Since so many people brought up the throne room scene, I want to address why I wrote it the way I did. From a certain perspective, Sookie barging into Eric's throne room and telling him to stop torturing Felipe and Freyda is a bit disrespectful. I wanted it to be. If you remember, 200 years ago, despite being a telepath that had helped vampires so many times before, whenever she was in the room with them she was expected to bow and be entirely respectful even while they treated her like a commodity, or a pampered asset. Remember when she had to bow before Sophie-Ann and call her ma'am? How she had to act subservient and grateful towards the woman that was responsible for Bill Compton breaking her heart and leading to her Gran's murder? All the times she had to smile at Victor and Felipe and every other vampire instead of speaking her true mind? All because she wasn't a vampire she was supposedly undeserving of their respect.

But this is 200 years later, and in my story Sookie doesn't take shit from anyone. She can command the attention of a room, and she can be heard when she has an opinion. And not just because it is Eric's court either, but because in 200 years she has transformed herself into an educated, wealthy, powerful woman that is not to be messed with. So to me, the throne room scene proved this. It showed that she doesn't even think of bowing and scraping before vampires anymore. Her natural instinct now is to plant her feet and hold her ground. She doesn't care what they think about her because she knows she can take care of herself and those closest to her.

I also wanted the scene to display that Sookie still has the ability to bring out the humanity in Eric. In my mind, Eric loved being a vampire and shunned his human emotions for embracing the predator within. I always interpreted Sookie's place in his life as reminding him that human emotions don't make him weak, and they can be just as enjoyable as his vampire instincts. I wanted Sookie to remind Eric of his softer side, the side that has mercy and warmth.

So that's why I wrote the scene I wrote. If you like my approach, that's great. If you find it disrespectful and makes Sookie look like an entitled brat? That's fine too. To each their own. I will admit that I'm having difficulty walking a fine line of making sure that neither Eric or Sookie has ultimate control in their relationship. Either socially or emotionally. I'm trying to bring them to the point where they are both completely equals. Which was never true before. Eric is at a disavantage at the moment, but that is because he is trying to get Sookie back when she is very content in her current life. So yes, he is going the extra mile to win, but believe me, this story is more like a pendulum. The power might have swung one way for the moment, but it will swing back!

Also, I had one woman PM, and I'd like to address one of her comments. Her PM was very polite, and she was only making a suggestion, but I disagree with her completely. She told me that the whole Mars and Moon trips were impractical and made the story sound fake. I find this entirely inaccurate. I think the notion we won't have colonization on other planets and space in 200 years to be impractical. The truth is they are preparing to expand the international space station and start putting permanent structures on the Moon even now. There is actually an independent Dutch group that is preparing to send a permanent settlement team of HUMAN BEINGS to Mars in 2023. It is a multibillion dollar project, and there is even going to be an international TV show that will focus on the training of the volunteers and the final selection of who gets to go. The fact is that life in space is literally at our door, so of course there will be such extensive space and planet travel in 200 years time. I encourage you all to look into it. It really is fascinating. The Mars expedition, which any person is free to apply for (seriously, they are taking applications!), is one I believe much of the world will be watching with great interest in the next 4-6 years! I think the TV show focusing on the people who will get to go will be one of the highest rated shows of all time. I bet it ends up being like that movie with Jim Carey, the Trueman Show? Or something. I think the whole world will be riveted to the sight of these people that are going to leave for Mars to start colonization, and won't be coming back for decades! If ever!

Go check out Mars One dot com. It is crazy cool!

Karin is Eric's oldest child in the final book. I don't know much about her since I refuse to read DEA. I'm just going to pretend she's a few centuries older than Pam. She is only briefly mentioned in this chapter, but she will be introduced later on for at least one small scene with Sookie.

No beta or proofing. As is.

Chapter 5

"Sookie, this will go so much easier if you will just relax."

"I am relaxed."

"Really? Can you even feel your fingers anymore?"

Sookie's eyes darted down to her lap where her hands were resting with her fingers interlocked. She'd been gripping her hands so tightly that the knuckles were white, and she found Eric was right, she couldn't feel her fingers. Shooting him a glare for pointing out her discomfort she quickly unlaced them and tried to work the feeling back in as she replied, "Well what did you expect! This isn't exactly easy for me, Eric!"

Marcus had left for his Mars mission 11 days ago, and tonight was the first time she'd seen Eric since barging into his throne room a little over two weeks before. He'd called the night after Marcus left, but she'd told him she needed a few days to process everything. Eric had agreed to give her time, and he had left her alone until the evening before. He'd called and asked if she was ready to spend time with him, and Sookie, knowing she couldn't put this off any longer, had agreed to come to dinner at his compound tonight.

