Okay! Here is the update! I am not dead. School started up and tried very hard to kill me. Almost succeeded, but I managed to conquer it.
The reason for this chapter and Po's whole storyline in general is that I felt that the movie went a little too quickly with his development at the end. I mean, I can't really blame them since they were constrained by time, but seeing as I am not...well, I decided to develop him a bit more. Really now, he found out that Shen killed his parents. I would find it hard to just get inner peace all of a sudden, knowing something like that.
Another thing is that I wrote some of Po's struggles from personal experience. For example, when he thinks about how he doesn't really want to give up his current life for some alternate life. So that was an interesting experience. But yes, overall, I just wanted to show how inner peace isn't simply something one accomplishes, but must struggle with every day.
Up next is Lord Shen after a long break from him. So look forward to that. Although NaNoWriMo is coming up and my homework load is going to get even heavier so I will do my best to give you the next chapter as soon as I can. Hope you guys haven't given up on me yet! I appreciate every little alert, fav and review. Just knowing there is some life out there that notices my work pretty much makes my life.
Summary: The paths Shen took in the past seem only to lead deeper into darkness. But through the eyes of those who have woven themselves into his life, a new story unfolds-one leading away from old misery and guilt-that may yet bring him redemption. Slight AU. Chapter 7-Po reflects on the different paths his life could have taken.
Chapter 7.
Po.
Po wasn't entirely sure what brought him to the secluded corner at the back of the cavern, which sat nestled away from the noise of the other refugees. Here he could feel every vibration of the stone beneath his feet and hear every drop of water that struck the stagnant pools like temple bells. Perhaps it was the stress of being idle that drove him into the darkness. Perhaps it was the desire to keep in shape. Or perhaps it was the nagging thought that something inside him was still incomplete and unbalanced.
In any case, Po sat at the edge of the icy spring water, breathing steadily in attempt to seek out the inner peace that he had previously thought he'd found. Tigress had often chided him that he used too much of his gut—in both senses of the word—and not enough of his mind when he was practicing kung fu. Yet today of all days, his mind decided to be its most obstructive. No matter how hard he tried to reach that point of utmost calm, doubts and memories swirled in his head.
"Argh, stupid, stupid," he muttered, rapping himself on the temple. As if that would help. Po stood with a huff. Time to try things the old fashioned way—fist first. Come on, concentrate, he told himself, ears perked and every nerve trembling in anticipation. The energy in the air quivered as the next water droplet fell from the ceiling, and Po reached toward it.
Dad. The spell was broken and the water burst open on his fingertips. Po shook himself. Now was not the time to be worrying about family matters. They could wait.
What if they won't? He paused at the question that materialized in his mind. What if your dad gets in trouble down in the Valley? What if you never get the chance to tell him who you are? Do you even know who you are? Growling, Po slammed his fist into a pillar.
"Owwww," he moaned. It probably would have been cooler if Tigress had done that. I bet she would know what to do.
"While that is a good training technique, I wouldn't recommend hitting so hard on your first try."
"Whoa!" Po leaped around to see Master Shifu balanced perfectly on the point of a stalagmite. "How is it that I can never tell when you're coming?"
"Only through achieving inner peace can one become so attuned with his environment," Shifu replied. He frowned at Po. "Something is troubling you."
"Well I did get inner peace, for a little while. I mean, I did that hardcore trick you showed me, you know, with the water and everything?" Po glanced up at the cavern ceiling. Breathe in, breath out. Inner peace, outer peace. He swung his foot around, drawing out a circle on the floor, willing himself to get the technique right. He had had it before! What happened to it? Po breathed in deeply again when another drop splashed on his head.
"Darn it! Master Shifu, I could do it, I swear I could," he said, wringing his hands. His knuckles were still stinging. Geez, hitting the pillar was seriously not one of my better ideas.
"You misunderstand, Po. Inner peace is not a technique. It is a way of life. Like the Sacred Peach Tree, it must be tended to and cared for every day. Only through great patience and fortitude will such cultivation bear fruit," his master said. Shifu ambled over to the pool and touched the surface with his staff. Together they watched as the ripples panned out across the vacant black water. "I myself took many years to find inner peace. It was only because of Master Oogway and you that I was able to reach it. But every day, I must take the time to reflect on how it came to be this way. I must not lose myself in any delusions."
"I know, I know, I gave you a hard time, didn't I?" Po said with a half-hearted smirk.
"It was your incompetence that opened my eyes," Shifu agreed, though he smirked in return. "But it was more than that. You forced me to face myself and what was holding me back. Training you forced me to see the truth—that I was too prideful, and true kung fu can never be about pride."
"So what are you saying?"
"Stop hiding, Po. I believe you when you say you were able to find a moment of peace back in Gongmen City. But now you have all sorts of new feelings and doubts that cloud your spirit again, and you must face those too. It may very well be the most terrifying thing you ever do, to see the truth of yourself. However, if you don't face it, you will never be able to walk the path of inner peace. You must take the first step," Shifu said gently.
