I do not own Ninja Warrior, Lucasfilm, or the song Just Be Friends.

Chapter 15: The Aisha, the Twit, and the Mirror

Christmas was coming. One morning in mid-December, Hogwarts woke to find itself covered in several feet of snow. The lake froze solid and the Weasley twins were punished for bewitching several snowballs so they followed Quirrell around, bouncing off the back of his turban. Neville was in detention for bringing some snowmen to life, which then attacked other students.

No one could wait for the holidays to start. While the Hufflepuff common room and the Great Hall had roaring fires, the drafty corridors had become icy and a bitter wind rattled the windows in the classrooms. Worst of all were Professor Snape's classes down in the dungeons, where their breath rose in a mist before them and they kept as close as possible to their hot cauldrons.

"I do feel so sorry," said Luna Lovegood, one Potions class, "for all those centaur who were neutered and forced to serve in our foreign legion."

Susan snorted. "They don't neuter them before drafting them."

"That's not true," Luna protested, "the centaur are neutered to prevent them from breeding while overseas."

Susan knew she would just go on and on if she continued the argument, so she dropped it. When they left the dungeons at the end of Potions, they found a large fir tree blocking the corridor ahead. Two enormous feet sticking out at the bottom and a loud puffing sound told them that Hagrid was behind it.

"Hi, Hagrid, want any help?" Luna asked, sticking her head through the branches.

"Nah, I'm all right, thanks, Luna."

"Would you mind if we slipped past you?" Ernie asked.

He, Justin, and Terry shuffled around the tree.

"Have a good day, boys!" Hagrid called after them.

Susan sighed.

"Is there something wrong, Susan?" Luna asked.

"Cheer up, it's nearly Yule," said Hagrid. Tell yeh what, come with me an' see the Great Hall, looks a treat."

So Susan and Luna followed Hagrid and his tree off to the Great Hall, where Professor McGonagall and Professor Lovecraft were busy with the Pleinair decorations.

"Ah, Hagrid, the last tree – put it in the far corner, would you?"

The hall looked spectacular. Festoons of holly and mistletoe hung all around the walls, and no less than twelve towering evergreens stood around the room, some sparkling with tiny icicles, some glittering with hundreds of candles.

"How many days you got left until yer holidays?" Hagrid asked.

"Just one," said Susan. "And that reminds me – Luna, we've got to be in the library."

"The library?" said Hagrid, following them out of the hall. "Just before the holidays? Bit keen, aren't yeh?"

"Oh, we're not working," Luna told him brightly. "We're scouting out a cute guy for Hermione."

"You what?" Hagrid looked shocked. "Listen here – I've told yeh – drop it. Rowling's made it perfectly clear who she's goin to be paired with."

"We just want to do something nice for her. You know, before she gets stuck with that idiot," Susan persuaded. "If you could hint to her that Dean's single…"

"I'm sayin' nothin'," said Hagrid flatly.

"Just have to convince her ourselves, then," said Luna, and they left Hagrid looking disgruntled and hurried off to the library.

They had indeed been searching for a suitable guy for Hermione. The trouble was, it was very hard to know where to begin, not knowing what Hermione found attractive. She hadn't liked Justin Finch-Fletchly, Zacharias Smith, and Seamus Finnigan. Right now, the two they were looking into were Dean Thomas and Draco Malfoy. Dean spent a lot of time down in the dungeons where he worked with Professor Lovecraft to inscribe bullets with magic runes. Draco frequented the library to study wizarding ancestry. Of the two, Luna and Susan both thought she'd like Dean better. Luna and Susan split up to find Draco. Susan was looking into the fourth study area when someone grabbed her shoulder. She spun around.

"Why are you sneaking around?" Draco asked.

"I'm looking for Dean, have you seen him?" she said desperately.

"No, but I understand he likes to hang out in the dungeons, you might try there."

"Yes, thank you," Susan said, bowing herself out.