Eric had a full time cooking staff that catered to the many human employees and visiting officials, but he'd brought in a special chef from Paris to make Sookie's dinner for the evening. Sadly, while the meal had been wonderful, Sookie just hadn't been able to shed her insecurities and doubts, and thus while she ate and Eric sipped his glass of donor blood the conversation had been stilted and forced. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife, and now that they had retired to Eric's living room he was done tolerating it. Things might have never been perfect between he and Sookie, but they'd never been like this. He wanted her comfortable enough to talk to him like she had been in the past.

In an effort to achieve that, Eric offered, "I know this is difficult for you, Sookie. I know how much Marcus means to you, and I know how uncomfortable a woman with your morals must be dating one man while married to another. So I propose we stop thinking of our situation as dating."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that we simply try to be friends. You've said nothing sexual will take place while your husband is gone, and while I want you very much, I will respect that. So let us try and find the chemistry we had as friends before we ever became lovers. I believe we got along quite splendidly before you took me into your bed."

Sookie couldn't help but laugh. "You mean you flirted with me shamelessly, always tried to get me to leave Bill for you, and kept dragging me into danger time and again."

"I take offense to that, Sookie. If anything you were the one always getting me into trouble. Pam once said you were a magnet for it."

"I never went looking for any trouble, Eric."

"Of that I have no doubt. As I said, Sookie, you were a trouble magnet. It came to you."

They both laughed, and suddenly Sookie felt more at ease. Her whole body loosened from its rigid pose and she let out a sigh and said, "That sounds good. This whole thing has my stomach in knots, and I hate feeling this way."

"Very well then, tonight there will be no discussion of us, our relationship, or what is going to happen in five months time. Tonight we simply talk and relax with one another. So why don't we begin the conversation with a topic I very much wish to know more about."

"And what topic is that?"

"Your children. I wish to know if motherhood was everything you thought it would be."

"Really? You want to hear about my kids?"

Nodding his head, Eric informed her, "If you don't find it too obtrusive, I would like to hear you tell me of your life with your children. I've only met Tara in person, and she certainly left an impression."

Sookie laughed, "I'm sure she did. Tara never met my friend, but she certainly lives up to her namesake."

"Indeed she does."

"So what do you want to know?"

"Start at the beginning and we'll see how far we get before you have to head home."

Shock written on her face, Sookie asked, "You don't want to do any talking? You don't want to tell me anything about how you've been living the last two centuries?"

Eric's expression went cold. "I have not been living the last two centuries, Sookie. I was existing in a constant state of servitude. I fed and I fucked. I fought when necessary, and what time I was not playing Freyda's lap dog I was planning my revenge. Believe me, there is nothing over the past two centuries of my life you would enjoy hearing."

Sookie's eyes filled with sadness as she asked softly, "Was it truly so horrible for you?"

Holding her gaze, Eric asked, "If you had not had Sam and your children when I was taken away, if you had no one to comfort you over the last two centuries, would you have been able to be as happy and content as you are now?"

His words stung her and Sookie realized that if anything, Eric had suffered far more than she had over the last 200 years. He was completely right. She'd been devastated when he'd left, and the first three years had been the hardest, but then she'd discovered she was pregnant, and suddenly it had been easier not to think about the loss of the man she loved so much. She'd had her first child and daughter Adele to fill the void in her heart. Eric? He'd had no one but himself while being forced to serve Freyda much as he'd been forced to serve Appius.

Sookie didn't know why, but she'd never thought of it that way. She'd lost the love of her life when he'd left for Oklahoma, but Eric? He'd lost everything. He'd lost her, his children, his position, his businesses, his freedom, and worst of all he'd had no way of trying to temper his loss as she had. He'd literally been alone with his misery for 200 years.

Tears spilled down Sookie's cheeks as she sobbed, "Oh Eric! I never thought of that! How awful for you! All this time I kept thinking about what I lost, but you? You suffered much worse than I did! Oh God, Eric, I'm so sorry!"

Seeing her sadness Eric moved from the couch across from her and took a seat at her side. Slowly, giving her time to push him away if she did not want his comfort, he pulled her into his arms. Stroking her long hair back as she cried into his chest, he soothed, "Shhh, it's ok, Sookie. My time as Appius's child taught me much about endurance. I did not enjoy my time as Freyda's consort, but at least I was never tortured, and I only had to tolerate her attentions once a year on the night of our anniversary. Other than that, I was merely a soldier and commander for her to order around and keep her safe from her enemies. It was not pleasant, but it could have been far worse."

