Day Thirty-three

Lydia finally woke me up late and we stay just long enough to have a big breakfast at the inn before catching a carriage to Whiterun. I had forgotten how far it was plus we had to stop to go around a mammoth carcass in the road. What a mess that was.

We arrived at Whiterun late and barely caught Belethor in time to sell some extra crap we found. I dropped off my new gems and rings and took a moment to look it over. For some reason, it did not entrance me like it used to. What the Nines was I thinking? What was the point of just leaving all this lying around? I should just sell this stuff. You could never have too much gold when building an empire. Maybe I should buy another house somewhere else. Solitude was not bad, plus there were many buxom babes walking about looking me over. It never hurt to have more than one place to feel safe in, especially when everyone wanted a piece of you. Speaking of which, I wondered what that Saadia over at the Bannered Mare was doing? She was watching me pretty close last time. Lydia did not feel like doing anything so she stayed at Breezehome and read a book. Boring. I was too restless and all this thinking about some of the available women here only made it worse. I headed for the Bannered Mare.

It was a slow night but then I remembered it was a Sundas so people probably went to bed early. Whatever. I asked Hulda about Saadia but she said she was busy rinsing the linen wraps. I settled for an ale at the counter.

"Hey, friend, you don't want that swill."

I looked over to see a man sitting at a nearby table. I did not recognize him but he seemed likable enough.

"What's wrong with this?" I asked him.

"I've got a special brew here waiting to be savored. In fact, how about a drinking contest? You and me?"

"And you are?"

"Sam Guevenne, Thane. Yes, I know who you are. Your reputation is well known about town. So how about it? If you win, I've got a staff you can have."

A staff? That ought to get Lydia out of her mood. "You're on," I said, "You don't stand a chance. I come from a long line drinkers and drunks. It's in my blood."

"I figured as much. I'll start round one. Down the hatch!"

Sam emptied his tankard like a pro then handed me one. It smelled like mead but with something extra. I took a sip and it was the best mead I had ever tasted. I slammed the tankard down on the table. "Shor's bones, that's good!"

"Well then, how about another? Round two. This one's for the ladies." Sam knocked another back but staggered a bit.

This was going to be easy. I took another drink from him and downed it just as quickly. It made my head tingle but I kept my feet.

"You've done this before, haven't you?" Sam asked. "Look, I've hit my limit. One more and you win."

"No problesh," I said and took the proffered drink. Down it went and I had to concentrate to keep standing straight. It did have a kick to it after all.

"I can see I'm no match for the great Thane! You win. Hey, you really know how to have a good time. I know this little place where the wine flows like water. What do you say?"

"How bow the wimma?" I think I asked, "D'they flow like watta too? Ha!"

"Hey, you don't look so good..." I heard Sam say before everything faded to black.

Day Thirty-four

"Wake up," a voice commanded, "I said wake up you slovenly wretch of a deformed troll."

I peeled my eyelids open and wondered if someone had shoved a shiv into the base of my skull. "Where am I?"

"Where are you?"

I looked up to see a blurry form in a red robe. The voice was that of a woman but I could not yet make out her face. She folded her arms and continued in a hard yet sultry voice.

"Then I suppose you don't recall throwing trash all over in a drunken rage, fondling statuary, or blathering about stealing livestock and getting married?"

I did not know which one of those to question first so I started with the most important. "Who did I fondle?"

Suddenly Lydia ran in. Wait, no, we couldn't have.

"There you are, you drunken fool," Lydia said.

"Um, Lydia, this woman here mentioned some nonsense about a marriage. We're not...I mean...we didn't...?"

Lydia held my arm affectionately, "How can you not remember, my Love? The way you begged me to be yours, the way you challenged any man who so much as looked at me. You were magnificent. And the wedding night, magic."

I could only stand slack-jawed and nauseous.

Lydia continued, "Of course that was after the boulder fell on my head, knocking every last bit of sense out of me. That look on your face alone is telling enough, you clod."

I shook myself out of my stupor, "I was only shocked...that...I could be so lucky. I can't tell you how disappointed I am now."

"Then why are you smiling so?"

"It's a smile to hide my heartbreak..."

"Enough of this foolishness," said the priestess. "Both of you blasphemers need to leave my temple but not before you clean up the mess you made. Dibella will not stand for having her home in such a state."

