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Chapter 22: Teardrops

November 13th 2012

The day JJ had dreaded was finally there. It was the day, she was going to say goodbye to the team. She knew very well that her departure was going to cause a lot of hurt, but she promised her parents something. She couldn't go back now. But before she was going to leave, she was going to inform Julia's fiancé. It was the last thing she promised her best friend and there was no way she could turn it into a broken promise. That wouldn't be fair.

JJ stood in front of the mirror, looking at the person she barely recognized. The bruises on her face were almost gone and the marks on her neck had faded for the most part. She closed the button on the blazer. It has been years since she actually wore a normal outfit. And it felt weird to wear one, but she tried not to think about. She straightened her hair and walked back into the room. She saw Hotch standing in the middle in his suit. As she looked at him, she realized nothing about him had really changed. His stamina was the same. She could still see the muscles underneath his clothes. But his eyes told a story of loss. And she knew exactly that she was the cause of his expression.

''I'm ready.'' JJ said, reassuring herself that she could really do this. ''What are you looking at?'' she asked as Hotch's eyes traced along her body.

He snapped from his haze and looked JJ in the eye. ''You look great, JJ.'' he complimented carefully. ''Are you sure you're ready?''

JJ couldn't answer the question without lying. She didn't want to upset Hotch, but she also didn't want to lie. So she decided to stay quiet. ''I know.'' he whispered as he affectionately put a hand on her shoulder. It amazed him that JJ didn't even flinch. ''Portland is the place where this all started.'' he said, knowing exactly what she was thinking. But Jason Holmes still lived in Portland. And Portland was also the place where JJ's nightmare started.

''Let's go!'' he said.

JJ followed him into the hallways of the hospital, hoping she could really do this. But she needed to. She didn't have a choice. Julia died because of something she didn't do. She knew her guilt would ultimately push her anyway.

After a three hour drive, Hotch finally pulled up in front of a small suburban home. The house looked like a place where great memories were treasured. It gave a comfortable feeling. JJ already knew that this place held the memories of Julia before she went missing. It was a part of her, she never knew. But now she was going to be confronted with it. As JJ followed Hotch from the car to the front door, she saw images of Julia's face flash before her eyes. Her presence is what got JJ through the past six years of her life. It was what she needed to stay alive in those last two years without her. But even JJ knew that the last two years of her capture were the worst. She had given up completely. She had surrendered after Julia's death, hoping no one else would get hurt due to her actions.

Hotch knocked on the door, which caused JJ to refocus. Hotch waited patiently when he heard someone on the other side of the door. He knew exactly what this man had been going through for the past six years. Only Hotch was lucky enough that JJ was still alive. Julia's faith was far different. And it broke Hotch to do this with JJ by his side.

''Hello.'' Jason Holmes greeted curiously. ''How can I help you?''

''Sir, I am agent Hotchner. I am with the FBI.'' Hotch explained kindly. ''This is…'' he began to say, but Jason interrupted him.

''You're Jennifer Jareau.'' he said, finishing the sentence. ''I remember you because you went missing the same day as Julia.''

''Yes, I am.'' JJ said, her body shaking slightly as she looked at the man who Julia told her so much about. He was everything Julia described. ''I knew your fiancé, Jason.''

Jason stepped aside to let them into his house. It was the house that once belonged to Julia as well. ''You made it out?'' he asked, fearing for what he was about to hear.

''I did.'' JJ answered.

''Sir, I think you should sit down for a moment.'' Hotch requested.

Jason saw the tears appearing in JJ's eyes and in that moment he just knew. ''When did it happen?'' he asked as a tear ran down his cheek.

JJ took a seat across from him when he body was weakened a bit. ''She died two years ago.'' JJ replied. ''I'm so sorry.''

''I can't believe this.'' Jason cried out. ''I never gave up hope. I thought that one day, she would just walk into the living room and tell me she lost her way, but she came back.''

''I know how hard this is for you, Jason. And I am sorry for your loss.'' Hotch added. He wanted to let JJ speak as much as possible. It was what she wanted.

''What happened? Who took her? Who killed her?''

''JJ has provided us with a statement and the names of the people who killed her.'' Hotch answered.

JJ saw all the question marks appear on his face and she wanted to answer them all, but she knew some were best to keep secret. ''When I was abducted…'' JJ stumbled, going back to where it all began. ''Julia was already there. I was just a victim of opportunity.'' she went on. ''We became best friends. We told each other everything during our captivity. We shared our nightmares and we talked about you.''

''What did she say about me?''

''Well, one day she asked me to give you a message if she wouldn't make it.'' JJ started. ''She wanted you to know how much she loved you. And that you have her the strength to go on. She told me you were the absolute love of her life.'' JJ croaked out with tears in her eyes. ''She said that she wished she married you the first time you set a date, because she didn't want to go another minute without being your husband.''

Jason covered his face with his hands. The tears were streaming down his face. He finally had some closure, but it just didn't seem to help in any way.