Tilting her head back so he could stare into her blue eyes filled with tears for him, he promised, "I do not wish to speak of my time in Oklahoma now because tonight I want to be happy with you. I have wanted to speak to you for so long, and tonight I want to hear of your children. I want to hear of your happiness. I want to hear that while my time was not wonderful, at least yours was."

Reaching up to brush her fingertips across Eric's brow, Sookie said, "Not all of it was wonderful. I thought of you often. You were never far from my thoughts, and it was always difficult to push you into the back of my mind when memories of you did resurface. It was hard for me to keep going after you left. I don't want you to think it wasn't."

"And I hope you understand what I mean when I say it pleases me to hear that."

They continued to stare into each other's eyes with Sookie nestled protectively against Eric's chest as he stroked her hair. The air turned thick and intense, and Sookie suddenly found it hard to swallow. Time seemed to stand still around them, and all she could see was her Eric in the stormy blue eyes before her. She'd looked for him so many times in Eric's eyes when the curse had been lifted, and later when his memory had returned. She'd tried time and again to see that beautiful and loving man that had first cracked her heart against the vampire sheriff she'd kept at a distance for so long.

While she'd loved fallen madly in love with Eric while he was staying with her when cursed, it had taken her a bit longer to give her heart just as completely to his sheriff half when the spell was lifted. She'd always mourned the loss of her Eric, but she had indeed fallen in love with the politically savvy arrogant sheriff as well. Now, however, she could plainly see that gentle man she'd come to love so much when Eric had been cursed. Now, looking into his eyes, she could see her Eric staring back at her.

Her own eyes were filled with wonder as she whispered, "I know these eyes. I know this man. I've seen you before."

Eric's fingers dug into Sookie's long locks as he replied, "You've always seen him. It just took awhile for me to find him. When I regained my memories I knew I loved you, but I did not want the life I had promised you. I wanted you as a wife, but I did not want a life of simplicity. I could not reconcile myself to the idea of such an existence. I did not see the appeal, but I do now. I used to believe that I needed power and wealth to ensure my happiness. I did not want to be the most powerful, but I wanted to be powerful enough to not have to bow often.

"I thought that would ensure I could live my life as I wished, and would allow me to be happy, and truthfully I enjoyed giving orders. It was so different than what I had known as a newborn taking them from Appius. But now I understand why you dreamed of the life you did. I understand that nothing else in the world matters than being with the one you love. Money, power, status, none of it matters if you can't spend your time with the person you love most."

"Oh Eric."

"It took me loosing you to understand why I was so happy during that time with you when I was cursed. When I regained my memories I looked back on myself with disgust. I thought my behavior then made me look weak, and my desire to work and live beside you so simply was beneath me. I wanted you, and I loved you, but I could not understand the vampire I was during that time. I could not understand that kind of happiness, but I understand now. I understand and I want it. I want it with you, Sookie."

Tilting her head back to keep her gaze on him as he pulled her closer, Eric insisted, "I want to be with you every night. I want to talk to you every night. I want to spend time with you simply enjoying each other's company every night. I want to be Eric and Sookie every night the rest of my existence. I can't promise you a simple life, because I had to become king to be free, but I can honestly tell you now I would prefer that life to a royal one. I understand its appeal now."

Sookie couldn't take her eyes from Eric's as she asked, "So if I were to ask you to move to Bon Temps with me and live peacefully you would? You'd give up being king and just be my husband?"

"I would. I have already alerted Pam and Karin to the possibility. They are prepared to rule the states together. Karin will be Queen and Pam will be her second. I am more than tired of vampire politics, Sookie. I just want to live my life and be happy. I want to spend my time with the woman I love doing whatever we wish. I can do that now as King, but I can do it just as easily as the maker of our state's monarch."

Stroking her cheek with his thumb, Eric assured, "I realize that the happiness I felt when I was with you that week was because I wasn't spending all my time plotting to stay alive or to keep you safe from those that wished to take you. I was happy with you that week because you are you and I am me, and that week that is all that existed. Us. I want that back."

"I have children now. It could never be just us."

"Maybe not, but I do believe it could be us and our family. I believe that what time we are not together could be spent with our family and friends, and that will be almost as satisfying as having you all to myself."

When Sookie's eyes widened, Eric continued, "I want to call your children family. Just as I want all of you to consider myself, Pam and Karin family. Apparently, we will all have centuries to live together, and I want us to do so with affection and trust. I may not be able to have you all to myself, but at least now I won't have to share you with scheming monarchs and bloodthirsty vampires."