Once my eyes had focused I could see this priestess was beautiful. I was hoping her name was Statuary. To get on her good side, I started picking up whatever was laying on the floor. Mostly I found empty wine bottles but I also found a note about items needed to repair a staff for Sam. Sam! Now it was starting to come back to me. Well, the name anyway rang a bell. I finished cleaning up and apologized to the Priestess.

"Well, I suppose you were not yourself last night," she said.

"Ha!" Lydia scoffed.

"Dibella teaches forgiveness so I will let your indiscretions go. My name is Senna. Is there something I can do for you?"

The offer is almost too open to resist coming from a priestess of Dibella, but I tried to stay on topic. "Was there a man with me at any point last night, named Sam?"
"There were many people here last night. We make no judgements."

Lydia laughed. "Do I even want to know, Ralos?"

"I'm not sure I want to know."

Senna continued, "You kept mentioning some drinking buddy in Rorikstead, between belching contests. Try there first."

I thanked her and she marked it on my map for me. I found Lydia who was holding some implement from a long cushioned alter.

"What do you crush with this?" she asked the priestess. "It seems too soft for a pestle."

Senna whispered something in her ear. Lydia's mouth gaped open and she dropped the object like it was hot.

"I'm ready to go," she said, grabbing my arm on her way out.

"But what is it for..."

"Never mind. Let's go, I need to wash my hands."

Outside of the temple I found out we were in Markarth. Everywhere I looked there were stone stairs and waterfalls. Pretty, even at night, but how the Nines do I get out of here? I asked the first guard I found and he pointed me towards Rorikstead which I was pretty sure I passed by when I left Karthspire and headed towards Whiterun. I was more convinced when we pass Old Hroldran after climbing some hills. We kept going until we ran across a farming village in the middle of nowhere. It had to be Rorikstead. A passing guard identified a farmer named Ennis who has been talking about two guys who recently caused some trouble.
I approached the farmer, wary of the rusty hoe in his rough hands. As soon as he saw me I knew I was in trouble.

"You!" he said acidly, "You've got a lot of nerve showing up here again after what you pulled."

"What are you talking about?"

"What? You don't remember my beautiful Glenda?"

Now it was getting interesting. "Glenda...can't say I do. What does she look like?"

"She's my pride and joy. Curly hair, cute little nose, and the fastest tail you've ever seen."

"Sounds like my type, all right. You can see for yourself why she must have been irresistibly attracted to me."

"Bah, she's too friendly for her own good. She'd come to anyone with a handful of feed and willing to scratch her behind the ears."

Lydia laughed, "She really does sound like your type."

"All right. Eh, where can I find Glenda?"

"You mean you've lost her? I knew I should have turned you and your drunk crony into fetilizer when I had the chance. You left with her and sold her to that Giant over the hill."

"I... sold her?"

"Aye, and you'd better get my prize goat back or I'm going to the guards. They're already on edge with that dragon flying around earlier."

"Goat?" I said, "Glenda's a goat?"

"Have you no limits to your depravity?" Lydia asked.

"He said I took it, not that I... whatever. We saw that giant on the way here. I think we can catch up with it if we hurry."

"Lead the way," Lydia said, "I've got your baaaack."

I so need a new follower.

We headed South and the first thing I saw was the dragon Ennis spoke of flying overhead. It was keeping its distance so I ignored it. If it wanted to fight let it at least wait until we got near the giant. They could not seem to resist fighting each other. I found the giant looming over the rocks of the hill and then I saw a goat grazing nearby. It did not look like anything special and it definitely did not look familiar. I approached it and it came right up to me.

"Seems you made quite an impression on somebody," Lydia said.

"Come on, you stupid goat," I said. "You too, Glenda."

The giant turned at the sound of my voice and grunted.

"Now, I don't want any trouble, giant, so just remind me what I paid you and I'll double it for the goat. Sound fair?"

"Grok smash!"

Giants were obviously unreasonable creatures, especially when dealing with their livestock. I had seen the damage one of their clubs could do to a dragon and I wanted no part of that. I ditched the goat and ran to some high ground in the form of a rock outcropping. Lydia distracted him with her bow. Grok the giant chased me until an arrow punctured his ear then he turned his attention to my housecarl. I got my own dwarven bow of iciness out and continued the barrage. I landed three arrows in his head while Lydia switched over to her battleaxe. I felt something wet on my leg and looked down to see Glenda licking the back of my exposed knee. I had to stop and shoo her away. How did she know I was ticklish there?