''I could tell how much she loved you, Jason. It was on her face when she talked about you. She had a sparkle in her eye. It was real.''

''What happened to you when you were there? Wherever you were.'' he added.

JJ sighed deeply. She looked at Hotch, who gave her a nod to continue. ''We were held in something that worked like a brothel.''

''Oh my god.'' he exclaimed. ''How did you get out?''

''The FBI found me about five days ago after a witness came forward.'' JJ answered.

Jason looked at JJ. He saw the bruises on her body. They seemed to be everywhere. They had faded, but it still scared him. ''Did that happen to Julia?'' he asked with horror.

JJ immediately shook her head. ''The man who did this to me was only interested in me. He never laid a hand on her. I promise.''

''Is there anyone who we can call for you?'' Hotch asked politely when a silence fell.

''No, thank you. Julia's mother died three years ago and her father left them when Julia was younger. There's no one left.''

''I'm really sorry.'' JJ said again. ''I know this must sound weird, but I miss her so much.''

''I believe you. And I am sorry about what happened to you.'' Jason said as he made eye contact with the blonde across from him. It was the first time he really looked at her eyes. Her bright blue eyes were filled with horror, regret and a surprising warmth. It sent a shiver down his spine and he realized JJ had been in the same hell as the woman he loved dearly. JJ was the only thing he had left who was his connection to his fiancé in her last four years.

JJ turned to Hotch, noticing some impatience in his body language. JJ knew these things normally didn't take this long. And she knew Hotch was being protective of her, but she needed some privacy. ''Hotch, could we have a moment together?'' she asked Hotch carefully.

''Of course.'' he agreed. ''I'll wait for you outside.'' he stated before leaving the room. He didn't want JJ to be all alone with someone. This conversation could only cause another break down and that was the last thing she needed. Every moment could cause her to have a flashback. Hotch had already seen some signs of PTSD in JJ. He knew she was going into therapy, but he wondered if it would ever be enough for her to heal.

''He cares about you.'' Jason noticed.

''Probably.'' JJ agreed, knowing that he did. ''Is there anything else you want to know?''

Jason thought he couldn't stand to hear what happened to Julia, but he knew it was important to know. She was his entire world. Nothing would ever change that. ''Did she suffer?'' he asked. ''Please be honest! I just need to know.'' he begged.

''She did. I am sorry.'' JJ apologized before she gave an explanation. ''I was there when she died.''

''How did she die?''

''They beat her first and then they shot her. But she didn't feel a thing when she was shot.'' JJ replied quickly, getting the hard subject out of the way.

''I'm sorry you had to go through all of that.'' he said kindly. JJ was like a breath of fresh air. She was honest and she didn't lie to him. It reminded him of Julia. ''You already remind me of her. It's like you could be her sister.'' he commented.

''What do you mean?''

Jason swallowed before replying. ''Julia was honest, caring and she had this presence around her. It always surprised me.'' he explained.

''She was a great person. I wish I could've saved her, but there wasn't anything I could do for her.''

''How are you holding up?''

JJ felt like crying all over again. Jason was really the person Julia described him to be. He barely knew her and he still worried about her. ''I'm hanging in there.''

''Is there anyone you can talk to?''

JJ shook her head. Well, there were people she could talk to but there wasn't anyone she felt comfortable talking to. ''Not really.''

''If you ever want to talk you can call me.'' he suggested. ''Or I could call you.''

''Of course.'' JJ said, rising from the chair. She expected that question. She had written down her number in the hospital. So she passed him a piece of paper with the number to her parents house. ''I'll be going back to East Allegheny tonight, but feel free to call me.'' she explained sadly. ''I should go. I think Hotch is worried about me.''

''Thank you.'' he whispered.

JJ stopped at the door and turned to Jason. ''Goodbye.'' she whispered. ''Stay strong, Jason.''

Jason unexpectedly pulled JJ into a hug. He saw Hotch warn him from a distance, but JJ didn't push him away. '''Thanks again.'' he whispered.

JJ pulled away in shock. His sudden embrace didn't scare her and that was something she didn't expect.

JJ made her way to the SUV where Hotch opened the door for her. He climbed in as well and waited to start the car. He turned to JJ, who still looked rather emotional.

''I gave him my number.'' she announced.

''Do you think it was really a good idea to give him your number?'' he asked.

''Hotch!'' JJ begged. ''I am the only person who knows what happened to the woman he loved. If roles were reversed, wouldn't you ask for the same?''

Hotch sighed deeply, knowing she was right. ''Yes, I would.'' he admitted.

''We should go. I want to have enough time to say goodbye to everyone.'' she stated as she looked out the window.

Hotch knew these were the last hours he was going to spent with her and it broke his heart into pieces. He didn't want to say goodbye to her. He couldn't stand to lose her again. Not after everything he had gone through. It just didn't seem fair. His life wasn't fair.