Orochimaru answered:
"Possibly."
Shikamaru answered:
"Probably."
Guy asked:
"How guilty would that make us?"
Kakashi answered:
"Guilty enough."

"Possibly. Probably. How guilty would that make us? Guilty enough."

Trainspotting, I. Welsh

Deinos, phobos, enyos

He then lifted the head, watched Kakashi and slapped him violently again.
"There's not a chance in hell you're gonna leave it of your own will, isn't it?"
Kakashi looked him with wide eyes – it was the first time in his life that he was scared of Guy.
"No...don't even begin this way, Guy, just let me expl" SLAP "Fuck it, are you gonna go on like this?"
Aren't you simply gonna let me talk?
The fuck is wrong with you?
You've never been like th-"
"YOU'VE NEVER BEEN SO MOTHERFUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!
Do you realize – REALIZE – that's Orochimaru – that guy has killed Sasuke – SASUKE, Kakashi – do you remember him?"
As he stopped talking, he slapped Kakashi again.
"The fuck..." said the latter "I do, okay, I motherfucking understand – that's only...you can...cannot...fuck it, man HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?"
Guy watched him again, angrily – violently – dangerously – and burst out laughing.
"That's not – you cannot say this! How the fuck am I supposed to answer? That's...actually...him. He's...okay, I understand you.
That's still Orochimaru, though!"
Kakashi leered him with a slight smile, laughed shortly – like an idiot – and said:
"Not that he doesn't like you the same..."
"Man, what the fuck should it mean that he does like me?
That scoundrel would fuck the dawn, had it some hair!"
Kakashi burst out laughing, violently – he grabbed Guy's shirt and hung from there, nearly choking.
Guy smiled.
"How good of you, you ain't even tried to lie to me..."
Then he patted Kakashi's hair and kissed him lightly.
Kakashi said:
"So, is it alright with the Mist Country?"
"Yeah, like. They're with us.
With Orochimaru we have such a strength, actually – moreover, the Sand...has decided to give us unlimited consensus.
They don't even want to know what we're up to, they'll agree a priori."
"WONDERFUL! I can't wait to leave the power to Tsunade...I don't want to see this office ever again in my life."
"...Actually, she said she would agree, if you wanted to keep it.
And being Tsunade, this means she wants you to keep it.
And being Tsunade, well, YOU'RE GONNA KEEP IT.
I'll help you as much as I can..."
Kakashi smiled.
"With you and Shikamaru I'm alright then..."
"SHIKAMARU?
He was here too?
YOU HAVE – three – AHA! The foursome, fuck it, yeah!
You scoundrel...he's too fucking young!"
"Okay. OKAY. I'm leaving him. SWORN. Okay? I'm staying only with you. Okay?"
"...Sworn?"
Kakashi sighed. "Sworn..."