"The first step…but what if I go in the wrong direction? Or what if I trip-because I tend to do that?" Po turned around and was met with silence and no Master Shifu in sight. "You could at least give me a warning when you do that so I don't look like a crazy guy talking to myself!" he shouted, hoping his master would hear him in the cavern wherever he decided to magically reappear.
Po grimaced, turning away again from the populated areas. If Master Shifu had to work every day to maintain inner peace, he had his work cut out for him. How could he master something so tedious and complicated in such a short time, especially when he had no idea where to get started? Meditation had never been his strong suit, but he decided to give it a shot. His thoughts wandered to his birth parents, trying desperately to remember their faces.
The only things that surfaced were snippets of nostalgia—the smell of grass after rain, the tickle of a sea breeze, the scent of boiling radishes, a woman's laughter. After that, he remembered noodles. Po opened his eyes. "I am Po," he had said to the Soothsayer when she asked him who he was, and he remembered understanding completely what that meant at the time. Now, though, trying to regain that understanding was like trying to remember how something made sense in a dream. The edges were blurred around everything, and all feelings of enlightenment died within the fringes of his mind.
Who am I? Deep inside, he could tell that until the question was answered, inner peace would be a lofty, impossible dream in the same way kung fu had once been. A sudden anger welled up in him.
"This is all that Shen's fault. If he hadn't been so…so evil, I could have grown up with my parents. None of this would be happening. My friends wouldn't be in trouble—" He paused. If he had lived with his parents the whole time, he might not even have his friends, might not have become a fan of kung fu, might not have become the Dragon Warrior.
Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn't make you who you are—it is the rest of your story, who you choose to be. He had been told this on two occasions: once from his father and once from the Soothsayer. He had to admit, a lot of really wonderful, beautiful things had happened to him, and Po realized he wasn't sure if it was worth giving up, even if he could have his parents back. Was it a bad thing to feel that way? How could he think something like that? They were his parents! Yet no matter which way he looked at it, the idea of never growing up with his foster dad, never learning kung fu, never meeting Masters Shifu and Oogway, the Furious Five, Tigress…it all seemed empty without them. Not to mention, each time he tried to remember his real parents, all that came up in his mind was a smiling, chattering goose.
"Oh, dad," he murmured.
Later that night, Po sought out Master Shifu after dinner. Would Master Shifu have been able to find inner peace if he'd never met me? Po thought absently. After his attempt at meditation, he found himself pondering all the "What ifs?" that came to his mind.
"You wanted to talk some more?" asked his Master.
"Yeah, you kind of walked out on our last discussion," Po said dryly.
"My apologies. There were some new refugees who arrived. I should have warned you," Shifu replied. "Did you make any progress?"
"A little, if you can call it progress. I mean, is it bad to not really want to give up all the things that have happened to me if I were offered a chance to have my parents back? Am I a bad person for not being sure about it?"
Shifu met his eyes, his expression compassionate. "Po, it does no good to dwell on what might have happened."
"But if it were possible? I really don't know what choice I would make!" Po said, rubbing his forehead in exasperation.
"There is no reason something very good and worthwhile cannot come out of something very horrific. I think your parents would have wanted you to be happy. The fact that you're alive, and you feel your life is worth living, I think would be enough for them. Po, with your life you've created something beautiful. You have people who love you. And your parents will never truly be gone, so long as you remember the love they had for you."
"Something good can come out of something bad," Po repeated, his brow furrowing in thought. "The Soothsayer said something similar. My story and who I choose to be makes me who I am."
"I think she's right," Shifu said quietly, nodding and staring at the campfire with a distant expression.
"That's it then. I can just choose who I am? Just like that?" Po asked. It seemed too simple a solution. "Then how come I can't choose inner peace and be done with it?"
"Because it's so easy to lie to yourself. Inner peace is a choice, but you must jump over many great obstacles to come to terms with that choice. One thing you must understand is that this is the life you live, and it is the only life. You are the only one who can tell your story. Don't expect it to be more than it is."
"I guess…" Po said, watching the fire dance. While the memories of his past were blurry, he was sure of one thing: his mother and father lost their lives fighting to protect his. They died loving him. If it were true that he alone had the power to control his life and his identity, he owed it to them to give his best effort.
There was a commotion at the mouth of the cavern, and master and disciple looked up to see what the cause was. There were refugees gathering and blocking their view, though a shout could be heard over their chatter.
"Master Shifu! Where is Master Shifu? This is urgent!"
Shifu and Po hurried over, pushing through the crowd. Po recognized the newcomers as the scouting troupe that had left a week ago. Yet, he recalled there being three of them.
There was only a rat and a snake, panting and soaking wet, as though they had sprinted across the continent to reach them.
"What happened?" Shifu demanded.
"Compromised," the rat gasped. "Shen was in the middle of the city for no freaking reason. Min was spotted."
"And?" Po shouted, causing everyone to flinch.
"Shen doesn't suspect her true intentions just yet. She said she would do her best to buy you time, but we have to make our move now," the grass snake said.
Po looked aghast, turning to his master. Shifu rubbed his chin, deep in thought. Finally, he barked, "Everyone who is active in the resistance, gather at the central tent. We need to discuss our rescue plan."
Po stood frozen as he watched everyone gather. This changes everything.