickety ceiling from his place on the cot. Despite having woken up from the chakra deprivation, he was still barely functional. His breathing was only slightly labored now which was a relief considering everything he had gone through. It was still hard lying flat on his back, but when he rested on his side it got easier.
Shikamaru rolled onto his left shoulder and stared down at the staircase. Now was one of the few moments that he was left alone to think. The rest of his team had been out and about helping clear up the mines since it was mostly their fault anyways. Aoi never would have come if not for them. Speaking of Aoi, Shikamaru was still left in the dark as to what happened. Inoichi had cryptically told him that Aoi was no longer a problem, but had given no details. Shikamaru hated being left in the dark like this. He remembered that Inoichi had told him that knowledge is power. He felt downright weak being without knowledge.
Shikamaru flexed his hand out in front of him. He needed to get better quickly. That way he could at least force someone to tell him what was going on. Like this, all he could do was passively sit and wait for time to fly by. He had always believed in 'conserving energy' or so he liked to call it, but currently there was no outlet for him to expend energy. It was the only time he considered relaxing to be boring.
"Right, right. I'm going to go check on Shikamaru." Kei's voice echoed up the stairs as she made her way up. As she appeared through the gap, Shikamaru knew once again she was in a foul mood. That was all she seemed to be in these days. He wanted to know why, but no one was giving him any hints to piece together!
"You alright?" He asked softly as she neared. Kei dropped down by his side and rested her hands on her fists. She shook her head from side to side gloomily as she dunked a small gray cloth inside of a bowl of water. Shikamaru watched quietly as she wrung the water out before dabbing his head with it. "I'm not that sick you know."
"I know that." Kei replied low. "Just stay here for now... Please." Kei felt guilty for trying to force him to stay up here, but currently he was her only excuse to get away from Inoichi and Naruto. Both of them left her alone when she went up to take care of him, and once Shikamaru was well there would be no reason for her to leave. Despite saying that it would just take some time, Kei was beginning to wonder if she would ever get over it.
Whenever she saw Naruto pick up a cup and wrap his hand around it, Kei always saw the cup as Aoi's throat. Desensitization had been done at the academy, but that was of blood and various injuries like that. It hadn't been slicing his artery that scared her, but the fact that Aoi suffocated on his own blood. She could vividly remember the terror that was coming off the man in waves before he died. He was pleading with her to do something, but she had been too slow. Naruto obviously wasn't able to control himself, but was it her indecision that ended up killing the man?
"Can I talk to you about something?" She needed another opinion. Well, it wasn't the opinion that she wanted so much as she wanted someone to say that it wasn't her fault. She didn't want it to be her fault, but she had thought a lot about it over the past few days. She knew Naruto wasn't responsible for the Kyuubi and it would be unfair to blame him for it, but seeing Naruto reminded her of her mistake. She had been too slow in responding and she had let a man die. Naruto was a symbol of her failure.
"Of course. It's not as if I'll be moving anywhere." Shikamaru said with a small smirk on his face.
"I don't know how much of this you know, but... Rokusho-san is dead." Shikamaru's smirk fell away instantly. Why had no one told him this? Pieces of the puzzle were slowly beginning to come together. Aoi's death was the part that he had been missing. Aoi's death, the guilt on Kei's face, Naruto's reluctance to speak, Inoichi's awkwardness regarding his other students, they all came together to form an image. He could still remember Inoichi being unconscious when he fought against Aoi two days ago, so something had to have happened between the other genin. But what was it?
"I... I cut his external carotid artery, you know? I told him to surrender since he'd die within five minutes unless he received medical attention." Kei's voice quieted down into a whisper so Shikamaru had to strain to hear. "He did surrender, but Naruto-san, no... It wasn't Naruto..." Confliction entered her voice and Shikamaru's face fell into a frown. His mind wandered back to when he and Naruto had talked on the way to training all those days ago. They had never told Kei about it, but had she seen the Kyuubi?
Wait. Shikamaru's mind raced with the new information. The Kyuubi could surface within Naruto? Shikamaru had always considered Naruto to just be a container, but was he more of a contractor? Or was this more of the Kyuubi possessing Naruto and being able to surface when it wanted to?
"The being in Naruto," Kei resumed her talking hesitantly, "began suffocating Rokusho-san. And... Oh, Shikamaru, it was awful. Rokusho-san began suffocating on his own blood and I-I just didn't know what to do!" Her hand quivered over his forehead as she paused in her dabbing. "I told him to stop, but he – it – didn't! I had to knock him out with a senbon, but I was too slow..."
Shikamaru knew by her silence that Aoi had already died by the time she got him to stop. He reached up a hand to hold her shaking one. "Shikamaru, what if it's my fault?" His eyes narrowed at that. What did she mean by it was her fault? "If I hadn't hesitated then maybe Rokusho-san would have lived! It's not my fault is it? I tried to do something, but what if I was quicker? If I was just a little bit faster then maybe he would have lived."