Wishing she'd been a bit quicker at thinking up some story, Susan left the library. She and Luna hadn't planned out what to do if they were discovered. The library was so large that Luna wouldn't even realize she was gone and would probably be there for a few hours. Poor Luna.

Once the holidays had started, Susan was unable to continue her project, as Luna, Draco, Hermione, and Dean had all gone home. So she spent her time in the common room studying, relaxing, and eating.

Justin also started teaching her wizard chess. This was exactly like the Muggle chess set at her house except that the figures were alive, which made it a lot like directing troops in battle. Justin's set was very old and battered. He had gotten it from his grandfather. However, old chessmen weren't a drawback at all. Justin knew them so well he never had trouble getting them to do what he wanted.

Susan played with chessmen Cedric Diggory had lent her, and they didn't trust her at all. She wasn't a very good player yet and they kept shouting different bits of advice at her, which was confusing. "Don't send me there, can't you see his knight? Send him, we can afford to lose him."

Studying and chessmen aside, it was quite relaxing. Awaking on Christmas morning, she found a stack of presents on the end of her bed.

"Happy Pleinair Day," said Hannah sleepily as Susan crawled over her covers.

"You, too," said Susan. "Will you look at this?"

"Is that what I think it is?" Hannah exclaimed as she tumbled out of bed.

Susan admired the animal in the cage at the foot of her bed. It was pink with long antennae on its head and a white V on its chest. It was undoubtedly an Aisha. Susan held her hand out to the Aisha. It sniffed her hand for a few seconds, then licked it. She snatched a letter off the top of the cage and tore it open. It read:

Dear Susan,

While we were on vacation in the Pacific, we found this Aisha in a pet shop. The storeowner says that they are very friendly and good singers. We thought you might like it. One of the other packages contains a book on taking care of it. Have a very nice Pleinair season.

Love, your parents.

Susan opened some of the smaller boxes, looking for the book while Hannah petted the Aisha through the bars of the cage. At last she found it. It was a bright blue book several inches thick with the words Gilderoy Lockheart's Guide to Aisha Raising emblazoned on the cover in shiny silver letters. She opened it and flipped through it until she found a promising chapter. Entitled So you've got an Aisha, it detailed the important steps to take when first introducing yourself to your Aisha. The imprinting of an Aisha is most definitely an intriguing and lengthy process. That is why I'm cutting it from the book.

Susan had never had a Pleinair feast quite like this one. A hundred fat, roast turkeys; mountains of roast and boiled potatoes and yams; platters of enchiladas; tureens of boiled cabbage, pink slices of salmon on silver platters – and stacks of wizard crackers every few feet along the table. These were about average party favors. They gave a decent bang and produced a cloud of colored smoke. Dumbledore demonstrated this and swapped his pointed wizard's hat for a flowery bonnet, and was chuckling merrily at a joke Professor Lovecraft had just read him.

Flaming Pleinair puddings followed the main course. Justin nearly broke his teeth on a silver sickle embedded in his chunk. Susan watched Snape getting pinker and pinker in the face as he called for more wine, finally kissing Professor McGonagall on the cheek. She was understandably pissed. The students who had remained behind were treated to the rare sight of Professor McGonagall slugging Snape. For the rest of the feast he wore a nasty purple bruise. The feast was ended with a performance by three white mice, which danced and sang down the main aisle. Their performance was cut short by the arrival of Mrs. Norris, who chased them from the hall.

Following the feast, the Hufflepuffs returned to their common room where they played games of Exploding Snap, wizard chess, and Scrabble. After feasting on all that delicious food, they all felt too lethargic to do much else. Soon, tired, they all went to bed.

Sometime during the night, Susan awoke to find that her new Aisha, Maria, was gone. Susan sleepily got out of bed. She put on her very nice yellow lightning tiger fur slippers which were decorated with white unicorn designs and had only cost her about 4o quid and shuffled to the common room. She spotted Maria walking out the door. Susan followed her out. Maria led her on quite a chase, always keeping just in view. She eventually jogged into the Great Hall. Despite the hour, Pavarti and Padma Patil were sitting at the Ravenclaw table, talking quietly. Maria was sitting under the twins, sniffing their shoes.

