While I was out, my roommate got on my computer and changed one of my chapters. I really don't feel like writing the whole 7000 words again, so I'll leave that for later. And since I now log out before leaving home, she won't be able to ruin any more chapters. I'd like to take a moment to say sorry to anyone she offended. Sorry. Now, I hope you will enjoy this chapter of Harry Potter.

Chapter 4: King's Cross and Hogsmeade: One Track to Rule Them Both

There was a definite end-of-the-holidays gloom in the air when Harry awoke next morning. Heavy rain was still splattering against the window as he got dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt; they would change into their school robes on the Hogwarts Express.

"You have a car?" Harry said, absolutely surprised.

"Yeah. It's not like we can fly everywhere. That would be silly. Doesn't your family have a car?" asked Seamus.

"They're not my family and yes, they do. I just didn't think wizards would."

"Wish I could fly everywhere, mate," sighed Seamus, "But the statute of secrecy…"

"Statute of who?"

"Secrecy. The thing which says muggles can't know about wizards or magic and all that. Here, help me load sis's trunk into the boot."

"Sure thing."

Harry heaved upward and together with Seamus, managed to drop it into the car, which shifted visibly.

"That must be a s***load of makeup," panted Harry.

"You should thank the blazes you don't live here."

"Already do."

"Are you two ready yet?" asked Shaina from the back seat.

"Yeah, we were just loading the last of the rubbish into the car," said Seamus, popping open the driver's side door.

"It's not rubbish. It's makeup."

"Ten points to Gryffindor!" said Seamus.

"Turn on the radio, I don't want to listen to guy talk all the way to Hogwarts."

Seamus switched on the radio. Mexican music filled the vehicle.

"Something else!"

Seamus turned the knob, but it was the only kind of music.

"Can you at least turn the volume down?"

"Volume control's broken!"

"F***!"

"F***!" agreed Harry.

"F***," nodded Seamus.

Now Loading…

"Seamus… I never- *ulp* never want to ride with you again," muttered Harry as he stumbled out of the car.

"Yes, I agree with- one moment please-" Shaina managed to say before vomiting out the window.

"It wasn't that bad. Hey, come on. Okay, next time you can drive, Harry."

The three made their way to Platform nineteen and nine-tenths with only minor difficulty. When Harry passed through the barrier, he stopped for a moment to admire the train through the smog. He had to move a few seconds after passing through to make way for the wizards charging in behind him. Harry still couldn't believe that no muggles knew about this yet, as the mass of pushing wizards and students shoving their way through was like a crowd at a rock concert. Harry had to jump out of the way to avoid some chick on a Vespa.

"Bugger!"

Neville also had to leap aside to avoid being run over.

"I don't wanna die!" he shouted as the girl swerved.

"Whoa!" she shouted, and crashed into a lamp post.

Her helmet popped off and rolled into the crowd where it was kicked around like a football in Mexico. A pair of big blue eyes blinked and she smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, Harry! I can't see anything in that helmet!"

"Don't worry about it Luna," said Harry, giving her a hand up. "Have a good summer?"

"It was rather nice, yes."

"What about me?" asked Neville, standing up and brushing himself off.

"Good morning Neville! Did you forget to wash your robes?" asked Luna.

Neville looked down at his now dirty and torn robes.

"Just had these dry-cleaned," he mumbled, sticking his thumb through a hole in the sleeve.

"If I was you, I'd get it washed somewhere else. In fact, I know a lovely Laundromat in Hogsmeade-"

At that exact moment, the whistle blew.

"Hurry it up, the train's about to leave!" shouted Seamus.

Harry, Neville, and Luna loaded their stuff into the baggage compartment just before it was shut, barely managing to get the Vespa in before it closed. They clambered on board as the train began to roll. The last few students were racing to the train as the parents raced to be the first back to the parking lot. By now, most of the compartments had at least one person in them and because all young people are self-serving b******s, no one would let them sit with them. After about five minutes, they found the compartment Seamus was sharing with Dean Thomas.

"What's up my man?" said Dean, punching fists with Harry.

"Magic. You're looking badarse."

"Got the hat in Egypt. It's sweet, I know. Where are my manners? Come, sit down."

"Really?" asked Neville hopefully.

"Everyone 'cept you. Only 'nough room for four."

Neville groaned.

"And I don't want to be accused of putting my feet up on the steps. You should wash those robes more often," said Dean as Luna pulled the door shut behind her.

"What a dork," laughed Seamus, "He actually put on his robes before he got on the train?"

"Must be because of what happened last year," mused Harry.