God! The life he was painting in her mind's eye was one she had dreamed about 200 years ago. It was all she'd ever wanted, and she could feel the longing build up inside her for it. But then Sookie remembered all the times that it wasn't politics that got in the way of her and Eric being together, and that thought led her to Marcus and the life she lived with him in Bon Temps.

Suddenly realizing how intimate the situation had become, how closely Eric was holding her, how fervent his gaze was upon her, Sookie forced herself to take a calming breath and began pulling away from Eric as she said, "I can't say that isn't what I dreamed of with you back then, Eric, and I can't say your words don't tempt me now, but we are a long way from planning any throne abdications or move ins."

Eric was sad to see the emotional moment they had been sharing dissipate, but he respected Sookie's obvious wish for space. With a final brush of his knuckles across her cheek he allowed her to retreat from him before getting up and returning to the couch opposite hers. Once they were seated facing each other he said, "I know we have much to overcome, Sookie, but I wanted you to know that I have changed. I'm not the vampire I was 200 years ago. Just as you have clearly grown in many ways. I want you to know that I see things differently now, and I value different things. And I'm glad I do. I feel like I truly know what the important things in life are, and I feel it is the only good thing to come of my marriage to Oklahoma."

Sookie was deeply moved by Eric's speech, and her mind was struggling to process everything he'd told her. She decided it was all too much to make sense of right now, and that she'd need some time to consider what it meant for her and the future of everyone she held dear. For now she decided to take Eric's advice and tried to steer the conversation back to lighter topics.

"Eric, I'm going to need time to consider all of this. What you're offering, at one time, was everything I've ever dreamed of, but as you said, things are different now. These next few months are supposed to let us both see if we really and truly should be together, or if maybe we are idealizing something that is time to let go of."

"You doubt our feelings for one another?"

"I'm saying I doubt us. My feelings for you were never the problem. It was everything else that kept us apart."

Shaking his head, Eric pointed out, "Sookie, our feelings for each other, yours especially, were always a problem between us."

"What are you talking about?"

"If there was anything you doubted more than me it was your own feelings. You blamed the bond for the love I invoked in you, and I'm going to hazard to say that it caused some rather unpleasant behavior on your part towards me. You gave the bond far too much credit, and you assumed it was some way for me to control you. It was not. The bond could not create emotions that were not there. And even after you had it removed, which you definitely should have warned me about, you still doubted your feelings for me. It was like you loved me, but didn't want to."

Sookie could clearly hear the pain in Eric's voice and see it in his eyes. She was still amazed by this Eric that was completely comfortable with dropping all of his shields with her now. She was amazed that he was comfortable baring himself to her as he was, and she decided she wasn't going to shield herself either.

"It wasn't that I didn't want to love you, Eric, it's that I was afraid to."

"You were afraid to love me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't sure I was strong enough to lose you. Eric, all I knew of love was my relationship with Bill, and you know how that ended. I already cared for you before you came to stay with me when you were cursed, and after I fell in love with you and you left I was always waiting for you to break my heart. I was so intent on watching you, trying to be prepared for it, that I didn't notice I was breaking my own heart a little more each day."

Trying to understand, Eric asked, "Is this why you held me to a different standard than your other suitors?"

"I didn't hold you to a different standard."

Eric's eyes narrowed in annoyance as he insisted, "Oh you most certainly did. It was like you were punishing me for Bill's mistakes. And what's worse is that you didn't hold anyone else to such standards. You held me to a much higher accountability than Bill, Alcide, or that fucking tiger. And if I fell short of your expectations, or if I did anything you seemed to find fault with, you punished me. I was never shown the forgiveness that you had so readily for Bill during your relationship with him. He treated you poorly when you were his, and yet you forgave him time and again for many grievous trespasses. I was shown no such leniency."

"Well excuse me for not wanting to make the same mistakes I made with Bill with you! And I didn't punish you!"

"You did. You would refuse my calls or send me from your home. You say I did not spend enough time with you, but was I always supposed to go crawling back to your door each time you kicked me out? Every time I tried to talk to you about us and our relationship after regaining my memory and you pushed me away, was I supposed to hound you? Was I supposed to chase you while you ran from your problems?

"I didn't want to do that. I love you, Sookie, but I wasn't going to engage in such behavior, and I didn't want to push you before you were ready to talk. So yes, many nights I did not reach out to you because I was waiting for you to give me some indication you actually wanted me with you. It's like you expected me to be the one to always apologize and offer repentance after every fight or trouble we had. Whether it was my fault or not. It was like you expected me to always be the one that bridged the gap between us. I didn't mind coming to you, Sookie, but was it too much to ask you meet me half way from time to time?"

