I'm back again! This one was a lot of fun to write, and it's pretty emotional at times, but I think you'll like it. Read on!
SPOV
Sitting in next Monday's glee club rehearsal, I realize that I've been successfully attending McKinley High School for almost a week, and that I've managed to find people who like the real me. Though they were initially hesitant, most of the New Directions have warmed to me, and it's the first time in a long time that I've been this comfortable in my own life.
My thoughts are interrupted by Mr. Schue, who is talking about this week's assignment. "Music," he says, "Can be extremely powerful. But the most important thing about music is how it enables people to express themselves; their ideas and emotions. The emotional connection to a song is what separates a good performance from a great performance. So you're assignment this week is to find a song that speaks to you, and to use your performance to show us who you really are. Put everything you've got into your performance, and really makes us understand what you think and feel. Good luck!"
If there was ever a perfect assignment to match my thoughts, this would be it. But it makes me a little nervous at the same time. I mean, I've shown the New Directions the real me, but very rarely do I let my raw emotions slip through when I'm with them. That kind of thing is reserved for when I'm alone, or when I'm with Blaine. That though gives me an idea about my performance, but I don't tell anyone yet.
After school, Blaine and I sit together to work on our homework. "So," he says, "What do you think about this week's assignment?"
"I've got some ideas," I tell him vaguely, trying not to give too much away. I've just about worked out a plan.
You see, I've come to realize that I'm definitely in love with Blaine Anderson, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same. But part of me is worried that, by telling him, I'll be ruining whatever friendship we've forged here. This assignment might be the push I need to admit my feelings once and for all. Now I just need to find a song that will show him how I really feel.
When Friday comes, I am anxious to get through the school day. Blaine notices, as usual, but I brush off his concern. Finally, after what seems like forever, glee club starts their meeting. I watch the others perform, waiting until my turn. I smile a little, thinking about how much I used to insist that the New Directions was just an untalented bunch of misfits. The truth is, there's more talent in this room than I would have ever admitted to before, and, now that I'm a part of the group, I think that they're better friends than anyone I've ever known.
Way too soon, Mr. Schue announces that it's my turn and beckons me to the front of the room. Well, it's not or never. I take a deep breath, nod to the piano guy, and fix my gaze on Blaine as I start.
Kiss me too fiercely,
Hold me too tight.
I need help believing
You're with me tonight.
My wildest dreamings
Could not foresee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me.
I watch Blaine's face first smile, then contort with confusion. I can tell that he is trying to figure out if I'm looking at him because I'm nervous, or because the song is for him. I really hope he'll figure out that it's the latter.
Just for this moment,
As long as you're mine,
I've lost all resistance
And crossed some borderline.
And if it turns out
It's over too fast,
I'll make every last moment last,
As long as you're mine.
I have to look away from his face or I might never finish the song.
Maybe I'm brainless,
Maybe I'm wise,
But you've got me seeing
Through different eyes.
Somehow I've fallen
Under your spell,
And somehow I'm feeling
It's up that I fell.
Every moment,
As long as your mine,
I'll wake up my body
And make up for lost time.
Say there's no future
For us as a pair,
And though I may know, I don't care.
To keep myself from looking at Blaine, I gauge the reactions of the other New Directions. Many of them look impressed, and they're all smiling, but none their smiles are the one I want to see.
Just for this moment,
As long as you're mine,
Come be how you want to
And see how bright we shine.
Borrow the moonlight
Until it is through
And know I'll be here
Holding you.
As long as you're mine…
The music ends, and I finally will myself to look at Blaine. His face shows only shock. He's figured out that the song was for him, and he is shocked, and he'll probably hate me now. So, because I am a coward, I run out the doors of the school, away from him.
The group yells after me, but I don't stop. I'm not sure exactly where I'm going, but I end up behind the bleachers and decide that it's as good a place as any. I sit with my knees pulled up to my chest as hot tears burn trails down my cheeks. I should have known that this would ruin everything. I should have known that he would never want me like that. How could I have been so stupid?
