Warning: not graphic, but a slight description of the suicide attempt

Chapter 16

Chris' Point of view

The first time I opened my eyes I was standing in the park. The place I recognized immediately as the park where Piper and Leo took us when we were children. I looked around and found my little self sitting on the bench hugging my knees to the chest. On my face I could see strays of dried tears and one knee was scratched. At the moment I understood what day it was. It was the day I first met Nat. I looked around again and my eyes fall on Piper, Leo, Wyatt and Paul as they happily played together not noticing that one of their children was missing. Suddenly I heard soft footsteps and turned to watch.

The girl my age stood near the bench observing me with her lip between her teeth. She had such serious expression on her face that you could think he was planning something. The girl took a deep breath and said:

"Why are you upset? Were you crying?" I heard myself sniffle and finally raised the gaze.

"Yes. Why do you care?"

"Because my mommy said that I need to help upset people. Where is your mommy and daddy?"

"Over there" little me pointed at the Halliwells.

"Why doesn't your mommy hug you?"

"She has Wy and Paul to hug? What happened?"

"I fall and scratched my knee. And my mommy doesn't hug me."

"Did you tell them that you fell?" I smiled at Nat. she was always so pushing and talkative and interested in everything that caught her eyes, and now she was doing exactly that.

"I tried but daddy said it wasn't important and I should go and play in the sandbox." The frown deepened on the Nat's face. She shifted her look at Halliwells and back at little me.

"That's not right. You hurt your knee and you deserve to be hugged." She replied sounding angry. Then idea came to her mind as I watched how her face lightened up. "I know! I call my big sis and she will hug you and help with your knee. Be the way I'm Natalie, but you can call me Nat!" she added cheerfully.

"Chris."

"Ok, Kit. Wait here, I'll be right back!" a happy smile appeared on her face.

"My name is Chris" I repeated as I watched her rushing away.

About a minute later she went back but this time she wasn't alone. She was pulling her older sister by her hand. When they reached the destination Nat stopped and pointed at Chris. The girl was a teenager whom I recognized as Serena. She looked at little me and a soft smile graced her face. She kneeled down in front of me and wondered.

"How did you hurt your knee?"

"I fall."

"Oh, baby. It should have hurt a lot! Let me see. I'm Serena. Nat here said you're Chris, but she's calling you Kit, and also she said that your mommy and daddy did nothing. Is it true?"

I saw myself nodding slightly hiding my face from her warm look. I knew that I couldn't come and hug him but it didn't mean that my heart wasn't filled with the love for these three persons. I observed the interaction with the feeling of safety and I knew that was the feeling my little self also felt at the moment.

"I'm going to help you, but before I do, you need to promise never tell anyone what I did. Deal?" Serena asked seriously.

"I promise." With that she brought her hand to my knee and the golden light appeared and the cut on the knee vanished with the pain.

"You healed me!" Little me squeaked. Serena put her hand over my mouth.

"You promised."

"I'm sorry. My daddy can do that too, but his light is blue."

"Well I can open one more secret for you." Getting the nod she continued: "My grand-grand-grand-grandparents taught people like your father do it. Now you have to keep this as a secret, ok?"

"Yes" I was about to start laughing at the enthusiastic nods from little me. Even then she could make me feel loved and happy, by just talking.

"Ok, now we have to go, but we are walking in this park quite often so, don't be afraid to come to us and play."

"That'll be great if we are the best friends" Nat said looking at the sky dreamingly. "So Kit see you in a while!" she said as she and Serena walked away from him waving and smiling. "Bye Kit!"

The moment they left the eyesight the situation changed. I was in the attic with Wyatt. I was about sixteen years old and by the look on my older brother face I guessed that was the memory from when Wyatt became evil. I looked at the pair before me and listen for their argument.

"Wy, what you're doing isn't right" I heard myself said.

"Chris, don't come in my way! I do it to protect you! And I quite aware that you don't like it, but if keeping you safe, meaning becoming more powerful then I will."

