A/N: I am so sorry you all had to wait for an update. But here it is. I hope everyone likes it!

Special thanks to Sophia0665, jenny crum, Westie80 (samcarter1980) and Criminalmindsfan!

And an amazing thanks to my friend CriminalCrazy!

I don't own criminal minds!

Chapter 25: Coming home

A shiver went down JJ's spine as she walked into the unfamiliar apartment that belonged to her former lover and friend. The ride home had been filled with tension and somewhere deep down JJ even felt scared. When she was in the hospital she seemed to feel better than she did now. Every single night her past would come back to haunt her in the form of nightmares. Not to mention that she was afraid of anyone who came to close to her. A single touch brought her back to the worst part of her life. She knew Hotch never meant to hurt her, but at the moment she couldn't trust anyone.

Hotch closed the door behind them and stepped next to JJ. He watched her as she inspected the living room. He wanted her to feel like she was home, but he knew that would take some time. ''I know this must be uncomfortable for you JJ so I understand if you want to stay with one of the girls.'' he stated in a whisper, trying not to scare her.

''Girls?'' JJ asked as she turned around to face him. ''Emily is back?''

Hotch knew Emily's return must have been a shock to her. But on the other hand it wouldn't be since JJ hadn't been home for the past six years. ''Yeah, she's been back for six weeks.'' he replied in a whisper. ''Do you want to take a shower? Eat something? Sleep?'' he rambled on.

JJ froze in her spot in front of the couch and just stared ahead while Hotch kept talking. She was barely hearing him. She was somewhere else with her head and Hotch's ran seemed to have taken on a life of its own. ''Jack.'' JJ mumbled when she noticed a picture of the boy with his father. ''When was this taken?'' JJ asked as she grabbed the frame.

''Dave took it when we were at his soccer practice. That was about seven months ago.''

JJ swallowed the lump back into her throat. The picture confronted her with what she could have had if the past six years never happened. She might have had a family and a loving husband. It might not have been Hotch, but that didn't matter. All her choices were taken away from her. She had no real decision to make. It all just happened and everything she once was, was taken away from her in a second.

Hotch knew JJ's emotions were piling up and she had no place to put them. But he wanted to listen and to help her. ''Say it.'' he pleaded, his voice tender and soft. ''You can say it.''

''Nothing I'll say will make me feel better, Aaron!'' she said firmly. ''Nothing will ever erase the pain I am feeling.''

''I know.''

''Then why are you asking me?'' she said while she finally turned around to face him. ''I just don't know how to do this.'' she whispered into the air. ''I don't know how to get over this.'' she said as the tears were welling in her eyes.

Hotch carefully approached JJ. He stopped a few inches in front of her and put one hand on her arms. He felt her flinch for a moment, but it only took a couple of seconds for JJ to relax under his touch. ''You'll find a way.'' he encouraged. ''We will find a way.''

The intensity in his voice sent a shiver through her body. He meant it. But she just didn't know if she could believe it. She didn't know how she could ever survive her inner struggles. ''I already missed out on so much.''

''You can still have a life, JJ. You can still grow old, get married, buy a house and have kids. It's all possible.'' he said softly.

''I know.'' she agreed. ''But those were choices I was supposed to make as they came into my life. And all those choices were taken from me. How can I ever deal with that?''

''We'll get Hicks, JJ.'' Hotch promised. ''He won't get away with what he did. I promise you that.''

JJ believed him. But she still feared the possibilities of Steven Hicks running free. She would never feel safe until he was dead. There were moment when she imagined what it would be like to kill him but then she realized she wasn't that kind of person. ''I hope so.'' she whispered.

''I promise you, JJ.'' he repeated, gently pulling her into his embrace. He felt her body trembling in his strong hold and he wished he could take away every ounce of pain she was feeling. ''I will never leave your side. I just want you to know that.''

JJ felt her panic subside once she was in his embrace. He was able to take some of her pain away and that enough of a consolation in that moment. ''Thank you.''

Hotch felt JJ pulling away and he let her go without even thinking about it. ''Do you want to eat something?''

''Yeah, I am actually pretty hungry.'' she answered as she followed Hotch into the kitchen. His house was filled with warmth. JJ could feel it the moment she walked inside. It fitted him perfectly. ''Can you still make that wonderful pasta?'' she questioned, remembering one of the happiest times of her life.

Hotch turned to JJ when he realized what she was talking about. ''Oh my god!'' he exclaimed. ''You're actually mocking me!''

''I am.'' JJ agreed with a small smile on her face. ''That pasta sucked, Aaron. You were never a good cook.''

''I know.'' he began. ''I remember you almost threw up and when you the first bite.''

''Yeah, and we ended up ordering a pizza when you realized it tasted so bad. At first you didn't believe me.''

Hotch opened the fridge. ''You always had bad taste in food and I thought I could make a good dish. But it turned out as a disaster.'' he said. ''You killed my self confidence that day, you know.''

''Self confidence?'' she laughed. ''From the looks of it, you still have it.''

''I missed this, JJ.'' Hotch said, knowing he was getting more serious. ''For six years I had to miss out on these kind of moments with you.''

JJ stayed silent and her smile was suddenly gone. She knew exactly what Hotch was talking about. She had wondered thousands of times what it would have been like if she never disappeared. Maybe they would've been married by now with a little brother or sister for Jack. Their lives would be great and filled with happiness. In the couple months before her disappearance she got to experience what life was like with him. They certainly had their struggles but they always managed to be happy. They were each other's escapes from the real world where serial killers took over their lives.

''I've always wondered what life would be like if you hadn't vanished that day.'' he added. ''Maybe we can still have that live one day.''

''Aaron…'' JJ began but he interrupted her.

''I know what you're going to say.'' he breathed out.

''I don't want to hurt you.'' she started. ''But I'm nothing like the person I used to be. And I can't think about the future right now. If I am going to survive this, I need to think about right now.''

''I understand.''

''I'm sorry. But I'm not capable to being that person to you. I might never be.''

''Okay.'' he agreed, but on the inside he didn't agree. He knew JJ was right. Her comment wasn't a rejection. She was just being honest and fair. But deep down he knew there still was a possibility for him and JJ. He would never give up the hope that they would one day find their way back to one another. He knew that chance still existed.