"That? I guess I could buy that. Anyone'd be nervous after having Malfoy do that to them."

"Yeah."

"That reminds me," Dean grinned, "Guess who's in the compartment next door?"

"Not Snape?"

"Sure it's Not Snape... No, it's actually Ron."

"What about Ron?"

"Wait until you see what he's wearing! You won't believe it."

"I already don't. There's absolutely nothing interesting about Ron. That's the main reason why I don't hang out with him. The second reason would probably be that he is six years older than I am."

"Sad that he was held back in school for that long. Wait, if you say he's disinteresting, why do you hang out with him?"

"His mum makes really great pie."

"She does," confirmed Luna with a bob of the head.

"Luna, what are you doing?"

"Reading the Quibbler," she replied without any trace of admission that there was something abnormal about reading a magazine upside down.

"I really don't get you at all," Harry said slowly.

"It's too easy to read it right side up."

"What about left side up?" Harry asked sarcastically.

"Also too easy."

"Not as easy as Lavender," remarked Seamus.

"That's a little cruel, don't you think?" asked Dean.

"If she and Ron are going out, she must be easy," reasoned Harry.

Ron opened the door just then.

"Hey guys."

There was silence for a few seconds before Luna said sweetly, "Hello Ron."

The others echoed her.

"Now that we've got the pleasantries out of the way," said Ron, pulling a little girl out from behind him. "I can get to business. Or, more to the point, you can."

"What's up with her-" Dean began to ask when Ron interrupted.

"She's my new sister in law's half-sister, Gabrielle. She's a first year and needs looking after. Could you please look after her for the rest of the trip?"

"Yes, but about-"

"Great, later!" Ron said, closing the door.

They were silent for a few moments before they burst out laughing.

Harry struggled to breath as he laughed and said, "Pinhead!" to himself.

"Fred and George's work, that!" laughed Dean. "Brilliant, isn't it!"

All this time, little Gabrielle stood stock still like a raccoon caught raiding an exploding dustbin. This simile is slightly less applicable when the target has sheep ears and ram horns. The four of them only remembered she was there when they all spotted them once again perched up there at roughly the same moment, at which point they just froze. Their mouthes still in open smiles from the laughter, but their eyes and brains still processing.

"Good morning," Luna said finally.

Gabrielle remained frozen to the spot. It was awfully quiet for the next few seconds. In that short period, a dreadful noise began to emanate from the neighboring compartment, from which could be discerned little more than cries and laughter.

"Sounds like Lavender," remarked Dean.

Suddenly the lot of them began making noise in any way they could, turning on a walkman, talking loudly, flipping the pages of a decidedly too slim Quibbler issue all to keep the naughty noise out.

"Harry Potter! Nice to meet you, hello!"

"I am Dean! Good to see you! Welcome to the Hogwarts Express!" shouted Dean.

"I'm Luna Lovegood! Am I being loud enough?"

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout!" Seamus sang off key.

The noise from the neighboring compartment seemed to grow somehow louder still. Suddenly, the noise stopped. It took about six seconds for them to realize this. Abruptly, everyone stopped making noise.

It seemed to be over, when they heard Lavender shriek, "D*** it! So close!"

Harry smacked himself in the face with gusto. He had not wanted to hear that. Still, Gabrielle was not fazed.

"Do you speak English?" asked Harry.

She said something beautifully hilarious that I can't write because my computer doesn't have the capacity to write in French. I already filled up the memory space with English and German.

"Does anyone here understand French?" asked Harry.

"I can read subtitles," said Luna.

Harry gave her a blank stare and turned to Dean and Seamus.

"What about you?"

Dean began counting off on his fingers, "I speak English, Egyptian, Arabic, Finnish, Quenya, Latin, Greek, Albanian, Spanish, Portuguese, and Hungarian."

"No French?"

Dean shook his head.

"How many fingers do you have?" asked Seamus.

Dean raised his hands and wiggled his fingers.

"I have an idea!" said Luna.

She raised her forefinger in front of her flat chest, then raised her forefingers to her mouth and pulled the corners into a smile. Gabrielle lit up and used her fingers to pull up the corners of her mouth. Luna pointed at herself, then, in sequence showed ten fingers followed by three. Gabrielle pointed at herself and raised ten fingers, then shaped a finger and thumb into a zero.

"Charades?" Harry guessed and was met with nods. "Somehow, this conversation was suddenly incredibly boring.

The train came to an abrupt halt and Harry, Seamus, and Gabrielle slammed into Dean and Luna, who were in the seats opposite.