"That's not what happened, Eric!"

Arching a brow, Eric asked, "Isn't it? I seem to remember calling you, and coming by your house a number of times. How many times did you come to see me? How many times did you come to my house to discuss our relationship? How many times did you come to Fangtasia to try and get me to talk to you about what we were? It's like the only times we were allowed to be together or talk were when you wanted to. I admit I kept information from you. I admit I tried to hide the problems my world posed for us from you, but when did I ever keep myself from you?"

Leaning forward with his forearms resting on his knees, Eric asked, "When did you ever come to me to talk and I sent you away? When did you ever come to spend time with me and I sent you away simply because I did not want to be with you at that moment for whatever reason? And I understand that Bill hurt you and you wanted to avoid pain like that again, but why did I have to pay for his mistakes? When did I ever hurt you as badly as he did?"

Sookie sat in shock at Eric's words. Is that truly what he thought? Did he truly think she'd been punishing him for Bill's mistakes? Did he truly think she'd held him to a higher standard? An unfair one? Did he truly think that she'd always expected him to apologize for all their problems? That she expected him to chase her? And what was worse, is had she? Had she done those things?

Sookie was silent as she cast her mind back 200 years to replay her memories of their time together. Her mouth feel open in shock as she realized he was absolutely right. Eric had never once sent her away when she'd come to him. Not unless there was danger where he was at. Yes, he'd shielded her from Felipe and Victor's scrutiny, and he'd kept his distance after she'd killed Appius, but not once had he thrown her out of his house or sent her away when she'd come to him. A deep sense of shame filled her as she realized it was true. She really had held Eric to a different standard, and she really had punished him for things he hadn't done.

"Oh God, Eric! I can't believe I did that! I was so childish!"

Eric was pleased that Sookie was finally ready to face the fact one of the problems in their relationship was in how she behaved. He loved her, he truly did, but back then she was prone to running and hiding when there was some emotional problem she didn't want to face. He was glad she had matured past that.

"Sookie, I understood. It was why I was willing to give you time. In all fairness, you did have a lot to deal with in a relatively short period. I just wished you hadn't saved your courage and level headedness for every problem but ours. It would have been nice if you'd save a little bit for us."

Seeing Eric's boyish smile, Sookie felt some of her self-loathing diminish. He was obviously trying to lessen her growing guilt, and she appreciated it. "I wish I had saved some for us too. Now that I look back on it I can't help but wonder why you bothered with me at all."

"I loved you too much to let your insecurities and misplaced anger keep us apart."

Eric, feeling that they'd more than made headway for the evening, and truly wanted to just relax and enjoy his time with his lover, suggested, "Now how about we get back to you telling me about your children. There will plenty of time for intense discussion later. Right now I want to hear about your time as a mother. Starting with the first pregnancy."

Thoroughly ready to wade out of the deep end of their emotional battle, Sookie offered, "Well let me just say the magic of being pregnant wears off with every bought of morning sickness and every night of heartburn or gas."

"Really?"

"I'm not saying pregnancy doesn't have it's up points, but I definitely enjoy having my body all to itself."

"If you dislike pregnancy so much why have so many children?"

"I love kids, and for some reason or another I seem to forget how uncomfortable being pregnant is, and how painful childbirth is between pregnancies. Then I get pregnant again and it all comes roaring back to me."

Eric couldn't help but laugh. Sookie had the most disgruntled expression on her face, and he found it adorable. "Well I hope the actual childrearing was everything you'd thought it would be."

"Oh it was." Sookie's eyes took on a new softness to them as she said, "The first time I saw Adele I was in love. When I took her in my arms I truly understood what it meant to love someone unconditionally. And seeing her grow up? Watching her learn and play? It made my heart sing."

Leaning back on the couch, Eric said, "Tell me more. Tell me everything."

So Sookie did just that. She and Eric stayed up until dawn as she told him what it was like having children. She shared some of her greatest memories with them. Explained in detail what the terrible two's were, and made him laugh his ass off when she told him her first embarrassing experience with explaining the birds and the bees to a child when Adele asked her where babies came from. Eric only laughed harder when she assured him she was a pro at it now, and didn't even bat an eye at explaining the difference between a penis and a vagina to one of her kids.

It was only when the suns rays forced Eric to take shelter did Sookie leave. The night had ended on a high note, and Sookie promised to call Eric the next evening so they could set a time to get together again. They hadn't discussed their relationship any more, but there had been a definite shift in the tone of their new understanding. So when Sookie kissed his cheek and left his penthouse apartment with a little wave, Eric felt his chest near to bursting with hope. She would be his again. He knew it.