So this was the cause behind her guilt. "It's not your fault, Kei. It's not the fault of Naruto-san either. You both did what you had to so you could protect yourselves. The one who really caused all the trouble is the Kyuubi." Kei flinched away at the name. "Don't dwell on it, Kei. Believe me when I say that it is not your fault nor is the fault of Naruto-san. Just let it to rest now. It'll all be alright."
Kei's hand clenched and droplets of water dripped down onto Shikamaru's face. She used her other hand to cover her eyes as she tried to stop the tears from coming out. "Just cry. You've been holding back too long. It's ok." And so she cried.
-TSUME-
Naruto sighed as he dangled his legs over the side of the porch. "They keep on telling me to give it time, but it's just so hard waiting..." I don't see why you still worry about listening to what they say. If you're going to waste time complaining about it, then do something! Naruto frowned at the voice in his head. It had been fairly silent for years now, but ever since that event two days ago it had become vocal once more. Naruto just wanted to shut it back up in whatever cage it came from for all the trouble it had caused him.
That's not polite, boy, the Kyuubi snarked back. Naruto could just imagine the demon rolling his eyes at him. Naruto rubbed his hands against his forehead in irritation. With any luck the demon would leave him alone soon. Had he done something in a past life that made him deserve having the demon inside of him? He couldn't have been more than a few hours old when the demon was sealed into him. There were no crimes to justify his being sealed, right? Or was his sin being born?
Was that the reason why all the civilians hated him? He had always assumed it was the Kyuubi's fault, but was there another reason that he was loathed? Stop your wining, boy. I may invoke some... negative memories among the populace, but get over yourself already. "Get out! Get out! GET OUT!" Naruto yelled angrily at the Kyuubi. He wanted it to all be the Kyuubi's fault. Perhaps it was unfair to be blaming the creature, but it was too much to blame himself.
The Kyuubi was the one that killed Aoi, right? It wasn't him. It wasn't... I'm not demon in the way you speak of it, boy. The Kyuubi cut into his thoughts once more with what seemed to be exasperation in his voice. I don't possess people and force them to do unspeakable crimes. I have never forced you to do anything, even killing that man. You killed the man to make him stop hurting your friends and I was the tool used to stop him. Nothing more and nothing less.
"No... It's not my fault." Naruto mumbled as he clutched his head. He didn't want to face the fact that he'd killed a man who had already surrendered. It was so much simpler if he could blame someone else, but all the reasons stated that fault was rooted in him.
"Naruto-kun? Is something wrong?" Naruto turned his head up to see Inoichi looked at him with concern evident in his eyes. Inoichi frowned as he saw the despair in the genin's eyes. "What's not your fault? Tell me." Inoichi took a seat next to Naruto and gave him a small sidehug.
"Rokusho-san...I should have shown more restraint... I killed him. I still can't get over that fact." Naruto hung his head low as he stared at the wood beneath him.
"Naruto-kun, I hate to say it, but this time would have come eventually. You're a ninja. We fight and, unfortunately, we have to kill people. The first kill is always the worst. Your time came early, much too early, but don't let it weigh down on you. You saved Kei-chan, Shikamaru-kun, and me. Without you, we probably wouldn't have survived. We owe you our lives, Naruto-kun." Inoichi soothed the boy as he gave a comforting smile. He had been watching his genin hide all their insecurities to themselves and it had saddened him. He may have been a part of T&I, but that didn't mean he could just force his genin to expose themselves. They had to reveal the information on their own.
"But he had surrendered!" Naruto exclaimed. "I knew that death would come along with the job, but he surrendered, Inoichi-sensei! He might have been hanged once we reached Konoha again, I don't know. But what I do know is that I killed him without trial and I killed him while he was in critical condition after he had surrendered. There's no justification for what I did..."
Inoichi inhaled sharply thought of what to say. What Naruto was saying was entirely true, but how could he make the boy feel better? "Naruto-kun, while that may be true, remember that he was the one who brought this upon himself. He purposefully caused an earthquake that killed innocent civilians and attacked us with the intent to kill. Being a ninja means you save lives by destroying lives. Remember this, Naruto-kun, and it will serve you well. I'm sorry that this had to happen to you, but take it and burn it to your memory. Emotion isn't something to scorn or to hate because it brings pain. It means you're human, not a monster."
Naruto twitched at the last sentence. He... He wasn't a monster. Those were the words that he had been waiting to hear for so long. He laughed weakly and looked up towards Inoichi. "Thank you, Inoichi-sensei. Thank you so much." He pulled forward and hugged Inoichi tightly as he buried his head into his mentor's coal covered coat.
"I'm your sensei. I'll always be here for you, Naruto-kun."