"But you can't save me if you're evil!" the teenager cried.

"Christopher, there is no good or evil, there is only power, and I will the most powerful, just to protect the rest of my family, like Leo failed to do." With that Wyatt left the attic, leaving me on the brick of hysteria and alone.

And again the picture changed. Now I watched myself standing in the sunroom, ditching fireballs. I looked about twelve and I knew it was the day when I for the first time thought about suicide. Suddenly younger me saw the energy ball flying at Paul and without thinking pushed him of the way and taking the blow. I heard the soft yelp leaving the throat and almost lifeless body of myself. Then I noticed that demons were destroyed and turned to look at The Halliwells. I watched Piper running to the Paul, while Leo was checking Wyatt. I as well as my teenage self heard Piper's words.

"Oh, God! You both are Ok! I don't what I would do if you were hurt." Hearing these words the teenager and I orbed to the Neutrals. I watched myself falling unconscious and Helena and Kate rushing to me and healing. Helena was pale like paper and tears were ready to fall. When the boy had come to his consciousness, the first words he said:

"They didn't notice me, she wants only Wy and Paul." Hearing that Helena hugged my younger self and tried to console, but even she understood the damage was done.

And again the situation changed. I was sitting at the table in my room at the Weinburgs'. In the table laid a blade and teenage me was writing a letter. I knew that was the day. I came to him and looked over his shoulder looking at the content of the letter.

"Dear Helena, Simon, Tom, Kate, Serena, Audrey and Natalie

I wish you didn't see what I'm about to do. I know that you love me, care for me and never let me down, but I can't live knowing that for my mom and dad I'm nothing but a trouble. I don't want to make you tell them the news, but as you will be the one who will find me, you don't have a choice.

I've been thinking about it since the day of that demon attack, when I almost died. They never cared for me and it hurt to know that they will be relieved when I leave them. It's better this way. I will be spared from pain of ever seeing them again, they won't feel responsible for me anymore and for there will be no need to care for emotionally damaged boy.

I love you all. You showed me the meaning of the family and how it works, it saddened me that not every family can be like yours. Don't blame yourself for this, it's not your fault never yours. Once again love you,

Your Chris."

With that he sealed the letter, took the blade and went to the bathroom. I followed him and watched how he did it. From aside it looked horrible and everything inside was screaming to spot it, but I knew it's only a memory and I could do nothing of the thing. In about five minutes I heard the knock to the door, then somebody coming into the room, then somebody looking in the bathroom and I saw the cook of the family, the one who taught me everything. The moment she was me she jumped into actions. She put pressure on the wounds with one hand and with the other she called the ambulance.

When the paramedics were loading me into the car, Serena and Tom ran to them and when they saw me Serena swayed, but Tom asked.

"What happened?"

"Attempt of suicide. We need to get him to the hospital ASAP." I watched how Tom fisted his hands and cursed under his breath the Halliwells.

"I'm coming with him, I'm his brother." With that he climbed in the car near me and said Serena to call the rest of the family and go to the hospital.

The ambulance began driving and I watched Tom, holding my hand with tears in his eyes.

"Silly boy! Why didn't you come to us? We would have never let you bring your hurt so far. You need to stay strong, for me, your sister and your mom and dad, ok, buddy?"

At that the memory ended. I stood now in the room with and watched both my biological family and real family standing around me, fighting with my uncontrolled powers. My real family had relaxed expression on their faces, as if they thought about something pleasant, but my biological family was tensed and for them keeping control was hard. Then I heard Mom told Piper:

"You need to remember something good that happened with you and Chris, it will help you to keep the overpower it, but it will also help Chris to sort everything out." With that she was back to her thought, while Piper tried to remember something good. After a few minutes Piper's face lightened up as she remembered something and for her it became easier to keep the hold, noticing the change the rest of my biological family followed the advice.

I felt something pulling me back to my body, I knew that was time to finish it and I knew that now I had everything sorted. Because I made my decision and found my own peace.

A/N I hope you enjoyed!=)