Susan walked over to them and picked Maria up. The two had been crying. Susan felt a bit awkward.

"What's wrong?" Susan asked nervously.

"Well," Padma, who knew Susan better, said, "you know how we're dating the Weasley twins, right?"

"I'd heard," Susan said cautiously.

"What they did… It- it was horrible."

"They didn't break up with you, did they?"

"No… They swapped," Padma shuddered and Pavarti weeped more.

"Swapped? You mean one couldn't make it to a date and switched places with their twin?"

"They did it for fun. To tease us. They swapped places at bed time the other day."

"Oh… OH!" Susan figured it out. "You mean before they…"

"Yes. Usually I sleep with her, but her brother… It just felt so wrong…" Padma whispered, crying.

"And I like my man's big…" Pavarti burst into tears.

"It's okay, it's going to be fine," Susan said softly, holding them tight.

"So wrong…" Padma whispered. "So wrong…"

Justin liked the rules and didn't put up with misbehavior of any sort. Of course, this meant that he wasn't all that popular. This was a fact that he had come to accept over the years. Waking up on Pleinair morning, he didn't expect any gifts from his fellow students. He was not disappointed. Hardly anyone had bothered to get him anything.

His parents had sent him various sweets and clothes. From Susan there was a knitted blue scarf and from Ernie, Mounting Succubi by Gilderoy Lockheart. These two he put in the bottom of his trunk, burying them beneath the heap of impersonal sweets. Around him, his fellow classmates had begun to awaken. Justin finished preparing himself for the day and left the dorm room.

The Great Hall was relatively empty of students and Justin sat down for the feast at one table with all the other students and teachers. He was between Ernie and some other student, listening to the talk. He was good at listening. Sometimes it seemed to him that it was his only useful skill. If he talked too much, at least about himself, he might say something that would make them think him more different than he already was. That must be avoided at all costs.

Justin was just taking a bite of his pudding when he felt a terrible pain in one of his teeth. He spat out a Sickle.

"A sickle? Lucky," Ernie commented as he shoveled his pudding down, though slightly slower, taking time to chew.

"Lucky? If I'm lucky, it'll only mean a quick trip to the dentist," Justin said, outraged.

"That's the spirit," Lee Jordan said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, "Let's sue the school!"

Justin gave an uneasy laugh. He hoped Lee was joking.

"I'm not sure you could win," Angelina Johnson said, shaking her head, "You did get a sickle out of it. Just be happy to get that."

"I suppose you're right. I've heard that Dumbledore has never lost a court case, especially when money is involved," Justin said thoughtfully.

"You're absolutely right," Angelina agreed, "from what I've read in the library, Dumbledore never has lost a—"

"All that intelligent talk is getting boring," Lee groaned. "Can't we do something more… questionable?"

"There's more to a relationship that breaking beds."

Jordan sighed. Then he slid an arm around her shoulders, resting it on her bosom. She gave a little squeak of excitement, both slapping and grabbing his hand. As the pair began kissing, Ernie watched with delighted interest. Justin averted his eyes, not really caring to see it. Susan shook his shoulder.

"Something wrong? You're acting a tad odd."

"I'm fine, thanks."

"And he swoops out of the sky in his sleigh," Hannah was saying.

"What are you talking about?" Justin asked.

"Santa Claus," was her exuberant reply.

"What?"

"Santa Claus. I'm Catholic, you see."

"How is Sandy Duncan important to the Catholic faith?" Justin asked dubiously.

"It all started thousands of years ago…"

"Give me the short version."

"He was born on Christmas a thousand years ago and his birth was heralded by angels. Three wise guys came to give him gifts of perfume, oil, and money. Then after he was a famous prophet, a follower betrayed him and he was killed. He rose from the dead three days later and now, on Christmas, he gives presents to children all around the world," she finished, her eyes twinkling.