-TSUME-
"The shipment has been loaded up onto the carts. We're ready whenever you are." Masaki huffed out later that night. Noriko bustled around the kitchen making dinner while the rest of them sat around the dinner table. "We have room enough if you need to store Nara-san up there." He added a few moments later.
Shikamaru had managed to make it down the stairs for the first time and was now propped up in his chair by Naruto and Kei who scooted near to him. It was obvious that he wasn't quite prepared to walk for a few miles quite yet.
"That would be very appreciated, Satoya-san." Inoichi said with a pleasant smile. "We can get him up tomorrow just a bit before dawn and then move out when the sun rises. I would like to make the most of the sunlight. It should take three days to travel if we spend a good eight or nine hours on the road. If we start early on the first day then we may arrive before nightfall on the last."
"That would work well with us." Masaki said with a solemn nod. "We have a caravan of five oxen-driven carts. We can show you the layout and the path we plan to take if you think it would help." He rapped his fingers against the table as he thought. Naruto thought it was a rather strange habit, but he wasn't one to judge that kind of thing.
"If we could, that would be very helpful." Inoichi replied amiably. He looked over towards the trio with a small smile. All three of them looked incredibly tired. Kei and Naruto had spent the past few days clearing out the mines. Kei almost regretted throwing that explosives tag over the three hours she took to clean it all up.
"Good, good. Ah, thanks Noriko." Noriko placed a bowl of soup in front of her husband before shuffling off to get bowls for the other guests. Soon all of them were seated around the slightly cramped table. They silently got through the meal before thanking the Satoya's for their hospitality.
Kei and Naruto helped shuffle Shikamaru up the steps, leaving Inoichi alone with the Satoyas. "You sure that those three don't need more time?" Noriko asked worriedly as she watched the trio head to rest. "It's been an awfully busy week for them."
Inoichi shook his head and said, "We're shinobi, ma'am. You don't have to worry. We'll be fine."
Noriko sighed and said, "You may look at those children and see shinobi. However, I still look at them and see, well, children. They can do incredible things, certainly more than I could ever do, but they're still before their teens. They're still delicate, Yamanaka-san. I can't help but worry. It's the mother in me."
Inoichi recalled his own daughter and a forlorn expression crossed his face as he said, "I know what you mean."
-TSUME-
"Shikamaru-kun, Kei-chan, Naruto-kun, wake up." Inoichi roused up the three genin while shaking them slightly. The sun was just beginning to creep over the hillside and it was time for them to move.
"Wha? Inoichi-sensei, it's too early..." Naruto grumbled before covering his head with his arm to shut out the noise. It couldn't have been a minute later than six am. No normal human would be up at that kind of hour.
Inoichi sighed before reaching his arms under Naruto, and rolling him off his cot. "Ow!" The boy exclaimed as he began rolling across the floor. "That hurt!"
"Apparently that was what you needed to wake up." Inoichi said with a tired smile. Just because he was the one to wake them up didn't mean that he wasn't tired as well. The dark circles under his eyes told that much. "Kei-chan, Shikamaru-kun, I do hope you'll be easier to wake up."
"We're up," Shikamaru said with a grumble. He rubbed his eyes before looking over towards Inoichi. "As ready as we'll ever be." He sighed as he tried to blink away the sleep. It didn't seem to be working that well in all honesty.
"Come on, Shikamaru-kun. Satoya-san kindly offered to let you ride on one of the carts until you're well enough to walk on your own. Do you think you can walk down to the wagon?" Inoichi said gently. He put a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder and looked the boy over with a scrutinizing eye. It had only been yesterday that Shikamaru had made it down the stairs. He probably wouldn't be up to much so early in the morning, but Inoichi didn't want to patronize or baby him. He was a ninja after all.
"I'll get there," Shikamaru said, sitting up. He stretched out his arms before pushing himself up from the ground. He wobbled around for a moment before stabilizing himself. "Lead the way then."
Kei hurried around him and grabbed both her pack and his and slung them over her shoulder. She then rushed over to his side and helped to guide him down the stairs with Naruto scrambling up to join the two on the trip down. Inoichi watched as his genin moved together with a small smile on his face. He had been worried that the event with the Kyuubi would tear them apart, but it seemed as if they had worked out their difficulties.
"It seems like there is another formation on the rise eh, Shikaku, Chouza?"
Hey everyone! Great news! This story just passed 30,000 hits and 200 subscribers! This never would have happened without your help so thank you so much for your continued support! (: In celebration I'm going to be adding an omake onto the next chapter. If you have any ideas review and tell me and I might just write it out for the next chapter!
In other news, last chapter had a lot of uploading problems. It is finally up now, but I just wanted to let you all know. I don't know why it glitched, but hopefully it won't happen again. Thank you RamenKnight for helping me solve the uploading problems!
Also thank you Pokepikachu1 for betaing this story for me!