"Son of a b****!" shouted Harry and Seamus in perfect unison.

"Who taught that arsehole how to drive?" Dean asked Pleinair/God/Allah.

"Probably Seamus."

"That was uncalled for!" Seamus muttered from somewhere beneath him with feeling.

The compartment door slid open and a body fell on top of the heap.

"Ouch! Who is that?" asked Dean.

"It's me," groaned Neville.

"What're you doing in here? And what's going on?"

"Dunno. I was in the aisle, trying to find a compartment one minute, flew to the front of the train the next. Reckon the train must've hit the brakes."

"We left the station an hour ago. You were still looking for a compartment just now?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"Got any room? You're not even using the other half of the compartment."

Harry stood up and helped Gabrielle up. Seamus grunted and Gabrielle got off his back so he could sit up.

"-'m I bleedung?" asked Seamus as blood streamed down his face and coursed down onto the floor.

Neville slipped in the growing pool and fell on his bum.

"A bit," said Harry.

"Neville, could you close the door? I'm getting goosebumps," whispered Luna, then coughed to clear her crushed trachea.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine. Fine. Next time I'd prefer if you land on Dean, though."

Neville slid the door shut.

"It is cold all of a sudden," said Harry. "Usually I don't notice this sort of thing, but right now I wish I had a coat."

"Anybody see a dial for the thermostat?" asked Dean.

"Found it," said Luna.

"That's not it," said Harry.

"Sorry."

"Keep trying in that general area."

"I see shadows! Shadows through the crack of the door!" squealed Neville.

"If I go to hell, the devil will have rigged up loudspeakers everywhere playing an endless cycle of Neville speaking," said Dean.

A rotted, almost plastic hand grabbed the edge of the door and-

"Ah!" Harry screamed.

He saw a bright flash of emerald green and heard a woman shrieking in unbelievable pain. It wasn't quite Dean's idea of hell, but it was pretty bad.

When Harry awoke, it was to something warm on his face and chest.

"Told you it would work," said Seamus.

Harry opened his eyes.

"CPR: Classic Protagonist Reviver," said Dean matter-of-factly.

Harry, already fearing that it was Neville, opened his eyes. Thank Pleinair he thought to himself. It was Luna.

"He's awake," Neville said in relief.

Luna sat up, "Harry, are you okay?"

Seamus smirked, "More than okay by the looks of it. Could you get that thing to lay down Harry?"

Harry already knew what he was talking about and swiftly set his mind on such deboning thoughts as Cricket, Snape, and Spongebob Squarepants.

"You passed out! How are you feeling?"

"Hungry."

Harry noticed that the train was moving again.

Dean fished around in his pants, "I've got some chocolate in my pocket."

He produced a Mars Bar.

"It looks a little melted."

"Yeah. Sorry 'bout that."

"This is perfect!" said Luna.

"How so?"

"That was a dementor!"

They all gave her a blank stare.

"The guards of Azkaban prison."

More stares.

"The place Sirius Black was in."

"Oh! Yeah! I knew that!" lied Seamus.

"Because dementors suck all the happiness out of them-" continued Luna.

"So that's why it didn't affect me," said a nonplussed Neville.

"-chocolate is perfect for recovering from depression."

"That ties as America's worst problem," said Harry, eating a gob of chocolate.

"With what?" asked Dean, curious.

"Obesity. Which, ironically, is caused by chocolate."

"Why do you think dementors were on the train?" asked Seamus.

"Fudge is up for re-election. I'll bet you five Sickles that he's redoubling his efforts to catch Sirius Black," said Dean.

"I wouldn't take that bet if you paid me to."

Gabrielle said something in French, then turned to Luna and began pantomiming.

"She wants to know how long the ride will be."

"If we don't get stopped again," Seamus said solemnly, "I reckon it'll be another two hours."

"Not so serious! You're scaring her!" scolded Luna.

"She doesn't look scared to me."

She wasn't.

"Anything happen while I was knocked out?" asked Harry.

"Well…" Seamus and Dean locked eyes and empathically sent each other a very clear message: Let's not tell him about what we were doing.

Next time on HPMF:

Shaina: Where's my coffee? I know I told someone I wanted coffee! His name was Greg or something. Whoever he is, he's fired!

Seamus: Calm down, sister of mine, it's not a big deal. Tea?

Shaina: I f***ing hate tea! And that b****** will never work in show business again!

Seamus: It's a book.

Shaina: Same thing!

Seamus: And there's vodka in the tea.

Shaina: Hand it over!