"This fucking game theory has to be rewritten" said Shikamaru.
Orochimaru sighed and commented, deluded:
"Mh. GUY is surely rewriting it right now, don't be afraid."
Shikamaru looked him and sighed too.
Then they said, contemporarily – with the same voice and the same tone:
"No more Kakashi..."
"Fuck it" ended Orochimaru, swallowing his sake.
Shikamaru grabbed the bottle – Orochimaru slapped his hand lightly "NAAA. Not even dead I'll let you."
Shikamaru sighed heavily. "But WHY not...?"
"Are you thirsty?" smiled Orochimaru.
Shikamaru smiled "You wish..."
"YEAH, I WISH. Are we going?"
"SHIKAMARU! WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED WITH THE EAST SQUAD?"
A guy had run in, sweated and gasping, with a paper in his hand.
"What east squa- What's with the east squad?" said Shikamaru, throwing Orochimaru out of his mind.
"The order!"
"It's five days we don't give them orders! WHAT ORDER?"
"This..." he handed Shikamaru the paper.
Reading it, he and Orochimaru made the same faces, swallowed together, knitted the eyebrows together and then WATCHED the guy together and opened the mouth together:
"The fuck is this?"
Then Shikamaru continued: "I didn´t write it. We haven't even got this information stated here!"
Orochimaru said angrily "How could you wrong it, then? How could you think this was Shikamaru's hand? Shik never forgets a full stop!"
"That's...okay..." said Shikamaru "You noticed it however, you've noticed this wasn't me, right?
THEY'VE NOT FOLLOWED THESE ORDERS, RIGHT?"
"Ye-yes, sir.
They have, sir."
Shikamaru looked him, Orochimaru swore, the guy swallowed hard.
Shikamaru ran out, going to Kakashi.
Tsunade was there with him, to talk about the squads and everything.
She was the only one who had remained in Konoha, all the others were patrolling again, looking for Akatsuki.
Shikamaru ran in, hardly breathing, and said:
"THE EAST SQUAD"
Kakashi replied, calmly:
"Calm down, I've already checked the situation.
They're all okay.
Luckily Lee was with Neji when he received the message, and Neji – FELT – something.
He also said me that he's often recognized Orochimaru's thoughts in your orders..." he chuckled saying this.
"Well, the foursome couldn't be, so did we split in couples, ISN'T IT?" asked Shikamaru bitterly.
"WHAAAT?" shouted Tsunade. "Have you finished going all gay already?"
"But you've got Shizune...OW!"
Tsunade had slapped him, of course – Kakashi's mask was beginning to wear out, with all those slaps.
Shikamaru looked at him angrily, breathed deep and murmured: "Then I go back to Oro."
Kakashi nodded, distracted – Tsunade was chuckling and Guy had patted his shoulder repetitively to gain his attention.
Kakashi had turned to him, annoyed and bitterly nervous.
Why the fuck couldn't he let him simply TALK to Shikamaru?
Guy was watching him menacingly.
Tsunade stopped chuckling and watched the both of them.
Then Kakashi stood up and said:
"I'm going to have a talk with Anbus.
OH, Tsunade" she looked him puzzled – the acute voice in which he had spelt her name – "I want YOU as my right arm.
Guy can take the supreme command on the joint militaries."
"WHAT?
Should I work with that fucker of Orochimaru?"
"So you can be DEFINITIVELY SURE that he doesn't commit crimes."
Guy walked to Kakashi, grabbed his arm and pulled him harshly out of the room.
There he pushed him to the wall, grabbed his chin with one hand and his right hand with the other and growled:
"You DON'T WANT ME here...? Tell me, fuck it, TELL ME that you don't want me here!"
"You're annoying. That's not my fault."
Guy slapped him.
Kakashi looked him baffled – Guy was warm-blooded and touchy, first of all on Kakashi – but now he was quite exaggerating with the violence.

Luckily they were two men – there was no excuse nor justification for a problematic trauma, there was only the slap Kakashi fired Guy in reply.
Guy laughed.
"Okay, okay. I'M GOING ON 'til you simply TELL ME what the fuck the problem is."
"Told you.
You're annoying.
ANNOYING.
Shikamaru is not the devil.
I understand that OROCHIMARU is not so different from His Excellency The Devil, okay – that's not applying to Shika, however.
C'mon, Guy, you can't make my life a living hell 'cause I fucked with someone else a few times"
"Four fucking days in a row AREN'T a few times, KAK.
I asked around."
"...they weren't even enough, actually.
DON'T LOOK ME LIKE THAT!
You should have understood that I'm not a motherfucking nun only 'cause you aren't here!"

