A/N: It has been a long time since I updated this story. I hope this chapter makes up for it. I think this story is coming to and really soon.

Special thanks to Sophia0665, Twilightangell, Westie80, jenny crum, Katia XD, Christiangirl and Casie01!

I don't own criminal minds!

Chapter 32: Passing years

Hotch's pov

Three years later…

Just like the last time days, weeks, months and years passed by and I never saw JJ again. But this time it was very different. I knew she was alive. I knew she was no longer in the hands of a man who tore the humanity away from her. That thought gave me some sort of peace. But there would always be a part of me that would never rest without her in my arms. So I kept hope of her return just like I did in the six years she was gone. I am imagined her with me every single step of the way. My heart ached to feel her touch again and to never let go of her. I always felt like a piece was missing without JJ in my life. She filled a void and I had to live without it two times in a row. I know I shouldn't have felt sad for myself but it's the hardest thing to say goodbye to the one you love, not knowing when they are coming back. I didn't even know if she was ever coming back. I knew nothing about her life in those three years and I feared every single day that I never would. But I kept hope. Just like before it was the one thing that kept me going through all the ups and downs in my life.

Luckily, this time the team was able to stick together and we all became closer than ever before. We shared almost every single minute together and the minutes I didn't spent with them were with my son. Jack grew up quickly and he was able to take away some of my pain. He often wondered why I was never with another woman but I told him I was waiting for the one I loved. Jack had many questions about JJ and what she truly meant to me. I never went into detail about the affair she and I had during my marriage with Haley. But I told him that sometimes you can love a person very much but you don't love him in a special way. I said I loved JJ in a very special way and that was my reason for waiting for her. Jack often imagined that JJ was princess and that I was her prince. He thought it was a fairytale. There were so many times I wished Jack could meet her. JJ only saw Jack once when he was a baby and that was the only time. Apart from JJ, Jack has always been the most important thing in my life. He's a part of me and JJ never knew that side of me. She never got the chance. I kept hope that one she might meet him and I immediately think about a brother or sister for Jack in those moments. I've always known I am dreaming in those moments but it's still what I want.

The team missed JJ as much as me. It was one of those things we went through together and I was happy that we stuck together this time. A lot changed in all of our lives but their love for JJ never stopped to exist. I noticed Emily still carried her sense of responsibility with her, even though I tried to explain to her that it was never her fault. But her relationship with Derek was back to the way it used to be and I know that was important to Emily. She never wanted anyone to blame her because she blamed herself more than enough. I do believe that time healed her pain and she slowly learned she had no control over the situation regarding her best friend. Reid never really talked about JJ, but I knew he struggled with questions. Reid was the one who mourned on the inside during this hard time. Derek on the other hand made his anger very clear. He often wondered why JJ left without saying goodbye to them. He was the only one who expressed his anger and sometimes I had the urge to punch him in the face but it was his way of dealing. I knew JJ was like a little sister to him.

But Derek wasn't the only one who wondered why JJ left. I always wondered why JJ made the choice to walk away. Hundreds of theories have gone through my head and I've never come up with the right one. Maybe she thought she was being selfless by walking away. She probably thought she was doing me a favor but that's not true. She's the one person in this lifetime I need the most. It's like I can't breathe without her and I need to see her in order to stay alive.

JJ asked me to not wait for her. But I decided to wait for her even if she was never coming back. In those three years I didn't look at another woman because I knew JJ was my one and only and no set of circumstances could ever change that. My love for her never ceased to exist nor would I let it. It lived forward in the memories I had of us together. But also because she owned a piece of my heart. Nothing would ever change that because even though we were never in real relationship, I knew our time together was as real as anything could ever get. I felt her love from her kisses and they way she looked at me every single time. It was real and it still is for me.

Right now I don't where she is or what she's doing. But wherever she is or with whomever she is, I only want her to be happy. Saying that out loud scares me actually. I am afraid. Afraid that she moved on with someone else. Someone who could take away her pain in ways I was never capable off. But if that's true it means she found the right person and that she's happy. I would never take away her happiness. Even at the cost of my own.

In the past three years I've been sticking by the theory: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. I let JJ go. I didn't stop her from going. I tried but I couldn't, knowing I shouldn't stand in the way of what she wanted. She had gone through so much horror and tragedy to be asked to do something she didn't want to do. I decided to respect her decision and I have to live with it. And her decision still hurts me every single day. I can honestly say that. But what kind of man would I have been to keep here against her wishes?

After three years I never expected her return. It seemed like centuries ago since I last saw her. I thought she was living a happy new life and that she wasn't coming back to her old life that reminded her of the pain she was put through. I would never blame her for not coming back. But I was wrong about that because then there was the knock on my door. The life changing knock on my door…