"Cock," Justin said. (Americans prefer the term bull)

"What?"

"Sandy Duncan wasn't born thousands of years ago. Maybe a couple hundred, but certainly not a thousand."

"Santa Claus! Santa Claus!" she shouted.

Students and teachers up and down the table turned to look at her and Dumbledore giggled merrily. Hannah suddenly seemed very interested in her mashed potatoes.

After the feast, Justin joined Professor Lovecraft in his office for some Plasma Tea and chitchat. Said chitchat was mainly philosophy, but there was some more normal conversation thrown in.

"Have you found any friends yet?" Lovecraft said casually.

"What are you trying to insinuate?" Justin sputtered.

"Nothing, nothing. I was just thinking that Plato had some friends and it might be a good idea to follow his example."

"It doesn't make any sense to imitate someone else's life down to minute details in hopes of achieving success by them."

"That's not what I meant," Lovecraft said cheerfully. "I meant that you might be able to understand where he's coming from better if you put yourself in his shoes."

"Oh."

The door opened and Katie Bell stuck her head through the opening, "Excuse me Professor, it's eight o' clock."

"Sorry, Justin, Katie scheduled a meeting with me."

"It's fine ,Professor, I'll see you tomorrow," Justin said and waved good-bye.

He left the room, shutting the door behind him. His meetings with Professor Lovecraft could be interesting, but he was always so busy during normal school hours that they couldn't have many philosophical discussions with him. It seemed that, even during break, he was really busy.

Justin, with nothing else to do, went back to the Hufflepuff common room and played a game of Scrabble against Ernie, Susan, and Cedric, and naturally, won. After this, they played a few rounds of Exploding Snap and went to bed.

The next morning was not quite so bright and wonderful as the one before. A blizzard had swept over the castle soundlessly during the night and it had filled the windowsills to the top with snow, blacking them out. When the sun rose, the students slept on, even Justin. They all woke at their leisure, and upon seeing the dark grey blur outside the window, some just went back to bed and others got up and went to the common room. Justin was one of the latter, trudging down to the common room and slouching into one of the chairs.

"Sleep well?" Terry asked.

"No, not really," Justin muttered.

"Why? It's the holiday. Who's unhappy at the holidays?"

"Me, apparently."

Ernie bounded down the steps, his voice in all likelihood awakening everyone in Hufflepuff, "It snowed!"

"We're right here, Ernie. No need to yell," Justin scolded, rubbing an ear.

"Sorry. You guys want to go outside and make snowmen?" Ernie asked eagerly.

"No!" the common room rumbled with the massed shout.

"Okay. I just wanted a bit more practice with my sword."

"If you're so keen, then why don't you and Terry go down to the practice fields later and you can beat on him in armor," Justin suggested.

"Do I have any say in this?" Terry asked desperately.

"I'd be very happy if you did, Terry, thanks. I'll see you there at 11. Don't be late."

"Why me?"

Harry had enjoyed his time at the Weasley's house, but he wasn't disappointed when it was time to return to Hogwarts. There were carriages waiting at the train station to return them to the castle when they arrived. The return feast was so extravagant, Harry was amazed that Hogwarts could afford so much food. After the feast, stuffed, they retired to bed. Harry was caught on something, though. He couldn't stop wondering what, exactly, was meant by the use it well written on the note by the one who had sent him the invisibility cloak. Use it for what? Either one of two things: to spy on the girls in the washroom, or to find out more about whatever the dog was guarding.

He decided to do them in the order in which he'd thought them, and after he had enjoyed a long peek, went to the library. The restricted section, which Hermione complained about often, housed books telling of powerful dark magic. That sounded like a good place to start.

The library was pitch black and very eerie. Harry lit a lamp to see his way along the rows of books. The lamp looked as if it was floating along in midair, and even though Harry could feel his arm supporting it, the sight gave him the creeps.