I'm so wrapped up in my despair that I don't notice that someone has come after me until they sit beside me. When I look up, I see Blaine, looking confused as ever. "Sebastian…" he starts, but I cut him off.
"You can save it, Blaine. I already know you don't want me, so you don't have to say anything. I'll leave you alone." I try not to let on that I was hurt by his reaction, and fail miserably.
He is quiet for a few moments. "Why would you think that I don't want you?" he asks softly.
I scoff. "I saw your face at the end of the song, when you figured out it was for you. You don't have to pretend for my sake. I get it. I'm sorry, I just thought that maybe there was a chance-"
This time it is he who cuts me off. "Sebastian, listen to me!"
I fall silent, but stare down at the ground. "Sebastian, look at me. Please," he pleads, and, because no matter how angry I am, I still love him, I do. What I see in his face surprises me. There is less of the confusion now, but he looks hurt.
"I was surprised, yes, when I realized that your performance was meant to show me your true feelings. It was so emotional and powerful, and I didn't know what to think at first. But you didn't stick around long enough to let me show you my other emotions."
"Oh yeah?" I say, "And what might those have been? Anger? Embarrassment?"
He shakes his head hard. "No! I can't believe you can't see it… After all this time, you still don't know… Sebastian, I'm in love with you."
It takes a moment for me to understand what he's saying, but when I do my eyes go wide. "You're w-what?" I stutter.
He sighs. "I'm in love with you, Sebastian, so much that it hurts me to see you upset like this. I've loved you since the day I found you on the floor. I know I never said anything, but that's because I didn't think you wanted this. I know how you are about closeness, and I didn't want to push you away, so I decided to wait and let you make the first move. And I was shocked when you did because I never thought your first move would be an amazing and public performance like that. If you had stayed to talk to me, you would have known that I'm so proud of you, and relieved that you feel the same way, and all sorts of other things. But you left."
I can't believe that Blaine really loves me back. It's like a dream that's leaked into reality. "I…I-I thought you were rejecting me," I whisper.
He gently cups my face in his hands, wiping away the tear streaks with the pads of him thumbs. "Oh, God," he murmurs. "Sebastian, honey, I would never reject you. I would never hurt you like that, because if I did I'd be hurting myself too. I understand that you used to expect rejection, but you need to stop thinking like that. The truth is that I love you so much, and I need you, and seeing you like this kills me. I'm so sorry about the misunderstanding, but you really need to stop assuming that I'm going to hurt you, because I'm not. You know that, don't you?"
I sniffle a little and nod. "Yeah, I do."
He slowly plants a kiss on my forehead before wrapping me in a hug. "Good. Never forget that." He glances at his watch. "Well, rehearsal is over. Why don't we go home and clean you up and we can talk about this?"
I nod and smile at him a little, and we get in the car. Thankfully, Julie is still at work. I know I'm more than a little disheveled, and my appearance would have been hard to explain. Inside, Blaine gently wipes away the trails left on my cheeks before sitting down next to me on his bed. "We need to talk," he says quietly. "Do you want to be officially together? We don't have to be if it makes you uncomfortable."
"I'd like that," I reply softly.
He nods, rubbing my arm lightly. "Okay. Then you need to stop thinking that I'm going to reject you someday, or that I don't want you. Neither of those things is true. I love you, and I'm not giving you up, understand?"
I laugh quietly, which makes him smile. "Alright then," he says, grinning. "Now that that's settled, you look exhausted. Why don't you take a nap?"
I laugh, sure I look more than exhausted, and think about it for a moment. I smirk at him. "Fine, but only if you take one with me."
"I think that can be arranged," he says, and we both get changed and climb into his bed.
"Hey Blaine?" I whisper. He looks over at me. "There's something I want to do first."
He looks confused again. "What?"
I take a breath to steady myself before slowly pressing my lips to his. "I love you," I murmur.
He grins widely. "I love you too," he says before lying down and pulling me into his arms. "I always will."
So, what do you think? I love each and every review so please please click that button and send me a message! Thanks for reading!
~TheSongsmith