You could hear Guy growling even from the next room.
Kakashi held his breath, watched him, twitched and managed to wriggle out – he stepped back, still watching him.
Guy sighed.
"Clear. As long as you don't touch him – THEM – I won't say a word."
"...and if I touch them?"
"I'll break your arms and cut your hands off for the one and I will literally skin you alive for the other, after having killed him."
"The truth is that I can fuck with Orochimaru as much as I want, then" said Kakashi laughing "you'd never win against him."
"...You wish me to die?"
Kakashi gaped at him, shocked. "It's you who talk of violence!"
"I TALK OF VIOLENCE AS LONG AS I WANT 'TIL YOU GO ON PLAYING THE BITCH!"
"Hokage...?"
Kakashi blushed violently and turned around – finding an underling of his in the hall, some twenty feet from them, waiting for an – explanation...
Guy started laughing nervously.
"Yeah, yeah, I just meant – if you go on looking for alliances anywhere we will surely get into some violence...it's so easy to be traitors, in politics, ISN'T IT? Well, I'm going to the HQ...have a good evening..."
Kakashi smiled, relieved – he closed his eyes and sighed a short "Whooh".
Then he watched the underling, still smiling, and asked: "What's up?"
"Orochimaru-sama says he's done everything he could with the army.
He asks if he can be of help anywhere else."
Kakashi's face distorted – contracting in a kind of devilish grin that he had surely learnt from Orochimaru himself.
"YEAH.
He'll be GUY'S RIGHT ARM.
Hu.
Uhu.
Uhu-uhu-uhu!"
The underling watched him silently and then asked, quite cautiously: "Hasn't Tsunade come back yet?"
"Yes, but she wants ME to be Hokage.
Don't look me like that. She's my right arm and I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE HOKAGE. Have pity on me..."
He sighed again and came back to Tsunade.
The underling went to tell Orochimaru and had to wait until dinner time to see him.
Shikamaru and Orochimaru, both living in the Hokage's palace, had this habit of evanishing all of a sudden and then reappearing some ten hours later – then they were always hungry and tired like fuck.
Exactly.
Their underlings, including the high officers, NEVER tried to contact them when they weren't at the HQ .
When they wanted to be at reach they were there, when they didn't want they disappeared.
No one had really such a good opinion of this vice of theirs, but no one dared to intervene.
Or well, no MORE dared they.
They dared, once – they had interrupted the whatever those two were doing, going to the Hokage's palace and asking about them.
Orochimaru had come 'til the palace entrance, angry like fuck and totally embarrassing – half-naked – the high officers held their eyes stuck to the ground and stuttered some excuse.
Orochimaru replied – nearly shouting – that ANYONE who would ever try doing it again "would be having a Mind-Body Switch Technique with a woman during her giving childbirth."
Of course, NO ONE did even think of it.
The Shikamaru/Orochimaru thing came out and became public in a couple of days.
It was Shikamaru – quarrelling with Tenten – who made it actually public: Tenari had simply – but quite annoyingly – asked him WHY didn´t he even seem to notice she was around.
Apparently she had decided that Shikamaru liked her before.
Shikamaru plainly asked her: "THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?"
Tenten got angry and replied, shouting: "DIDN'T YOU LIKE ME? The fuck have you got in that brain?"
"..." Shikamaru watched her silently for a minute, then said harshly:
"I have to work."
He turned his back on her and was practically leaving her there alone, in the middle of the street.
Tenten grabbed his sleeve and shouted again in his face:
"What do you think you leave me here like an idiot, Mr. I'm-Too-Cool-To-Give-A-Fuck-About-You? Who do you think you're talking to?"
Shikamaru watched her – leered her – like she were a piece of shit.
He was actually arrogant – self-confident – overbearing in a way that no one had ever seen before – except on Orochimaru.
He watched Tenten right in the eyes, while he slowly spoke – in that hissing low voice of Orochimaru's – syllabifying:
"What the fuck do you want by me? Let me work."
Orochimaru came out of the Office door to witness the quarrel, a bastard slight smile on his face – proudly giggling at Tenten's back.
Shikamaru felt him – he smiled – and said, in a loud and clear voice that was heard in the whole street:
"I'm together with Orochimaru, darling.
I don't have time for a whatever schizophrenic hysterical paranoid coward of a woman."
And THEN did he left her there, went to Orochimaru, grabbed his arm and brought him into their office.
Orochimaru burst out laughing, loudly and overbearing as always –but also Shikamaru laughed, contented and with a snake-like smile – eyes glowing, cold like diamonds.
Orochimaru kissed him on the forehead.