It had been a month since the pollen had created the Dream Lord and since that time he doubted he had slept two hours.
When he did sleep those precious few minutes they were filled with nightmares. He was sitting on the floor of the broken down Midnight bus, holding his limp son in his arms. Around them Gallifrey burned with roaring flames that seemed to overtake everything but Susan's voice. His beautiful granddaughter stood in the open door of the bus holding her father's hand as the flames whipped around them and the heat burned his skin, but theirs remained untouched. She was laughing at him as she sang that Kiam had come to play with her.
He didn't know if he was awake or asleep anymore as he went through the motions of his day. He had gotten this bad before not wanting to sleep but back then there had been no one watching him and making sure he ate. He didn't know how long he had walked around in the dream like state before the regeneration energy overtook him and he had awoken to find that he had a northern accent and loved leather coats.
He was in the control room alone as the Tardis whipped through the Time Vortex. He had set the controls for random, hoping for something to distract his mind. He didn't know when he fell asleep, but when he opened his eyes, he was laying on his back on the steel. John, was rushing around the controls, trying to land the Tardis safely and Rose was kneeling beside him gently stroking his head.
"What the Hell were you doing," John yelled angrily. "Trying to kill us all?"
"What happened?" He asked trying to sit up as the Tardis spun around him. Instead he placed his head on Rose's leg and tried to figure out if the spinning was in his mind, or if the Tardis was out of control. The others seemed to be fine, so he closed his eyes, hoping the spinning would stop.
"You passed out." John stated manner of factly.
"Is he all right." Rose asked worried.
"He just needs to sleep." John sighed as he reset the coordinates on the Tardis.
"Where's Kiam?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Amy and Rory have him in the living area." Rose said softly. "We were relaxing and next thing we know the cloister bell is ringing and the lights are red."
"We almost fell out of the Time Vortex." John landed the Tardis and then turned to them. "You need to sleep." John stated again.
"Can't sleep, too much to do." He replied.
John's voice grew gentle as he knelt down beside him. "I know you're afraid but you need to sleep. You will feel a lot better once you do." He opened his eyes and looked at John. He was surprised to see that John's eyes were full of concern. "You going to get up now?" John asked him.
He nodded and then took John's hand and let him pull him to his feet. He swayed but managed to keep his feet. "Where are we?" He asked John.
"New New York. Rose was telling Amy and Rory about it and Amy is eager to see it." John grinned at him.
"We spend too much time here," He shook his head at Rose.
"I love it here." She pouted and he smiled warmly at her. He allowed John to lead him back to his bed and Rose tucked him in. She sat stroking his hair until he fell asleep. But when he woke screaming a short time later, she was nowhere in sight. Not wanting to fall asleep again he pulled himself out of bed and headed down to his science lab. He opened the door and was surprised to see John sitting in there waiting for him.
"You're suppose to be sleeping." John said casually as he flipped through the pages of a book.
"Can't sleep." He replied sitting down hard in a chair. "Are the rest out?"
"Yep, Rose left as soon as you were asleep." John looked up from the book. "You can't keep going like this. I know it is the nightmares keeping you up but you need to sleep. The last time we were this bad was right after the Time War."
"I know, but every time I close my eyes I hold his limp body against mine." He admitted looking down.
"Which was a dream. Regardless of how real it felt, it was a dream." John told him.
"I can't lose him." He felt the tears coming and tried to hold them back. "I all ready lost our other children and my beloved Susan. I can't go through that again." He was surprised when he felt John wrap his arms around him and hug him tightly before holding him at arms length.
"I can't promise you that you never will lose him, we both know better than that. I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to help you keep him safe." John said.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." John went and sat down on the desk. "Can I ask you a question and you be honest with me?"
"I'll try."
"I thought you hated me, but it has been almost two months now and you still haven't left me somewhere. Why?"
"I don't hate you. I don't like when you flirt with Rose, but I don't hate you."
"You said you don't trust me."
"I didn't but you have given me no reason not too." He sighed. "If you want me too, I will drop you off, or you can continue to travel with me for awhile. It is up to you."
"It depends, I was looking through the Tardis records and I came across the information on Lake Silencio."
"Drop it." He said warningly.
"Did you agree that I could come, so that I could go for you?"
"No one is going anywhere near it, because it isn't happening."
"It is a fixed point." John gestured to the screen, which was showing the information. "The Doctor dies at Lake Silencio, you can't change it."
"I can and I will." His voice dropped to it's deadly calm. John nodded and went back to his book. He tried to concentrate but his mind couldn't focus. So instead he just sat there and watched John. John acted like he didn't notice but then picked up another book and started to read it outloud. He closed his eyes and listened to the words and let them drown his thoughts.
When he opened his eyes again he was laying in his bed and Rose was laying beside him, Kiam snuggled up to her. He smiled and moved closer to them and closed his eyes again.