I looked up in time to see Grok smash the ground in front of Lydia and she knelt down to try and recover. Grok must have remembered who he was fighting and found me nearby. He moved faster than I thought possible and his charge was intimidating as the ground shook with each step. I met it by switching to my sword and cleaving down onto his face. He staggered back and I used my fire breath to set him on fire. I swear I could see bugs fleeing the burning carnage of his loincloth.

"Grok burn!" he bellowed.

He regained his footing and raised his club but I was already backing away and all his weapon did was send dirt and stone into the air. I poured a bottle of frostbite poison on my blade and gave his lumpy grey head another whack. It staggered him again but I could not tell if the poison was working or not. Lydia returned to the fight and nearly severed his leg off at the knee. He twisted back to her but I could tell he was nearly finished. He swung and only grazed her armor. I jumped down and together we delivered fatal blows to Grok the giant buffoon.

The goat ran up to me as I picked up some still warm gold that had fallen out of the giant's pocket. Glenda started nibbling at Grok's toe and I shooed her away towards the farm. "Too little too late, there goat-face. Now back home with you."

Nearly there, wolves came out of nowhere and nearly set upon Glenda. I slaughtered one and Lydia took out the other with her bow. Just when you thought it was safe to walk your goat, a dragon decided to drop in for a visit.

The flying beast hovered between two farms. "I am Nahagliv and this is my territory. Prepare to die!" It finished by breathing ice over everything in front of it, which was mostly me.

It flew off as the farmfolk panicked.

"A dragon!", "Save us Akatosh!", "Give it the goat as tribute!"

"Shut up, fools!" I yelled and tried to lead the dragon away from the farm. If it killed Ennis, I may never know where to find Sam and about this heinous talk of marriage. The dragon, however, had other plans and remained near the farms, no matter how many arrows we hit it with. At least Glenda had stayed near me and out of the way. The guards showed up and soon there were five of us shooting this arrogant dragon. It made one more sweep, breathing ice, then landed in the middle of the farm opposite Ennis'. I rushed in, using my fire breath on it and slashing at its side with my sword. I saw Lydia crunching her battleaxe into its snout. I delivered one more stab under its wing and Nahagliv reared his head up then died. I astounded everyone by absorbing its soul, but I left it to them to pick its skeleton out of the potatoes and leeks.

"Ba-a-a-a," said Glenda at my side.

"I may just buy you to have as a snack on my way to find Sam," I told the noisy little animal.

"Getting your goat, is she?" Lydia quipped.

"You'd know all about that, wouldn't you? Follow me."

I found Ennis back at his crops but it took him several minutes to shut up about me slaying the dragon and to get back down to business.

"Here's your goat," I said, "Now can you help me or not?"

"You left me a note trying to explain things but most of it was crazy talk and the rest was splashed with mead. All I could get out of it was owing Ysolda in Whiterun."

"Ysolda?" I said, "Did I marry her?"

"The note says you owe her," said Lydia, "Mara knows you'd have to pay me a lot to marry you, too. You could do worse than her, though."

"I think being married at all is bad enough. Now I have to wait to get to Whiterun before I find out anything else. Did the note say anything about a guy named Sam?"

Ennis shook his head, "Perhaps your wife will know more when you get there."

"Stop saying that! I'm not married!"

I stormed off towards the road leading to Whiterun. If there was even a plowhorse here somewhere I would have risked stealing it just to hurry this mess along.

Lydia caught up to me. "So, Thane. Are you going to let the little woman continue to work or is she just going to cook and clean for you?"

"Shut up."

"She seems the motherly type. Are you planning a big family? Lots of little Raloses running around. The thought gives me chills."

I did not even bother to respond to her nonsense. I was too busy thinking and sweating, and not from the heat of the day.

On the road, we passed another farmer, this one leading a cow tattooed with lines and designs all over it. I tried to just pass by him but Lydia had to stop and talk with him.

"What's going on with the cow?" she asked.

"I'm taking it as tribute to the giant so he will leave us alone. He hasn't bothered us once since we've been doing this."