The Restricted Section was right at the back of the library. Harry tried stepping over the rope separating these books from the rest of the library. He failed, tripping over the higher-than-it-looked rope. Hoping no one had heard him fall or yell, "Balls!" Harry quickly and quietly slipped away from the entrance. He held up his lamp to read some titles.

They didn't tell him much. Their peeling, faded gold letters spelled words in languages Harry couldn't understand. Some had no title at all. One book had a funny stain on it that Harry considered before deciding that it could just as easily be blood as something else. He had to start somewhere. Setting the lamp down carefully on the floor, he looked along the bottom shelf for an interesting-looking book. He passed over Nug Soup for the Teenage Soul and Going Rogue before he spotted a large black and silver volume. He pulled it out with difficulty, because it was very heavy, and, balancing it on his knee, let it fall open.

A loud shrieking voice within the book was shouting, "I'll kill you, you b***** p****** w********* d******** s*******!"

Harry stumbled backward and knocked over his lamp, which went out at once. He ran for it, passing Filch in the doorway. Luckily Filch had unhooked the separating rope, so Harry had no trouble there. He ran wildly through the corridors with no idea where he was or was going. He came to a sudden halt in front of a tall suit of armor. He was lost. Perhaps because it was dark, he didn't recognize where he was at all.

"You asked me to come directly to you, Professor, if anyone was wandering around at night, and somebody's been in the library – Restricted Section."

Harry felt the blood drain out of his face. Wherever he was, Filch must know the shortcut, because his soft, greasy voice was getting nearer, and to his horror, it was Snape who replied, "The Restricted Section? Well, they can't be far, we'll catch them."

Harry stood rooted to the spot as Filch and Snape came around the corner ahead. Harry quietly slipped through a slightly ajar door nearby. They walked straight past, and Harry leaned against the wall, breathing deeply, listening to their footsteps dying away. It was a few moments before he noticed that he shared the room with something almost as amazing as he was.

It was a magnificent mirror, as high as the ceiling, with an ornate gold frame, standing on two clawed feet. There was an inscription carved around the top: Ezirp laiceps ytfif nosaes lodi nacirema. His panic fading now that there was no sound of Filch and Snape, Harry moved nearer to the mirror. He stepped in front of it, expecting to see the wall behind him.

Instead, what he saw was Cho Chang doing a striptease. He whirled around. No Cho. Breathing very fast, he turned quickly back to the mirror.

Cho was down to only her pants now. It seemed she only existed in the mirror. Why?

"So," said a voice behind him, "you, like hundreds before you, have discovered the delights of the Mirror of Ytilibaniattanu."

"Is that what it's called?" Harry asked, scared out of wits, for, behind him, was Albus Dumbledore.

"I expect you know what it does?"

"It – well – it shows my crush doing something Lavender would call demeaning to women or something."

"Not a bad sight, I expect. In reality, the mirror shows us something that we want. Either we shall never get it, or when the time comes that we do, it won't be something we want anymore."

"What sadistic b****** made this thing?" Harry wondered aloud.

"My friend Nicholas Flamel, mainly to prot—Well, for personal reasons, but… I suppose it best to tell you that the Mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow, Harry, and I ask you not to go looking for it again."

I bet Dumbledore was thinking as he said that, "I've got him hooked now!"

Harry stood up.

"Sir – Professor Dumbledore? Can I ask you something?"

"Obviously, you've just done so," Dumbledore smiled. "You may ask me one more thing, however."

"Are you always this brilliant or is this one of your more… lucid moments?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Harry stared. Well, that answers one question, he thought.

"Now off to bed with you. It would not do to go falling asleep in Potions."

Next time on HPMF:

Luna: We need to get Hermione on a date with Draco.

Harry: She'll never agree to it.

Ron: If I can get together with Lavender, he's got a shot.

Hermione: What's going on?

Harry: Run away!

Ron: I may be running away, but I'm no chicken!

Hermione: You turkeys!