"Really?" I said, "I've got some lint in my bellybutton that keeps sabrecats away. I'll sell it to you for fifty septims."

"What? That's ridiculous."

"You don't see any sabrecats around, do you? Must be my bellylint."

The farmer looked around, listened for something. "How much did ya say?"

"Nevermind him" Lydia told the farmer, "What's with all the makings?"

"That's how the giant knows it's for him."

"Good luck with that," I told him and left him to his painted cow.

Lydia caught up. "What do you make of that? I've never heard of a giant attacking a village."

"It's just superstition. Either that or the giant is perpetuating a belief for free cows. If that's the case at least we know not every giant is as dim as Grok."

Further along I saw the skeleton of a dragon that I did not remember killing. I walked over to it then saw the stone pillars and recalled it was the one that Esbern said was the last one he killed, Voljotnaak. That's when I saw it is laying on top of a metal grate with a chest locked away inside. I looked around and saw a pull lever but when I turned it nothing happened. Lydia pointed out the pillars nearby and together we figured out how they needed to be facing. I opened the grate and inside the chest I found a book called, 'Hypothetical Treachery'. Another mage instructional book that I did not get. I took it anyway to keep it out of others' hands.

On our way away from there, we were attacked by a skeletal warrior. We killed him easily but I heard another clattering around on the other side of a large rock. We climb the rock and found him by a hidden alter. He died as easily as the first. Around the alter were two mages laying dead. On one I found a spell book called 'Sparks'. It seemed easy to do if I tapped into my healing magic a different way. But why would I? On the other was a book called, 'Liminal Bridges', which left me totally confused. I took it as well to keep out of dangerous hands.

Finally I could see Whiterun in the distance. It was getting late so we picked up our pace to try and get there before people went to bed.

Once we arrived in Whiterun I suggested that perhaps all this would be better handled in the morning when everyone was rested and feeling more like themselves. Lydia told me to stop stalling and go find my wife. I only did so because I was tired of hearing that awful four letter word.

I found Ysolda just outside of the Bannered Mare on her way in.

"It's about time you showed up," she rebuked me, "You still owe me."

"Yeah, I've been getting a lot of that," I said.

"So how much did it cost you?" Lydia asked Ysolda, "Besides your self respect?"

"I gave it to him for free."

"That was your first mistake," Lydia said, "Has the fever lifted? I'm assuming you were sick in the head with something."

"It's just that his story was so touching and he had no ring so I gave him one. Aw, don't tell me the engagement fell through already?"

"Engagement?" I said, "So you and I are not married?"

"Oh, by the Nines, no," her face curdled like old milk, "I'm desperate in business but not that desperate in my own life. Now if you don't need the ring either give it back or pay me for it."

"That's just it. Do you know what I did with it?"

"No. You ran off to give it to your true love in Witchmist Grove. You said it couldn't wait and your friend was willing to plan the wedding for you."

"Friend?" I said, "Was his name Sam?"

"I think so. You kept calling him, 'Bro'." She shrugged at the reference.

"Any idea where the wedding was supposed to be?"

"I'm sure your lovely bride will tell you, that is if she still wants you after you left her to say you can't afford the ring. I want my money if you don't need the ring. Don't make me hire some thugs to get it out of you."

"I can afford the ring, I just don't need it. I'm not getting married. This whole thing is a mistake."

"Cold feet?" Ysolda asked.

"Dumb ass," Lydia suggested.

"Pissed off," I corrected.

Ysolda put a hand on her hip, "You're mean when you're sober."

"Look, I'll just go to this Witchmist Grove and get the ring back and this will all be over, all right?"

"True," Ysolda said, "Then there will only be you're fiancee's broken heart and shattered dreams left. But you obviously don't care about that."

"I realize she'll be an emotional wreck, knowing she can never have me, but it's all part of being caught up in my grand destiny. Some day she'll be able to tell her grandchildren how close she was to greatness and she'll at least have that."

Ysolda frowned, "Are you sure you're not still drunk?"

"He's drunk on himself," Lydia said, "Only problem is the rest of us get the hangover."

"Let's go, housecarl. I need to find out where this grove is."

Unfortunately it was growing too late and I was dragging with fatigue after all the fighting and walking. I decided to crash at Breezehome for the night and try to find out where Witchmist Grove was in the morning.